Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.
"And remember," Sakura said, a cheerful smile on her face, her arms wrapped around Hana and Lovekov. "A win for Weekend is a win for-"
"LOVE!" Lovekov cheered.
"And peace!" George interjected, poking his head in from offscreen.
Akaishi scowled and turned off the TV. "Damn those Weekenders! No matter how many of their ads we take down, more just spring up! We've even got people trying to leave ARARAT to join them!"
"So, if our ad campaign is faltering, does that mean I can stop wearing the suit?" Daiji, standing a few feet away just in case Akaishi got the urge to accidentally throw coffee at him, asked hopefully.
Akaishi scowled and sat back in his seat with a huff. "No, you're popular with the kids. And besides, we need a proper mascot to help us recover from the PR nightmare that was Giff-Kun."
They both shuddered in recollection at that horrible debacle. "Those poor children," Daiji murmured.
"Thankfully, with the revenue and goodwill you've been giving us, almost enough to make up for your repeated failures on the field of battle," Akaishi continued, taking a small box from one of his desk's drawers and putting it on top. "We were finally able to procure this."
Daiji was immediately on guard. "Is that another one of Karizaki's experimental Vistamps?" He asked warily, remembering full well how the last one had turned out.
Akaishi grinned and cracked open the box, a sinister glow emanating from within. "No," he said as Daiji's eyes widened in horror. "Something much more interesting…"
"Oh, Hana," Sakura moaned, thrusting into her lover's supine form again.
"Oh, Sakura," Hana moaned back, eyes rolling back in her skull, gasping as she approached a climax Momotaros only wished he could get.
"Love," Lovekov purred, eyes wide.
Sakura and Hana screamed.
Lovekov screamed back.
A few minutes and some hastily thrown on clothes later, Sakura sternly reprimanded her inner demon/daughter while a flustered and aroused Hana looked on. "Lovekov, sweetie, we've talked about this. When I manifest you, tell you to leave the room, and put a sock on the doorknob, that means you have to stay out."
"Kobu…" Lovekov whimpered, fidgeting her hands and looking down.
Sakura crouched down and gently lifted the snake's chin to look her in the eye. "Lovekov, you're a smart girl and unlike your cousin Vice, I know you understand the importance of respecting boundaries. With that said, why do you keep interrupting your mommies' special fun time?"
"I mean, I wouldn't mind someone watching, but not you, you're practically my kid by now," Hana muttered, blushing.
If Lovekov had thumbs, she would've twiddled them. Finally, she took a deep breath, and said, "Love love kobu love kobu kobu love kobu love love love kobu love kobu."
Sakura's eyes widened and Hana gasped, tearing up. "You think that watching us is the closest you'll ever get to having love for yourself?! Oh, honey!"
She immediately embraced Lovekov, who burst into tears. "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find someone someday!"
"Yeah!" Hana agreed, joining the embrace. "… How exactly is she going to do that, though? Most of the demons we know aren't exactly friendly. Or talkative. And in her default state she looks less like girlfriend material and more like a giant stuffed animal. Cute and cuddly, but not someone you would take home to meet your parents."
Sakura frowned. "… That's a very good question."
George gave the couple an incredulous look. "And you're coming to me because…?"
"We… Don't really know who else to ask," Sakura admitted, embarrassed.
"We tried talking to your father, but he faked a heart attack to get out of the conversation and was rushed to the infirmary," Hana added. She frowned. "At least, I think he faked it."
George rolled his eyes. "It's been weeks already and the man still claims he's on the verge of death… In any event, I still don't see how I could possibly help you."
"Well… I don't suppose there's some way you could… Make her a girlfriend?" Sakura asked helplessly.
George raised an eyebrow. "Do I look like the kind of mad scientist who can do that?"
"Yes," Sakura replied.
"Fair point. Still, I don't really think this is something I can help with," George said apologetically.
"Well, couldn't you… Like, modify my personal Vistamp so that if I use it on myself, it'll make a cute, friendly demon like Lovekov?" Hana asked. "An adorable fluffy bee or something?"
"Love?" Lovekov asked, perking up at this idea.
"There are several reasons that won't work," George said flatly. "First of all, you don't have an inner demon anymore. Sakura killed it when she separated it from you, remember? It's dead, man." He snickered at the terrible joke.
Hana frowned. "So if I use the Queen Bee Vistamp on myself…"
"Nothing will happen. Probably," George asserted.
"But we've fought people who can reuse their Vistamp multiple times to keep calling forth more Deadmen," Sakura pointed out.
"Some people have more demons than others, and even then, none of them were Phase 3," George pointed out. "Since you cured Hana of that, she doesn't have any inner demons left.
"And even if she did, you still wouldn't get the result you wanted. If she stamped herself she would just produce a mindless Deadman. The only reason demons like Lovekov, Vice, Kagerou, or Vail are intelligent, thinking beings rather than typical monsters is because they were born from hosts with Giff cells. And since Hana doesn't have any of those…"
Hana bit her lip and glanced at a forlorn Lovekov, who had sagged on herself as her hopes faded. "Isn't there any way you could give me some?"
"NOPE! Terrible idea!" George insisted, crossing his arms multiple times. "The only reason your girlfriend and her brothers have Giff cells is because they inherited them from their dad, and the only reason HE had them is because my daddy injected them into him back when he was working with the even shadier predecessor of Fenix, NOAH. And Papa Igarashi is the only person who survived the process without dying or being turned into a horrible monster."
"But I've already turned into a monster, and I am a Kamen Rider now," Hana pointed out. "Wouldn't that make me compatible?"
"Maybe, but probably not," George said dismissively. "After all, technically anyone can use that Driver of yours, even Tamaki. You aren't special."
"HEY!" Sakura and Hana both shouted.
"It's academic anyway, because we don't exactly have Giff cells to spare right now," George added. "Unless you want your dad to undergo life-threatening heart surgery again?"
Sakura blanched at this. "… You can't just extract cells from me instead?"
George shook his head. "If it were that simple, we wouldn't have needed to try to capture Akemi or resort to surgery to complete the Giffard Rex Vistamp. Genta's cells are concentrated in one place, while you and your brothers' are scattered throughout your bodies. The only other source of usable Giff cells is, well, Giff himself, and we all know why that's not happening."
"So there's really nothing you can do?" Sakura asked, her heart breaking to see how dejected Lovekov looked.
"Nope. Honestly, if I were you, I would try online dating," George advised them. "There's a fetish for everyone, and I'm sure someone out there is into an oversized incredibly huggable plush cobra."
"My baby isn't going anywhere near that cesspit!" Sakura shrieked, protectively hugging Lovekov. "She's too sweet and innocent to be exposed to the horrors of dating websites!"
"I don't think she's that sweet or innocent, I mean, have you seen her browsing history?" Hana pointed out.
"I made sure parental controls were on!" Sakura insisted.
"Vice disabled them," Hana replied.
"DAMMIT, VICE!"
Suddenly, an alarm went off. "Everyone, Daiji is leading another attack on one of our shelters! You must go out and stop him!" Masumi cried over the PA system. "Also, George, I don't have much time left, cough cough, please, be with me in my last moments!"
George rolled his eyes. "Daddy, I might believe you if you hadn't had been trying that all week, and if you just said cough cough!"
"Dammit," Masumi swore.
"Come on, sweetie, let's take your mind off your loneliness by beating up your uncle Daiji," Sakura told Lovekov sweetly.
"KUZU!" Lovekov cheered.
"Before, you all laughed at me because of my new form," Daiji, once again clad in his Japanese Dwarf Flying Squirrel Genome, cackled madly. "Well, who's laughing now?!"
The Demons Troopers screamed, wildly firing their guns into the air as they struggled to shake off the ravenous Japanese dwarf flying squirrels swarming their bodies.
"My pants! They're in my pants!" One shouted.
"Confound these wretched squirrels! For every one I fling away, a dozen more vex me!" Another one cried.
"You know, I honestly did not expect him to be able to control a squirrel army," Vice commented as he casually punted some squirrels away. "Does this count as animal abuse?"
"My eyes! They're in my eyes!" Harry shrieked as he ran by, squirrels clinging to his helmet.
"Vice, that's not a nice way to refer to Herbert," Ikki chided, blasting some squirrels away with a burst of magnetic force.
Vice laughed and high-fived his partner.
"MY NAME IS HIKARU!"
"Oh, sorry, Hikaru!" Ikki yelled apologetically. "Sorry, just got so used to George getting it wrong I kinda forgot what it actually is…"
"Get wrecked, rodents! SNAKES EAT SQUIRRELS!" Lovekov shouted, doing a metal scream as she played a riff on her guitar, blasting all the squirrels near her away.
"I used to think squirrels were cute!" Hana yelled, flinging her Buffalo wind and fire wheels in circles around her, shredding every squirrel that tried to get close. "Not anymore!"
"Ugh, these things are so tiny, it's almost impossible for me to hit them!" Sakura complained as the frenzied squirrels scurried about, evading her lightning fast blows. "Ikki, do something!"
"Ikki won't be able to do anything, once my squirrel horde BURIES HIM ALIVE!" Daiji yelled as he directed his minions to cover Ikki and Vice completely in their bodies…
And they just stood there, unimpressed. "Was that supposed to do anything?" Ikki asked.
Daiji goggled. "Why aren't you screaming and running around in panic like Henrietta or the troopers?!"
"OH COME ON!"
"You do realize that we are currently in our final forms, while you're just using a ridiculous sidegrade that's the sort of gag form you'd see in a Hyper Battle DVD special, right?" Vice pointed out.
"Oh, like our Kangaroo Genome-" Ikki started.
"WE AGREED NEVER TO TALK ABOUT THAT AGAIN!"
"Yeah, I don't want to be reminded of how you kissed me! Twice!" Daiji shrieked.
"It was an accident! Both times!" Ikki insisted.
"Freaking George," Vice grumbled. "Anyway, we outclass you so much, we barely even feel the squirrels!"
"I don't know, their attempts to eat my crotch are starting to get pretty uncomfortable, and I don't really like the feeling of them crawling over my suit," Ikki complained.
"Tough it out! Anyway, if you can't beat us with Holy Live, what makes you think a little squirrel army can beat us?" Vice bragged.
"Wait… He's right! Perhaps if I go to my Full Genomix form, using the power of FOUR Vistamps-" Heinrich realized, raising the Hopper Vistamp, only for a squirrel to bite his finger, causing him to yelp and drop it on the ground, where some more squirrels grabbed it and scurried off. "Wait, get back here, that's not an acorn!" He cried, chasing after them.
"Vice, let's combine our powers to get rid of them!" Ikki said.
Vice nodded at Ikki, or actually thin air, because he couldn't see anything at the moment due to the squirrels covering his helmet. "Right! Super magnet powers, activate!"
REVI/VICE GIFFARD FINISH!
Ikki and Vice put their hands together, creating oppositely charged magnetic fields. Ikki's body was then covered in red energy while Vice was covered in blue energy. The respective energies flowed into the Riders' arms before they each performed a punching maneuver, creating a large, combined magnetic field, with one half colored red and the other half colored blue. All of the squirrels carpeting the ground, the buildings, and menacing the other Riders and Troopers were then lifted into the air by blue, negatively charged energy as a sphere of red, positively charged energy appeared in the middle of the crowd. All of the squirrels were attracted to the red sphere, gathering around it to form a huge, squeaking, chittering ball of fur and buck teeth contained by a positively charged field.
Ikki and Vice together created a negatively charged magnetic field, pulling the sphere towards them. The energy surrounding the Rider's arms then switched polarity just as they simultaneously punched the sphere, repelling it and launching it away.
"Seeya!" Vice whooped.
"Oh come on, that's not even how magnetism works!" Daiji whined. "They're SQUIRRELS!"
"Magneto could probably do something like that just fine," Tamaki, who was also there, offered helpfully.
"MAGNETO ISN'T REAL!"
"Where did you two send them, Ikki?" Sakura wondered while a disappointed Lovekov muttered that she hadn't gotten to eat any.
Ikki exchanged glances with Vice, who shrugged. "I dunno. They're probably fine."
Millions of miles away…
On the surface of the sun, Phoenix looked up hopefully when he saw a large shrieking ball hurtling towards him. "Oh boy! New friends!"
The squirrels caught fire and turned to ash instantly.
Phoenix pouted. "Every time… I'm so lonely…"
"You think that stopped me? I'll just summon even more squirrels!" Daiji declared, stamping the Japanese Dwarf Flying Squirrel Vistamp on his Two Sidriver.
JAPANESE DWARF FLYING SQUIRREL JUSTICE FINISH!
Nothing happened.
After an awkward silence, Daiji tried again.
JAPANESE DWARF FLYING SQUIRREL JUSTICE FINISH!
Still nothing happened.
"Oh for-"
JAPANESE DWARF FLYING SQUIRREL JUSTICE FINISH! JAPANESE DWARF FLYING SQUIRREL JUSTICE FINISH! JAPANESE DWARF FLYING SQUIRREL JUSTICE FINISH! JAPANESE DWARF FLYING SQUIRREL JUSTICE FINISH!
"I think you'll break it if you keep doing that," Tamaki offered helpfully.
"SHUT UP, TAMAKI!"
"Why is nothing happening?" Sakura wondered.
"Yeah, I was hoping I could actually eat some of the next bunch," Lovekov complained.
"I think he can only summon real squirrels in the area instead of generating his own," Hime suggested.
"Ha! Which isn't a problem any of the rest of us have!" Vice laughed.
"And since Ikki and Vice got rid of all the squirrels in the vicinity…" Hana realized.
"He can't do anything!" Ikki concluded.
"Oh for… Seriously?!" Daiji whined. "That's so stupid!"
"Stupider than the fact that you're dressed in a mascot costume?" Vice jeered.
"We both know this could just as easily have been you!" Daiji snapped.
Sakura cracked her knuckles. "So, big bro, are you going to finally call it quits and come home with us, or do we have to beat the shit out of you some more and send you running back to Akaishi with your tail between your legs?"
"Such a big fluffy tail… I want to wrap it around myself and use it as a pillow…" Lovekov cooed.
Daiji gulped, evaluating his options. "Um…uh…"
Without warning, an incredibly powerful crimson energy blast slammed into Hana from behind, flinging her away with a scream of agony as she was knocked out of her transformation.
"HANA!" Sakura screamed in horror.
"Lady Aguilera, I mean Hana!" Tamaki wailed.
"Mama!" Lovekov gasped.
Before anyone could rush over to her, Akaishi suddenly appeared and grabbed Hana, wrapping one arm around her neck and pinning her against his chest. "Nobody move!" He barked. "Unless you want your beloved Aguilera to suffer a horrible fate!"
"That's not my name anymore, you piece of shit!" Hana shrieked, furiously trying to kick and claw at him to break free, but to no avail. "Sakura, help!"
"Akaishi! What you want?!" A furious Sakura demanded, Daiji quickly taking the opportunity to waddle away as fast as he could now that nobody was paying attention to him.
"Other than for Grandpa Giff to love you back!" Lovekov angrily demanded.
"Lord Giff loves me!I mean, he hasn't said it in so many words, but he has to, after everything I've done for him-" the flustered Akaishi started to stammer, only to remember himself. "That's irrelevant!"
"Wait, are you and Giff actually… Does that make you our grandpa too?!" A horrified Vice demanded.
Ikki made a face. "Vice, I really did not need to have that mental image in my head. Thank you so much."
"Our family tree is so weird," Sakura complained.
"For years, Aguilera was groomed for a singular purpose: to be the final sacrifice to awaken Lord Giff and begin the new age!" Akaishi declared, deciding to pretend the last few minutes hadn't happened. "And were it not for the interference of you Igarashi siblings, he would have been awakened months ago!"
"Yeah, well, your precious Giff is already awake, so you still got what you wanted," Helga pointed out.
"Indeed I did, for destiny is not so easily thwarted," Akaishi agreed. "Similarly, Hana's role as a sacrifice has not been averted, merely… Deferred."
He produced a familiar-looking artifact.
Ikki gasped. "The Giff Stamp!"
But Tamaki shook his head. "No, that's not the Giff Stamp. Wrong color."
Indeed, the sinister-looking object in Akaishi's hand resembled the Giff Stamp, except it was yellow, and had a different glyph on the bottom.
"What? But the only other stamp we've seen like that was the one belonging to…" Vice trailed off. "Uh-oh."
Akaishi laughed. "That's right! You didn't think Lord Giff and Diablo were the only greater demons bound by stamps, did you?"
"It… Honestly never occurred to me?" Ikki admitted, embarrassed.
"Wait, does that mean we've got more relatives out there?! This is getting ridiculous!" Vice complained. "Especially since none of them have been to any of our birthdays!"
"On the plus side, this means we should be able to get tons of presents from them to make up for them being absent all our lives!" Lovekov pointed out optimistically.
"Assuming this one doesn't try to kill us like Giff or Diablo," Harvey pointed out.
"I choose to be optimistic," Lovekov replied. "They can't all be bad, right?"
"Another super demon? How many of them are there?!" Sakura demanded, horrified.
"Seven, I think," Hana replied, eyeing the new stamp with terror in her eyes. "The Deadmans were only really focused on Giff, but there were cults for the others at some point, though I think most of them were wiped out a long time ago."
"They were indeed, which is why it has taken me so very long to locate the stamp belonging to Lord Giff's relative, Lady Astarte!" Akaishi proclaimed. "Normally I wouldn't have bothered – Lord Giff doesn't really need the competition – but you blasted Weekenders have forced me to resort to desperate measures! Sacrifices must be made to save humanity… And Hana…" He gave the terrified woman a maniacal grin. "You… Shall make an ideal sacrifice!"
"NO!" Sakura screamed, racing forwards-
Too late. Akaishi slammed the stamp onto Hana's chest, causing her to howl in agony as her body was engulfed in yellow and black energy. He shoved her to the ground and took a few steps back, still clutching the stamp, as she convulsed, screaming in unimaginable pain.
"HANA/MAMA/LADY HANA!" Sakura, Lovekov, and Tamaki cried, rushing to her side.
"Akaishi… You BASTARD!" Himiko shouted, trembling with rage. "Ikki, Vice, keep him occupied while I prepare to use a four-Vistamp Full Genomix!"
"Or we could, you know, beat him ourselves," Vice pointed out.
"… But I wanna do a four-Vistamp Full Genomix!" Hilary whined.
"Akaishi!" Ikki yelled, rushing towards Akaishi, who cackled and changed into his Giffdemos form. "You're going to pay for making my sister cry!"
"And Lovekov too!" Vice added, chasing after his partner.
"Lady Hana! Don't die!" Tamaki blubbered, big fat ugly tears rolling down his splotchy red face as he chewed on his bandanna.
"Come on, Hana sweetie, don't do this, don't leave me," Sakura pleaded, squeezing on her hand so hard it started to break. "You're not a sacrifice. You don't belong to any demon. Your life is mine, you hear me? You belong to me. I saved your soul and filled it with light. I gave you a new beginning. I am the Giff you've wanted all your life! You told me that, remember?!"
"Wait, when did that happen?" A confused Vice wondered as he punched Akaishi in the face.
"IT WAS A PRIVATE MOMENT!"
"Mama… MAMA! " Lovekov wailed.
Gasping for breath, Hana squeezed her eyes shut, tears of blood running down her face, and screamed like an animal as yellow and black energy washed off of her. Lovekov and Tamaki were flung back, but Sakura remained unmoved, still clinging tightly to her hand. The yellow glyph appeared above her chest, and suddenly all the yellow and black energy converged on it before exploding upward in a pillar of demonic energy, shockwaves rippling off of it and buffeting everyone.
Sakura still didn't let go of Hana's hand.
Finally, Hana stopped screaming as her voice gave out, and the pillar of darkness collapsed, condensing on itself to form a new, malevolent figure.
A… Sexy malevolent figure.
The archdemon Astarte was very tall, her shapely legs covered in ribbed yellow and black-striped armor with copies of her glyph on each hip and knee, and almost absurdly high and sharp heels resembling stingers on her feet. A yellow and black skirt embroidered with her glyph hung down to the ground from her literal wasp waist, encircling her rear and sides. Her torso was covered in very form-fitting yellow and black striped bony armor almost resembling the face of a hornet, her assets large enough to serve as the 'eyes,' her glyph covering her midriff. A pair of spikes shaped like her stamp grew from her shoulders, yellow and black cloth hanging down from each one which connected to her wrists, of which she had four, given that her arms split in two at the elbow, each one ending in delicate three-fingered claws. Each of her forelimbs was covered in black and yellow gauntlets with stingers growing over the backs of her hands. A split cape resembling insect wings hung down her back to the ground, shimmering in iridescent hues. Her face was covered by a vaguely insectoid bone-white mask with six eyeholes and a pair of antenna almost like horns, with "hair" resembling multisegmented insect legs flowing down her back.
"That's… Astarte?" A stunned Ikki voiced.
"Wow! I didn't know demons came that hot!" Vice cried.
"Certainly prettier… Then Giff…" Hana rasped, her breath shallow.
Lovekov's eyes turned to hearts. "She's perfect!"
"Behold!" Akaishi proclaimed joyfully, and a little high-pitched, since Vice had petulantly kicked him in the groin repeatedly. "Lady Astarte has been reborn! With her power on our side, we shall be unstoppable-"
"What… What is this?"
Akaishi blinked in surprise, as did everyone else. The voice which came from underneath the bony mask was practically a breathy whisper, soft, sensual, and gentle. Certainly not what you would expect from an ancient super demon.
Lovekov squealed and clasped her hands together. "That voice! She's probably an amazing singer!"
"Lady Astarte?" Akaishi asked in concern as the demon looked around in confusion and increasing distress.
"Where… Where am I?" She demanded. "This… This isn't my kingdom. Where are my loyal subjects and followers? My adorable slaves? My precious wives? Where are the feasts and parades to welcome me back? Where… Where is my home, and everyone I care about? How long have I been gone?!"
Everyone exchanged surprised glances. This was not what they expected.
From the awkward way Akaishi cleared his throat, evidently he hadn't expected this either. "I am sorry, my lady, but your civilization was destroyed by ungrateful, selfish humans. That is why you have been awakened in this modern age, to help Lord Giff regress humanity to a more manageable state-"
There was a flash of yellow and black, and suddenly Akaishi found himself lifted off the ground one-handed, one of Astarte's hands squeezing his neck almost hard enough to break it while another snatched her stamp from him and the other two pointed stingers at his heart and stomach.
"Whoa!" Vice stammered, stumbling back.
"I didn't even see her move," Ikki gasped.
"So fast," Lovekov gushed.
"That's what she said," Tamaki blurted.
Everyone stared at him. He blushed. "Sorry, I… That just came out…"
Hana groaned. "Tamaki, that joke was so horrible I think I'm dying faster."
"Don't die, mama!" Lovekov cried as Sakura gasped and a horrified Tamaki started to put his gun into his mouth, forgetting that it was, as always, unloaded.
"I'm not dying, that was just a joke!" Hana said quickly. "… Admittedly, not a very good one… I'm… Actually not feeling as bad as I thought I would? I mean, that hurt like hell, but…"
"I recognize you," Astarte snarled. "Giff's lapdog."
"I prefer to think of myself as his apostle," Akaishi muttered, only to yelp as Astarte squeezed harder.
"You did not answer my question. How. Long?" Astarte demanded.
"It has been… Several thousand years!" Akaishi gasped.
Astarte immediately dropped him, standing very still. "Several thousand… Years… Then… They are… They are all gone? All of them?" She whispered in disbelief. "Even… Even my most beloved brides, whom I shared my cells with, so they would live with me eternally?"
"I am… Sorry, lady Astarte, they are all gone," Akaishi confirmed. "Which is why humanity must-"
She put a yellow and black energy blast through his skull, silencing him and shocking everyone.
His body slumped, red and black energy already gathering around his neck to regenerate his head, but she didn't seem to notice or particularly care. Were those… Tears running down her mask?
"Should… Should we do something?" An uncertain Hojo asked. A part of him really, really wanted to try out his four-Vistamp Full Genomix, but something told him that might not be the prudent thing to do right now.
"… Does… Anyone have a handkerchief?" Ikki asked.
"I do!" Tamaki cried, whipping one out, only for Lovekov to immediately snatch it from his hands and rushed over to Astarte, who gave her surprised look as she held it out to her.
"Here," the cobra demon said gently. "A girl as pretty as you shouldn't cry."
Startled, Astarte took a handkerchief from her and wiped her mask. "… Thank you. I would not have expected such empathy from one of Giff's descendants. His offspring are not known for it."
"My mommy raised me to be a good girl!" Lovekov said proudly. "Unlike cousin Vice."
"Hey, if anyone is to blame for my upbringing, it's Ikki!" Vice cried, immediately putting the blame on Ikki.
"But I didn't do anything!" Ikki protested.
"Exactly! You are a horrible parental role model!" Vice insisted, much to his incredulity.
"And… Perhaps all is not lost," Astarte said, seeming to regain some of her earlier strength. "Since I was reborn from a willing sacrifice, then surely some of my followers still remain, and I can rebuild-"
"She wasn't a willing sacrifice," Sakura interrupted angrily.
Astarte froze. "What?"
"She wasn't a willing sacrifice," Sakura repeated, livid. "Akaishi attacked her and stamped her against her will."
"Then… Then she is not one of my followers?" Astarte asked slowly, with a hint of desperation.
"Sorry," Hana said weakly. "You seem like a really nice demon God, but up until a few months ago I was part of a cult worshiping Giff. I was going to be a willing sacrifice to resurrect him." She smiled happily at Sakura. "Of course, I found a new goddess to worship now. My wonderful, unstoppable Dragon…"
Sakura smiled and squeezed her hand. "Hana…"
"I love them both so much," Lovekov whispered happily.
"Me too-hoo-hoo-hoo!" Tamaki sobbed, blowing his nose into another handkerchief.
Astarte stood there for a moment in silence. Then, without looking, she fired another energy blast at Akaishi, who had just finished regrowing his head, vaporizing his body from the waist up.
Then she strutted over to Hana with determination, a besotted Lovekov trailing after her, looking down at her heels in adoration and desire. Sakura rose and promptly raised her fists to fend her off, but Astarte raised a hand. "I mean her no harm. She has been hurt. I can heal her, if you will permit it."
Sakura blinked in surprise. "What? Why would you do that?"
"Because she has been hurt in my name against her will," Astarte insisted. "And unlike Diablo, I take no pleasure from the meaningless suffering of others."
"… You'll pardon me if I have trouble believing you, considering you just blew up Akaishi twice," Sakura growled.
"Is anyone upset about that, though?" Vice wondered.
"I'm not," Hobbs said.
"And your other relatives have never seemed particularly keen on helping people," Ikki added.
"Just as no two humans are alike, we demons differ in motivation as well," Astarte pointed out. "Given how you exist in harmony with your own demon, you should understand this."
Lovekov immediately stood up straight, trying very hard to pretend like she hadn't just been staring at Astarte's very nice rear.
"Sakura… She's being honest," Hana grunted.
Sakura glanced over her shoulder. "Hana?"
"When I got stamped… I could feel her," Hana said with a wince. "She's not… Cruel, in the same way Diablo was or Giff can be. She… Cares, in her own way."
"… Fine," Sakura said, reluctantly moving aside. "But I'm warning you-"
"You have no need to fear. I am not foolish enough to dare harm a dragon's treasure, or another goddess's consort and high priestess," Astarte assured her, causing Lovekov to squeal again.
"You didn't seem to have a problem attacking Akaishi," Ikki argued.
"Again, is anyone upset about that?" Vice asked.
"No," Hokie said firmly.
"He'll live," Astarte said apathetically.
She stood over Hana and spread her arms, yellow and black particles raining down from her hands onto her prone body. Within moments, her wounds began to mend, her blood retreated back into her body, her bones knit themselves back together, and her skin regained its healthy glow. Hana blinked and sat up, patting herself over in amazement. "I'm… I'm okay! Sakura, it doesn't hurt anymore!"
Sobbing tears of joy, Tamaki hugged Hana, much to her annoyance.
Sakura shuddered in relief, her shoulders sagging as the tension went out of her. "Oh, thank Gaim!"
Astarte coughed.
"I mean… Thank you, Astarte," Sakura amended her statement quickly.
"Thank you thank you thank you!" Lovekov gushed, hugging the startled Astarte. Everyone tensed, but after a moment of confusion, the ancient demon hugged her back. Was that… A blush on her mask?
"Lady Astarte! Thank you for healing Hana… But what are your intentions now?" Herbert demanded, the Demons Troopers fingering their Ohinbuster50s and Osutoderuhammer50s.
"If you want to get revenge on humanity for the loss of your kingdom, you're going to have to go through us," Ikki warned her.
"Yeah! And we'll cream you just like we did Diablo!" Vice taunted.
Astarte scoffed. "Diablo was a fool, and the weakest of us even at full power. But you need not fear my wrath. The cowards who destroyed my home have been nothing but dust for millennia. There would be no point in punishing others for their sins."
"What are you going to do, then?" Sakura asked warily, helping Hana up. Hana was actually feeling perfectly fine and didn't need the help, but she didn't feel like telling Sakura that because she enjoyed being held in her invincible girlfriend's strong arms.
"Since my kind arrived on this world, we have only sought to coexist with humanity," Astarte mused.
"You call this coexistence?" Vice argued, gesturing at the wrecked city around them.
"Our definitions of coexistence don't necessarily coincide," Astarte admitted. "I built a grand kingdom centered around pleasure, where all were happy and content under my guidance. It was a paradise, or at least I considered it one. And if I built such a kingdom once, then I can do so again."
"… I'm sorry, but if you want take over the world, we're not going to let you do that either," Ikki spoke up. "We believe in a world where peace and freedom can exist without having to sacrifice one for the other, so if you think conquering humanity is the only way to create your utopia-"
"I have no interest in conquest. My kingdom was made from those who joined me of their own free will, seeking a better life and an end to pain," Astarte said dismissively. "I doubt human nature has changed so greatly that there are not plenty such people in the world today." She hesitated, seeming uncertain. "Then again… I have been gone for a very long time…"
Much to her surprise, Lovekov took her hands. "The world has changed a lot, but you don't have to experience it alone!" The cobra demon said passionately. "Why don't you come with us? Our family knows all about coexistence between humans and demons! We're basically experts at it!"
"Vail tried to kill us all multiple times and Kagerou tried to murder Ikki and steal Daiji's body, and they only stopped because papa Igarashi beat his demon to the brink of death and absorbed him while Kagerou is freaking DEAD. I think," Vice pointed out.
"Two out of four isn't bad," Lovekov snapped.
"It's not good, either!" Vice retorted.
"You… You would offer me sanctuary?" Astarte asked in astonishment.
"Well, yeah," Lovekov said, as if it were obvious. "It's not like U got anywhere else to go, right?"
"Lovekov, what are you-" Sakura started, only for Hana to grip her arm hard enough her nails dug into her suit.
"Wait, I want to see what this is going!" Her girlfriend whispered excitedly.
"I mean, okay, the bathhouse isn't exactly a palace like a classy demon like you is probably accustomed to, but we've gotten rave reviews on social media and a loyal client base, and you can use Daiji's room since it's not like he's going to be back anytime soon-" Lovekov suggested, getting more and more excited at the prospect of living under the same roof as this beautiful demon by the second.
"That's… I, I have my own sub dimension," Astarte stammered. "But that… Your hospitality is… Greatly appreciated." She appraised Lovekov for a moment. "You remind me of a Lamia I once knew. She was… Kind. Beautiful. Loved everything and everyone. And a very good hugger."
Lovekov blushed. "Y-you think I'm… Is… Is that a good thing?"
"Considering she was one of my favorite wives, I would say so." Astarte turned to Sakura as Lovekov's brain nearly shorted out at this statement. "Dragon goddess. May I have your permission to court your daughter?"
"WHAT?!" Just about everyone screamed in disbelief. Tamaki fainted, Lovekov looked like she was seconds away from doing the same thing, and Hana screamed in excitement.
"I'm… I'm sorry… You want to-" Sakura stammered, only for Hana to jog her arm.
"Sweetie! Sweetie! We were just talking about this, weren't we?" The former cult leader hissed. "About getting Lovekov a girlfriend?"
"Hana, she's a demon queen!" Sakura shot back.
"So? We keep Vice around," Hana retorted.
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?!" Vice protested.
"You tried to eat mom," Ikki reminded him. "More than once."
"I was just joking!" Vice insisted. He tapped his chin. "At least, I think I was?"
"And besides, having an ancient super demon on our side would be a huge asset," Hana added. "Not to mention how much Lovekov clearly adores her! She's staring at her like I stare at you!"
Indeed, in between desperate, pleading looks to her mothers, Lovekov was gazing at an increasingly flustered Astarte with a look of naked adoration and worship.
"… If I say yes, will you help us in our fight against Giff?" Sakura asked finally.
Astarte frowned. "While there is little love lost between us, long ago my kind agreed not to fight amongst ourselves. Still… If Giff truly has deemed humanity worthy of extermination, then I have little choice but to oppose him, for I love your species, as flawed and imperfect as you are." She spread her arms. "While I do not believe I can face him, for a war between demons has no victors, I shall provide what aid I can, to preserve Lovekov's smile if nothing else."
Lovekov started making happy gay snake noises at this.
"And also, I really hate Akaishi," Astarte added.
Everyone nodded, believing this to be a sensible motive.
"Then… You have my permission," Sakura relented.
Immediately, Lovekov glomped her and Hana. "THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!" She screamed happily.
Astarte smiled fondly. "Yes… I do believe this will make a fine start for my new kingdom."
"I think we're going to need to circle back to that at some point," an uncomfortable Ikki said.
"Yes, fine, that's great," an irritated Hank grunted. "Now that that's over with, can we deal with Akaishi? I'm finally ready to do my four-Vistamp Full Genomix-"
"Will you shut up about that already? Nobody cares!" Vice snapped. "But yeah, we probably should deal with Akaishi-"
Giff's apostle was gone.
"Hey, where'd he go?"
"Lord Giff, I don't understand what went wrong," a confused Akaishi stammered at his master through the portal open in the middle of his office, a nervous Daiji standing a ways back so he had a clear shot at the exit in case Giff was in a blasty mood. "I thought for certain that after the loss of her kingdom, Lady Astarte would join us! As one who once ruled over humans herself, I would've thought she'd understand the importance of why humanity must be controlled-"
Giff raised a hand and Akaishi went silent as his Lord communicated with him telepathically.
The immortal human blinked in confusion. "I… I don't understand. This is… The outcome you expected? Then… You knew this would happen?! But… Then why… Why would you… Lord Giff, please, I don't understand-"
With a dismissive wave of his hand, Giff closed the portal, ending the conversation.
The demon God stood atop the twisted pillar dominating the center of his dimension, surrounded by cocoons containing dormant True Gifftarians as well as the Giftex sacrifices made to help him awaken from his long slumber, now sleeping themselves until he needed them again.
After a few minutes of quiet contemplation, he opened another portal, through which he could see Lovekov performing an epic love song she had composed on the spot for Astarte, the ancient demon goddess enthralled by the raw emotion in the cobra demon's words, while the other Riders (and Tamaki) were headbanging, throwing up devil horns, and even waving lighters. They were smiling and laughing, comfortable and at ease with each other.
Giff closed the portal and stood on his pillar in deep reflection. He was surrounded by hundreds if not thousands of demons, and at the same time, he was completely and utterly alone.
And then he spoke a single word.
"Family…"