Chapter Nine~
The echoing of the pair's hoofbeats in the stairwell couldn't distract May from the heavy recap her mind was playing while trying to think ahead of Wild Card.
"What a week! Mad scientists, a secret society, demon harvesting, and social engineering turned on its head? I thought I was just helping kids," she fretted.
"Were you at a party?" the reporter asked.
"Huh?"
"You're wearing a mask. Did Asshat grab you there?" he pressed.
"Oh! Uh, yeah. Hey, do you know what Wild Card meant about Angels earlier?" May asked. What the doctor said sounded like an off-the-cuff comment, but the threat made her grimly curious.
"Yeah," the reporter explained, as they rounded another landing. "A Sinner's curse is in the heart, and the victims don't die when it's extracted. When that spark is gone, they exist like zombies, barely a demon anymore. Cops don't tell anyone, but stash all the victims they find. So, when the next Cleanse rolls around, they let 'em out, so the Angels get distracted and give the cops a chance to hide."
"Wow, and I thought they were just assholes," May quipped before she began to hear the faint sound of music from above. "What's that? Music?"
"We must be close to the main floor. Big matches going on tonight."
"Attention!" a PA speaker mounted high in the landing's corner squawked. "Be on the lookout for two unauthorized individuals, a male, and a female Sinner."
That was all the motivation they needed to pick up the pace.
"Damn!" he muttered in his run. "Listen, it'll be harder to catch us if we split up. If you find an exit, haul ass and call the cops."
"How? We're Sinners. They won't do anything."
"If they ask, just say tell 'em you're not one. You're a demon. It's okay to lie," he shrugged. "What's your name, by the way? I can't give you anything for saving my ass back there, but keep your eyes open for my column. I'll be sure to put you in it."
More recognition. It still didn't sit well with Mayberry, but she had to resign to the fact that if she was going to keep getting involved like this, people would know about her, for good or ill. The best she could do was be smart about the PR.
"Uh, just call me The...Guardian Demon, and thanks."
"Guardian Demon, huh? Okay," the reporter nodded.
Reaching the main level, the landing led to a door that opened from the corner of an intersection sparsely populated with arena staff.
"Well, good luck," May whispered.
"You, too."
When it felt safe to open, the two Sinners slipped into the hallway, took their bearings, and parted ways quietly. The reporter took a path through the intersection, and Mayberry headed up the hall.
Wall placards on the corridors made it easier for her to navigate, but she began to worry that she was only wandering deeper into the building's labyrinth, ultimately trapping herself.
Passing by a placard indicating dressing rooms, Mayberry reached the corner of another intersection and peered around it. A guard had arrived at the corner of the hallway further up and had now turned her way.
She slipped back, hyperventilating.
The guard approached the intersection, glanced at the empty corridor to the side, and then proceeded on his patrol.
With her back to the closed dressing room door, Mayberry froze in indecision at the equally surprised group of costumed females staring at her from their perches around the room's make-up tables and dressers.
"Hey, new meat!" greeted one of the athletes. Clad head-to-toe in sparkling gold spandex, May vaguely recognized her as Glittorous Clitoris.
"Uh..." Mayberry said blankly.
"Did Prez poach you from another company? Gonna take Slay's place?" the tiara-crowned Battle-rina ribbed.
"Fuck you, you lightweight," Slay Sashay said good-naturedly.
"Uh..."
"What's your gimmick?" asked a female Imp in a tasteful business suit-The Backdoor Negotiator.
"Uh..." Despite her blank mind, Mayberry tried to disguise her panicked glances behind failing cordiality, desperately searching for any prop to help her with her next lie.
"Love your conversation skills, but if your gimmick's doing the zombie thing, sorry," Glamour Slammer, a tall, muscular Hellborn female, explained. "Brain Dead's beat you to it."
A dark, loose robe was draped over the back of a chair in the corner. On the desk next to it sat a mortarboard cap and crazy inspiration took it from there.
"I'm a...good guy?" May stammered.
"You're a babyface?" Battle-rina asked. "Well, why aren't you suited up?"
A lie slowly started to form in the teacher's mind. "I, uh...got called in at the last minute. Left my costume at home." She then glanced at the ensemble across from her.
"You grabbed a mask, at least," said Backdoor. "Want us to help you throw something together?"
"Is anyone using that?" May quickly pointed at the cap and gown.
"That's mine," Glitterous pointed out. "I'm graduating from business school next week, and I picked it up on my way here." The other wrestlers gave incredulous looks at her.
Glitterous puffed up, indignant. "What are you looking at, you bimbos? Just because I'm a wrestler doesn't mean I'm fucking dumb."
She regarded Mayberry again. "I'll let you borrow it, but please don't mess it up, okay?"
May gave a satisfied smile. She was getting closer to sweet escape. "Will do!"
The louder the music and crowds, the closer Glamour Slammer goaded Mayberry through the staging area and towards the curtains that separated sanity from the raw chaos of the audience's expectations. Sweet escape was getting less and less likely.
Now dressed in the cap and gown, along with her mask, she looked like she was going to Commencement Day to rob it. She also couldn't help but see facing the slavering mobs beyond as a sharp metaphor for graduates facing the challenges of the real world.
"I haven't felt this nervous since my 5th-grade recital," she muttered before turning her attention back to Glamour pushing her into battle.
"Uh, you don't have to take me to the ring, y'know," she told her. "I'm fine. Really!"
"Don't sweat it," Glamour said. "We talked to the announcer, and he'll give you a good intro. You'll do okay."
"You what? I will?"
May peeked nervously through the barrier and could see, hear, and practically feel the expectant energy of the crowds that stretched down the aisle ahead of her, like a dark sea.
She spotted a familiar-looking woman clad in blue waiting under the overhead lights of the squared circle-Aboma-Mom. The escapee was then paralyzed when she saw capable-looking demons milling about the ring wearing black t-shirts that read Security.
"Ladies and gentlemen," the announcer's voice came, booming like an unseen deity across the arena. "Due to a last-minute change to the card, tonight's match-up will be between Aboma-Mom and the challenger..."
"Here ya go!" Glamour yelled, grabbing Mayberry from behind by the shoulders.
"Wait! No!"
With that, Mayberry was shoved from the curtain's sanctuary and into the unforgiving lights of the aisle. Every expectant eye and camera soon fixed upon her.
"The Broad of Education!" the announced heralded as the driving beat of a bouncy, rocking melody banged from speakers above her.
The only mercy from not hearing her heart kick fearfully in her chest came from the overwhelming roar of boos that greeted her arrival.
"Oh, that's right," Mayberry reasoned glumly, "I'm a babyface...in Hell."
If she tried to bolt back to look for the main lobby, her fast allies would be suspicious obstacles that could even help the guards once they were alerted. No lie she could think of could get them to cooperate if they knew she was being sought after.
But, maybe she could fool them.
Suppose she could get into a match with a professional like Aboma-Mom. In that case, she'd get folded in half and probably wished she stayed in Wild Card's lab, but if they carried her out, she'd be free to try to escape again. All she had to do was play along.
The music, she gathered, was her hastily cued-up fanfare, and knowing that didn't make her feel any better as she fought to hide her nerves and timidly stepped down the aisle.
She managed a quarter of the way down when she heard the unexpected.
Clapping.
Some of the prejudicial audience were bringing their hands together, either in the spectacle's spirit or curiosity over this strange newcomer.
And the clapping carried a straightforward question. Now that Mayberry had their attention, how would she captivate them? How would she entertain them?
'Pretend that it's all for you. It's a party,' she thought, giving an awkward smile and plucking up as much courage as the teacher could muster. 'You're the best, and it's time they all knew it!'
She took another more confident step and bravely shimmied to the steady beat. She could sing. It was all an act, anyway. She was a brilliant, sexy teacher who didn't take any shit and could make the most of this anthem.
"Broad of Education"
(First Verse)
Don't let my intellect, And wire-frames fool ya,
'Cuz when it comes to correction, I'm pretty mean with a ruler
As for examinations,
Call me the best,
'Cuz when I grade on a curve,
My curves are sure to impress
My pedagogy, Has been known to be thrillin',
And when it comes to home-schooling,
Ya know I'm always willin'
I'm a classic, might be drastic,
I'm a mental gymnastic,
Although it might sound bombastic,
I put the ass in scholastic!
With a sassy flourish, Mayberry doffed the robe to reveal herself standing haughtily with her mortarboard at a cocky angle and clad in a sparkling black leotard.
Chorus:
Hell, yeah! I'm the Broad of Education,
Enlarging young minds, Is my favorite occupation
I teach a masterclass in shameless flirtation, And if I give an oration,
I'll put your heart in cessation,
(Second Verse)
Now I should mention,
Better pay close attention,
'Cuz if you play up my tension,
I'll put you all in detention
So best be wary,
Of this fine tutelary,
Your princi- might be a pal,
But, I'll be your adversary
A strong body helps,
With student achievers,
And when it comes to Phys. Ed.,
Know I'm the biggest believer
And teacher's pets,
Who never sit on their laurels,
Will get straight A's on their tests,
And extra credit for oral!
Chorus:
Uh-huh! I'm the Broad of Education,
Not to toot my own horn,
But, I'm a school inspiration
I'm a mistress of mentors, an academic sensation,
I'm a Tudor of tutors,
A boon of edification
Bridge:
No one's as naughty or bawdy,
Than me and my student body,
Yeah, you and me after school,
Extracurricular hobby
My Ph.D. is in Hotty,
I'm such a Magna Cum Laude,
I'm warm and sweet like a toddy,
I'll make you scream,
"Oh, my Lawdy!"
(Third Verse)
Yeah, all the Messrs. say,
"I want to undress her,"
And if I taught lingerie,
They'd have to call me "Professor"
I'm breakin' hearts',
And then I'll sweep up the pieces,
"How My Libido Increases,"
Is just my favorite thesis
The school I'm from,
Might seem a bit rough-and-tumble,
But, if you come to me humble,
I'll catch you if you should stumble
On Graduation Day You'll stay with this lesson,
That I'm a bitch and a blessin',
Boy, you don't know who you're messin' with!
Chorus (Reprise):
Hell, yeah! I'm the Broad of Education,
Enlarging young minds Is my favorite occupation
I teach a masterclass in shameless flirtation, And if I give my oration,
I'll put your heart in cessation,
Uh-huh! I'm the Broad of Education,
Not to toot my own horn,
But, I'm a school inspiration
I'm a mistress of mentors, an academic sensation,
I'm a Tudor of tutors,
A boon of edification
Better know, That I'm the Broad of Education,
A succubus of syllabi, In my estimation
And your homework tonight,
Is finding my assignation,
Okay, there's no more narration,
It's time to end your sedation!
A loud, lusty roar rose up to meet a flabbergasted Mayberry, either out of shock for such a randy display or for simply being entertained. The ruse was working, and the crowd's pump was sufficiently primed for what would ultimately be a decidedly one-sided contest.
Cautiously passing through the loose cordon of security, she stepped into the ring proper, where she was immediately stared down by the calm, all-business eyes of her opponent and the nearby referee.
Knowing that the wrestler had a son in her class, Mayberry extended her hand in full PTA mode as she approached.
"Miss Aboma-Mom, how do you do. Your son is in my class, and I just wanted to say that he's very-"
Her appraisal was cut short by Aboma-Mom grasping the offered hand. She whipped her into Irish Swing that ended with a clothesline that almost had the teacher summersault upon impact.
Mayberry crashed into the canvas flooring of the ring, the ring itself threatening to spin across her dazed vision.
"B-Bright," she finished weakly before Aboma-Mom brought her weight down upon May's back with a punishing elbow drop.
Already, Mayberry could hear the unimpressed crowd boo and chant cruelly. She almost felt bad for them. She pumped up the crowd, and now she disappointing them in virtually the same turn.
"Oh, you must be Mrs. Mayberry," the pro whispered to her, sounding quite maternal despite the setting. "Thanks for letting my boy bring one of my matches to Show and Tell. It really made him happy." She then stood over her chew toy.
"No problem!" May whooped as she was gripped from under the armpits and hoisted back to her hooves to await the next, fresh beating.
"What are you doing here, though?"
Before May could think of an evasive answer, the sound and mood of the crowd suddenly changed so abruptly that both women broke from the conversation to look up the aisle.
A figure in a dark cloak, mask, and trunks ran hell-bent-for-leather amidst the cheering, homing towards the ring like a missile. It was a figure both women quickly recognized.
"Wild Card? What is this, a handicap match?" Aboma-Mom muttered sourly. "I wish the office would fucking tell us in advance."
Leaping into the ring with a smirk and a microphone in his hand, Wild Card turned to address the audience.
"Well, well, well! Look who's come to crash the party and make us do homework. The teacher!"
He was awarded boos and catcalls as he glanced smugly in May's direction. By having her cornered and using cheap pop to play up the raucous crowd against her, hiding in plain sight or slipping away wouldn't help her now.
"Not to worry, folks!" he announced. "I'm here to avenge everyone who's ever had to deal with pain-in-the-ass teachers in their lives! No more homework here! No more tests here. In fact, the only thing getting tested tonight will be her pain threshold!"
To the deafening roar of delight that met Wild Card, he concluded, "Tonight, I will break The Broad of Education!"