A/N: Here is another fanfic latine. As my vocabulary and grasp of grammar improve, the speed at which I compose these most lascivious works increases. Thus I shall likely be posting more... although I might not, considering that I am pretty busy. Still, I hope to get into the habit of writing Latin daily (I already read and listen to the language on a pretty regular basis).

Since I am only a student, there are likely many mistakes here. Please feel free to correct me in the comments.

Capitulum Primum:

In cubiculo, Horatius librum antiquum legit. Is vir honestus et eruditus est. Horatius Amlethum exscpectat. Quis est Amlethus? Amlethus filius regis est. Pater Amlethi mortuus est. Patruus Amlethi est Claudius. Claudius rex Daniae est. Dania in Scandanavia est. Scandanavia in Europa est. Amlethus Horatiusque discipuli danici sunt. Horatius Amlethum amat.

Amlethus ostium cubiculi pulsat.

Horatius audit. Is vocat: "Quid?"

Amlethus respondet: "O, Horatii, aperi ostium!"

Horatius ostium aperit. Amlethus cubiculum intrat. Viri basiunt. Os Amlethi dulcis est. Horatium delectat. Ad lectum Amlethus amblat. Is sedet et lacrimat.

Amlethus vocat: "O, Horatii! Dolor habeo."

Horatius cum Amlethus sedet. Vir respondet: "O, frater carus! Quid tibi est?

"O Horatii! Pater meus mortuus est. Mater mea non lueget, sed patruus meum maritat. Ea germanus suus maritat! Mater stuprum perpetrat! Ergo, tristis sum!"

"Mater tua obscena est."

"Sic."

"Quid agamus?"

"Nescio."

"Trucidemusne patruum et matrem tuum?"

"Minime. Nonne familia mea est?"

"Sed familia tua mala incestaque est! Peccato Daniam corrumptiunt."

"Sed familia mea est!"

"Amasne eam?"

"Fortasse," Amlethus inquit. "Immo, nescio. At te amare scio."

"Et ego, te amo."

"O, frater mei! Pulchrior quam ullus rosa es! Basia me rursus! Basia me ut matrem obscenam obliviscar."

"Fui, frater carus."

Horatius dulci ori Amlethi basium dat, deinde alterum, dein basia mille.

In the bedroom, Horatio read an ancient book. He is an honest and scholarly man. Horatio waits for Hamlet. Who is Hamlet? Hamlet is the son of the king. The father of Hamlet is dead. Hamlet's uncle is Claudius. Claudius is the king of Denmark. Denmark is in Scandanavia. Scandanavia is in Europe. Hamlet and Horatio are Danish students. Horatio adores Hamlet.

Hamlet knocks on the bedroom's door.

Horatio hears. He says: "What?"

Hamlet replies: "O, Horatio, open the door!"

Horatio opens the door. Hamlet enters the bedroom. The men kiss. The mouth of Hamlet is sweet. Horatio is delighted. Hamlet walks to the bed. He sits and cries.

Hamlet says: "O, Horatio! I am in distress."

Horatius sits with Hamlet. The man [Horatio] responds: "O, dear lover ['frater' can mean 'biological brother' or 'lover', here it means the latter]! What ails you?"

"O, Horatio! My father is dead. My mother does not mourn, but marries my [paternal] uncle [maternal uncle would be another word, avunculus]. She marries her brother ['germanus' only means 'brother' in the familial sense, not 'lover' or 'comrade']! My mother commits stuprum [untranslatable, refers to sexual acts considered gravely taboo by the Romans, such as seducing a married woman or penetrating a freeborn male]."

"Your Mother is obscene."

"Yes."

"What shall we do?"

"I don't know."

"Shall we kill your mother and uncle?

"No. Are they not my family [more literally household]?"

"But your family is evil and incestuous! By way of sin they corrupt Denmark!"

"But they are my family."

"You love them?"

"Perhaps," He says, "Rather, I don't know. But I know I love you."

"And I, I love you."

"O, my lover! You are fairer than any rose! Kiss me again! Kiss me so that I forget my obscene mother."

"I shall, my dear."

Horatio gives the sweet mouth of Hamlet a kiss, then another, then a thousand kisses.

Please review!