TW: Contains mentions of dead character, character death, suicidal thoughts, canon-typical violence
Xiao wandered the world of Teyvat, lost with no purpose. The Archon War that once gripped the seven nations had ended and with its end, ushered in a new era of peace. Seven gods, the seven Archons, now ruled the land of Teyvat. And yet, all of these changes meant nothing to Xiao. He did not care about the new rulers of the land, he did not care about what Celestia had planned for the rest of Teyvat, he did not care.
How could Xiao bring himself to care for a world without him?
He wandered for many years, from the land of fire, to the land of water. He crossed forests and trodden the snowy fields. By the turn of the century, he returned to Liyue, more tired and emptier than before.
Xiao tried to keep the vows and promises he had made, but what was the point without him?
He returned at a time of crisis in Liyue, when the war-torn lands leaked malice, when the people begged their Archon to save them from the demons borne from the corruption festering deep in the ground. He returned as Morax called for the adepti to protect the people of Liyue, for yakshas to exorcise the demons that ran rampant across the land.
Morax had been surprised when Xiao answered the call for yakshas. He pulled Xiao aside, away from the crowd of adepti who had gathered to answer the call, to ask him, "Are you sure?"
To which Xiao answered, his face devoid of life and emotions, "I am."
He returned to the battlefield once more, not to stain his blade with the blood of the people but to protect them instead. Demons fell to his spear as he recklessly charged towards their wicked claws. The wind answered his call as it took him from one battle to the next. He fought on, from dawn to dusk until dawn the next day. The other yakshas who watched him fight feared his prowess, staying away as he bled from the wounds he obtained every battle.
He could care less what the other yakshas thought about him. He had a purpose now, a duty to fulfil…at least that was what he told himself, with small whispers to convince that he was doing this for a higher goal. And yet, he knew his true motive was anything but.
Xiao tried to live his life as others wanted him to, but how could he live without him?
A few yakshas approached him, to stop him from recklessly endangering his life, to stop him from destroying himself, but Xiao ignored them. He did not need them, he did not need anyone. Why would it matter if he died when so many have died every day?
"You need to take better care of yourself," Pervases said, clicking his tongue as he helped Xiao dress his wounds.
"Just leave me alone," Xiao growled out, scowling at the adeptus.
Pervases sighed but stood his ground. "You know I can't do that."
Xiao struggled to understand, why was he alive but not him?
Even as he tempted death, even as he danced along the edge that bordered between the living and the dead, Xiao survived when most did not. His strength grew as he sought an end, something to fulfil the dark wish tainting his heart. Morax recognised his feats and the yakshas around him recognised his power. He became one of the Five Yakshas, the five strongest of all the yakshas in Liyue. He became a general, leading his own army of adepti against the ever growing threat of corrupted creatures. He led a life so vastly different from the one he had during the Archon War.
And yet, his heart remained unchanged from the day his beloved died. It remained empty, void of emotions. Xiao had promised to live free, but it was a chain that bound him to a life he never wanted. The one who should be here was gone and he was simply the replacement.
Xiao was trying to keep the promise he made to live free, but was it wrong to want to return to him?
Though Xiao was willing to ignore everyone including the rest of the Five Yakshas, they were not as willing to ignore him. They were persistent in their efforts to understand him, to get along with him, to make him break his walls down and let them in, and it worked. Xiao finally opened up to the Five Yakshas one day, and they filled his empty heart with comfort.
They could never replace his beloved but they could become the family he never had.
It was strange going from a loner who pushed everyone away when they tried to get close to him, to having a family of brothers and sisters, to having bonds built on trust and not blood. It had been a long time since Xiao felt anything that resembled happiness. He learned to treat himself better, if only so his siblings would not have to worry about his well-being. He learned not to push himself too hard, if only so his siblings would not have to be the one to carry him back. He learned to stop destroying himself, if only so his siblings would not look saddened at him every time. And so he wondered if he would finally be able to learn how to move on, to remove the chains that bound his feet, to finally spread his wings and be free.
Xiao wanted to move on, but how could he when he was still shackled to his past and to him?
Many years passed and the yakshas were starting to dwindle in strength. Where once there was a mighty army of adepti, only a few remained in its ranks. And yet, the Five Yakshas remained strong, unchanged by time. Xiao was proud of his family and he could feel the shackles that bound him to his past starting to crumble. Perhaps soon, he would finally be able to move on one day.
But tragedy struck.
When the first of the Five Yakshas fell, Xiao's siblings were devastated. Xiao however, stood firm, emotionless in the face of his sibling's death. The adepti called him cold, a monster, a demon. His siblings knew better. They knew Xiao was unable to process emotions well, not since the death of his beloved. They knew Xiao cared in his own way but was unable to show it well. They had not minded when Xiao did not cry during the funeral.
Xiao had cried once and it was only on the day when he failed to save him.
When the rest of the Five Yakshas fell one by one, Xiao did not cry for any of them. Even when he became the last yaksha left in Liyue, his face remained blank, void of emotions, numbed to the world except for the shackles tightening around his heart.
The remaining years were filled with death and only death. Xiao kept killing the corrupted creatures but as soon as one died, another would appear in its place. He was the only yaksha left that stood between the people and the demons that relished their flesh. The blood of the corrupted burned his flesh and the karma from their death threatened to crush him, but Xiao continued to live.
Until one day, when he could no longer move from the crushing malice choking his lungs, when the memory of his beloved's death threatened to drown him, he laughed as he fell to the ground. A laughter of madness echoed throughout the night as he struggled to stand with his failing body. And in the midst of that mad laughter, the sound of a flute cut through the empty forest.
All of a sudden, Xiao could move again. He could breathe again, he was freed from the prison of his mind. He breathed in deeply, taking in large gulps of air as his body tried to remember what it was like to live, all while the flute continued to play throughout the night.
When the day comes and Xiao finally falls, what would be the face he would see on him when they meet? Would it be one of happiness or one of disappointment?
As the days of battle lessened and the days of emptiness grew, Xiao wondered at what point he would achieve peace. Perhaps he never would, as punishment for the karma he bore, perhaps this was to be his life until his death. To always suffer from the past, to always feel the pain from the scars etched upon his body.
Could he even achieve peace after death?
Xiao continued to visit Aether's grave day after day, whether rain or shine, whether under the watchful eyes of the sun or moon. He continued to visit his beloved's grave every day and he would leave without offering any words. Liyue Harbour changed with the passage of time and so too did the gravestone. The stone had eroded away from the changing of weather, the trees had grown and spread its canopy over the eroded stone, and the grass that had once grown in front was worn away to nothing from the continuous visits.
The world had changed with time but Xiao still remained behind.
By moving on, would that not mean he would forget about him?
Then one day, his empty world began to change.
He had been sitting on the railing of the balcony at Wangshu Inn, one leg dangling at the side as he listened to the birds singing on the roof above. Aether would have loved the peace and tranquillity, Xiao thought to himself. His daydream was then interrupted by footsteps approaching the balcony, thus Xiao was quick to vanish to the roof. He peered over, curious as to who dared disturb his rest.
He was expecting a curious tourist, an adventurer checking out the view, or even one of the inn staff. The last thing he expected to see was a flash of gold, the same golden hair that his beloved had.
Xiao's body moved while his mind was still processing the golden hue. His arms wrapped around the person, his mind blank and his memories of Aether's death shoved into the void.
"Aether, Aether, Aether," Xiao mumbled as he leaned into the back of his beloved.
He was shoved away, his back hitting the frame of the balcony's entrance. Xiao was shocked at first, at his beloved roughly pushing him away, until his mind caught up and reminded him that Aether was dead and has been dead for centuries. When he looked up at the person he had mistaken, he froze as his lungs screamed at him to breathe. The person who stood before him looked like his beloved, with her golden hair and golden eyes. She was the person whom he had vowed to help find.
"Who are you and how did you know Aether? Where is he?" the woman asked as she grabbed Xiao's arms with her hands, her eyes pleading him for an answer.
"You're his sister…" Xiao mumbled, still partially in shock over the discovery of her identity.
"My name is Lumine and I'm Aether's sister, yes. Please, you know who Aether is right? Tell me where is he? I'm looking for him!"
Lumine began shaking him roughly as she demanded answers, while her tiny flying companion tried to stop her to no avail.
Xiao was numbed to it all, he could not feel the impact of the frame that hit his back as Lumine shoved him against it again, he could not feel the way his eyes burned at unshed tears, he could not feel the way his heart broke again at the reminder that Aether was dead. He shoved Lumine away and moved his hand to cover his mouth, as his stomach threatened to purge the bile pooling inside. He closed his eyes in a feeble attempt to block out the image of his beloved who lay bleeding in his arms within the memories he never locked away, the same memories that still threatened to drown him, to choke him.
Xiao did not deserve happiness because he killed him.
He opened his mouth and the apologies fell out against his wishes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said, the words repeating like the endless blinking glyphs found in many ruins, like a broken mantra to beg for the forgiveness he never deserved. He was forcefully silenced, the words cut off midway when Lumine covered his mouth.
"What happened to him?" she asked when she moved her hand away.
Xiao's breath hitched as a tear fell. "He's dead," he said, his eyes looking away, no longer able to meet the golden irises. "He's dead, I killed him."
There was silence, a loud silence where no one spoke and the only sound was from his heart beating in his ears. Then he doubled over and coughed when Lumine kneed him in the stomach without warning, before a fist hit him on the side of his face. He fell to the ground, curling up as Lumine took her shock and grief out on him. She screamed at him, wordlessly, as blows rained down upon him again and again. Xiao let her hit him, again and again. He deserved it after all. Even when Lumine hauled him up with one hand, he let her continue to hit him. It was only when Lumine's tiny companion placed herself between the two that the blows stopped.
Lumine was panting hard, one hand still holding Xiao up and the other still clenched into a fist. Xiao was limp in her hold, the bruises swelling from where she had hit him. He lacked the will to break out of her hold, he lacked the will to defend himself.
He lacked the will to live.
"Why," Lumine asked, her voice breaking and the tears falling free down her face. "Why did you kill him?"
"He tried to break us free and that monster murdered him. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have been caught, he wouldn't have had to kill that monster, he wouldn't have had to die. He should have been the one to live free, not me. He's dead because of me, I killed him."
Xiao fell to the ground without any warning, grunting as his back hit the wooden floorboards. Lumine fell to her knees in front of him, her face buried in her hands as she sobbed. The tears fell to the wooden floor, a tap for every drop that hit the boards, like a broken clock ticking with no rhythm, counting to nothing. She sobbed as her small flying companion fretted over her while Xiao remained on the ground, cold and numb.
It was a long while before Xiao pulled himself up, to sit and lean against the wooden frame. No one had come up in the time Lumine took out her anger on him and he was glad for that.
"Take me to him," Lumine begged, her voice still broken. "Take me to him, please."
Xiao nodded, lacking the verbal words to say. He pulled himself up and Lumine followed with the help of her companion. He wrapped an arm around Lumine and held her tiny companion with his hand, startling an 'eep' out of both of them before leaping into the sky with the wind at his command. He rode the familiar currents and appeared right before Aether's grave in but a single second. He then released his hold on Lumine and her companion, letting them get used to the change in location.
Lumine was the first to move once she realised where she was. She ran to the gravestone and fell in front of it. Aether's name was inscribed on the worn stone, inscribed in the language of the world the siblings came from. Her fingers traced the characters, tracing the way it was written down to the last letter.
"He taught me how to write his name," Xiao spoke up, his eyes staring at the name of his beloved. "He said it's payment for teaching him how to write mine."
Lumine sobbed, her hand flying to her mouth as more tears fell. She lifted her hand away to wipe the tears, a futile endeavour as more continued to fall. "He's always like that. He would never leave a debt unpaid no matter how small. Yet at the same time, he would always give without taking. How long? How long ago did he die?"
"...Two thousand years," Xiao said, and Lumine took in a shuddering breath.
"It's not fair. I finally found him and he's been dead for so long, it's not fair."
She fell silent, letting the rustling leaves of the shadowed canopy above fill the soundless space. She moved her hand away, standing up, while Xiao watched her from where he stood unmoved since they arrived.
"What were his last words?" Lumine asked, glancing at Xiao behind her.
"He told me to live free."
There was silence again as Lumine absorbed the words.
"You loved him," she said, not an accusation but an honest statement.
Xiao stepped forward until he stood beside her, his eyes looking down at the worn gravestone. "I still do," he said, his eyes tracing the characters inscribed upon the stone. "I still love him even now."
"You haven't moved on."
"I can't," Xiao confessed, closing his eyes to block out the world. "I don't want to forget about him."
"Moving on doesn't mean that you have to forget. You have to walk forward, you can't keep shackling yourself to the past. What would Aether think if he saw you like this?"
What would Aether think of him if he saw him like this? Disappointment, sadness, guilt. Aether would blame himself for Xiao's self-destruction, he would blame himself for the chains that Xiao had placed on himself.
"I don't know how," Xiao confessed, opening his eyes to see Lumine standing in front of him. "I don't know how to move on. I want to but I don't know how."
"Then let us help you," Lumine said, her voice unflinching, resolved. "Please, let us help you. If not, then do it for him."
"...Okay."
Xiao will move on because that was what he would have wanted, because that was what it meant to live free even when he was gone.