Reminder: This is my first story I'm writing, so forgive me for any of my grammar mistakes.
Somewhere in Earth (No Spoilers)
Inside a wide rocky room that reveals some damage from a recent battle that have taken place.
There are three men are fought over on a portal gun like device.
"Let go it's now mine, you annoying insect." the first man demanded.
"Never." the second man replied.
"Hey, my stomach still hungry for revenge you fucking asshole!" the third man butted in the conversation.
"Shit, the cosmic energy is unstable. Well goodbye assholes." The gun itself speak in a harsh manner.
The portalgun device begun to glow and one word came out in their mouth."Oh, Fuck!"
In an time stop, the entire scene revealed a brawl broke out.
It shows three people fight over the gun-liked device.
On the right side, shows a man gripping firmly on the gun-like device.
The man features looks like an European man, young appearance to mid-20s, black hair reach up to neck, fairly white skin, green eyes, and a face that is ready for trouble.
The man wear is a golden robe, black undergarment with green linings, green cape, and a golden helmet with two horns.
While the left side reveals two men's, one is pulling the portalgun device while the other is crawling on the floor with a hole on his belly.
The man pulling is using his rope like web by tugging with his super strength.
With his red spandex suit with blue designs and webs shooting out on his wrist.
And the last ma-
(And finally, me, the best hired gun that fixes any problems with no health insurance. The man,
who tell jokes while you'll are in miserable in pain, it's the one and only, it's me, your favorite Merc with a Mouth, here's Deadpool.)
{You know, it's supposed to be me, who will reveal your appearance.}
(Yeah, your description to me, might sound shit to my readers.)
"So you all are wondering like, 'what fuck just happen. Like a Gaylord and my brother from a another author especially me came this fucking scene." Deadpool explained to the reader.
{We time skip, so far that they don't know to the what's the plot.}
(Maybe they don't understand the story because your grammar fucking sucks. Like as I said in the beginning, it still fucking sucks.)
{What to do?}
(Let's explained them in a quick short summary on what the fuck actually happens in this story.)
"Well dear reader's get ready your snacks and weed cause it's a hell long of a story."
On Nothing, literally Blank Space
In the beginning, there was a idea.
The idea came from a dude and that dude came up an idea.
That dude is called many names in his own personal world like Creator, Mastermind, or preferable the Narrator.
In a white void or black, whenever you use light mode or dark mode.
"Just started your bullshit of a explanation." an mysterious man is impatient on the subject.
"Who goes there." The voiced is spoken in narrative low tone manner.
"It's your subconscious, we don't talk anymore after your group therapy."
"Wait your from my stor-" the Narrator replied, but got interrupted by the mysterious man.
"Nah-ahah, first off, you need to straighten your crappy grammar, and second, we are in my story so fuck-off."
"Wait Deadpool, I have reason and an awesome story." the Narrator revealed the man to be fucking Deadpool in the Marvel Comics.
"I bet your story has been shelved from your two remaining brain cells of yours" Deadpool insulted my screwed up mind.
"This will be the best Deadpool fanfic story of the year.", the Narrator called the readers like a Chinese man selling some knockoffs facemask from the relief goods.
"Shut up before Marvel will bust your ass for copyright strike." Deadpool threatened him.
Somewhere in Marvel Studios
"No, just go on, it's not like i will steal some of the ideas." A story writer reading this very fanfic story from in his laptop. "Even though, it's our characters, so technically it's our story."
The man face look like an evil business man, ready at taking someone orphanage for a water park.
Back at Nowhere (Not "Knowhere")
"And man Narrator how much time have you been having this fucked up of an idea" the man commented to the author for his fucked up idea.
"Last year" the cool Narrator, "But, I work hard on this story."
"Okay, but, i will be the director on this novel."
{You mean publisher.}
"That what she said."
{Fuck off.}
New York
In a midst of a dark cold night, the city is luminous with lights so bright that sighting the stars it illuminates the land.
The famous city is known for being a international trading hub and popular for tourists attraction to explore the city that is considered the 'Central Hub of the World'.
The city has many history events like having the UN Center Building to holding a alien invasion.
It's home of 50% of hero activities on the world.
On above the sky of the famous city is an recognizable twin rotor helicopter soaring through the night sky.
The twin rotor helicopter is an military grade aircraft , that is flying high above the night sky above the city.
Inside the chinook, reveals a man wearing red and black pattern leather costume.
He is equipped with two Desert Eagle on his gun holster and with two iconic katanas on the his back.
He is also equip himself a black buffled bag, that is probably a parachute for him to land safely in the air.
"Well this is a hellavu way of starting a fanfic novel. ", Deadpool said to the reader who is reading the novel.
"And this must be your first time writings a novel, well that explains the shitty intro" the man insulted his creator for his bad writing skills.
{I though your leading this story.}
(Well, I always yeeting it.)
{You mean winging it}
(Hey, the phrase is getting old. That was last month phrase, but mine is a original.)
{That sound so cringe.}
(Also that phrase that, so last week)
Deadpool called the pilot. "Hey Joshua, is the sky is cleared for me to-" but he was interrupted by the pilot.
"For the love of God, my name Josh, for fucked sake." The pilot named "Josh" correcting his name.
"Sure thing, John" the co-pilot next to confirm his supposed "corrected" name.
"You know what, fuck you. "
"So, is it cleared for me to jump myself?", Deadpool position himself to jump out plane.
"Probably", the pilot unsure of his desicion.
"I take that as a solid go-go."
(Well this reminds me of a games on Battle Royales like COD: Warfare, PUBG, and ROS.)
{You have forgotten "Fornite".}
(Fuck that, it's a crossover of Just Dance and TikTok that EA make as a Battle Royale videogame.)
"Wade, we must leave now, the Air Traffic Control are telling us to move out before they will think us for as terrorist." The pilot warned Deadpool of their limited time.
"Ok, need to add music", Deadpool asked for in a music in a paragraph.
"Alexa, play the John Cena meme template."
Playing the John Cena meme template
"Watch out!, Watch out!" The voice is accompanied with a series trumpet's and sirens "And his name is JOHN CENA." Than Deadpool follow by jumping out the Chinook in like the Anime soldier tackling posture meme.
The pilot turned his radio and began calling to a mysterious caller on his headset.
"Sir, the package is on the moved, I repeat the package is on the move."
"Thank you for warning." The mysterious man replied in a low pitch voice and static playing in the background to further masking the true identity. "You will be rewarded for your cooperation, Jonathan."
"It's Josh sir." He corrected the misunderstanding on his name.
The reaction is met by silence on the other side.
The pilot turned off his radio and a rumble came to his stomach. He feel empty on stomach and in a need for food to remove there feeling.
"Hey, after this let's eat our lunch." the pilot said to his co-pilot.
"Well, where our lunch?" the co-pilot replied.
"It's inside my black buffled bag in the back."
"Wait, did Wade jump with that bag."
"Oh shit."
"You have one job Jorge."
"My name is fucking Joe." And he realizes his mistake and shouted. "Fuck!"
"Joe Mama." The co-pilot returned back.
Deadpool opened his"chute", but what supposedly be a parachute came out instead a pair of lunchbox came out.
"Aww shit." Deadpool realize on his mistake.
His last moments was crashing down to the ground, in the middle of the street.
Deadpool entire body turned to a squash bug in the middle of a road.
His regeneration power begins to kick in, than he try on stand back right up to his feet.
"Well there goes my superhero landing moment", he complained. "I feel like shit like I got slammed by semi-truck. "
Deadpool dealing his pain on head to the tip of his dick.
Suddenly, a moving truck slam him away by few meter's on his original crashing position.
The truck driver stop the truck that slammed a pedestrian on road.The driver came out of his truck and rush to examine his victim.
"Fuck his dead." The truck driver examine the body to be disfigured beyond repair.
His entire head is facing to his back, both arm are twisted together, his right leg revealed an bone while the other leg bend in a disproportional position.
He guess, the man is dead without checking his pulse, but in truth, the man is just knocked out cold.
The Truck-driver noticed many people coming to the scene and muttered, "Fuck, I ain't gonna go back at prison.
The Truck driver began to rushed out the crime scene leaving behind his truck.
Many bystanders, began to flock to the mangled body of an red suit man.
"Hey, what happen him, is he okay?" an male bystander ask another bystander.
"The guy got turned to roadkill." An female teen asked in disgust on her speech.
More people start to approach the scene.
"He look like crap, might be the truck messed up his appearance" the male bystander replied, "Where the hell is the driver?"
In Deadpool mind, his consciousness began to return to his senses. He realizes many people standing and staring his mangled body. An scheme came to his mind and a devilish grin appear to his face.
A cracking sound came and the body slightly move.
Everyone went to total silence till they heard again cracking sound coming out on the body.
"Hey, you heard that."
"Shut up, listen up."
"Is he really dead?"
Than the body started to move irradically, it's like a ghost possessed a body. Then while it's violent movement make the crowd move away further from the body, then a voiced came out on body.
"Brains" the voice sounds like growled of an person in hunger needing it's food.
The crowd know one thing and their thoughts sync to their minds and said all together.
"Zombie." Everyone screamed in the top of their lungs and begun panicking and running away from the 'Zombie'.
Everyone panicked and began to run away from the area.
Deadpool began puzzled his body back to it's normal structure.
"Best prank of all time." Deadpool said with a hinted of joy.
I began to take pity to the people for Deadpool as he acting as an jackass. And came to talking to his bullshitry.
{Why do you have to be cruel.}
(Nah, just spreading joy to the street.)
{What next after the skyjump?}
(Do you think I'm a man with a plan.)
{More of an man without common sense.}
(Exactly, my sense is not common but unique to it's rarity.)
Note to self, bring a notepad to remind me of my notes.
"Man, I can't think straight with an empty stomach. Now where to eat lunch." Gruntled with question and hunger to his stomach.
Than a Mexican foodtruck pulled near to him that his face is filled with amusement.
(I ain't gonna ask, what the heck just happen, but I don't give a shit.)
{Aren't you suspicious that in fact a Mexican foodtruck just appeared on you a coincidence.}
(Or, I have impressive skills for that matter.)
{You mean luck.}
(I don't need no luck, I'm all skills.)
{I don't seen it as possible.}
(Talking to you is not possible.)
{We don't talked about the fourth wall!}
(Okay, I will stop talking about Bruno)
{What?}
(What?)
{Just continue on the story, your extending my word count of my story.}
(Maybe.)
{Just fucking started!}
"So hey, uhh Buena Tardes?", Deadpool greet the truck cook with some wrong greetings term Spanish in the toss.
"Uh, Good afternoon?" The cook greeted back with confused look on his face.
"Ow?, you can speak English?" Deadpool realize the man can speak American language.
"Yes Señor, I can understood in English, what do you want to order." The Mexican cook asked for food orders
"I take your entire stonk of chimichanga!" asked with a hinted of delight.
"Señor, we have a problem."
"You mean, you have a problem."
"Yes Señor, we have one chimichanga made for someone else, and he said it's reserved for a person who wear read spandex and full to brim of weapons."
"I wonder what kind of idiot be visible on the public that wear red spandex and bring weapons full to the brim?" Deadpool laughed the man description.
"His named is Deadpool and the person say's he want to appreciate his work."
"Oh, that's me!, someone out there appreciate my work."
"Hello there." Someone added that reveal to be "Nick Fury, Director of S.H.E.I.L.D".
Deadpool eyes widen and replied. "Master Windu, I'm not expecting you here.
"Well, Deadpool, it will be much more admirers, if take this hero business seriously." Nick Fury scolded Deadpool previous disasters.
"Why are here? I though the last person you want to meet is Me. Even than you still kill yourself to let that happening." Deadpool emphasized.
"I need your help." He pleaded."I need it now!"
Well, that your problem.
How about this. He he put his hand on his back. "I will pay you and the one coming is Spiderman
helping too.'"
"His coming! Sure, I want to meet my Spideybro for a long time." Deadpool agreed the task fast as fastest gunslinger on the wild west.
"How much is the special chimichanga!"
"It's for free, señor."
"Gracias.", Deadpool thanked Mexican cook.
Deadpool grabbed the last chimichanga and split to two.
"Want one?"
"No thanks, I have past experiences with Mexican related cuisine.", Fury rejected the offer.
"Let me guess, trauma on a Taco Bell Supreme."
Fury shake his head and said "I'm more of an Chinese cuisine.
"Suit for yourself.", And Deadpool ate the chimichangas in one whole bite.
"What a Pig." , Nick Fury shows disgust on his face.
"Weird taste, taste like I ate an handful of lead and gunpowder." Deadpool commented to the special chimichanga. "Amazing, hey, what did the person put to my food."
"I don't know Señor?" He just put a nervous face, when he ask about the chimichanga.
"Well, Deadpool you must better get going and here a folder for your mission." He was handed a folder of the mission details.
"Nick Fury, sir I won't let you down for 45th time sir." He saluted in his left hand with a big ass fart soon after.
"Just fucking get out of here!" Yelled in annoyance.
"Aye-aye, One-eyed Samuel Jackson." Deadpool replied in a pirate accent.
Nick Fury face showing signs of rage and might as well fuming steam coming out at his head.
Deadpool running off with folder in hand.
When Deadpool is now nowhere in sight. Nick Fury faced to Mexican cook to ordered his meal.
"What can I do for you, Señor." The cook questioned
"Just a cup of tea please." He ordered.
"Sorry Señor, we don't serve tea here." Announced in a polite manner.
"Too bad, seems like you have no use for me." Said in a different voice full of dissatisfaction as he send a dagger to his chest.
"What are talki-." The cook unable to complete his sentence as pain surge through his chest.
The cook noticed a dagger pierced his heart located in his chest. The man suddenly felt weak as he fell toward on the counter.
The cook look towards on Nick Fury as come close him and said to the him.
"But, you did fulfill your use. So, here my gift for you, a quick death." The voice full of sincerity.
A green glow came on his hand and a dagger materialized out of nowhere and use the dagger to slash the cook throut, separating the man head from his body.
And laughter came out of Nick Fury as he walked through the shadows and disappear without leaving any trace.
Deadpool reading or skimming through the words to the main point. As he, skipping the entire mission report as he finally find the meeting location.
"An abandoned warehouses? Hey is that the same place where Spidey and me fought the Hitman monkey. Aw, yes the good ole days."
Abandoned Warehouses
A man in a red costume is typing his smartphone as lay down on the ground, but something strange or misplaced on him.
It's not the costume, smartphone, nor the man way of holding his phone. But the position his on, because his not on the ground, but on the ceiling laying down, like as gravity is on reverse.
The Spiderman though to himself, "Who am I being teaming up with?". The man though many superheroes who would join in this mission.
He then remember the time he got called with Nick Fury.
Flashbacks
Few hours ago
Empire State Building
He was in the top of the Empire State Building on it's Eagle head on crouching position. His observing many cars or people on the vast sea of buildings on the massive city
He admiring the scene of it's beauty and wonders of human engineering on this age.
"Never gets old." He said in admiration on the location. As not many people have access to this area considered it's off limits to the public.
He hear an ringtone to his smartphone. He then grabbed his phone and looked the contact called unknown.
"Who is calling me right now?" He answered the call and a voice came on the other side.
Spiderman, it's me Nick Fury
"Fury!" He replied in astonishment and answered back. "What is it sir?"
"I need you to do a operation. You must travel to this location and wait for your partner to aid you in this mission." He added. "The mission briefing is on that said partner. He will be arriving soon. So get going."
"Who will be my partner?" He replied back.
"As you heard the news on the today's event the heroes to be your partner is limited so standby."
'So unsure."
"Exactly."
"Fine."
The call stopped and he take a moment on the view and said. "Be right back."
Flashback's Ended
He now listing down the best case of scenario; Iron Man, Captain America or Black Widow.
Than his spidey-sense is tingling, than he checked his surroundings for a intruder. And he shouted out load, "Who goes there?"
A red figure came out with his hands up in the air and shouted to him "Wassup..." .
No, the outcome has came to the much worst than he predicted to be happening.
"Hey, hey, hey, miss me Spidey Bro" Deadpool asked in a delightful tone to his arrival.
"No, this can't be possible!" Spiderman replied in disbelief.
"Bro, I impossibly did everything possible." Deadpool quoted to him.
"Why are you here. Did Nick Fury asked for you or you killed the guy, I supposed to met up."
"Look at me, would I kill someone?"
Geared up with firepower to massacre an entire community. Straight up, Yes.
"Well first, I'm in my innocent pajamas and second I got invited by Furry to help you in your troubles."
"You mean Fury?"
"Yes, Furry, what the difference?"
"Nevermind, have the mission file."
"Yes, like yada-yada and have to meet here."
Spiderman swooped the briefing file and read the content's.
"The mission is to stopped an evil organization named "Hydra" stolen an top-secret experimental gadget from Stark Industries. The experimental device is maybe a risk to populated cities and weaponize they may use to distrupt the peace of this city, probably the whole world. So, any questions?
"Yeah, I doubt they can do shit with the other superheroes around." Deadpool say an question.
"That's the problem, have you heard 'Loki'."
"You mean, the 'Gaylord of Assgard'. Yes, I met that piece of shit of cock sucking ass kissing motherfucker of an asshole than yes, multiple times trying to break my fun."
"Your interpret of fun is basically killing and slaughtering on the masses." Spiderman retorted back.
"I'm a lover, not a killer" Deadpool replied in a innocent voice.
"Doubt that statement. I heard, he on a movethat
he went against on many heroes, making manhunt on him, leaving only us in this operation."
"Fucking hell, I want to join the manslaughter, I mean manhunt." Deadpool asked in wanting.
"No, I need your hel-, your expertise."
"I believe, what you saying, is Thank you."
"Thank you?"
"You're Welcome."
"Let's go back to the mission briefing."
"We're here to infiltrated an secret underground Hydra base underneath New York that may contain the stolen experimental device."
"So, Hydra put there secret underground base underneath New York, where most shit happens. Of course, Like i where put my year supply of cocaine in a drugstore."
"What you say? "
"I'm joking, well some of it."
"We're here, cause we're the only handful of people can stopped them before they can use they harm on innocent people."
"Why the fuck are we staying here for, let's go!" Before he dash forward. His path is blocked by Spiderman.
"Wait, we need to plan to infiltrated the underground base and how to get away with device."
"The only way to the underground base entrance is by a subway going to on New York. And there is the base entrance guarded by guard's and an steel door locked by an Iris scan." He then added. "After bypassed the entrance is an army of Hydra soldiers coming to the entrance trying swarming to us. Even after taking down the soldiers, we have to find the stolen device in a labyrinth that like finding a needle in an haystack."
"Here the plan, we go the sewers, take down the guards and use their eyes to open the steel door, hacked in the base data feed to map the area. Find the location of the stolen device. Retrieved back the stolen and get the hell out of there. Any questions?"
"Yeah, here."
"Any, that is not an stupid question."
"Why couldn't we just blow the base to kingdom come."
"To tell you the truth, we must bring the stolen device back to it's rightful owner also because it must be an important equipment for them and I don't want a big debt trying to pay back and plus, above the underground base is populated area full of bystanders that are risk from the destruction of the base beneath them."
"You have ruined the good stuff."
"And promise me, not kill anyone while we're inside the base. "
"Nein yes, let's go"
"What again?"
"I mean nine Yes."
"Ok, let's go."
On a subway train, they awaiting on the end of the train for the place of the underground Hydra base.
"Here's our stop." Spiderman shout with the noice of train muffled it.
Spiderman jumped out on the moving subway train and perform a barrel roll upon landing to his feet.
Deadpool followed next. "Wee..."
Deadpool is on a whole different method.
He went a cannonball jump and land on his ass first and roll like ball on the move.
He stopped moving and began to stand up with sounds of bones cracking up when he stand up.
"Fucking hell, I just came down like wrecking ball." Deadpool said in a painful sound.
"Can you move please. There will be an another train through this tunnel."
"Wait up, my ankles got anklebreak." Saying as he trying to stand up.
"Just move faster." Spiderman asked in hurry.
"Ok ok." Deadpool replied back.
Spiderman and Deadpool leaving the subway tunnel and coming to an another tunnel.
As they walked alongside the tunnel, they hear voices coming out on the corner right of the tunnel.
They peak through the corner to see two armed guards with green hydra uniform chatting to each other standing guard of an large steel door.
"Here the plan, you distract the two guards while I sneak on the ceiling and swoop them down proceeds on knocking them out. Clear?"
"No worry's, I can handle it like a piece of cake"
The two guards are having a talking to each other to passed the time on their boring duties not knowing what will happen to them.
"Hey." The first guard asked.
"Yeah?" The second guard replied back.
"You ever wonder why we're here?"
"It's one of life great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know, man, but it keeps me up at night." He answered in deeply philosophical.
Both stare each other in silence.
"What?! I mean why are we out here, in the entrance?"
"Oh. Uh... yeah."
"What was all that stuff about God?"
"Uh...hm? Nothing."
"You wanna talk about it?"
"No."
"You sure?"
Seriously though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it's just a steel door in the middle of nowhere. One way in or out.
"The only reason that we set up a Secret Base here, is because they have a Superheroes Base over up there.
"Yeah. That's because we're fighting each other." The second added an question. "And what's up with that? The only reason I join this group is because I can't afford my college scholarship and they have free healthcare insurance."
"I disappointed that my other squad members are conquering and raiding other places and travel around the world, and here I am in a Underground Base outside guarding the entrance with no one coming."
"Hey, that's good news to me. I can take nap without any disturbance."
"Hello, Pizza delivery, did any one have an order." Deadpool came with a pizza box and talking in a Italian accent.
"Did someone order any Pizza?" The first guard asked.
"Probably our Boss, his probably wasting around the base." The second guard answered.
"Oh... What is kind of pizza in the box?" The second guard questioned with curiosity on the pizza.
"Guns." Deadpool answered as he pulled out his two Desert Eagle pistols against their face.
Before Deadpool try to attempt to shoot the two guard's. Till Spiderman on the ceiling sling his web on the unsuspecting guard's and fling high in mid air and he jumped down grabbing both heads and slammed them to the ground. Both guard's are knocked down being unconscious.
"Yeah... Perfect teamwork!" Deadpool cheered in happiness.
"Why are you trying to kill them?"
"Oh, they ordered extra lead on the pizza."
"Just stop, instead help me trying to opening this door." He asked while trying to stand the unconscious guard to steel door.
"The biometric lock must need a body part print of member of Hydra to scan and open." He instruction to open the lock.
"Let me try my buttprint." Deadpool said as he about to reveal his full moon.
"No you don't, it needs an Hydra members biometric print only. Help me carry this guy body. We need his handprint and his eyes."
Handprint not detected. The computer informed in female robotic voice.
"Remove his glove idiot."
"Scan confirmed." The female computer confirmed the scan.
"Eye's scan for additional confirmation."
"Iris not detected." They also mistake as the goggle is still on his face.
"Remove also his goggles too moron ."
"Iris scan confirmed."
The big steel door began to open itself and welcoming introduction followed.
"Welcome, and Hail Hydra!" An female robotic voice shouted in pride.
"That a touchy welcome." Spiderman reacted to the greetings.
"Well sometimes in my own experience, it would say 'Intruders Alert' and I started shooting."
"This is a stealth mission, not a goddamn 4th of July Mexican brawl-out." Spiderman warned Deadpool actions.
"Geez, but how can we sneak a bajillion of guard's, on big ass's maze?"
"With this." Holding the unconscious Hydra guard uniform with a smirk in his face.
"Well I dibs that guy's clothes. His them legs must be comfy on that demn pants." He pointed the second guard uniform.
"We must hurry up before they'll began to wake up." He started removing the uniform. "I get his security card, you get yours."
They started to strip the two Hydra guard's clothes and there ID card for security access.
One guard on Deadpool side began to wake up.
"Huh? Where am I? What the fuck are you doing?" The second guard waking up in shock and confusion.
"Well, it still late at night so go back to sleep." Deadpool answered him back as he punch him straight to the nose. The guard went knocked down again in his sleep.
"What's that?" Spiderman asked as e heard a sound.
"Nothing just removing his pants."
"Don't do anything weird. Ok?"
"Yeah, yeah, probably." Deadpool said as he dragging the body in circles to force out the uniform to him.
"What that's?" Spiderman question as heard dragging sounds.
"Nothing."
They go back trying to wearing the still knocked down guard's clothes.
"I'm finished." Spiderman yelled at Deadpool "Hey Deadpool, are you done wearing the disguise.
"Wait a moment."he replied while finishing by wearing the pants. "The underwear is kinda tight around my bulge."
"Why you must where a underwear while we're wearing our costume underneath this disguise?"
"Well, it's a must to wear the full set."
"And his butt naked so I'm not gonna asked."
"Nah, his gonna go commando when he wake up." As he point out the second guard.
"Well, we don't have enough for this chit-chat. We must infiltrated the base now!"
"Aye aye Captain."
They went inside the base. The entrance hall is a very long corridor and in the end is a another door. The door lock is an security card scanner that they need a security card for it to open. Lucky the duo have both security card with them from the two guard's. They use the card and the door began open.
The other side of the door is receptionist Hydra soldier sitting alone behind his reception table with computer.
"Hey, who say you can leave your post?"
"We are in our bathroom break" Spiderman replied in a disguise.
"Why are your voices sound different."
"Cause of my leg injury." Deadpool answered the question.
"Really a leg inj- ah..." A web went to his chest and lift him up towards to the disguised Spiderman and punch him right on his dome.
"Really leg injury." Said in a monotone voice.
"I can't say a arm injury that I won't believe."
"Okay I will started accessing the base data feed. You must keep an eye for any Hydra soldiers. While I'm bypassing the security systems, you must stall any passing guard's."
"Sure, leave it to little ole me."
Deadpool scan the corridors till he heard a conversation coming to his right.
He see five guard's scrolling down the corridor that is leading to the reception room. He need to prevent them going to the reception room.
"Shit, need to stop them from going Spidey. What the plan to prevent them to bother with him on his hacking skills". Deadpool thought about the coming danger.
(We can silencely kill without anyone noticing.)
{But you can't fucking kill anyone due that promise we made with him.}
{But, i say no in Australian so you technically didn't agreed with him.}
{Firstly the Ausy are speaking fucking English, so you meant Austria. And second we can't always go guns blazing everytime you saw a meatbag.}
(Yeah, but I want to show him I'm not all gun's.)
He touches his dual swords with malicious smile.
{Also, no killer moves, that's also tied to the promise.}
(Your like a reverse genie, Destroying my wishes from coming true.)
{Try using diplomacy on them in adult way.}
(Like all American election debates.)
{Make it more Canada style.}
(Should I talk about the weather or offered that some good weed.)
{Both.}
(That's what am talking.)
Deadpool walked towards the three guard's for an greetings. "Hello there fellow comrades."
"Oh, hello what are you doing?"
"On nothing, just talking about the weather."
There mind is confused by the statement and one guard replies. "You do realize that'll were on underground, you know that?"
"Pfft.. I know that, just want to not be crazy in this underworld."
"Me too. I want to see the sun, feel the wind going to my face." The second guard said in a relaxing tone. "But not down here in this shithole. Being lighted by lightbulbs and recycle air shared by same dumbass dudes that stayed here probably from bad luck on being transfer here.
"Hey shut up, were not supposed to complained the workplace." The third guard argued their talk.
"Shut up, you're just a kissass that's like licking the boots of the boss man." The second guard insulted to him.
"Try to think for your self for once." The first guard
"Yeah." Deadpool reach his pants and pulled a mysterious green leaves. "I got marijuana for your personal reward, you know you deserve it"
The second guard step forward in a frantic manner and asked. "Hey, do you have a brick of them."
"Woah dude, I don't know what's your state of mind your in. But I want two." The first guard want more.
"Are you guys hearing yourselves. This is bullshit and we're gonna get caught." The third guard butted in the conversation.
"Just hid in a bathroom stall or share with your friends. For hush bribes."
"So the people have decided, say 'Yes Drugs'." Deadpool said out loud.
{I'm gonna be on the watchlist after writing this.}
(Could be, but a big price your willing to take.)
{I hope this is worth it.}
(It's nice knowing you, 'Narrator'.)
{Hey!}
Deadpool grab some handful of marijuana leaves on his right hand and lit them than smothered them on third guard face.
"You know this is a breach on discipline. Am going to report this to our bos-." Before he can finish his sentence the drug gave him an estacy experience forcing him to move like a drunk retard going to his house.
"Woah I feel relaxing, like I'm in heaven". The third guard felt great sensation to his entire mind. Fogging any stress related to his work.
"Anyway, I want a brick of them stuff." The second guard requested the marijuana leaves on brick.
"Make it double." The first guard butted in the ordered.
Deadpool gave one brick to first guard the two to the second.
"Pleasure making business with you gentlemen."
"Pleasure is all mine." Both guard's said in unison.
"Me too." The third guard drunkly said.
They walk on there seperate ways preventing them on meeting with Spider Boi.
"Wassup wassup my man, how goes is the hacking."
"I managed to acquired the base map layout's.
We can take on to the shortcut on the air ducts system directly above us." He pointing above the ceiling with the air vent that is connected to the entire air ducts system that he use his web to opening the air ducts.
"How is your side?" He asked in questioned.
"Nothing. Just doing my normal business as usual." With capitalist stench over his body
"Uh huh, well I can boost you up towards the vent."
"I can do it myself, thank you very much." Deadpool retorted on a elegant tone.
Deadpool jumped many time but can't reach toward the vent without any slightest of success.
"Help me, Spiderman." Deadpool pleaded for help from Spiderman. "Just this onces."
"Ugh..., fine just step on my hands." He agreed by giving a helping hand by kneeling down with hands on the floor ready to be toss towards the vents.
Deadpool step on his hands and than said " I'm ready. Boost me up Bro."
Spiderman uses his entire back to lift Deadpool entire body tossing it towards the air vent that Deadpool grab the edges of the vent and pulling his entire body to the air ducts system.
"And he scores." Deadpool cheered in the jump.
"Moved out, I'm going through." Spiderman interrupted the short lived victory for his entry on the air ducts.
He shot his webs on the ceiling and slingshot himself to the air vent, he than entered the air ducts closing the air vent cover behind him.
"Ok, I managed to shut down the security system on the air duct systems. So directions on the stolen gadget is on the righ-." He stop talking as a fart came out on Deadpool butt, as the sound came in the smell came after.
"Ahh..., It's stinks and how dare you fart on my face." Spiderman said in disgust look. He than turned on the vents on his phone to exhaust out the fart gas.
Lobby Room
There are two Hydra soldier talking each other till the first soldier saw a hot girl in the engineer group and want to hit on her.
The second soldier to his companion. "Go get her Tiger."
"Damn straight!" The first soldier said with confidence and walked towards to the girl.
The Hydra soldier try to flirt an female technician near on the pool table.
"Hey girl, you'll look lovely, you know what's more lovely?"
The fart gas come out one of the air vent above them. The fart gas went to girl and smell it and complain. "What the fuck, what wrong with you?".
"Wait girl, it ain't me" he confessed his innocents. "Here, smell my buttom to prove it's not me."
"Pervert!" Was last thing he heard before she leave the lobby.
"Real smooth bro, you knock her down." His companion replied in empathy on his friend loss of opportunity.
"Shut up!" Said in anger the first soldier.
Back to the Vents
"Ok, the stolen device is now under us." Spiderman talked while holding his phone in a crouch position that is showing the layout's of the base. "So, before we ca- , hey wait, don't jump out now."
He was interrupted, when Deadpool jumped out the vent and then a loud alarm with red lights blinking that warned the entired base with an announcement on the speaker. "Intruder Alert Intruder Alert, a intruder been detected on the Storage Area B, all security personnel must eliminate the intruder for preventing further danger to the package."
"What have you done. I haven't disabled the security system on room. Now, there's hundreds of Hydra's force coming in this location that try trapping us in this very room." Spiderman said in anger.
"Sorry. But can we check the device, before we are become human meat cake when they arrive." Deadpool admitted his troubles, but change the subject on a another. By pointing on medium sized metal case box that may contain the stolen device.
"No, it's a sensitive, delicate, and expensive device that the like's of yours hands must not be touch." Spiderman mentioned the device with Deadpool on no touching for it may damage or outright destroy it. " And we don't know what the full extent of the device do."
"One way to find out." Deadpool walked towards the metal case and yanked open to see the devices.
"It's a big gun? Well makes sense when in a fighting on a big ass's dude." He surmised the unknown gun-like device.
"No it's not." Spiderman grabbed the paperwork inside the metal case and reading the content's on the device.
"It's says the device is called the Projection, On, Real-Space, Trans-dimensional, Alternative Universe, Launcher Gun, or P.O.R.T.A.L gun for short." He then explained the capabilities of the P.O.R.T.A.L. "It can open a quick breach in space-time for us to instantaneous propel in a designated location, it can transfer us in different universe as says in theory.
He then turned to Deadpool called him. "You realizes what this means."
"We will have the story called 'Deadpool Into the Shit-verse'."
"No, we can escape this place." And he turned to the P.O.R.T.A.L gun with close observation. "It looks a little bang up, I need a little few twicks and some elbow grease for it to work in optimal condition. Can't have us clip inside the walls of buildings."
"I'm a professional on banging stuff up especially stuff toys."
"They soon banging those doors if we don't hurry up." Spiderman scolded Deadpool of his useless bantering, when a hundred of Hydra soldier will swarm them in enclosed room.
Deadpool walked towards the doors control panel to do his magic." Alright, I'm gonna bang you up."
"Surrender now. You are surrounded, you can't escape this place, we have you one hundred to one." The female robotic called out.
"Yeah, ain't my style." He then open the door control panel and saw a big cable with yellow colour.
"This seem important." He grab a combat knife and stab the big cable. A big surge of electricity went across to Deadpool body and throwing him across the room.
"Wowzers.", Was the last word he said till he faceplant on the ground.
Spiderman noticed Deadpool being thrown to the wall and called him out. "Deadpool! Are you ok?".
A moment of silence came till he replied "Yeah bruh."
The female robotic voice on the control planel began to glitch out disabling the door to open.
A horde of Hydra soldiers came and armed with laser rifles with there green combat uniform.
"Computer, open up this door immediately." The base commander said to computer.
"I'm unable to open door as the controls on the door functions is not working."
"Damn it. Bring in the big guns." The commander said to his officers.
"Yes, sir." The officer replied with saluted and both of them shouted. "Hail Hydra."
"No one will steal my toy." The commander thought on the stolen device.
{Even though you stole it.}
"Who said that?" The commander looks at his back and shouted. The other soldiers look at each other in confusion. "Must be the wind."
{Even though your in underground. You dumb son of a bitch fucking people are the usual first ones to die.}
"Ok, whose the fuck said that." The commander shout towards the air in paranoia.
Back in the Storage Area B the two heroes are fixing the P.O.R.T.A.L gun to work.
"Is it working?" Deadpool whined.
"Wait a minute, there." The device began to glow blue linings on it's body and voice came on the device.
"Holy shit, you can't believe what condition in, like I'm in a frickin coma."
"The P.O.R.T.A.L can talk?" Spiderman talked in shocked face.
The portalgun voices sound's like an New Yorker taxi driver yelling in the traffic jam while being a prick.
"Yeah I can talk and hear. But more to importantly I can insult your spandex, that'll it look hand picked by an redneck pedophile trying to do jogging while being an bootleg American flag." The AI voice criticized Spiderman costume.
"Haha, it's so true." Deadpool added the salt in the wounds.
"You look like him, but from alternate dimension like some dumbshit who mistake Army recruiter to an College administrator."
"That too, is true. "Deadpool mumbling in a sad tone.
"Hey buddy, your going to far." Spiderman warned the talking portalgun. "I need you to open a portal to this grid coordinates.
"What is it to you."
"What do you mean?"
"What am I getting for this? Cause i ain't doing this forfree." The AI demanded an price for it's service.
"I can put you in an anime websites. Plus as a bonus it's on incognito mode." Deadpool came to action with a amusing face.
"Tempting."
"Imagine does anime girl thighs and the fan service that you weaboes like." Deadpool ask while Spiderman face is in confusion.
"Fine, Deal! And the named is Autonomous, Navigation, Dimensional, Intelligence, A.N.D.I or you can call me, 'Andy'. And don't bother question why they gave me that dumbass name.
"Ok Andy, how to operate the Portalgun?" Spiderman begged for instructions.
"Quite easy infact, a fucking retard can use me for skipping school." Andy answered.
"Ok what to do?"
"Firstly, input the spacial coordinates and not the trans- dimensional pathways because those two are different planes of reality that aren't link to each other so don't fucking try."
"Second, aim the Portalgun towards a vacuum, where it's safe to open a portal. Not in a fucking solid, liquid, or gas because they will sucked it on the other side like a hungry bitch trying to consumed on entire birthday cake."
"Hold the trigger for few seconds to build up tachyon energy for a rift in space and time. So there a fucking portal."
"And lastly the portal can stay open for so damn long. It can break the space-time reality that it collapse itself. Got that?" As Andy warned the last instruction.
"Yeah, clear." Spiderman affirmed.
"Because it's not my fault if you dumbass try to destroy the universe, you sonuvabitches."
"Ok I don't want to accidentally destroy a universe."
"Could I try." Deadpool wanted to try the portalgun.
"No, you destroy many things right now, don't want you to destroy our universe with your buttered hands."
"My hand is been cleanse by lubricant as you know."
Spiderman ignored and began to transferring his coordinates from his phone to the portal gun.
"Ok, got it ready as you are."
"Ohh, I'm born ready." Andy said in excitement.
Portalgun began to charge up with tachyon energy coming in on it's barrel and being compress on end of the barrel.
The portal gun barrel is containing a ball of blue light energy made of tachyons began to propel out the barrel away in a few meter's and a portal emerge showing a stone brick room like an dungeon with stone pillars.
"Is this the place?" Spiderman question whether the it works or not.
"Of course dumbass we ain't in Disneyland." Andy answered.
Before the conversation continue a large explosion came on the door that a big dent coming inward on their side.
On the other side the door an field gun was implaced on a few feet away on the door.
The soldiers manning the gun are eager on open the door open.
The base commander shouted an order. "Men, hurry up. We can't let their hands on the device. It will be the death of us, if High Command hear this."
Another round loaded an the field gun and a big blast came out on the muzzle and the round hit again on the steel door making a bigger dent.
"That door can't hold for long. Ok let's go." Spiderman said in a rush in his words.
"Well, last person is a naughty boy." Deadpool announced while jumping on portal.
"Well beggars can't be choosers, kid." Andy with trust to his works.
"I hope I'm lucky." He then jumped with the portal gun in hand and noticed the portal still open.
"Hey, Andy the portal is not closing."
"Well shit I forget. You must hold me toward the portal to seal up the space-time continuing."
The portal gun began to disfuse the tachyon energy to seal spacial anamoly.
Till a another explosion came on the door bearing a size able hole on the steel door.
"We got them on the palm of our hands. Chase those bastards." The base commander ordered his men to breach the room.
"Deadpool covered me!" Spiderman requested Deadpool for assistance as he holding the portal gun.
"Hold on bro, I got this." As he pulled his twin IWI Desert Eagle XIX pistols towards the group of soldiers for covering fire.
Three men died from bullets wounds and one injured man take a bullet from the knee.
Spiderman shouted on Deadpool. "Stop, you idiot, you promised not to kill anyone."
"Fuck that, the promise states inside the underground base and now we're outside, fuck that shit." Deadpool replied back.
The base commander is furious as steamy red beetroot as the intruder is suppressing fire.
"Sir, the enemy is taking suppressing fire and we're taking some casualties." An officer came with notable injuries.
"Then rush out in the bloody cover and charge against the enemy." The commander screamed to his officers.
"Sir that's suicide, we can't risk our lives on that thing."
"Our lives are in line if you loss that device and I ordered for you to charge."
"Yes, sir." And he faced among his men. "Men ready to charge upon the intruders."
Hydra soldiers began to came out there cover and charged towards the intruders.
"Hurry up there doing a banzai charge." Deadpool warns Spiderman while he popping some shots.
"Wait a moment... There." The portal began to shrink slowly vanishing.
Deadpool grabbed inside his magical bag a stack of mysterious grenades and pulled all the pins and throw them on the portal before it disappear.
The portal got puff out of existence.
Back on the Underground Base, the room they left is filled with scorched marks and bullet holes from a battle. It's littered on rubble from walls and ceilings.
"Sir, there's no signs of the intruders, nor the device. Sir." The Hydra officer announced to there commander who is not in good mood.
"Find them they can't escaped out of mid air."
"Yes sir." All Hydra soldiers replied.
The base commander walked across the room till he accidentally stepped on the mysterious grenades on the rubble.
"What the hell?" Was the last words till a big explosion came, with poisonous chemical gas came afterwards that entered the air ducts systems and distribute the chemical to entire base suffocating the people who garrison there.
The two superheroes began to examine their surroundings to know their location.
"Where the fuck are we?" Andy shouted after they went inside the portal.
"I think we're still underground." Deadpool answered.
"I noticed there Captain Obvious, and it'll look so familiar?" Spiderman replied to him. "Andy, is this the correct location."
"Of course it is numbnuts. There two possibilities that go wrong. One, the Portalgun is so fucked and can't get good readings of the area it supposed to open. Or two, the coordinates must be wrong and you're blaming it to me."
"Oh I know this place. They filmed the Equalizer in the 80's here."
"Wait, what?"
"There you are men, I thought you two wouldn't never show up." An voice came to be Nick Fury in a black coat.
"Nick Fury?" Spiderman talked in shocked.
"Sir we're stronger than you think. And while we're at it, where my money?" Deadpool asked in a greed face.
"I think I understatement you boys. Do you have the stolen device?"
"Yes, sir." Spiderman answered.
"I have name you know, dumbass." Andy adding for his identity.
"Now give it to me."
Spiderman began to gave the portal gun till his Spidey senses is tingling and back out.
"Spiderman, what is the meaning of this!" Nick Fury argued on the action.
"Sorry, sir." But as he examine his Boss he notices an characteristic that seems out of place. "Excuse me sir? Is it me or your eye patch is on your right eye than your left eye."
"Are kidding me just give the device!" Till Spiderman notice his left hand reaching out on his pants pocket on left side.
An dagger have been pulled out on his pocket and he started throwing them to his vicinity. But Spiderman managed to jumped backwards and gain distance.
Spiderman started to webbing against Nick Fury. While Nick Fury dodged all the attacks with an side step and after an crouch.
"Spiderman, what the fuck bro, he haven't gave me my shit yet."
"His not Nick Fury. His an imposter disguise as Nick Fury."
"Well make sense, cause he seem SuS, everytime his among us."
"Who are you?" Spiderman question when Fury began to laugh like a maniac.
"Mhaha mhaha, you caught me red handed." An different voice came from Nick Fury.
Nick Fury body began glow green and his entire appearance change.
His looks changes to an European man, young appearance to mid-20s, black hair reach up to neck, fairly white skin, green eyes, and a face that is ready for trouble.
"Loki, your the Imposter!"
"You expect Nick Fury, but it's me, Loki ,the Prince of Asgard and it's future king."
"Aww shit I called it, I seen enough bullshit for one day." Andy talked to this weird event.
"You can't defeat the two of us."
"Guess again." He grabbed what it seem a detonater and pushed it button.
Deadpool stomach began rumbled and he soon expressed his feeling and said. I'm not feeling so good.
Than his stomach explode. Sending parts of guts and flesh across the room. Spiderman covered his face as flesh and blood flying around the air. Then this opportunity to clone himself with holograms as he grabbed the portalgun as his holograms mirror the portalgun itself.
"Deadpool! What did you do to him." Spiderman asked for questions to Loki.
"Oh nothing, just spike his filthy so called Mexican food with nano explosive. Just to knock him down on the playing field."
"You bastard! It's one thing to blow up someone stomach, but a another in messing someone's sacred Mexican meal."
His holograms began surround Spiderman from front to his sides and also his behind. When he began mocked him.
"Your defeat is inevitable and soon my master plan will unfolded."
"Is part of your plan is having your greedy butt got kick back in bars." Spiderman answered back.
"Oh, you got fuckin burn, man." Andy joined the action.
"Ow shut up, when I'm through with them. I'm gonna install an mute function after this."
"What's your master plan?"
"Well Spiderman since your defeat is still inevitable so listen up."
"What is the best kind of king, should I ruled over." Loki said in a high mighty attitude.
"Prison." Spiderman answered.
"Furry Convention." Deadpool joined the conversation.
"An Mickey mouse clubhouse." Andy joined in the fun.
"Wrong you morons, the entire multiverse." Shouted in angry on those stupid answer's. "This room contains the intersection of cosmic energy called Nexus energy that an pathways of them intersect each other called Wey lines for better connection on this energy."
"With this energy and P.O.R.T.A.L act as an medium. I can travel different worlds for me to conquer."
"Not, I have a word on it." Spiderman use his Spidey sense and sense Loki is behind him. So he backkick so hard and web the portal gun to him.
Before he can snatch the portal gun back to him. Loki unwilling to let go the device on his clutches.
"Let go it's now mine, you annoying insect." the Loki demanded.
"Never." Spiderman replied.
"Hey, my stomach still hungry for revenge you fucking asshole!" He butted in the conversation.
Loki grabbed the portalgun trigger and began activating the device.
"Shit, the cosmic energy is unstable. Well nice knowing you assholes." The Andy himself speak in a harsh manner.
The portalgun device begun to glow and one word came out in their mouth."Oh, Fuck!"
In an time stop, the entire scene revealed a brawl broke out.
(That sums up our quick short summary of the bullshit fucking paragraph on an story. I can do better in my sleep after nutting your dog, last week.)
{Yeah, when looking back at th- wait, the fuck was the last thing.}
(And now you know, and the next scene is more fuck up if you continue.)
A large bright light flashes the entire room and everyone in the room disappear with the portal gun too.
Unknowingly to them. They are being transported to an another world that contains mythology and fantasy elements that is only be found on a fantasy story.
Will the another world will tear them apart or will bring that world to a fucking coma. Time will tell as the story continue.
How's my writing grammar? It's my first fanfic story I'm writing on. Sooner or later, I will create high quality story's that I want to create.
Also, this story serves as a test bed for my writing grammar on performance. I will not abandon this story till the end.
It's ok for criticizing and commenting my story because this serves as an practice run for my next story.
Good luck reader's, cause I better need it.