A/N: Exit stage right

Inspiration Song(s): Ivy - Quick, Painless And Easy

APoV

He uses sex as a weapon.

While Christian was sleeping, I gently extricated myself from his arms, making sure he remained asleep, before seeking the privacy of the sub bedroom.

I rinse between my legs again. I've scrubbed my body for what seems like an hour. Did he fuck her? Then return home to come inside me? I feel as filthy on the inside as Leila was on the outside. Bile claws its way up the back of my throat.

Marriage? Who says that? At a time like that? He must be guiltier than I imagined.

I try to envision marriage with him. No baby, she was really dirty. I had to save her with your loofah.

He says words, but I don't know what to believe. Any argument necessitates a thesaurus and independent counsel. Did you have sex with her? Did you fuck her? Did she suck your cock? Did you command her to do anything else? Did she volunteer? The gun had been discarded. Where was the danger for me after Leila was disarmed? Did she drop the soap? How stupid do you believe I am?

I knew it would end with bang and a whimper and it had.

Anyway, you will take what you need.

He had taken over my entire life. From my clothes to my shoes to my parents even down to the men I'm sure were following me now. He even owns my place of work. There's no way to escape him without hitting the kill switch.

Maybe deep down he's a good man, but the amount of power he wields was enough to drive a good man mad. He always thinks I'm running. Why would he think that? Could it be because he knows no-one sane would stay?

Anyway, you will take it from me.

It didn't have to be this way; I had said goodbye and walked out. He was the bird and I was the fish. To each his own. If he wasn't sure, why did he pursue me? I'd told him to get his shit together. Instead, he gathered it, dumped it in my apartment, then watched it hit the fan.

He didn't even call the police. Had he been the one held at gunpoint in his own damn apartment? Being arrested might have done Leila a world of good. Doubt it would have been her first time wearing cuffs.

Why didn't I call the police? Because he had the situation under control. Because I couldn't violate the NDA. Because it would make Christian angry. Meanwhile, I'm sent away and given the right to remain silent, and ignorant.

Given the choice between Leila and me, he chose the one who would kneel.

I don't want you to leave me
But you'll go anyway.

The choice between listening to me over the teachings of his molester? Should I be surprised he chose her, too? Guess I was the stupid one, believing in the power of love. I was fighting an uphill battle and my enemies, his enemies, he treats as allies and prodigals.

I know how you'll go down.

Before Kate convinced me to move with her to Seattle where we would start living our adult lives, I'd entertained the thought of a gap year, just a small amount of time to decompress. I've been through a lot in my surprisingly short life. Some of it when I was a teenager but quite a bit of it now. I never thought I'd have to deal with psychotic ex-girlfriends and a neurotic ex-wife who doesn't know they're divorced.

Anyway, you will get what you want.

I didn't count on leering bosses and that's without counting my boss's boss's boss. Right now I'm just very unhappy. Am I even old enough for this quarter-life crisis? I pulled my clothes back on preparing for the Walk of Shame. I know that they're probably not looking at the cameras now because honestly who would really want to see the Christian Grey sex show, especially if they worked here and had to watch the cameras week after week?

I didn't want to have to spend my life in a ceaseless struggle to hold onto a man whose idea of commitment is a quarter or semi-annual timeframe. Seriously, what did he promise? No rules? The man is nothing but rules. Rules for everything and everyone. My acting chops are just not up to standard. When I realized what he had done. What he had taken. It wasn't the last straw. It was just the latest in an ongoing series of unfortunate, but ultimately preventable, events.

Life with Christian could only get worse.

Why should I wait for that day to come?

He was so convincing, making me believe that he really cares about me. But he can't give me love and he can't buy mine. After tonight, he'd have a very difficult time convincing me that he likes, let alone respects, me. He's a great actor; he had me fooled. But that shit at my apartment is what he needs. I left before because I thought I couldn't give it to him, but tonight I realized that I won't. I'm not going to even try.

Just look at what I allowed. When he told me he had bathed her, I was tempted to return to my apartment and take the hottest shower I possibly could. If only I could get over the idea that he washed her in my tub. Everyone should experience heartbreak at least once. Even imagining what happened in my apartment makes my heart feel like it's dying a little. I can practically see it breaking, falling apart, little blackened bits flaking away.

Thankfully, it's not broken me to the point of the scrawny wraith that confronted me tonight. I'm still breathing and standing. I can still walk and I can still run. I know; low bar. But when making a plan it's always best to assess what you have. Thanks to the sale of Wanda, I have a check to cash worth several thousand dollars.

I laugh at myself because I know he overpaid me. But who knows? Maybe he's just a big tipper. He's generous. I wonder if he offered Leila turndown service?

My pride's already taken a beating. I may as well make it worth it. I saw my entire life flash in front of my eyes, and there was woefully little to show. I wanted to see the world, not be trapped in his lifestyle. I know that if I leave the country, I might as well be carrying an homing beacon, because he would follow.

He acts like running is the worst thing in the world. But from my point of view, I'm fleeing the hounds of hell, in this case a crazy bitch holding me at gunpoint. I realized with Leila's weapon aimed at me that I could have lost the opportunity to do anything; everything, all of my dreams gone in an instant for a man who threw me out of my own home.

And the kicker? For all I know, Leila could now be stalking the streets of Seattle. Just because she was taken away didn't mean she had to stay. Would she even be punished? He sure as shit wanted to punish me. I suspect he had her sent to a country club that hosted truth circles and served caviar with toast points.

Did he even plan to inform me when they let her out? I'm sure he's cleaned up the crime scene. Could I even go to the police now? They'd probably check my apartment and arrest me for filing a false police report. Or stare at me like I'm batshit and give me the trite Nothing to see here, Miss. Carry on.

Opening my 'borrowed' laptop, I set my email to vacation mode. Then I take out the Blackberry and forward all my calls to Christian before turning the ringer off and removing the batteries from both devices. Leaving the phone under the mattress and other things in the closet. For all I know they're chipped. When he tries to track me, they'll find I've abandoned his electronic leashes. I don't know how sophisticated, or accurate, his methods are, but since he has access to a seemingly endless font of resources, I need a running headstart.

I'm banking on his assumption that his gifts are with me. Speaking of which, I need to be at the bank first thing to cash the check for Wanda. I'll walk to the bank and wait. I grab a huge crossbody bag out of the closet, then find a few serviceable outfits among the fluff and frippery: jeans, shirts, panties, bras and socks, along with a couple pairs of athletic shoes. I even grab a windbreaker, a trenchcoat, sunglasses and an umbrella, packing my haul into the bag. According to Christian, all this largesse is mine.

I found a long-sleeve turtleneck, layering it with another shirt, pairing it with the last pair of jeans and donning some sensible hiking shoes. Surveying the closet, I wondered what Christian's personal shopper thought his submissives actually did.

I took quietly to the stairs, with no-one in sight. I stopped at Christian's bedroom for one last glimpse. He is so beautiful. He looked peaceful. That more than anything fueled my departure. How can he be at peace when my sky is falling?

Maybe when he wakes up, he will achieve some clarity. I know I had.

I walk to the elevator, press the button to go down. I exit Escala before sunrise.

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