"Should one of us pretend to be a ghost?"
"Stanley…"
"OR! One of us can pretend to be a zombie and THEN! together we do that famous dance from the 90s with some outdated disco cloth_"
"STANLEY!"
"What!? At least I don't wear a coat like I'm going to someone's funeral!"
Ford rolled his eyes at his twin brother's antics as they walked toward their other brother's house, Shermie pines. Truly even in something as serious as telling their brother that not only his deceased sibling is alive, but also he pretended to be the other, his twin finds a way to make him forget about the incoming storm momentary.
After the Weirdmaggedon, the older Pines Twin decided to go on a trip with their boat together sailing around the world as they dreamt of when they were kids;however, they met with… complications concerning their identities during their travels.
First of all Dipper and Mabel's parents for all they knew have sent their kids to Stanford not Stanley, secondly Shermie for all he knew the real Stanley died in a car crash and not least of all, people kept mistaking one to the other.
Ford found out about it to his irritation when he once tried to travel to a state before learning that his brother, even when he had… 'burrowed' his name, has managed to make himself banned to numerous states, since then he never let his brother live that out.
A Few months ago, On a deck near Portland…
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOT YOURSELF BANNED WITH MY NAME BY TRAFFICKING PUGS!? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!?!?" Ford shouted in outrage over the phone as Stan cringed and nearly got deaf by the sheer volume.
Or like that time when Ford got kidnapped by gangsters for believing that he was Stan, while Stan got kidnapped by some extra dimensional aliens thinking that he was Ford.
A month after the pug fiasco…
Somewhere in Columbia…
"Again I'm telling you, you have mistaken me for my twin!" Ford said in exasperation as he was rope to a chair in a deteriorated room in front of a dirty weared Columbian man with a shaggy beard, who he later finds out that is secretly a fan of Ducktective.
"You think you are being funny american? I watched a show with the same plot twist, if you are trying to con your way out, at least be original!"
"Gaaaaah!" this time, Ford groaned in exasperation
Somewhere else…
"You will tell us where your Quantum Destabilizer is!" BANG sound on a table Said a tall humanoid green bug with red eyes in front of Stan who is in handcuffs in what looks like some sci fi-scifi place with all the weird and alien tech geeks dreams about.
"Look gu-bug or whatever, you have mistaken me for someone else, I'm just a honest business man, I'm innocent!"
"You are anything BUT innocent!" The bug shoved a tablet with a picture of a wanted poster to his face, which had the picture of an Amphibian that for some weird reason wore Ford's coat.
"Wait wait, sorry, wrong poster" quickly the alien did some changes in his tablet "I meant THIS!" this time shoved the tablet with a wanted poster of Ford's face on it with a list of crimes, some of which includes:
Possession of an Infinite dice
Having more fingers than anyone That's a hate crime!
Associating with a wanted drunk sociopathic criminal Puff, you have a thing for psychoes, Sixer!
Stealing valuable materials
Teaching maths Okay, now this is just ridiculous
Starting a revolution and overthrowing a government Now THAT'S something!
Secretly having a relationship with a royalty OHO!Never thought you had it in you!~
Rubbing an interstellar casino Not so different, are we Poindexter?
And the list continued, "What do you have to say, milk drinker!" the alien bug spoke in a accusive tone.
"...I know I should be annoyed, but I feel too proud. " Stan replied with almost teary eyes due to how proud he was of his dear brother.
Needless to say, that was the last straw. So, they decided to change their official names back. It took some bribing, threatening with a blaster and brass knuckles and fake and real documents, yet they managed to return their original names.
Now they are in the hard part of their work, telling the family about.
Obviously, they couldn't just tell them that Ford got stuck in the multiverse for the past 30 years or mention any of the weirdness, so they made an elaborate made-up story about Ford being involved in some government project and him getting isolated in a room for a long time in coma due to the radiations he absorbed, hence why he wasn't shown for so long. The hard part is explaining why Stan pretended to be Ford for the past 30 years and for the sake of convenience, they chose to do this gradually starting with Shermie.
"In case you may have forgotten, this is no time for pranks!" Ford uttered.
"Yeah, yeah. I don't plan to give Shermie a heart attack. At least I'm not the guy who is wanted in 9000 dimensions for stealing." Stan stated in a humorous tone.
"That was only for science and finding a way to end Bill!" Ford protested.
Somewhere in the multiverse, years ago…
"Weee are the champions, my friendsss and weee'll keep on fighting 'till the ennnnd~"
Ford sang as he was walking inside of an ancient tomb, while casually doging the traps.
Back to the present…
"PUFF! That's nothing compared to the list of other stuff I saw, Admit it Sixer, you love being a bad boy!"
"I don't call being lost in the multiverse as a fun time." Ford told Stan, blandly.
"Yeah, it wasn't all fun during my younger days as a con-artist either, Still it seems to me that I have a competition in being the black sheep of the family!" Stan let out chuckles.
Ford wanted to protest, but there was no time as they became closer to Shermie's home which was in an urban area with a small garden area with not much remarkable characteristics, other than having an old sense of fashion and look like a typical Grandfather house.
"Are you sure it is wise to start with Shermie?" Ford inquired.
"Trust me, he may be a bit cranky but he is a softie; besides, better him first than the kids' parents." Stan shuddered, let's just say Dipper and Mabel's mother can make even Manly Dan flinch with her gaze and probably used to be an interrogator, as for the kids' father? Not as bad but not good either.
"Fine, but remember we do this subtly." Ford replied.
"Just let me do the talk." Stan assured Ford.
When they reached the house, as they planned, Stan pushed the ring of the door, while Ford hid behind the door. Footsteps have been heard which clearly were the sound of Shermie's walking as then, the door has been opened with the puzzled look of Shermie Pines.
"Stanley? What are you doing here?" asked the confused Shermie, though he didn't shared the same womb with Stan and Ford during the birth at the same time, he had some characteristics of them combined with their father such as a grey hair with almost the same colour as Ford, their father's nose and having an almost rectangle like head, with some differences like white lines on his hair.
"Hi ya sport! I have a surprise for you…" to Ford's surprise Stan grabs him and brings him over "GUESS WHO AIN'T DEAD!" Ford tried to smile nervously. That's not subtle at all! Ford thought anxiously.
After a minute of silence as everything sat still with just the sound of the birds, "WHAT!?" Shermie's exclamation interrupted the birds' peaceful activities.
"BUT_WHA–"
"And that's not just that! See the fingers?" Stan forcefully brought Ford's hand. "He is the REAL Stanford, and I'M THE one and only Stanley! Not that geek I once punched by the way!"
"BUT- you had your extra fingers removed!"
"All part of the prank!" Stan commented as he grinned What in the name of Axolotl are doing!? Ford thought in panic.
"But I saw your scars!" Shermie objected.
"ALLL made up! Real man isn't afraid of doing some self-inflicted scars! Totally wasn't by accident!" Stan refuted Shermie's reasoning.
"Accident?" Ford questioned Stan.
"Bu-wha-hu?" Shermie kept babbling as his expression kept being erratically contorted.
"I think you broke him…" Ford said in warry.
"Wait for it…" Stan noted, except the reaction Shermie did was not what he expected.
Minutes past until "I-I-I'M GONNA MURDER ALL!" Shermie declared as his face changed to anger and suddenly moved toward Stan.
"Okay That's not what I-GRKKK" Stan failed to finish as Shermie hold his throat by one of his hands, Ford tried to react but then Shermie with his other hand ramped around Ford's throat.
"YOU BASTARD! HOW LONG YOU'VE BEEN IN THIS CHARADE!?"
"Since the-gkk- 30 years ago?" Stan state with a shy tone.
"30 YEARS!? YOU'VE BEEN FOOLING AROUND FOR 30 GODDAMN YEARS?!" Shermie's grip on Stan got tighter to his discomfort.
"GRkK-Ford help!--" Stan uttered to Ford as Ford fearfully moved his head in a sign of Nope.
"AND YOU!" Ford winced at Shermie's voice.
"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!? BUSY STALKING THE LOCH-NESS MONSTER!?"
"We can explai-GK!" Shermie's hold on Ford has become stronger when Ford tried to reason.
That was when they realized they were screwed.
One explanation and tough playing later…
"GAH!"
"YAHOO!"
What was heard was the exclaimed sounds of Ford and Stan as cold water was showering them from Shermie's pipe, no need to say they weren't enjoying this.
"I can't believe all this time my grandkids instead of being under the wing of the well-educated brother of mine WERE learning pickpocketing from MY CONMAN OF A BROTHER!" Shermie remarked in a furious tone, his face has gone red.
"Look, I get that you are mad-YYEH! TOO COLD!" Stan again got attacked by an onslaught of a cold watery pipe.
"MAD?Nonono, I'M BEYOND FURIOUS!I knew you were a conman but petending to be your twin for decades? That's low, even for YOU!" Shermie retorted in anger, after which he turned his gaze to Ford.
"AND YOU!"
"AAAAH!" Ford moved his hands defensively to block the attack, except that didn't happen.
"DON'T THINK YOU ARE OFF THE HOOK! EVEN BEFORE THIS, YOU RARELY VISITED BECAUSE "Oh my research is so important! Only I understand the integrity of sasquatches' feet on mud and their mating season!, the universe revolves around me! I'm the chosen one to bring balance!" Well, thanks to you both I just broke one of my pots so either you both pay for it or I WILL HAVE BOTH OF YOUR ASSES PADDLED MERCILESSLY!" They cringed at the retort as Shermie shut down the pipe and started walking furiously toward his home, leaving both Stan and Ford wet like sewer rats.
"...Well it could have been worse." Stan said in a joking tone to alleviate the atmosphere, only to receive a glare from Ford.
"Next time… I will do the talking!" Ford noted to Stan as Stan looked a bit embrassed.
A few days later in piedmont…
"And that's how we managed to reconcile with your Grandpa!" Stan announced to the live video of Dipper and Mabel who were currently in school from a computer.
"I wish it could have been less intense… still…I'm glad you all managed to get along!" Mabel retorted, being the twin who always sees the bright side.
"But wait, what about our parents? How did that go?" Dipper quiz, Always being the curious twin.
"Well, It was a bit heated but I managed to manage the situation before it escalated." Ford answered.
"So no worries, your Grunkles are going to be jussst fine!" Stan reassures them, only for him to jinx it as the door of the room violently opens.
What they met was the outraged gaze of Dipper and Mabel's parents as they looked particularly at Stan, the mother having the scariest gaze Stan ever saw as she sent chills to him from her cold fury.
"Care to explain THIS?" The resentful mother brought a phone which had the video of Dipper in his werewolf suit as girls were dropping money on him back in the Mystery Shack. Apparently one of the girls took a video of it and posted it on her account.
"Well gulping it's a funny story…" Stan tried desperately to look unsuspicious, which failed as the mother's cold gaze made him squirm from finishing it.
Ford let out a groan, knowing their fate had been sealed, This couldn't get any worse....
"Oh Hi mom, dad!" Mabel shook her hand in a gesture of hello "Did Grunkle Ford tell you that he gave me a crossbow?" Dipper facepalmed at his twin as the parents shrieked in rage at Stan and Ford.
This is going to be a LOOONG day Stan thought as he and Ford were being chewed alive by the angry couple.
Notes:This my first crack fic, so constructive criticism is welcomed.
By the way, I secretly made references to two brands and made mentions of Journal 3, catch them if you can!