MIL PASOS

Author's Note: On a recent family trip, I was pleasantly surprised to be watching the Princess Diaries series and the romance between Clarisse and Joseph hit me with a vengeance. I was attacked by an unexpected plot bunny. This is essentially a song-fic. Mil Pasos translates from Spanish as 'A Thousand Steps'. The song will feature heavily in the first two chapters. I've always wanted to write a pairing for this song and the chemistry between Joseph and Clarisse seemed perfect for this particular song. Writing this piece has been 'interesting' for me as I have set myself the challenge of writing it in a first person POV rather than my usual comfortable position of the omniscient narrator. The setting for the story is PD2 and the immediate aftermath of that infamous ballroom scene. Here are my imaginings of what happened that evening after Joseph and Clarisse parted company. This story will likely be in 3 parts from different character perspectives.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I have no claim over these wonderful characters which belong to Disney and Meg Cabot – if I did own any of these characters, I would have put a lot more scenes in with them! The song 'Mil Pasos' is written and performed by the French-Algerian chanteuse, Soha. She has a very beautiful and melodic voice that transports you into her song and pulls at your heartstrings!

Chapter 1 Notes: This chapter is written from Joseph's perspective and his thoughts as he leaves Clarisse in the ballroom. The song, Mil Pasos mentioned earlier is used to demonstrate his actions in this part of the story and will be used more as a song in the next chapter. The translation can be found at - lyricstranslate - just pop Soha - Mil pasos into the search bar. Unfortunately, fanfic net won't let me paste the hyperlink directly here - SORRY! Happy Reading!

PART 1

I felt my world implode around me. Your simple but loaded phrase of 'Yes, I have.' was enough to cause that destruction. Within the blink of an eye, I had gone from dancing with you in my arms, in total bliss to being filled with an agony that started in my chest and spread outwards; overwhelming me physically and mentally. My limbs felt as heavy as lead as we stepped away from each other. The air was thick and for a moment my breathing became erratic as I listened to you try and rationalise your decision.

Perhaps, it was the lack of oxygen going to my brain that made my defence mechanisms kick back into place. The cold 'head of security' mask made an unexpected appearance in your presence. All this 'cool security head' needed was a pair of shades to maintain the façade. Damnit, but you are not the only one who can summon the professional mask of excuse on demand, I thought selfishly to myself.

Having concluded the formalities with you, it was easy to turn on my heel and take the first step. I always believed that first steps were important and this time, it was no different; I put one foot forward. Everything has to start with a first step. Healing a broken heart must have a first step. This is the only consoling thing I am able to tell myself.

The next step was even easier to take; away from you, two steps already, this is good. I haven't even thought about you yet. This is good, I tell myself.

I take another stride forward and find myself outside already. Where should I go next? You were my True North and that was now lost to me since you made your heart and intentions clear. We are at polar opposites. Three steps have found me in the outside world, free to take any direction I wish; East to the darkness, south towards the sea, or west towards the fading twilight of the summer sky. Three steps….I gulped. It seems like a lot of choices now have to be made.

Taking the next step is harder. The warm breeze dries the moisture that seeps from my eyes without my realising. I am only four steps from you but I feel your sadness permeate my being. I struggle with the fourth step. You have turned the music off and I physically ache to dance with you again and have my heart thrum in time with yours. My insides turn to anguish as my greatest desire right now is to comfort you...only, I am the reason for your pain. It fits perfectly with the idea of the Almighty's warped sense of humour. I hear your muffled sob. It hasn't taken me long, I think wryly, to have hundreds of memories spent together flash through my mind in a moment. It didn't take long at all!

I force myself to take another step forward, another step away from you when I already know that if you call me back now, I will be powerless to resist. All it took was five steps to forgive you and know that no matter what I do, you will always hold the greatest power over me – love.

My breathing has become ragged again. I need to breathe. The cold sweat pouring off my forehead and the dull ache in my chest reminds me to breathe. Why have I stopped walking now? I will be lost if I stop now. I must keep going; six steps and now seven. I cannot count any more as I hear my pulse pounding in my ears. How is my heart even able to keep beating when it has been annihilated completely? What does it matter if I take one more step or a thousand more? All I know is that I must keep standing by you, as your head of security. Nothing else. It is the thought of 'nothing' that causes the void to rise up from my feet and swallow me up completely. I am filled with a darkness that I do not know how to fight.

Time loses its meaning for me entirely. My physical shape moves around but my soul has vanished. It is odd what my senses now notice; I instantly hate the sweetly rising night-time scent of the garden flowers, your flowers, because they do nothing but worsen the grief of a broken heart...make that a broken man. I need cold, hard, steel surroundings, not constant soft reminders of you if I was to make it through this battlefield.

I must have passed through security headquarters to do the final checks for the evening because when I checked the next day, I had signed off on the evening reports. Autopilot mode was engaged as my heart and mind battle against each other. I don't remember arriving in my rooms or changing into my gym clothes or picking up the ancient leather basketball that had travelled the world with me through the years.

The world seemed to tilt under me and bring reality crashing back down when I realised that I had brought myself to the gym centre tucked away in a corner of the palace grounds. I was too old not to know myself and my self-preservation techniques better to be surprised by this. Basketball would be a distraction - like it had always been. It had worked during my army years. Of course it would now work too as well - it had to work! It would divert the physical pain I was feeling and that would give me time to come to terms with the inner conflict between my broken heart and equally raging mind that had always told me that this relationship had never been a good idea and now it would have to come up with a solution to fix this – my – shattered life.

A quick glance at my watch confirmed just how late in the evening it now was. The indoor gymnasium area was empty, as expected. The harsh motion-sensor floodlights blinded me for a moment as I groped for the docking station on the stereo system to start the music. The music was loud enough to feel it through the floor as the ball flicked up and down in my hands. My legs jettisoned me up into the air and the 3-pointer shot landed perfectly in the hoop. Once again, it became easy to lose track of time like this. The earthy feel of my decades-old basketball in my hands was like speaking to an old friend that was ready to take the blows for me as it got pounded and dunked against the backboard and hoop.

It was perhaps time to listen to my body as my knees took the brunt of another full jump.

The music abruptly changed as a deep slow drum beat earthed me firmly to the ground. I frowned. This definitely was not 'workout' music. The insistent slow pulsing beat seemed to flip a switch as my mind finally shut off. My eyes closed as the pain once again filled the void that my physical exertions had kept at bay so far. A wave of inner exhaustion swept through my inner core. My body could not help but sway to the beat, my arms automatically extending to a closed position and the steps coming naturally as the singer's deep voice transported me away.

The last thing I expected was for YOU to step into my arms as naturally as I had stepped into yours only a few hours ago.

To be continued...