I don't own Twilight or Edgar Allen Poe. The rest is mine.
13.
Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
-Edgar Allen Poe
Alice's POV
Her mahogany curls dance back and forth, swaying as she storms up the stairs. As I hear the rustling of fabric and the sound of a zipper, I turn to Jasper and Edward. The black and white film still flashes across the television and I close my eyes, trying to tune out the sight of the grain and static. I should be ripping it out of the wall - but instead, I stare behind Jasper. Edward heads over to the TV, grabs the entire VCR and yanks the plugs out, launching it across the living room.
The device smashes into shards but none of us move an inch - staring at space and waiting for time; time that will swing and tick eternity away and still never allow us to catch up with its carved wrinkles. When I was changed I was lost...but I was always prepared. Fixing problems has always been easy, effortless. I remember watching cars roll by the window of a small cafe in 1948, waiting for the most important person in my existence to walk through the door and cause the little bell to jingle. Jasper and I had been accepted into this family...really without question.
But Bella? We had still been so hesitant, careless. Though she had accepted us all without question. And now I know, I understand - if we can't fix this then she will slip like a grain of sand between my clutched fingers and sink into a deep dark sea of...people. People who will look at her as a freak because of some small glitch in her brain rather than seeing her for who she is. I hear another zipper fly upstairs, she wants to leave.
I can't allow it, if fate had brought all of us together - if it had brought Bella into our lives, if I really am all knowing, then I know what I have to do.
Emmett scoffs at me, wringing his fists together as he says, "All right, how exactly do you and the prick here suggest we get out of this one? Why did you even take the tape in the first place?"
I squeeze my eyes shut, holding back the burn behind them from tears that don't exist. It's time for me to swallow my pride - I've been hiding behind it much too long. "I don't know," I barely whisper. Edward sighs and Jasper runs a hand down my shoulder.
"Wait - what do you mean, you don't know? You always know."
I ignore his comment and try to spew out an explanation that doesn't seem anywhere near important anymore - the way I once thought it would. "I thought it would come of use. I thought that maybe we could get the hospital shut down if I gave them evidence. It never even occurred to me that Bella would be on the tape like that."
A creaking sound at the top of the stairs and we all look up to see Bella standing there, stone silent with a suitcase in her hand.
"Bella," Edward tries but she glares before cutting him off.
"Every single one of you is going to go sit down in the living room, shut up, and listen."
Rose rolls her eyes and Bella suddenly snaps.
"I'm sorry, do I look like I'm joking, Princess?"
We all obey quietly, shuffling into the living room and sit on random chairs and a couple different couches. Bella slowly descends, never falling or tripping into anything even once and Edward and I exchange a wide-eyed glance.
"Now, you're going to answer my questions."
Gone is the sweet innocent Bella that would have followed anything anyone of us told her - this Bella is ablaze. She walks to the middle of the room, grabs a footstool and plops herself down on it without a second thought.
She stares directly at Esme and Carlisle, a withering candle flickering low in her eyes. We all sit here, time ticking by in the background and it's so slow. The kind of slow it hasn't been in ages...decades. Waiting for a long lost youth that will never show its silhouette at the front door.
"Why?" She croaks abruptly, and the rest of us flinch a bit in our spots. "Was that all I was to you?" She turns to Edward and the rest of us. "Was I just...food you couldn't bring yourselves to eat? That's what happens, Edward? The lion couldn't feast on the lamb so he abandons it back in the wilderness?"
Seeing what Edward is about to say, I try to stop him but Jasper shakes his head silently.
"Let him own up to his mistake, Ali."
"Bella, I took care of Victoria. She won't-"
"You honestly think I wanna hear about Victoria?" Her fists are balled at her sides and I watch as she drags one up to her hair, unclenching and running it through the strands restlessly - shifting in her seat. "No, Edward. I'm referring to the fact that you left me, for dead. You claimed you loved me, you used me, and then you bailed."
"I was trying to protect you!"
"From who? Jasper - your own brother? That could have been anyone that night! That could have been you, Edward!"
Unable to remain sitting, Edward gets up, towering over her. "Exactly, that could have been me, that's the reason I left, that's the reason I ripped out my heart and shredded it when I told you those lies about not caring." He pauses, taking a deep breath.
"Did you come back out of sympathy or just guilt? Was it just too much for you guys to know that when you left I became sick and catatonic, as Dr, Gerandy labeled me? Wait-" Her eyes narrow into slits, "-what do you mean, lied?"
"I thought it would help. I thought I was doing the right thing by letting you go to live a normal life without having to deal with threats and insecurity. We're not humans, Bella. It was supposed to help you."
Shocking us all, Bella leans right up close and spits in his face. "You know what? This was always your problem - you think you know everything just because you have your ability. And you always pushed me away. You constantly berate yourself for not being good enough and I did the same. And what's worse - you got so carried away with your bullshit that you let it eat away at the rest of the family." She turns, staring at the rest of us with a pointed glare and murmuring the last part, "What's worse is that you all allowed it."
Bella pushes Edward out of the way and head to the kitchen - he and the rest of us stand, trailing behind them. "Where are you going?" Edward demands as Bella grabs the phone off the counter and starts dialing.
"You and I are no longer involved and I'm a grown adult, contrary to what's popular belief in this house. It's not your concern."
"Bella, please."
She slams a palm down on the countertop and sneers. "You're no good for me, Edward. That's what you wanted to hear all along, isn't it? Well, I just realized you're right - how does that make you feel?"
My mind reels from the impact of her words and I quickly walk over and snatch the phone from her hands. She tries to take it back - playing a little game with our hands before she finally throws her hands in the air and groans.
"You didn't even bother to ask how I might feel if you showed that tape for evidence," she whispers and my heart shatters all over again. "I thought...I thought you of all people would fight Edward on this, but you just...left. You let him decide everything."
"Charlie wanted us to tell you that he loves you," I whisper back hoarsely. What do I say to her when her trust in us has been so easily tarnished? Everyone she put her faith in left her.
Bella chuckles humorlessly. "He did, did he?"
"Yeah."
"Funny, he should prove it once in a while." She grasps her bag again and starts toward the stairs before facing Carlisle. "You all wear the same symbol - it's mark, a sign of loyalty and trust, right?"
He nods.
"Well, I suppose I don't deserve that mark even if I were a Cullen."
"Bella, don't say such things - of course -"
"No, I don't. I kept your secret when you left me, I kept it when the doctor raped me - when I started to lose myself I told but no one believed me. But I just realized it's only a mark, and I don't want it anymore."
Bella continues up the stairs to her room and as Jasper holds me, as Esme sobs into Carlisle's chest, as Rose clings to Emmett...and Edward lays destroyed on the floor...I wonder.
I wonder who you trust when your brain is a riddle.
