Summary:

Bonnie struggles to regain her footing upon coming back from the dead as the anchor. She'd gotten used to the almost peaceful existence of the other side with its lack of end of the world catastrophes and witchy work arounds, where she can simply watch her friends discover happiness. She'd even gotten used to Kol's persistent and irritating presence. Even with all his qualms about her leaving them both to die by raising the veil, he had become part of her norm in death. It almost seems wrong to be here alive without him, particularly after everything he'd taught her.

Bonnie didn't know what was wrong with her, she should be happy, she should have everything she could possibly want. Her friends had found yet another loophole and this particular one had allowed her to walk amongst the living once more. But looking down at Jeremy's sleeping figure she couldn't help but feel like she was in the wrong place, that perhaps she was supposed to have stayed where she was.

Because the truth of the matter was this; there had been a particular kind of peace for her to find on the other side. There were no end-of-the-world catastrophes haunting her every moment. There were no sleepless nights as she worked tirelessly to find the latest witchy loophole that would save her friends. There was only peace as she got to watch her friends find the happiness they had always deserved.

And for Bonnie? Well for Bonnie there had been Kol.

She couldn't believe it at first, she had assumed that she'd always want nothing to do with vampires and anyone that held the name Mikaelson but it seemed there were exceptions to every rule.

She wouldn't exactly say Kol was good for her but he had shown her something about herself that had been invaluable.

"Fancy seeing you here, little witch."

Bonnie heard the sound of a familiar sarcastic British accent drift towards her from somewhere behind her, the very voice that had tried to persuade her to let them live not even hours before. She turned with something almost like trepidation as she faced the devil himself in the form of one Kol Mikaelson. Bonnie rolled her shoulders back, immediately on the defensive as she regarded the glowering figure before her.

If there was one thing the Mikaelsons could be accredited with being, it was persuasive, if Bonnie's morals had been any weaker she might have accepted Kol's proposal. It would have been so easy to do, to just take his hand and enter into a bargain with the devil if it meant keeping the veil down and letting them live. She could have done it, the temptation was certainly there. But she hadn't. And now she must face the music.

"Of course, it's not like we could be anywhere else but trapped here together as you refused to give both of us what we want," Kol spoke menacingly as he stepped closer to her, his hands clasped in front of him as if they were holding together the image of a gentleman by force alone. "What was it you said? Ah yes, we don't always get what we want. Well, that's certainly true as I'm sure I'm the last person you wanted to see."

Bonnie kept her expression carefully blank despite the fear she felt. If she was still alive her heart would have been pounding in her chest but as it was she was left only with a sickly feeling in the pit of her being. But it wouldn't do for Kol to see just how he affected her.

"Why are you here Kol? I thought ghosts were alone on the other side?"

Kol was looming over her now, his lips twisting into a taunting smirk as he cocked his head to one side.

"While that's certainly true, witches have free reign on the other side. I'm guessing it was Qetsiyah's fail-safe that she would always be able to find Silas even in death. Even when he tried to escape her."

Bonnie resisted the urge to scowl at him as she gritted her teeth together.

"Well I don't want you here, so why can I see you?"

Kol's smile was full-blown mocking now as he straightened back up. Bonnie almost sagged in relief at the sudden space between them.

"My mother was a witch darling, my magic had to go somewhere after I transitioned. I have just as much free reign as you do."

Bonnie felt herself go cold at the proclamation, she found herself frozen in shock as she considered the terrible possibilities of this. There would be no escaping Kol if he decided to spend eternity haunting her as punishment for regulating them to the other side.

Kol seemed to take great amusement from her reaction.

"I'll be seeing you, witch." He told her as he sauntered away, disappearing into the mist of the other side and allowing Bonnie to finally breathe. Eternity had never felt so long.

Bonnie had thought coming back to life would be the same as getting back on a bike after not riding for ages. The knowledge was ingrained in her bones, so how hard could it be to go through the same motions she always had? It was turning out to be harder than she'd imagined. She forgot about little things now like eating, sleeping, and even breathing. It felt foreign to her to do so after so long without it.

Jeremy had tried to talk to her about it, he too had some experience with being a ghost after all. But Bonnie found she couldn't confide in him like she used to - like she used to before Anna's ghostly return - she'd risked so much to bring him back from the dead. Twice now. She didn't want to jeopardize that by leaning too heavily on him only for him to throw himself into danger for her and die again. Or something equally heartbreaking.

And of course, Jeremy didn't really understand it. They'd always tried their best to keep Jeremy out of it, though not always successfully. But Bonnie? Bonnie had always been at the heart of it, she couldn't escape it even if she tried. Her magic meant she would never be able to turn her back on the supernatural world. Not completely.

But for one shining moment she had, she had escaped it all. She had known a moment's peace unencumbered by trivial things like eating, sleeping, and breathing. She could be a part of her friends' lives without having to constantly find quick fixes to every little issue they might have. She could be more present in their lives in death than she had been when she was alive now that her head wasn't permanently buried in grimoires.

And of course, Jeremy also didn't understand what it was like to lose your magic, your very identity. Bonnie had stopped being Bonnie the Cheerleader a long time ago. Relegated only to the role of Bonnie the Witch. When she'd lost her magic it had been devastating and she hadn't known who she was or what to do anymore. And then she'd found expression and the world had righted once more. Only for expression to turn out to be a parasite that she needed like an addict.

She couldn't exactly explain any of that to Jeremy...

"When are you going to quit following me!?" Bonnie screamed as she whirled around to face the Original. "Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Au contraire, little witch." Kol started, getting closer than was comfortable to Bonnie before stepping around her. "I'm dead, I have nothing better to do than this now. Perhaps if you'd heeded my warning about Silas, neither of us would be in this current predicament."

Kol's words were as venomous as ever but Bonnie merely rolled her eyes at them. She was familiar with his blame by now. She stepped around him to continue on her way once again.

"Well, how was I supposed to know? The guy was two thousand years old and the only two sources I had was; an occult professor and a thousand-year-old bloodthirsty maniac." Bonnie threw back at him, it wasn't as if she needed him to point out her mistakes. She was dead too after all.

"Yes and look how that turned out? Your little professor turned out to be a follower of the very monster I was trying to stop you from raising, you should have let him stay dead when I killed him, darling." Kol bent down to snarl in her ear.

Bonnie halted in her tracks suddenly to spin around and face Kol with the full force of the fury she was feeling.

"Sorry that some of us aren't millennia years old blood parasites with a victim list as old as dirt and can't stand the thought of someone dying if we can prevent it." Bonnie hurled at him. She was sick of this song and dance now, she just wanted him gone.

"A single millennia." He corrected pedantically. "And pardon me if I'm wrong, but didn't you almost kill someone else in trying to save your precious professor." He finished with a sneer.

Bonnie instinctively took a step back. She knew Kol couldn't really do anything to hurt her, she was after all, already dead. But some ancient part of her brain still recognised when she was in the presence of a predator.

A second later her brain caught up with his words, once her instincts had settled down enough to look past the predatory film he presented. He shouldn't know that.

"How do you know that?"

Kol threw back his head and let out a sardonic laugh, "Which part of I used to be a witch is confusing to you? You think I don't know about the cost that comes with expression? Expression is powered by sacrifice, if you won't provide one, it will take one." He bent down to bring his face level with Bonnie's so she couldn't escape the truth in his words, so she could see that he was telling her only the brutal truth.

Bonnie reflexively gulped before she remembered she couldn't.

"How did you know about Silas?" She murmured, the words slipping past her lips without permission instead.

She didn't want to think about what she'd almost done to April. And the question had been weighing on her mind for some time now. After all, even Kol's own siblings thought he was delusional. Had they really been too caught up in their own desire for the cure that they had ignored their own instincts? Or did Kol know something they didn't?

Kol straightened to his full height to regard her coolly down the length of his nose.

"Silas was merely a bedtime story to my siblings," He started, as he walked onwards through the mist once more, not waiting to see if Bonnie was following him this time. "But I knew better. Ayana had been my mentor and her family had guarded the secret of Silas' immortality spell for a millennium, that was until my mother stole it. Esther had gone to Ayana for help knowing she had the means to make us immortal but Ayana had rightly refused. Such darkness could not be permitted to exist again. But my mother was determined. She stole the spell, altering it to accommodate for the larger number of souls and her lesser power, creating the first vampires.

"A hundred years later the Brotherhood was created by Ayana's descendant to kill vampires, hunt down the Originals, and then kill Silas. Ridding the world of immortals once and for all. And despite their eradication, the Brotherhood persisted. Now magic is a fickle thing, it would not have assisted in the continued survival of the Brotherhood if there was no need for it. Meaning a greater threat existed than vampires; Silas. And as I told your friend before she staked me, I'd met a Cult of Silas once that practiced the darkest, most insidious form of magic that existed. And they were certain that not only did Silas exist, but that they would raise him."

Kol suddenly stopped in his tracks to whirl around and face Bonnie with cold detachment, "What you and your friends fail to realize is that the supernatural world is far more complex than you understand. Travelers and witches have been butting heads for thousands of years and yet both sides knew that Silas had to remain buried. Such beliefs only sustain if given a reason to. Spirit magic is dictated by all the dead witches on the other side, that's two thousand years' worth of witches whispering that Silas has to be destroyed into the ears of all their descendants. And of course, the other side had to come from somewhere so why not from Qetsiyah? Why couldn't it have been created to trap Silas?"

Bonnie shook her head trying to absorb everything that Kol was saying but honestly, she hadn't expected a magic history lesson when she'd asked. She took a step closer to him, he was the only soul around for miles and despite the echoey quality of the other side it still seemed bizarre to Bonnie to let the mist carry her words.

"If all that is true, why didn't your siblings believe in him too? And forgive me my hesitance but your brother made up the sun and moon curse and implanted it in several cultures so he could find and kill the doppelganger. I wasn't about to be fooled by some myth a second time." Bonnie snapped at him.

She didn't like being treated like a fool, sure she had made mistakes but she was eighteen years old for crying out loud! She'd had no magical tutoring since her Grams had died so sue her for wanting to trust Shane when he was offering his help. It wasn't like anyone else was willing to do the same. She'd done her best with the information that she had but two years ago vampires, werewolves, and witches had just been a story to her. And then suddenly they were all real and tearing through her hometown. She'd never had the chance to adjust to one thing before something new had swept through creating further chaos.

"And yet the myth was based on a very real curse and still you dismissed Silas' tale. Do you know how many religions foretell the end of the world signified by the rising of the dead? Because I can tell you it features in enough cultures for it to be concerning. And as you saw, it is very much a real possibility." Kol took a step back towards her so he could loom menacingly over her again, Bonnie tilted her head up to meet his gaze, determined not to be cowed. "Yet you chose to ignore all of that for your own ends and now you're stuck here with me."

"Better you be stuck here bothering me than you be out there terrorizing my friends." Bonnie shot back at him coldly.

Kol cocked his head to the side as he regarded her. "It's nothing they don't deserve, darling. But fortunately for me, it seems you don't truly understand what it means to be a Bennett witch."

Bonnie's brow furrowed in confusion, "What the hell are you talking about? Kol! Kol get back here!"

Bonnie looked down at Jeremy's sleeping face once more before she slipped off the edge of her bed, suddenly feeling suffocated. Jeremy had been staying in their dorm more and more lately, he said he felt safer when he could see that both his sister and Bonnie were still alive, too often waking from nightmares where he'd lost them after everything. Bonnie thought it was also partly because he couldn't stand to be around Damon or the whispered rumors of Mystic Falls now that he'd come back from the dead.

Bonnie wasn't sure when they'd agreed to give them a second try if they even had but between Bonnie being Jeremy's link to his humanity as a hunter and the kiss they'd shared when she'd brought him back, it had seemed to be a foregone conclusion. At least in Jeremy's mind. Bonnie hadn't refuted this, she'd thought being with Jeremy, pretending to be human and in love would help her remember how to be alive again. It wasn't working thus far. She couldn't seem to regain the pieces of herself that she'd lost when Jeremy had cheated on her. And she was missing so many pieces these days that any reminders of the other pieces she'd lost along the way were sometimes more painful than she could bear. It only sought to make her feel more disconnected from herself than she already did now that she needed oxygen to exist again.

Grabbing her robe and righting the sheets, she slipped from the room, careful not to wake the two sleeping vampires and the supernatural hunter as she did so. She just needed a moment to herself and she couldn't seem to do it around them. Maybe it was the reminder of all she'd lost in her quest to save them or maybe it was the lingering feeling of death that clung to her even now. She wasn't sure, but either way Bonnie felt herself drifting away more and more these days. What a change that made from her time as a silent vigil in their lives.

Bonnie crept down the corridor of dorms heading towards the student lounge for some space, hopefully, that would help her clear her mind. It was unlikely as nothing seemed to help anymore but she wouldn't be Bonnie Bennett if she just stopped trying and accepted her fate. The common area with its plush couches and fireplace was mercifully empty when she arrived, it was the middle of the night after all, but occasionally you'd find some students lingering trying to finish just one last little bit of studying before they called it a night or a few lingering friends still lost in conversation despite the late hour. There were no such students tonight.

So Bonnie was able to make her way to the window without any stuttering excuses or awkward greetings. She tightened her robe around her as she looked out the window into the dark of the night, her mind heavy with too much for her to decipher what in particular was the cause of her sleepless night this time. Everything just felt wrong since she'd come back.

Sighing Bonnie rubbed at her temple in the hopes of untangling some of her thoughts for better clarity. It helped none. And the silence of the common area only sought to remind her of the dead silence of the other side. It was surprisingly comforting considering what it signified.

Turning back to the window, she felt something loosen in her chest minutely for a moment. But then there was a smudge on the window that caught her attention. Focusing on the smudge, her eyes finally registered the shape of a person. And then all at once, it cleared and she was staring at the reflection of Kol Mikaelson standing just beyond her shoulder. With a gasp, she spun around to face the ghost that haunted her days only for her to be alone once more.

Bonnie's heart pounded in her chest as her brows furrowed in confusion, she turned back to the window but the glass was empty of all reflections but her own now.

'My ghost, where'd you go? I can't find you in the body sleeping next to me.'

A/N: Inspired by the song 'Ghost by Halsey', the idea for this story just hit me when the song randomly came on while on shuffle. Posting this as part of the Bonnie Bennett rarepair bash organised by hollowed-hallowed on tumblr. I have about 4 parts written so far but we'll see where it goes from there

Anyway, please leave your thoughts in the comments :)