Back in my teens, the pure age of fifteen, Fushigi Yugi was one of my gateways into anime, to this day I'm still mad Hotohori and Miaka never were the final pair. So here is an angsty but fluffy fic of them being canon
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Miaka sat in silent reflection, leaning against the wall as she gazed out of the window with a sombre expression, her light, her soul, her happiness, at the tender age of fifteen all her hopes and dreams had been ripped from her and turned to dust. Her soul felt empty, barren and powerless, she had experienced love for the first time in her life, she'd felt he butterflies and girlish excitement everyone talked about. But like all good things it wasn't meant to be, it could never last, this wasn't her world after all. She was still in shock, the weight of the drastic change in her life looming over her, she was a different person than the naive, selfish and clueless teenager that first entered the book. Now understanding how much the people of Konan relied on her, but more so of the hardships she would face while enduring her mission. What the previous priestesses before her had suffered. Everything she had fought for, all her hopes and dreams had been ripped from her, that she would be able to fight alongside Yui as allies, forgetting that Kuto was their enemy, that Kuto had been the enemy of the first priestess Takiko when protecting her region of Hokkan. How she had been seen as a threat, her life endangered, even being captured by the enemy. As the priestess of Suzaku she was also the enemy of Kuto, Yui being the priestess of Seiryu and the protector of Kuto, she was also Miaka's enemy. They would be forced to fight against each other, though in this case, Yui had turned her back on her and was happy to walk the path of a villain. The hope of reuniting joyously with Yui and being able to go home, finding her happy ending with Tamahome, that maybe she could have love and friends at the same time. It had all turned to dust, crumbling between her fingers. She had been betrayed by her best friend, corrupted by Nakago, Yui couldn't be reasoned with, her best friend had brainwashed her ex lover and turned him against her, he wanted nothing more than to kill her. Nakago had dug his poisonous claws into Yui, he had corrupted her once pure heart and turned her against the ones she loved. Now Yui wanted to take everything that made Miaka happy, so she could feel the same pain she did. Now Tamahome was in the arms of another woman, happily protecting her dutifully in her place, the warrior born under ogre who was destined to protect her by fate now fought against her. Tamahome didn't recognise her, instead she was a traitor, an enemy whom he saw as a threat. The once tender gaze directed at her was full of hatred, he would never look at her the same way again.
She didn't know why this kept happening, why people she loved kept leaving her, why people she loved kept hurting her. Suzaku represented passion, love, but Miaka hadn't actually experienced love before. Even her home life was less than perfect in comparison to others. Growing up Miaka's mother had pressed into her that she needed to get the top scores, no matter how much effort Miaka put in, how much she studied, no matter how many notes, revision and more, it was never good enough. Miaka stayed up for hours wracking her brain until she had a headache, falling asleep at her desk at home and at school, due to the fatigue caused by the pressure. But her mother scolded her for the laziness of not focusing hard enough. Her mother was secretly dating, even though the divorce had been barely a year, her mother saying that dating was a distraction Miaka had no time for, yet was happily dating. Miaka wasn't allowed to have fun or spend time with her friends, but her mother was allowed to do whatever she wanted, criticising everything Miaka did. Miaka couldn't afford distractions, she wasn't allowed to have a life, cutting herself off from others so that she could focus on nothing but her studies. She ate too much, she daydreamed too much, her scores were never high enough, Yui should be seen as a rival instead of her best friend. Miaka was fifteen, she had an appetite, she never wasted food, which she thought her mother would be happy about. Maybe she could try considering hospitality as a subject for college. Her daydreams of what her future would be like, of love, of anything, her mother shut them down as a distraction and waste of time. No matter how hard Miaka worked, even when her scores improved her mother was never impressed. Trying to mould Miaka into an ideal daughter, perfection, someone she could praise, someone she could brag to her friends and neighbours about. Comparing her to Keisuke her older brother, to which even her brother argued was unfair. Even trying to turn her against her best friend, if only her mother could see them now.
Yui was the only reason she came back into the universe of the four gods, she could have easily moved on, believed it was a daydream. She could go back to her mundane life and closed the book never to return again. The only reason she came back here after everything, the only reason she had returned to this world, she had the choice to be selfish and ignore her destiny as the priestess. But she couldn't do that, she couldn't forget. Yui needed her, Yui was missing and she was lost, she wouldn't abandon her best friend, not when she needed her most. Yui had been lost, afraid, alone in a strange world where she couldn't recognise anyone and needed her best friend. Transported to the slums of Kuto where she was assaulted in an alley where nobody could hear her scream for help. She begged, cried out for Miaka to help her but she couldn't do anything. Miaka couldn't hear her voice. Now Miaka couldn't reach her, Yui had closed her heart off from Miaka. But now Yui hated her, she had abandoned her home for nothing, Yui would never want to be her best friend ever again, her words wouldn't reach her heart. The person she turned to for advice was now a stranger.
She had nothing left, the things that once kept her grounded and motivated her didn't exist, questioning her existence and what would happen to her now. Keisuke now had the book and would be observing her failure, she felt so ashamed. Her mother wouldn't even notice she was gone, if she did, she would assume the worst, she was off wasting time with her friends, daydreaming, dating, assuming the worst of her. Not that she could be in real danger. She would ask Keisuke what had happened, but then time passed differently in the book than it did in the real world. What had been a year for Miaka was probably merely a week or a few days back home. None of her classmates would care, nobody would bother looking for her. No Yui to cry and complain to, no best friend to comfort and reassure her, nobody familiar, missing home, getting homesick, nostalgic for the things she once took for granted. She couldn't vent to someone who could relate to how she was feeling, what this felt like. Keisuke would be reading the book at home, watching her fail, watching her stumble, all while doing college exams, spending time with his friends and being the golden child. She was just happy he was her ally in all of this, finally getting along as siblings, she knew he would never tell a soul about any of this. She couldn't avoid her fate of summoning Suzaku, she had all her warriors summoned, she had them together at last and yet she had already failed. She had gotten so close and yet failed before she completed her task. But without the scroll from Taiitskun, without all of her warriors, she wouldn't be able to have the ceremony. Without the summoning scroll, without the seven seishi, she would never be able to save her country. She had lost her first love who didn't even recognise her, all he saw was a stranger, an enemy, he hated her with every fibre of his being. He had forgotten about his father, his brothers and sisters who believed he would be fighting for his country, being a hero, protecting Miaka. The ogre mark was gone, due to the kodoku and Nakago's brainwashing, the seal of Suzaku had been sealed away. Her best friend wanted her dead, wanted her to suffer, loved seeing her miserable, their friendship had been destroyed, as if it never existed, merely a nostalgic memory. Yui had her own path and she planned on following it, leaving Miaka behind. She had no issue with starting a war against Miaka and the country she protected.
She felt so empty, as if someone had ripped out her soul, leaving her as a dry husk. She missed the person she used to be, because the person she had become felt unrecognisable. When she looked at herself in a mirror, she felt like an imposter, as though someone else was in her reflection. Wishing she could go back, that if she had never entered the book, if she had never opened the damn pages, if she had just ignored it and gone about her business, her life would be back to normal. She could have avoided her fate, she could have avoided becoming the host to Suzaku, her warriors could wait for her. Yui would still be her best friend, they could still joke around like they used to, they would grab snacks after school, they would go to kareoke and joke around. Yui would still be warm, gentle and kind, always there when Miaka needed her, the shoulder to lean on when she needed it most. Instead of bitter, hurt and broken, the empty glare that made Miaka feel afraid, the words like knives, the barrier between them. They could go home together, studying together for high school and talk about their dreams, or god even gossip about boys. They could go to a tea shop, Yui could visit their house like they used to, reflecting on what the future would hold. Her mum would probably be nicer, she could annoy Keisuke to her hearts had never asked to be a priestess, it was never what she wanted, she doubted Takiko or Suzuno had felt the same when they realised their bonds to Genbu and Byakko. This same fear, hesitation, reservation, confusion and conflict, wishing she could ask them for help, wishing she could learn from them, of what she should do. But fate had chosen her to protect Konan and summon the crimson god. She was only fifteen, how was she supposed to know what to do?
Hotohori slowly opened the door to Miaka's chambers, an expression of sympathy and sorrow formed across his features, she hadn't left her room in weeks. After the surprise attack upon their attempted rescue of Tamahome, Miaka had withdrawn into herself. She refused to speak about what happened, her voice dying, merely crying, changing the subject and avoiding the subject of Tamahome. He hated seeing Miaka like this, it tore him apart, the warmth, kindness and endless optimism she was known for had flickered out, replaced by distance, false smiles and pessimism. The woman he loved, the girl who had stolen his heart, watching her fade away into a shell of herself. The same fire that made her the avatar for Suzaku had burned away into a flicker. She hadn't been eating, she barely left her room, turning away any visitors, picking at her food and turning away meals. She no longer got excited over the smell of food, she no longer enjoyed snacks or laughed like she used to. She didn't wander the grounds or finding ways of bonding with her warriors. She created barriers that kept them apart, closing off her heart to them. She wasn't sleeping well, dark circles appearing under her eyes, laying in her bed but never once able to find the comfort of sleep. She had lost weight, her appearance becoming weaker. He hated feeling like this, this sense of helpless weakness, feeling that all his attempts were futile. Knowing there was nothing he could do to ease her pain, that the pain in her heart may never go away. Seeing her become a shell of the person she used to be, the memories of the girl who first appeared in the book may never appear before him again. Her vigour for life, her endless optimism and love, it may have been ripped out of her. He knew she was upset, he knew that her heart was filled with pain, he could only imagine what she was going through, but then in some ways fully understand it. For the person you loved to forget your existence, what you meant to each other, that love to turn into hatred. That the life you had, it was all history, it would never go back to the way it was, it had to be such a cruel fate to accept. But Tamahome made his choice to leave, sacrificing himself so Miaka could gather her warriors and summon Suzaku. He willingly travelled to Kuto to distract Yui while Miaka began her search, hoping to sneak back with Yui and complete their mission. But Yui had been sneaky, she had used tactics to ensure Tamahome would never return and Suzaku would never be summoned.
"Miaka, we have brought you food, we asked the kitchens to make your favourite. It's important you consume nourishment, the servants tell me you are looking frail" he soothed. Even if she didn't finish the whole plate, even if she took just a few bites, it would still ease their worries. He even considered forcing her to eat, but then he wasn't that cruel. He just wanted her to eat something, they all did. They wanted her to get better, renew her strength.
Miaka wrapped the blanket around herself, shielding herself from their gaze, her gaze directed elsewhere, refusing to look at them. She felt such guilt at letting them down, her failure to be able to predict Kuto's schemes to ensure her failure. She couldn't bare their pity, their empathy, it just made her feel worse. She appreciated their concern, how worried they were about her, she appreciated how much they cared, but she wasn't hungry. She didn't want to sleep, she couldn't sleep, she didn't want to see anyone, she just wanted to be left alone. She wanted to bask in her misery, embrace her feelings and reflect, she was human, she was a teenager. Being broody, moody and having immature moments came with all the joys of puberty. All her dreams were about Tamahome, of Yui, remembering the happy times, then dreaming nightmares of them together while she was left behind, fighting off the nightmares that made her feel worse. She remembered that dinner with Yui, having wine thrown on her as Yui revealed her scars and hatred of Miaka. Tamahome throwing her against the wall, injuring her arm, breaking her bones as he attacked her in front of Yui. Then attempting to finish the job after she sneaked away to their meeting spot before Tasuki saved her. The same painful memories playing on repeat in her head, unable to make them go away. Food didn't taste good anymore, bitter, tasteless and dissatisfying, nothing made her happy. "I'm not hungry" she mumbled coldly
Nuriko became upset, his gaze filled with heartache, worry and distress, yes he had teased Miaka previously in the past before coming to care for her. Harbouring strong brotherly affections for her which slowly morphed into romantic love. He respected her need for space, he knew the storm of emotions she was feeling would be overwhelming, coming to terms with it all. But they were trying to help her. This meal was made especially for Miaka, remembering the foods she loved most of all, even adding ingredients to aid with her health. He knew Miaka wasn't eating, but she could die or make herself sick if she didn't eat, her body wouldn't be able to last much longer. Soon it would shut down or she would even faint. He understood how much she was hurting, the anguish that was going on inside, being betrayed by your best friend, someone you had loved and trusted since your adolescence, the pain was like nothing you could imagine. He could only imagine how she was feeling right now. But watching her destroy herself was breaking their hearts, she was like a little sister to many of them, others she was a role model and even a crush. They all cared for her in different ways, all of them waiting for her to appear. They all loved her so much. "Miaka, honey, you'll make yourself sick if you don't eat" he warned softly, he was trying his hardest not to snap at her, not to lose his temper and vent of how frustrated he was. Of how much he wanted to yell at her of how her actions were effecting them all. Her body wouldn't survive without food, her weight, her skin, her strength, on top of the fact that she was fifteen and needed this energy to grow. She needed to take care of herself, now more than ever, she was the vessel for Suzaku, the whole country was relying on her to protect them and save their country. She couldn't fall apart now. He wanted to scoop her into his arms and tell her everything would be ok, she would get through this, it would take time, she would heal, but it would work out somehow.
Miaka glared at them, her golden eyes cold and harsh, empty of any light or warmth, her eyes red and puffy from crying, tear marks stained on her cheeks. A cruel expression on her face, she was sick of being coddled, patronised and told what to do. She was sick of being treated like a child, she was the one with the power, she was the one Suzaku had chosen. So she had every right to be selfish, she had the right think about herself. 'What do you care? You don't know how I feel at all! I can't go home, I'm trapped here and I have no way back! My mum has always seen me as a burden. The only person who ever believed in me, who I loved and trusted most of all, my best friend now considers me her enemy. My first crush was stolen by my best friend. Now I have nothing! I lost the scroll of Suzaku, I can't find my remaining warriors, I can't summon Suzaku! The only reason I came back here was for Yui, because I couldn't protect her she got hurt! I have no friends, my mum constantly reminds me I'm a failure. Yet she's happy to see another man behind our backs. Tamahome forget me so easily too, he promised to protect me but left as soon as things got hard. Nobody cares about me, I'm just a fool. A stupid greedy little girl who keeps fucking up" she screamed, her sobs erupting loudly. Even in her world, the modern era of Japan, her life was far from perfect, despite what the people of this world may believe, her universe had the same issues. Poverty, starvation, crime, except the comparison to universe of the four gods and her modern world were very different. Back home she was unpopular, despite her mothers protests that dating was a distraction, nobody paid her much attention regardless. All the boys called her ditzy, lazy or a pig, saying she daydreamed and spaced out too much, saying all she cared about was food and was too weird. Intimidated by her appetite and constant love of snacks. The only positive comment they could make was that she was cute. All the boys in their year wanted to date Yui, the pretty, intelligent one, everyone asked if Yui was single, if she was seeing someone, praising her grades, her looks and more. Never once did she get a love letter or a confession from anyone, Yui had comforted her about this endless times. Miaka's daydreams of finding love, finding a boyfriend, being able to date, they were constantly shattered into nothing. She could never have a boyfriend, even when someone showed an interest in her, her mother called it a pointless distraction, that her exams were crucial. Turning away any boy that Miaka tried to contact. Now she was freed of her mothers control forever, she never had to come home again and she was free to make her own choices.
Yui was her best friend, her confidant, she could tell her everything, she could lower her guard and know she would never be judged for it. Yui was there at her lowest, when her parents divorced, when she was rejected, when she felt like a failure. Always helping with study notes, advice and making her smile, comforting Miaka and helping her through it all. Now she had left her behind and forgotten her, she revelled in Miaka's suffering and even made schemes to assure she did. Tamahome was her first crush, the first boy to notice her, to give her butterflies and steal her first kiss. The first boy to pay her any attention whatsoever, of course she would become attached to him. She really wanted to like him, she really wanted to trust him, she had fallen for his boyish charms and mysterious nature. But all he had cared about was money, all he cared about was the coin he could earn, he only ever looked out for himself. Tamahome had been sweet to her, he had shown her kindness, she met his family, she had felt accepted, loved, knowing his family were part of the people she would be protecting. How could she face them now? Telling them Tamahome had become the enemy, that he had abandoned her and Suzaku? She couldn't do it. Maybe if she just vanished, maybe if she disappeared of the face of the planet she could know peace, if Suzaku consumed her, just like Takiko. Then the battle against Yui would end, she couldn't ruin anyone else's life, she wouldn't be the disappointing daughter and Yui could have her revenge.
Nuriko's expression warped into hurt, tears spiking his eyes as he felt his heart ripped to pieces, every seishi had a bond with Miaka, more special than anything anyone could imagine. Connected to her soul, vowed to protect her until their deaths. He knew Miaka was hurting, that she was throwing daggers out of spite, she would never truly say such awful things. But it still hurt him to hear these words coming from her mouth. Like they hadn't been by her side all this time, through hell and high water, protecting her with their lives. This was Miaka, his best friend, the first person to realise he was a crossdresser and bisexual. Miaka had inspired them in so many ways, living up their expectations of her and more. It had to be frightening, being transported to another world, away from your family and all that was familiar, abruptly told that you were the priestess who represented their whole country. Trapped here with no way back, but all seven of them were born to protect her, come hell or high water. They loved Miaka, flaws and all.
Hotohori's previously calm expression warped into hurt and anger, this was the last straw, he couldn't observe in silence any longer. He could no longer remain neutral and keep his opinions to himself. He was human too, he had a heart and soul that loved, lost, hurt and healed. From losing Miaka to Tamahome, the strains and dangers she faced gathering her warriors, discovering what happened to Yui and now losing Tamahome. He had restrained his anger, he had been respectful and merely offered advice and kindness, balancing his role as emperor and a warrior. His jealousy towards Tamahome, his disrespect and cruelty towards her feelings, her burden and guilt of what happened to Yui, feeling responsible for tamahome's actions and more. Miaka shouldered all her blame and internalised it, no more, he refused to hold back, grabbing Miaka's shoulders tightly and gazing into her eyes intensely. "Don't you ever say we don't care Miaka, we were born to protect you, we waited years for you to appear! As a child I only knew loneliness and pain, my family was nearly assassinated, my stepmother despised me and I knew not familial nor emotional love. From the day I was born, love was alien to me. I dreamed, longed for the day you would appear, the priestess of Suzaku. To love me as a man. I have watched you and Tamahome, despite my jealousy, I wished you happiness and repressed my love for you. Your mother may not have been kind, Tamahome made a bad choice and your best friend Yui has lost her way. But we all love you Miaka, we would die for you. Nuriko keeps you out of trouble, he follows you everywhere. Tasuki nearly got himself killed fighting Tamahome. I would kill any man who tried to lay his hand on you, just as that bandit leader attempted to. I love you Miaka, I have loved you since I was a boy, since before I met you, before you came to our world. I love you now, more and more each day. So don't you dare call yourself nothing again" he snapped, nearly on the verge of tears. He had always felt like the outsider of his family, he was never loved, given affection or treated as a person, instead from a young age he was shouldered with the expectations of others. Reminded of his role as future king, arranged marriages, politics and more. The carefree life his friends knew was something alien to him, which is why he was so grateful of his bond with them. Miaka reminded him of what it felt to be human, to be loved. She inspired a love in him he never thought he was deserving of or capable of feeling. He loved Miaka through every up and down she faced, he would do anything for her. He needed her to know her value, her worth and just how far he would go for her.
Nuriko merely stared in awe at the emperor, everyone knew of his feelings for Miaka, how from the moment she appeared in their world the emperor had treated her differently. From attempting to kiss her, from seducing her, gestures of affection and romance. Treating her with the highest respect and helping her grow as a person. His residual affections he harboured. His cheeks flushed, slightly jealous of the fact nobody had shown him such affection before. Yes he had a crush on Tamahome and Hotohori, but nothing to the level of sincerity Hotohori had just conveyed. Such a hearfelt gesture, it made him want to burst into tears. He had finally confessed to Miaka after all this time, but instead of repressing them, he had spoken them aloud "Your majesty..." he muttered.
Miaka stared at him in awe, all her rage dissipating, all of the bitterness within her seeped out of her. Forgetting why she was ever angry, the hostility she had shown all this time. Her face softened and her body relaxed, her expression one of shock. This was the first time she had seen Hotohori lose his cool, he was usually so composed, resilient and patient. His face flushed, his hair a mess, his eyes intense with anger, his cheeks flushed "Hoto...hori..." she stammered. Hotohori blushed, realising what he had just abruptly blurted aloud, he had longed to confess to Miaka, imagining scenarios in which he admitted his love. However, none of them were ever acted upon, nor did they happen like this. He had just made a fool of himself upon losing his temper, behaving childishly, but he couldn't bear watching the girl he loved tearing herself apart. He knew this would change things but he couldn't run away now. Miaka meant the world to him and more.
Nuriko got to his feet, politely smiling "I'll leave you to eat Miaka, his majesty can keep an eye on you" he smiled, leaving them to talk alone. They had a lot to talk about, they would need time, he wished them both luck in their endeavours. But he couldn't help but feel a little sad about it.
Miaka chewed on a mouthful of food, suddenly realising how hungry she was, her stomach ravaging the meal before her, but she paced herself, taking small bites and chewing, she hadn't eaten in so long she could make herself sick. Suddenly, the food tasted better than she remembered, maybe due to her lack of appetite but maybe because she was feeling a little better. Hotohori looked relieved to see her eating, a small smile on his face, she felt even worse about how kind he was to her despite how bratty she had behaved. Hotohori was always so kind to her, her wellbeing constantly on his mind. He was painfully selfless, which is why his people adored him. She could tell he was really worried about her, ever since their mutual outbursts, he hadn't spoken a word about what had happened. His confession of love, she knew Hotohori was attracted to her and had harboured feelings for her since his adolescence. However, upon meeting her for the first time he was respectful but acted upon his feelings. He had conveyed his affection for her numerous times but she had rejected him each time. She peered at him through her fringe, her cheeks flushed, she had seen a side of Hotohori she never thought possible. Harbouring a warm gentleness that made her feel safe. Until now he had always been so calm and mature, rarely angered by anyone or anything, he never lost his temper, nor did he harass anyone. But he was a still a teenager like herself, he was still human, he had his limits and breaking points. He had been so abrupt, so passionate and so volatile, the eyes of a man, full of desire.
She hesitated, she didn't want to ignore what had happened, she couldn't live with the tension it would bring. Somehow it would occur in conversation again. Until now he had been the calm, rational and mature member of the Suzaku seven, the emperor of their country. She wanted to understand, she wanted to try and she wanted to accept him. Hotohori had been nothing but good to her, he protected her against bandits, willing to follow her orders, putting himself at risk for her wellbeing. He tolerated being harassed, he worried for, cared for her. He was ideal man most girls back home dreamed about. "Did... did you mean what you said?" she stammered. She had never known he had such a lonely, traumatic childhood, she knew he was born into a wealthy royal family. But most people expected the dream life, to be waited on hand and foot. To be able to live luxuriously, being waited on etc. But they never considered any of the stresses, strains or dangers he may have faced. She couldn't imagine what that must have been like for him, but then after hearing his story she realised how much she related to him. Much like herself, his parents hadn't been perfect, while her parents loved her, their unhappy marriage made it hard for herself and Tetsuya. While Hotohori had known no form of affection from either parent. Miaka was pressured about her grades constantly, while Hotohori received the best education possible, but it isolated him from others. They were so alike how had she never seen it before? How was he so kind? How had he not become corrupt, bitter, miserable and cruel? Compared to the Kuto emperor, Hotohori was beloved by everyone, his people and his court. Let alone that his love and devotion for her accumulated for that long, he was truly devoted to her, probably the most. He'd been in love with her since he heard the stories of his countries priestess as a young boy. As he grew up he developed an affection for her, the story of the priestess who would save their world. Even now after meeting her, he was drawn to her, courting her, seducing her, conveying his feelings.
Hotohori blushed, he regretted his actions, he had been raised better than this, improper outbursts were impolite and he'd been cruel to her even if it was the truth. Miaka had been hurting, she had been traumatised, within enemy territory, surrounded by Kuto soldiers. She had said cruel words she didn't mean. Which led to Hotohori pouring his heart out to her in hopes of comforting her. Confessing how much the Suzaku Seishi needed her, how much he needed her, how he had loved her all this time, even when she was courting Tamahome. How he wanted her to choose him. Tamahome had been kidnapped, brainwashed and being held against his will in Kuto for the entertainment of their priestess and general Nakago. He had sacrificed himself selflessly so that they could continue their mission and no more of konan's people would be slaughtered by Nakago's army. Hotohori hated the part of himself that was relieved that he had Miaka to himself, but also filled with empathy of the difficult decisions she was being forced to make. "I'm sorry Miaka, that was not appropriate to yell at you, my feelings for you and my concern got the better of me" he apologised.
Miaka frowned, Hotohori's words had given her the wake up call she needed and reminded her of the fact that someone needed her. Why was he apologising? She had been a brat and vented her problems onto him, yelling at the Suzaku seishi who had been nothing but kind to her, none of this was their fault. Everyone was always protecting her, putting her best interests at mind and assuring she was kept out of harms way. Hotohori had just confessed his feelings to her, he had opened his heart to her, lowered his guard and shown a significant form of vulnerability towards her. Once again devoting his loyalty to her. Miaka couldn't pretend anymore, she didn't know anything about love, back home she had watched TV drama's, read books and observed couples. But aside from girlish crushes she had never truly known a sincere love. Tamahome was her first crush, a coming of age moment where she realised what love could feel like. But Hotohori was mature, patient, self aware and self sacrificing, he'd conveyed his wish to make her his empress on numerous occasions. He'd accepted her wish to die when she was cursed by the plague demon that possessed Mitsukake's lover Shouka. He'd fought against Bandits, he'd dived into the palace lake to save her from drowning, time and time again he had put his life on the line to protect her. She couldn't deny his devotion to her, his sincerity and unwavering loyalty, he never so much as looked at another woman. His court advisors pestering him to find a wife in order to carry on his progeny, plenty of favourable and acceptable women in his harem. She would never understand why of all women he had chosen her. She placed down her tray of food, leaning towards him to take his hand, her golden green eyes gentle and warm "Hotohori, do you really love me?" she pressed patiently. Tamahome was the first boy to confess to her, Hotohori was the second, she was more popular in this world than she was back home. But upon comparing her two admirers, she had time to reflect and asses which relationship would be healthier and make her happier. He'd made it clear time and time again how much he cared for her, protecting her, promising he would wait for her. They had never spoken clearly or personally about his feelings before, it had always just been a passing thought, a background reminder, awkward tension, due to her obsession with Tamahome.
Hotohori nodded, a shy but fond smile forming on his lips "Your warmth, your smile, your kindness, your undying optimism, Miaka you see the best in everyone, even those you should consider your enemies. You are truly a passionate soul Miaka" he reflected. Just like the beast god she represented, Miaka carried a fire inside of her that wasn't easily diminished, loyal to those she protected and served. She was a strong minded person, once her mind was made up it was hard to convince her otherwise. Her smile was bright and warm as the sun, which is what attracted him to her. She had helped them all, she had proven her bravery in saving Shouka, she had entered enemy territory to rescue Tamahome and Yui. She had put herself in danger, ignoring her vulnerability all to complete her mission. It only made him fall deeper in love with her.
Miaka pouted, she'd been belittled and teased her whole life, even if it was done out of fondness or a joke, often denting her courage and confidence. Tamahome always called her childish, an idiot, loud and a pain in the ass. But here sat the emperor, accepting all of her flaws and confessing his feelings for her. "Even when I eat like a pig, whine and act like a crybaby" she protested. He had never once complained or been put off by her appetite, he never scolded her or insulted her when she was childish or got herself into mischief. He was stern, fair, offering words of wisdom and concern. No matter how many times she cried, got emotional or sulked, he was always there when she needed him.
Hotohori chuckled and squeezed her hand "Yes, even then" he reassured her, Miaka wore her heart on her sleeve and never pretended to be someone she wasn't. She wasn't ashamed to be herself even if others didn't always agree. She never got mad at Nuriko's pranks when he was jealous, which led to them becoming friends. She had helped care for Tamahome's family and led to them accepting her as an older sister figure. Miaka was often ditzy, off in her own world and lost in thought, but she meant well. He loved that Miaka was true to herself, she never had to put on airs or a false persona to impress people, she was the person he had always wanted to be. He could be himself, act his age and find comfort in her presence.
Miaka blushed, she felt her heart fluttering and her head grow light, Hotohori had to be the most romantic and charismatic person she had ever met. He was nothing like the immature boys who catcalled and joked around for attention back home, he was respectful, gentle and kind. She knew the emperors love ran deep, he considered her as his empress, wife material, someone he would gladly protect and rule his country alongside. He considered a future with her, a life with her, when she was gone, he missed her. She was always in his thoughts and he made that clear. Nothing like Tamahome's cocky schoolboy crush on her, nothing like his selfish, immature and stubborn behaviour. However, this newfound information was a lot to take in, she wanted to make this relationship work, she knew communication was key. But she didn't want to mess this up and rush into things. "Gomen... I'm still in shock from all this, I know... I know Tamahome is gone, he's not coming back, but... I... I need time, so I was wondering..." she trailed off. When was the last time she had fun, when was the last time she had taken things easy? She had rushed head first into her relationship with Tamahome. She wanted to consider Hotohori's feelings, hobbies and interests.
Hotohori felt as though his heart was being squeezed, after conveying his love to Miaka he had been met with the same reservation as before. There was someone in her heart she couldn't forget, he had gotten his hopes up too soon, he should have known rejection would be his answer, Tamahome meant too much to her. He had knowingly befallen the same fate, that he would continue to fall deeper in love with his priestess despite knowing her heart belonged to another. How could he believe she could ever love him?
Miaka saw the crestfallen look on Hotohori's face, the acceptance of knowing he wouldn't be worthy in her eyes. That she was thinking of another Seishi when he had confessed to her. She didn't want to break his heart, not after her own had been ripped out and smashed to pieces, now that she could understand his feelings. She knew what he was thinking and she wouldn't make the same mistake again. Tamahome wasn't coming back, Yui loved him and nothing would make him remember her, he belonged to Yui now. Nakago would never let him escape, Yui would never release him, he would remain by her side. She had the chance to be happy with Hotohori, she had the chance to allow herself to heal, experience love again and grow from this. She could be kind to herself, she would find another way to summon Suzaku and help her people, she just needed to find out how. He would treat her as his princess, no his empress, she would be treated with respect, care and dedication. The court would become aware of their relationship, of their romance. She would be safe, the people would know. She would be protected and cared for, no harm would ever come to her. She smiled shyly, tucking her hair behind her ear, she felt butterflies in her stomach, but for once she didn't ignore them. When was the last time she felt this way about a boy? "C... could we start off as dating? I...um... in my world, when you like someone, you... you go out together, like a trial. You get food, you flirt...you talk, bond" she babbled. Trying to explain the methods of courtship in her world compared to the book must have sounded strange. Things here worked vastly different than the way she was used to. She knew how stupid she sounded, how was she supposed to say courting in her world consisted of conversation, gifts, food and then parting ways. You courted your crush, conveying an interest in bonding with them in hopes of finding love, if things went well a relationship blossomed and marriage could sometimes follow.
Hotohori blinked in surprise, a look of shock on his face, this was not the response he had prepared himself for. He felt a fog form in his mind as the shock filled his body, his hands trembling from excitement and nerves. Was she? It couldn't be? Was Miaka accepting his feelings for her? Had she finally opened her heart to him and accepted his love? Asking him to take his courtship slow, but accepting that she was willing to do so before entering a relationship with him? He felt his eyes stinging with tears of happiness, a great urge to break into tears. He had never believed this day would come nor that he could feel this kind of happiness. A look of love formed on his face, whatever made Miaka happy, whatever she was comfortable with. He would support her wishes and love her as she deserved. He would enjoy walks around the palace grounds, dinner with her, private moments in his chambers and more. Anything that would make her smile and allow him to spend time with her "I would like that very much Miaka, if it makes you happy, Wo Ai ni" he accepted.
Miaka breathed a sigh of relief she didn't even realise she was holding in, she knew Hotohori would never push her, he would never make her uncomfortable. She could see the love in his eyes, the endearment and the only thing on his mind right now was her. She squeezed Hotohori's hand tightly, a silent message of comfort, she knew Hotohori would take care of her. She would be safe with him, he would never do anything to hurt her, he would never make her cry, he would never raise a hand to her. She reflected on the path that led to this moment, from their first meeting till now, what would become of her future, of this newfound love. She remembered the journey to find the remaining Suzaku Seishi, all the troubles they had faced along the way. She remembered the rage Hotohori had conveyed upon her being harassed by the bandit leader, she remembered the hurt in his eyes when she cried. The way his lips had felt upon hers, soft, passionate, hungry, she blushed at the memory "D... Do you remember when we were kidnapped by the old Reikaku bandit boss?" Miaka asked. He had kissed her back then, but then he kissed her after he saved her from drowning too, conveying to her his deepest feelings. The love she inspired in him, the love he wanted to share with her.
Hotohori blushed at the memory, being able to kiss Miaka had been the happiest moment of his life. When they were alone in the forest before the mount Reikaku bandits had kidnapped them, then kissing her again upon saving her from drowning. Her lips had been so soft, so sweet, like kissing a peach, a feeling he would remember for the rest of his life. He had never known love, he had never experienced love until he met Miaka, someone who made him feel whole. Something in Miaka made his heart flutter, he knew they could have been killed or worse, not everyone in Konan liked the suzaku Seishi, nor the priestess. Being able to kiss her for what could have been the last time was worth it. Miaka shifted, she wasn't experienced in romance or boys, but everyone had a learning point. She wanted to experience love again, she wanted to be happy again. But she was scared of messing up, fiddling with her fingers, mustering what courage she could find. She was trying to be brave, steadying herself, she knew if she wanted to stop, Hotohori would respect her wishes without question. She licked her lips bravely, taking a deep breath "W...Want to do it again?" she asked. She wanted to kiss Hotohori, but this time at her own pace, she wanted to touch him. Doing what she was comfortable with, no intrusion from Nuriko, none of the other warriors nosying around and eavesdropping. No Tamahome to shame her for it or get childishly jealous. She wanted to kiss Hotohori, to truly know how it felt, to know what it felt like to be loved by him. Hotohori moved forward, watching her response as he did so, his brown eyes intense, gentle and warm. She could get lost in those eyes for days, hours, reminding her of chocolate. She didn't flinch, she didn't look uncomfortable and she didn't edge away from him, which he took as a good sign, he placed a hand on her knee, but she didn't push it away. He slowly tilted her head back with his free hand, gazing at her so they were eye to eye, staring into her soul. He admired her more than he ever had before, drinking her in, the flush of her cheeks, the intensity of her eyes, how beautifully her hair fell upon her face, how her lips reminded him of flower petals. He waited patiently, admiring her features, before she realised he was asking for permission. She nodded in approval, assuring she wanted this, though she was of course nervous. Hotohori smiled warmly in response, soothing her, he leaned towards her, kissing her softly but intensely. Pressing his body against hers, feeling her breasts press against his chest, the scent of her perfume filling his senses. Miaka still holding onto the hand that held hers, her free hand gripping his robes for support, she had never been kissed in such a way that she felt breathless. She had never expected that when she entered the world of the book she would find love.
This felt like a dream, everything he had ever wanted and more, Hotohori would treasure this moment for the rest of his life. The day the woman he had loved, dreamt of, waited for, finally became his lover. Miaka had chosen him, he never thought this was possible, kissing the girl he loved, being able to touch her. Knowing he finally had a chance of his longterm desired happiness with her, of building a life with her.
"I know Hotohori can make me happy, forgetting Tamahome, abandoning my feelings for him will be hard. But I can take baby steps at least. This way, Yui can be happy and Tamahome will be safe" Miaka reflected. Hotohori was her second chance, she deserved to be loved, she deserved to heal from heartache. This way Yui could let go of her bitterness and understand she had won. She would still remember Tamahome, feelings would linger, he would always be linked to her as a warrior. She could move on, she could forget in time, she could take the mature path to learning to love again. She knew Yui loved Tamahome, she had fallen for him around the same time Miaka had, reading about him from their world, willing to steal him to obtain her happiness. After the trauma she had endured, her horrific entrance into the world of the book, she deserved to find comfort. She was willing to give him up, so Yui could be happy. Maybe they she could reach a truce with this, Yui could have Tamahome and Miaka could find a new love. "Goodbye my first crush" Miaka sighed.
Yui felt a warm sensation in her chest, a tingling comfort that she hadn't felt in a long time, something within her was appeased and comforted. The fluttering of birds wings, like something had been released from a cage, the feeling of butterflies in her stomach. She felt relieved, calm, healed, as if something ugly within her had been destroyed. For some unknown reason her hatred had lessened, some part of her grudge had depleted. A connection to Tamahome had weakened, some form of fate had been severed, had the Suzaku warriors interfered somehow? Had the spell on Tamahome worn off? The kodoku Nakago gave her? No, Nakago assured that wasn't possible and couldn't happen, Tamahome was hers and thus Miaka would never be happy again. Nakago wouldn't lie to her, he was her most trusted warrior of Seiryu, he had been the one to save her from her attackers. She felt confused, she felt someone's defeat and profuse sadness, the aching emptiness. A true sadness as if a bond had been severed, a heart had been broken. If she had gotten what she wanted why did she feel so empty? She had won, she had achieved her goal, she had stolen Tamahome from Miaka. She had stolen Miaka's love and made it so that he would never remember her. He would hate Miaka for the rest of his life. But she felt awful for it, she had taken someone else's lover as her own, she had forced Tamahome to love her. He was obsessed with her, he lived for her, he was now a warrior of Seiryu. Nakago had made it so he came here of his own volition, but in order to make him stay she had to play dirty. Using underhanded means, brainwashing and magic. She didn't understand, she got what she wanted.
"Tamahome!" she called loudly, she needed comfort, assurance, she didn't like this feeling. Where was Nakago? Where was Tamahome? Why didn't they answer her? A wave of anxiety filled her, waves of panic flowing through her, her body trembling like a leaf. She bolted in the direction of Tamahome's chambers, an uneasy gnawing in her stomach, she didn't understand what caused this. She slammed open the door to his room, her chest heaving with desperation. Tamahome was sat on his bed, her eyes widened as she realised he was crying, his blue eyes empty, glassy and filled with longing. Tears pouring down his cheeks, spilling everywhere, some spilling onto the floor, a storm of emotions flowing through him. She had never seen him so distressed before, not even when he was brought to Kuto. He looked heartbroken, what could have caused this change in him. Yui approached him worriedly, placing a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, afraid of what would happen if she upset him further. "Tamahome" she repeated urgently, presing him to answer her. What had Miaka done? Why was Tamahome crying so profusely? Had she cast a spell? She knew one of her warriors Chichiri was well adversed in magic, having trained under Taiitskun, could she have asked him to use magic on Tamahome? She didn't understand. Miaka better not have done something awful, flashes of frightening images dancing in her mind, every worst case scenario she could think of. Miaka had been her best friend, her confidant, as much as she hated her, some part of her felt guilty. What had she driven Miaka to do that Tamahome would feel? Something that Yui would hate herself for. She had only ever been jealous, she loved Tamahome too, she had met him the same time as Miaka. She had harboured a crush on him while reading the book from their world. But what hurt more was that Miaka forgot about her, forgot her while she obsessed over a boy she barely knew. She knew Miaka better than him, she knew her better than any of the Suzaku warriors and Seiryu warriors. She knew her like the pages of a book. As much as she hated Miaka for her suffering, even she had limits, she wasn't a monster.
Tamahome gazed up at Yui confused, staring at him with reservation and concern, afraid to approach but desperate to ease his pain. He couldn't explain the feelings inside of him. He felt an emptiness, a pain inside of him he couldn't explain, like something precious had been ripped away from him. He loved Yui, he was born to protect Yui, he belonged to her, so why would he ever feel sadness? This unexplainable feeling, like something important had been taken away from him, was it because of that girl? The priestess of Suzaku? As if someone had forgotten him "I... I'm sorry Yui, I... the tears, they just won't stop, I.. I don't understand" he muttered. He couldn't think of any logical reason for him to be feeling or acting this way. Was this a spell, was he unwell? What was happening to him?
Yui's eyes widened, suddenly everything made sense as to what could be distressing Tamahome. Why she felt a connection had been severed and something within her was freed. How could she have forgotten? A memory of the past flashing through her mind, before she was pulled into the book in Miaka's place, when Miaka was still being introduced to her warriors. The emperor had been in love with Miaka too, confessing his love to her and asking her to become his empress, causing a rivalry for Miaka's affections between himself and Miaka. Miaka must have given up Tamahome, abandoning her love for him in the place of someone else. Not that Miaka would have any choice, she had given up and relented to Yui's love for Tamagome. Miaka had chosen to let her win, to let Yui have Tamahome as a peace offering. Why was Miaka always so kind? Why did she always forgive her? Was this a peace offering? Hoping to renew their friendship? But why? Why would she so easily relent to what Yui wanted? Yui hadn't played fair, she had selfishly taken Miaka's lover away from her by force, she had mocked her that Tamahome was hers. She had gone out of her way to hurt Miaka, to vent the pain inside of her heart. Even though Tamahome was a Suzaku warrior? That he belonged by Miaka's side with the rest of the Seishi, that fate would never allow them to be apart. Was this a trick? A way to lower her guard so Miaka could attack her? This had to be a trick, a scheme, so Yui would lower her guard so Miaka could try and rescue him again.
Miaka's voice echoed in her mind "I came back for you Yui, you and Tamahome both"
Yui growled, rage filling her, why now was she remembering the fond memories of Miaka, her crying face. Miaka's sincerity and patience? This wasn't fair, a sense of conflict filling her heart. They were supposed to be enemies, opposing priestesses from enemy nations. How was she supposed to hate Miaka with this? She had let her win, she had given her Tamahome instead of coming to save him, ruining her plan to get revenge on her. She wanted Miaka to suffer, to endure the same heartache and loneliness. Yet she gave her Tamahome so she could know love and happiness, to heal the wounds in her heart. "You idiot Miaka, why? Even though I..." she trailed off, her voice wobbling, they were supposed to be enemies.
Tamahome gazed at Yui in confusion, why was she crying? Yui had burst into his room in a state of panic only to witness him crying and then burst into tears herself. He didn't understand what was happening or why she was acting this way. Had something happened? Had she had a bad dream? But he knew she needed comfort from him. He pulled her into his arms to hug her, he wanted to comfort her, wishing he knew what was wrong.