Jesse Kilmartin's eyes flew open as he gasped.
He hated having nightmares.
He always felt vulnerable after one.
Although, to be honest, he had felt vulnerable before the nightmare as well.
He was still benched from going on missions, as he was still healing from Brennan's beat down at Hillview State Penitentiary.
That didn't mean that he wasn't kept busy though. One of their safe houses had been compromised and Jesse was stuck behind a computer desk figuring out how the perpetrator had jeopardized their closely guarded information. And once he had figured that out, he was devoting all of his focus to strengthening their security.
He knew he had been running himself ragged, but he was determined to not take a break before the job had been completed. And not just completed, but satisfactorily. He remembered the sigh of relief he had uttered when he was finally done. He also had realized just how tired he really was.
Funny though, he didn't remember how he had gotten to bed.
The last thing he remembered was staring at his computer screen.
As he was staring at the ceiling, he mused about how before Hillview, his dreams had been about Genomex, the pods… deciding that he didn't want to start down that particular rabbit trail, he started to sit up.
And hissed out in pain. He must have been laying wrong. His injuries protested and the sound that made it past his defenses was not because he was weak, because d* it he had proven that he wasn't! He had gone fist to fist with Brennan in that ring and although he was a little worse for wear, he had held his own and injected him with the antidote. No, even though it was painful, the hiss was because the pain was unexpected.
Breathing deeply to battle through the pain he had not bargained for, he felt a large hand on his shoulder. It was firm, but gentle and since Jesse's concentration was keenly focused, he could swear that the hand was trying to encourage him to lay back down. "Hey, Jess, you OK? Breathe…"
Jesse stilled at that low voice. "Brennan?" He turned and yep, the elemental was there, kneeling beside the bed, concern bright in his dark eyes.
Jesse closed his again. He was not in the mood to deal with Brennan right now. He had no emotional reserves to tap in to.
When he felt the younger man was OK, Brennan sat back on heels. "Nightmare, huh? You want to talk about it? Must have been pretty bad to have you in that much pain…" He prodded gently, urging Jesse to open up to him.
Jesse struggled to bite his tongue, holding back the scornful words he wanted to lash out with.
H*l no he did not want to talk about it; he did not want to tell Brennan that his nightmare was him reliving Brennan doing his best to kill him. He plastered on a smile that even he could tell was fake and waving his hand dismissively informed "I'm good man, just tired. Speaking of, I must have been pretty loud to wake you up in your room. Sorry for that; you should go back to sleep."
Brennan ducked his head sheepishly. "I wasn't in my room." Pointing over his shoulder he informed Jesse "I've been in that chair."
Jesse noticed the armchair that resided in his room, but that he really didn't use. He usually fell
asleep somewhere else and somehow managed to meander to his bed to sleep. Realization dawned and he stated "You carried me to bed."
Brennan smiled cheekily. "I even tucked you in, too."
Jesse didn't joke back. "I'm not an invalid." He replied, a tad testily.
Brennan arched a dark eyebrow. "Wasn't saying that."
Jesse snapped his head up. "I don't need you to 'watch my back,' " he spit out acidly. "I'm doing just fine."
Brennan's voice held a dangerous edge. "Course you are. That's why I found you asleep at your computer desk."
Jesse clenched his fists, his muscles tightening as he repressed his rising anger. "The only reason I was asleep at my desk is because I finally protected our safe houses. I wasn't slacking on the job. I only stopped when it was done and done well. I wouldn't have stopped while they were still at risk. I'm not that irresponsible so f*k off Bren!" He was practically screaming at this point and surged to his feet, his body vibrating with the anger-fueled adrenaline pumping through him.
And promptly swayed on his feet.
"S*t! Jesse!" Before he could collapse to his knees, he was held secure in Brennan's arms. "God d*n it Jess…" He growled as he maneuvered the molecular back on to his bed. "You're an idiot. Stay there."
Jesse was sorely tempted to get up just to be antagonistic but he felt paralyzed. His body was locked up, pain running rampant.
"Here take these and drink all of this."
Jesse was ready to tell Brennan off again, but when he saw what he held, he almost cried in relief. And the only reason he was actually doing what Brennan had ordered him to do was because he really needed the relief offered by the pain pills he was chugging down with the bottle of water Brennan had pushed into his inflexible hands.
Groaning, he eased back on to the pillows. He felt the blanket being pulled up over him and was just about to shove Brennan's hands away when he felt heat permeate his aching torso. He actually moaned in relief when, after a towel was placed on his shoulders, more heat relaxed his shoulders and neck. "Sheesh Jess, you gave me a heart attack. I figured your body would make you pay later for how you'd fallen asleep. Computer chairs are not meant for you to contort yourself that badly to fit on them."
Jesse decided to keep his mouth shut. Maybe if he stayed silent, Brennan would leave and he could suffer in peace without the elemental thinking him weak, again.
"… Either that…"
D*n, no such luck then.
"Or it was that nightmare you had that got you all tensed up."
Feeling Brennan shift on the bed, Jesse tensed and whimpered.
He heard it in his voice when Brennan realized what Jesse wasn't voicing. "Your nightmare was about Hillview?"
Jesse sighed angrily. "Well it's certainly not about Genomex anymore! Before Hillview, I knew that any nightmare would involve that h*hole. It seems now my mind has replaced one h*hole with another. And before you ask, yes. They involve you trying your d*n hardest to kill me."
At Brennan's silence, Jesse opened his eyes.
Seems like he wasn't the only one feeling vulnerable right now, if the look on Brennan's face was anything to go by.
Normally, he would have backtracked, apologized, assured him it was OK, he was forgiven.
And he was.
That didn't mean it didn't still hurt, physically and emotionally.
He'd feel bad about it later, but right now he just wanted to re-energize in peace, without having to put on a front for Brennan.
He was hoping that was the end of it, now that he had accused Brennan and not offered any comfort.
"That's why you felt your lip, where you were still bleeding from my hit, that day when I tried to apologize, saying I didn't know if I'd be here if it wasn't for you. You were psyching yourself up to forgive me. Even though I didn't deserve it; I mean I don't even remember what I said while I was amped up! You forgave me even though you weren't ready to."
Jesse sighed. F* it, he just wasn't going to get any rest tonight. "Look man, I had to forgive you, for my own sanity. Would I have forgiven you that quickly? No. But I had to; we had to be OK so that I didn't endanger the others."
He eased himself slowly into a sitting position at what he heard.
Crying, barely muffled.
Looking down he saw that Brennan had pulled over one of the hard chairs and sitting in it, his elbows were on his knees, his head was bowed and his shoulders were shaking with the cries he was hiding with his face in his hands.
That softened Jesse's angry heart a little.
"Hey," he reached out and gently rested his hand on Brennan's head.
"I'm sorry, Jess; so sorry." And there went Jesse's heart a little more at the pure anguish breaking the usually so tough man's voice.
He didn't want to, but he really wanted to sleep.
So he fixed it.
Sighing heavily and praying for mercy he didn't feel he stated lightly "Ah, no you're not."
Brennan's head snapped up. "What?" He rasped out.
Jesse forced himself to sigh lightly. "You're not sorry. You gotta give me a hard time. That's your job." If Jesse was hoping Brennan would take it and leave him alone, he was sorely mistaken.
"No. My job is to be your friend. You told me that; you look out for your friends. And now, it's time I start." He settled on the side of the bed and his unrelenting gaze made Jesse take notice.
"Look, I know we're friends, and considering we live and work together, if you need space, tell me. Otherwise, I'm going to start earning that forgiveness you gave too quickly, risking your mental health. For you, it may just be friends, but for me? Life's been too hard to me already. I've been handed a family, a brother…" He stared pointedly, "And I'm not going to lose that."
"That's why everything was just that much worse." Jesse tensed as he spoke words he hadn't planned on voicing.
When Brennan gave him a look that encouraged him to continue, Jesse sighed. Better to just rip the band-aid off.
"We are brothers. At least I thought we were. So when you were trying to kill me and seemed happy to do it… When my nightmares were about Genomex, the pods, that was me, alone. Now, I have a family. And my big brother delighting in my death? That's hard to fight emotionally as well as physically."
Brennan's warm hand was there, engulfing his smaller one. "I'm going to prove to you that we're still brothers. And Jess? You're not weak. It is OK to need and ask for help. And I'm here for you. Got that?"
Jesse rolled his eyes at the concern. "Yeah, yeah."
Brennan smiled fondly, recognizing that Jesse was past his limit.
"Alright, back to sleep with you." He ruffled the messy flop of hair.
As he made to rise from the bed, Jesse swallowed, deciding that if Brennan could be open with him, he could show him a sign of good faith.
"Hey Bren? If you want to go back to your room and sleep in your own bed, I understand. But if you were planning on going back to sleep in that chair… the, the bed's more comfortable."
He had said all this while staring down at his hands, clasped in his lap on top of the blankets. Finishing, he hesitantly raised his gaze.
Brennan was smiling broadly. "I'm not going anywhere kid."
Jesse gave a little smile and delicately maneuvered himself into a position that allowed the man's bigger bulk to rest comfortably on the other side of the bed without making his injuries protest.
"Night Bren." He yawned.
He was asleep and didn't hear Bren's reply "Night Jess. Sleep well, brother."
Jesse Kilmartin's eyes flew open as he worked on calming his racing heart.
He hated having nightmares.
He always felt vulnerable after one.
And this one he knew too well.
He was at Genomex, in that d*n pod. He couldn't breathe, he was being suffocated.
No, that wasn't right.
He couldn't breathe because there was something on his chest.
Looking down he saw an arm slung across him.
Brennan.
And sure enough, the man was there beside him, laying on his stomach, one arm slung protectively across Jesse, the other under the pillow, propping it slightly.
Jesse gave a small smile and shook his head slightly. It'd been awhile since he'd had that particular dream.
Brennan must have felt his movement because he slowly blinked his eyes open.
"Jess?" He inquired, his voice heavy with sleep.
He knew his eyes still held fear and Brennan eased himself up, the one arm still gently holding Jesse.
"Hillview again?" He asked guiltily.
Jesse's smile was genuine as it got bigger. He snuggled deeper, realizing that the heating pads from earlier were gone; probably Brennan. He cuddled, though he would vehemently deny it, Brennan's arm across his chest. "Obviously not. This one was Genomex. Seems my brain is finally catching up to me forgiving you."
"You going to be OK?" asked Brennan with concern. He knew Jesse could hold his own, he'd said as much. He'd also meant what he said about being there.
Jesse sighed contentedly. "Yep. This nightmare I know how to fight."
Brennan smiled as he lay back down, getting comfortable enough to go back to sleep without removing his arm from Jesse. "Kick butt."
They weren't completely OK, but they would be.
Brothers may have fights, but they're still brothers.