Darkness and light
Disclaimer: They`re not mine. Not making any profit with them. Just having fun.
Author`s note: This one is an episode tag to season 11, episode 15 "Trust". Originally started writing right after that episode, but well …
„Thank you for helping back there." Ezekiel genuinely smiles at Carol as they walk out of the stables where he set up his secret makeshift hospital. He holds the door open for her, adding "And thank you for getting us out of trouble today."
They stop under one of the old-fashioned looking streetlamps. It`s close to midnight already and chilly, but thankfully it stopped raining. Carol rubs her arms against the cold, regretting that she didn`t bring a jacket. She simply hadn`t expected to stay this long. Tilting her head a bit, she regards Ezekiel`s face. He`s still smiling at her, his pose completely relaxed. He`s radiating calm and peace.
Light. It really suits him.
His words from earlier ring in her ear – 'There`s light here. It comes from a spark that you helped me find. You make the light, Carol.'
These words, they touched something deep inside of her, although Carol finds it hard to believe that he – or anyone else – could associate her with light. She herself certainly doesn`t. She didn`t want to deepen the subject earlier and she`s trying not to think about the meaning of his words now or how they make her feel. Shaking her head slightly, she pushes the thought aside.
"I will always get you out of trouble." A small smile is tugging on the corners of her mouth.
Ezekiel`s smile gets even wider, his eyes sparkling. Against her will, Carol`s heart is jumping a little in her chest. Quickly averting her eyes, she wraps her arms tighter around herself.
"Well, it`s late. I should be …"
"Mind if I walk you home?" Ezekiel interrupts her.
Carol looks back up at him. The boyish grin he`d been sporting is gone now, replaced by a gentle expression, hopefulness shining from the depths of his soulful eyes – and yes, somewhere in the back there`s a flicker of insecurity. Anyone else would probably miss it, but Carol sees it. She knows him better than anyone else, can read every little nuance of emotion just from the look on his face. A part of her wants to turn him down. Not because she wants to hurt him, but because she wants to protect herself. And him.
From what exactly, Carol doesn`t even know anymore.
But there is also this other part of her. The part that sought Ezekiel`s closeness from the moment she got to the Commonwealth – and not just out of worry for him. The part of her that still remembers their happiness. The part of her that loves to see him smile and that still gets butterflies in her belly when he looks at her. This part of her blooms up whenever he is near, pushing away the darkness that`s still looming somewhere inside of her.
This part of her has becoming stronger and stronger over the past months and now it takes control, shutting out her mind and doing what her heart tells her is okay. And really, there was no rational reason to deny him his request.
"Yeah, sure. Why not."
There`s that beautiful smile again on Ezekiel`s face and once more, Carol can practically feel the light coming from him, touching her, warming her. With some effort, she`s tearing her eyes away from his, starting in the direction of her apartment without saying another word. Ezekiel follows her, naturally falling into stride with her. Neither of them feels the need to talk, but after some meters, Ezekiel reaches for Carol`s hand, lacing his fingers with hers.
She`s not looking at him, but a small smile again appears on her face. And she`s holding on to his hand.
Carol`s apartment
Carol unlocks the door and steps inside, putting her bag down on the floor and turning on the lights.
"Well, thanks for the escort."
She turns around to face Ezekiel again who is standing just outside her threshold in the dim light of the hallway. He takes a small step forward, casually leaning against the doorframe.
For some reason, his posture remembers Carol of the early days of their beginning relationship. When he would show up at her room in the Kingdom to take her on a late-night walk or just to say goodnight. Has this really been ten years ago? He doesn`t look a day older now.
"Any time, my …" Ezekiel catches himself before uttering the familiar term of endearment, his eyes darting to the side momentarily, but then return to Carol`s face immediately. Of course, she caught on to what he was about to say, looking at him with a mixture of surprise and – well, maybe melancholy is the right word. "Any time" he repeats emphatically, just slightly raising his eyebrows. As if daring her to call him on his near slip.
She`s not, though. Carol`s lips press together, curving just the tiniest bit, while at the same time shaking her head almost imperceptibly. Ezekiel knows this expression on her face very well. He`s seen it countless times. He`s seen it the first time he came to her doorstep, offering her a pomegranate. He`s seen it whenever he called her his queen during their marriage, just to tease her. This look on her face tells him he`s being a pain in the ass – but she`s enjoying it. For some moments they stand there, both smiling gently, sharing the same memories of happier times.
It`s Carol who speaks up first, pulling them back into the here and now.
"Thank you for showing me what you`ve been doing. For trusting me with it. It means a lot to me."
Encouraged that she hasn`t pulled away from him, Ezekiel reaches for Carol`s hand, squeezing it affectionately. For the second time this day, he tells her "I trust you more than anyone else. I know my secret is safe with you."
"It is," she whispers.
Carol looks at their hands, familiar feelings welling up. She has always marveled at their differences – his dark skin against her paleness, his hand so much larger than her own – and yet, they fit perfectly together. The sudden urge to step into Ezekiel`s embrace, to let his warmth envelop her, confuses her. Letting go, she takes a small step back, bringing some distance between them. It was definitely time to say goodnight now, before she would allow her defenses to crumble even more.
Picking up on her body language, Ezekiel straightens as well. Despite what she said earlier, he hasn`t given up hope on them. Over the past months he has seen the change in Carol, has seen that she is coming along. He is certain that she still has feelings for him as well – but he isn`t going to push her. For now, he is satisfied with just having her back in his life and sharing some small moments like these with her.
Thanks to Carol, he has been given more time and he is a patient man.
Clearing his throat, he now says "I`ll let you go to sleep now. It`s been an eventful day."
Thankful for Ezekiel`s intuition, Carol gives him a small smile. "Good night."
"Good night."
With a small pang of regret, Carol closes the door. She keeps standing there, listening. For some heartbeats, Ezekiel isn`t moving. She is almost tempted to open the door again, but then she hears him walking down the hallway. Resting her head against the door, Carol takes a deep breath.
Fifteen minutes later, she is lying in bed, trying to find some sleep. Her mind won`t let her, though. She keeps tossing and turning, finally giving up. Lying in the dark on her back, Carol allows herself to think about things she tried to avoid – really think about them for the first time since she got here.
Ezekiel.
Her feelings for him.
Her fears.
Her desires.
Carol loves him, is still in love with him. It`s a simple fact that she has come to accept. There really was no point in fooling herself about it. Her love for Ezekiel never disappeared, it was still there even during the darkest days and months after Henry`s death. But even although she knew that her love for him would always be a part of her, Carol made the decision to leave. To protect him. From her, from her darkness.
And also, to protect herself. From her own love. From her fear of losing him as well. As irrational as that fear was back then, Carol knew she wouldn`t survive losing Ezekiel. That`s why she tried to distance herself from him.
Then the irrational fear became reality when she found out about the cancer. It was like a slap in the face. What Carol realized after Ezekiel had left for his journey to the Commonwealth – during those endless lonely nights when she couldn`t find any sleep out of worry for him – what she realized was that the thought of him dying somewhere, losing him to this frigging disease, hurt, even though they weren`t together anymore. It hurt like hell and sometimes it threatened to choke her. Not being with him didn`t make it better in any way.
If anything, it just made it worse.
That`s why Carol didn`t hesitate for a second when they were given the opportunity to come to the Commonwealth. She needed to see Ezekiel again, needed to be close to him and make sure he was okay. Of course, she didn`t think that things between them would just magically be as they used to be before Henry`s death. She didn`t even want that – or at least she thought she didn`t want it at that time.
What she wanted was to be there for him.
For a while, that was okay. For a while, she believed him when he said that he was okay. Because she wanted to believe it. But Carol could see that he wasn`t doing well and when she found out how bad it really was – it crushed her. That night, when Ezekiel came to her apartment, she gave in to her longing pretty much the same way she did back at Hilltop. They spent that night together and although Carol did not regret it, she told herself – and him - that it would not happen again.
After that, she focused on getting him that surgery. It was all she could think of. Save him, no matter the cost.
And she succeeded. He got the surgery, and he went into remission. They beat the cancer.
Ezekiel is still here, filling the world with his light.
Her world.
In the weeks following the surgery, Carol could feel things change between them. With the fear of Ezekiel dying gone, things got – lighter. She had known that he still loved her all along. She knew it when she left him. She knew it when they were together at Hilltop. She knew it when she came to the Commonwealth. It was no surprise. What did surprise Carol, though, was that Ezekiel actually wanted her back.
He didn`t outright say it. Although she could tell that he was genuinely happy to see her at the Commonwealth, at first, he was too absorbed in his own fear and increasing pain to let her get too close. He didn`t want to be a burden to her and he didn`t want her to feel bad because of him. Carol recognized that. But then after the surgery, when it was clear that he would survive – he didn`t try to hide his desire to be with her again anymore. He still didn`t say it – but it is in his eyes every time she looks at him. It`s in the way he is acting around her, in the little things he says that make her heart jump with joy.
You make the light, Carol.
And although she tried to tell herself that being just friends with him would be okay, Carol slowly realized that she still wants him as well. Not as a friend. Not even as a man she might sleep with every now and then because they are familiar with each other. No – no, that wouldn`t be enough. What Carol really wants is to share her life with Ezekiel again.
'Okay, there, you admitted it. It wasn`t that hard, was it? You want him. He wants you. So, what the hell is keeping you from taking the chance?'
In the dark, Carol blindly stares at the ceiling. Her mind is reeling, her heart pounding uncomfortably in her chest.
What is keeping her from reaching out to him? To give in to her heart`s desire?
The memories?
No, the memories are there, no matter what. The good and the bad ones. They were there when she was hundreds of miles away from him. She could be at the other end of the world, and they would still be there. Being close to Ezekiel isn`t bringing up the bad memories. In fact, quite the opposite. Carol feels better around him because the good memories seem nearer in his company. Memories of love and happiness.
Then what else? What is preventing her from making new memories with him?
The answer is – guilt. Shame, even.
In good times and in bad times. Through sickness and health.
She broke that promise.
She hurt him – unwillingly, but she did. A part of Carol thinks that she doesn`t deserve his love anymore. His trust. What if she will hurt him again? She could never forgive herself for it. Yes, the darkness inside of her has lessened, but it is still there. It will always be a part of her. But Ezekiel knows that, right? Of course, he has to. He knows her better than anyone else. He has seen her at her worst and still, he believes in her. Believes, that she is strong enough to fight the darkness.
Darkness is heavy. Some of us carry more than others because we are strong enough to hold the weight.
And she is, isn`t she? She is here, after all. She hasn`t given up even when the weight threatened to crush her. Now Carol is feeling a lot better than months ago. Better than she ever thought she would again. And a lot of that has to do with Ezekiel. Being around him, being able to talk to him, to see his smile – it helped calming her troubled soul. So – maybe fighting the darkness together is the best they can do? Carol is certain that he is carrying his own share of darkness. But together they can keep it at bay, help each other through the bad days.
Carry the weight together.
Can she really allow herself to go down that lane again?
What would be the alternative?
Stay alone for the rest of her life? Is that what she wants? Because there will never be any other. The love she feels for Ezekiel is special, nothing will ever change that. Carol knows that now.
Can she live next to him, see him, and still stay away from him? Torture herself – and him? Deny herself the warmth and comfort of his arms? The excitement of his touch?
The thought makes her heart explode with sadness, and suddenly tears sting her eyes. A small sob is escaping her throat.
No – no, this is not what she wants! She missed him so badly on every single day when they were apart. Carol wants to live up to the promise she made on their wedding day. She wants to be there for Ezekiel, love him for the rest of his life – or hers. Whatever. Maybe she will struggle at times, maybe she will fall again – but her trust in Ezekiel is unbroken. He will be there to catch her. That is one thing Carol knows for sure. And she will do the same for him.
No more running away. No more hiding. No more denying.
She wants to be happy with him again. Even if it won`t be exactly the same anymore.
Their love is still worth it. It is strong and beautiful, even with the scars.
Rolling to her side, Carol wipes away the silent tears that are streaming down her face. Now that she has finally reached a decision, she feels calm. There is still the problem with Hornsby and that little piece of shit, Sebastian Milton. But she will figure out a way to deal with that. Maybe it will be better to solve that problem first, before she opens a new page of her relationship with Ezekiel. Right now, it is enough for Carol to know that they will take that step. That they will get their fresh start.
Closing her eyes, she falls asleep.
The next morning
Seems like the problems within the Commonwealth run deeper than Carol thought.
She`s working at the bakery – something she has really come to enjoy – when Ezekiel enters the small shop. She hears him before she sees him, a smile immediately spreading on her face. He`s cheerfully greeting Walter, the bakery owner, asking for her. She puts aside the icing bag with which she`s been decorating some freshly baked cookies. Emerging from the back room, Carol absentmindedly pushes some loose strands of her hair out of her face.
Ezekiel`s face lights up when he sees her, his smile growing even wider.
'Glowing', Carol thinks again.
The look on his face immediately sets free some butterflies fluttering around in her belly. She hasn`t expected to see him so soon again after they parted ways last night. Their conversation, her thoughts during the night – her decision – are still present in her mind, causing a mild blush creeping up her cheeks.
'Geez, what are you? 16?' Inwardly rolling her eyes at herself, Carol can`t help but wonder if she is still having the same effect on Ezekiel. A look into his eyes pretty much answers that question. There`s a mixture of longing and tenderness in them, with a hint of amusement.
Feeling a bit nervous, Carol wipes her hands on her apron. "Hey. What`s up?"
They stand on either side of the counter, looking at each other. For a moment, Carol wonders why Ezekiel is there, actually. Sometimes he stops by during his lunch break, but it`s not that late yet. Or is it? She glances at the clock on the wall, checking the time. Okay, later than she thought, but earlier than his usual time. Did something happen? Is anything wrong? Before she can utter a concern, Ezekiel speaks up.
"I switched breaks with Jerry."
Oh, okay. Carol regards him with a slightly puzzled expression. She can`t think of any reason why he would do that. Maybe there simply was no reason.
"Uhm, okay. What do you want?"
"You."
Wha-?! Blinking, Carol tilts her head to the side. She didn`t hear that right – right?! He didn`t say that. Chuckling, Ezekiel takes a step forward, placing his hands on the counter.
"I mean – if you can spare some of your time for me, I`d like to invite you for a coffee. In the park, maybe?"
He raises an eyebrow, grinning at Carol. He really didn`t mean for it to sound the way it did just now – but her reaction is interesting. The light blush on her cheeks deepens and she narrows her eyes at him in mock annoyance. There`s a sparkle in them he hasn`t seen in a while. One that tells him that his advances – even if unintentionally this time – are not unwelcome.
Carol hesitates just a second. Pointing to the coffee maker she says, "Help yourself", then disappears in the back room again. A moment later she comes back, without the apron, but with two large cookies in one hand. She offers one to Ezekiel, grabbing one of the coffee cups on the counter. She`s about to turn to the front door when he holds her back. Reaching up, Ezekiel wipes his thumb over her cheek, lingering just a second too long to be completely innocent.
"You – uhm – you had some flour on you", he mutters.
It`s just a small gesture, a whisper of a caress, but it is enough to speed up her heartbeat.
"Thank you."
They stare at each other, both frozen in place. Then the front door opens, and a new customer enters the shop. Carol takes the opportunity to hurry outside, glad for the interruption. A second longer and she may have done something stupid – like just grab Ezekiel and kiss him. Okay, maybe that wasn`t exactly stupid, but right now wasn`t the time or place for it. Suppressing a small smile, Carol heads for the park, looking over her shoulder to see if Ezekiel is following her.
Of course, he is.
They sit on a bench under a still bare maple tree close to a small pond. It is March, the weather still unstable, but today it is sunny and pleasant, a great day to be outside. Carol can`t believe that it`s been a year ago since she secretly packed up a small bag and ran away from Alexandria, hoping to escape her demons and nightmares on a small fishing boat, working herself to complete exhaustion each day.
So much has happened since then. So much pain and sorrow, so many regrets – but also some hope and peace, even some happiness. The prospect of a new beginning. Carol regards Ezekiel, who is silently eating his cookie, his eyes trailing over the pond. Yes, they`ve been very lucky in the past months. Lucky to be here in this awesome place with doctors and medicine and enough food for everyone.
She looks down at her own cookie, taking a bite.
Even though she has been suspicious at first, Carol has started to like the Commonwealth. And not just because it was essential for Ezekiel`s health. It wasn`t the Kingdom, nothing could ever compare to that. The Kingdom has always been and will always be her happy place, even if now it only was a memory. But the Commonwealth is a good place to live. Carol likes the bakery; she even likes her little side job she`s been doing for Hornsby. And even though the man turned out to be an ass, Carol still believes that her and her family, her friends have a future here.
Again, her eyes drift to Ezekiel. He looks so relaxed.
Light.
Once more, she feels the urge to just reach for him, tell him with a kiss what she can`t put into words now.
Almost imperceptibly, Carol shakes her head. 'What`s wrong with you today?' Maybe she hasn`t slept enough, too many emotions keeping her awake.
"So, uhm, what`s really up? You didn`t go to lunch break early just because you wanted to see me."
Chuckling, Ezekiel holds up the last piece of his cookie, before stuffing it into his mouth. "Maybe I came for these. They`re delicious."
Now Carol openly shakes her head, rolling her eyes at him. The look on her face says that he can`t fool her. She takes another bite from her cookie, chewing slowly – then she offers the rest to him. Grinning happily, Ezekiel takes it, their fingertips touching slightly in the process. Carol quickly pulls her hand away, wrapping both her hands around her coffee cup.
"Come on, spill it."
Smirking, Ezekiel swallows the rest of the cookie, then washes it down with a big gulp of coffee. Carol is right, of course. There is something he wants to tell her. Something important. Something he thinks she should know about. Though maybe, she does already. Changing his position on the bench, he turns his body towards her, sliding just a bit closer. His right arm is resting on the backrest, his fingers lightly touching her arm.
"Magna came to the zoo this morning."
Okay, now Carol definitely thinks she didn`t get enough sleep last night. How`s that concerning her?
"Yeah?"
"Connie and Kelly, they`re onto some sort of – conspiracy – or something. Yeah, I know, it sounds a bit crazy. But it seems that people go missing." His eyes drift to the left and right, checking if anyone is close enough to hear them. There`s no one there, but still, he slides another bit forward, lowering his voice. "Pamela Milton`s son is involved in it, somehow. Rosita said he`s using people for his benefits. Sends them out to get stuff for him and he doesn`t care if they get killed by walkers."
Now, this spikes Carol`s interest. So, Rosita talked about their unpleasant encounter. With Connie. The journalist. Damn. She thought that she could handle things on her own. Ezekiel is looking at her expectantly, awaiting some sort of response. Carol considers playing things down. Yesterday morning, when he showed up at the school, she has been evasive. Because she doesn`t want him involved in any of this.
Because she wants to protect him.
She still wants that – he`s still recovering from the cancer. And even without considering that – Carol just doesn`t want him to be involved in anything shady. Or dangerous. Or whatever. But now he knows, at least something. She doesn`t want to lie to him, keep things from him. Not anymore. Aside from what he`s obviously been told by Magna, there`s also the hospital thing. Ezekiel has his own little secret going, a secret that could cause severe trouble if the wrong person found out.
And he trusted her with it. It is time to do the same.
Looking into his eyes, Carol takes a sip from her coffee.
"I know. I – I was there. He tried to use Rosita and Daryl. They almost got killed."
Ezekiel doesn`t look surprised at her confession.
"It`s that problem you talked about yesterday."
"Yeah. Hornsby is involved in it, too. I don`t know how exactly, but – he knows what`s going on and it doesn`t seem to bother him."
Ezekiel knits his brows at that information. Hornsby. He always thought the guy was too – slick. He`s been treating him and the others well when they first arrived here. But still – there were some odd vibes coming from him. When Carol told him that she had reached some sort of agreement with the man in order to allow his surgery – well, he had a bad gut feeling about it.
Seems like he was right.
"There`s a meeting tonight at Connie`s apartment. To talk about everything we know so far. Eugene and his girlfriend are trying to get some more information from the governor`s office. I think you should come."
Eugene? And his girlfriend? Geez – seems like pretty much everyone knows that something is going on here. At least everyone of their people. Okay, maybe that wasn`t a bad thing. Carol won`t have to deal with everything on her own as she intended to do. But –
"I can`t."
"But you could tell them …". Ezekiel doesn`t get to finish his sentence.
"I can`t." Carol repeats insistently, looking straight into his eyes. "I – I have access to Hornsby`s office. The people working there know me. They trust me. He trusts me. At least for now. If someone sees me attending a secret meeting … Maybe we can use my connection to our advantage. But only if no one gets suspicious."
Ezekiel slowly nods. Okay, that makes sense. "He`s not here right now."
"No. But he certainly still has people here looking out for him. Reporting to him. We shouldn`t risk it."
She is right, of course. Whatever is going on here, they probably can use an inside man. Or woman, in this case.
"When`s the meeting?"
"10 p.m."
"Can you come to my place after? Fill me in?"
"Sure."
For some more moments they just sit there, looking at each other, an intangible feeling of concern flowing around them. Neither of them is really aware of the danger that`s lurking in the shadows. But both of them are glad that they have confided in each other. That from now on – whatever else may happen – they are in it together.
And together, they can beat everything.
Carol raises her coffee cup, realizing that it`s empty.
"I should be heading back now. See you tonight?"
Ezekiel nods. He keeps sitting, while Carol gets up, stepping around the bench. He watches her take some steps, then he calls out her name.
"Carol!"
She stops, turning around halfway.
"I did just want to see you."
Even from the distance, Carol can make out the teasing glint in his eyes. And the very serious expression on his face that tells her he means it from the bottom of his heart. The tiniest of smiles is visible on her face, before she turns around again, continuing her way back to the bakery.
Later that evening
Carol is getting nervous again. It`s already after eleven now and Ezekiel still hasn`t shown up. The meeting couldn`t have taken that long, right? What if something went wrong? What if someone got suspicious and –
There`s a knock on the door.
Breathing out a sigh of relief, Carol opens it, letting Ezekiel in.
Seeing the look of concern on her face, he apologizes immediately. "I`m sorry, it`s late, I know."
Resisting the urge to pull him into her arms, Carol takes the three steps over to the old-fashioned sofa.
"It`s okay. I`m just glad you`re here."
They sit down, facing each other.
"So? Anything new?"
Ezekiel takes a moment to gather his thoughts. They still don`t know what is really going on in the Commonwealth – but things definitely aren`t right and it seems that even more people are involved in it.
"Max – Eugene`s friend – she stole some files from the Governor`s office. There`s a long list of names in there and also what seems like coordinates for places. Maybe that is where they hide people. We`re not sure about that yet. But there`s definitely some very dubious things going on here. And the governor is in on it. Maybe she doesn`t know what her son and Hornsby are doing with these people – but she does know that there are people held somewhere."
Carol stares at him. This shit was getting bigger and bigger. Why wasn`t that even surprising her?
"What are you – we – what are we going to do about it? Is there a plan?"
Ezekiel knows that Carol is probably not going to like it.
"Well – there`s no proof yet about people being hidden somewhere, so Connie doesn`t want to write about it. She will write about Sebastian`s heist, though, and make it look like it was the Governor`s idea. We want the people here to realize that they have been lied to. We want them to ask questions. And we need to find out where these other people are being held."
Carol`s heart starts beating faster. That doesn`t sound good. Not at all.
"You want to start a revolution? Zeke, that`s dangerous! People can get hurt or even killed!"
Ezekiel`s ears perk up hearing his name spoken like that. Carol hasn`t called him Zeke in a while. When she did it in the past, it always had an intimate touch to it. She barely ever called him that when others were around. To him, it was another sign that things between them were shifting. That she wasn`t as opposed to rekindling their relationship as she wants him to believe. He can see the depths of her emotions shining from her eyes, touching him. Reaching out, he takes her hand in his, glad when she doesn`t pull away.
"I know. But I think that it is the right thing to do. This place here, it is a good place. With good people. They deserve to know that they haven`t been told the truth. That there are others out there who aren´t as lucky."
He makes a small pause.
"I still remember what it was like to live in a world where people were discriminated because of their looks, their believes, their social status. But we are now living in a different world, we are building something new. It shouldn`t be like that anymore. We have the power to do something about it. To make this place a good place – for everyone who seeks safety here."
Carol`s face goes all soft, her heart reaching out to him at his words. Tilting her head a bit, she regards Ezekiel with a small smile tugging on the corners of her mouth.
"Still a dreamer, huh?"
Reclining against the backrest, Ezekiel holds his hands up, grinning. Busted.
"You used to like that about me."
Chuckling softly, Carol shakes her head. Now it`s her who reaches for one of his hands, holding it between both of hers.
"I still do."
They look at each other, her confession hanging between them. Both of them aware that she means a lot more with it. Or at least that`s what Ezekiel thinks. Carol is giving off some strange vibes today. Just 24 hours ago she was quick to remind him that they wouldn`t get back together. He is certain that she didn`t really mean it, the tone of her voice, the smile in her eyes giving her away. It was just her way of letting him know that she wasn`t quite ready yet. That she was still fighting her demons. Ezekiel would love to help her through it, but he has accepted that Carol needs to do it under her own conditions. He has decided a long while ago that he would simply be there for her, let her know that he still cared about her – still loved her – with little gestures. To give her a little nudge every now and then to let her know she was not alone.
A memory comes to his mind, a wistful smile appearing on his face.
The two of them on a horse after a joint mission to the big city with their friends from the other communities. A mission where he almost lost his life. Him holding the ring he got for her into her face, proposing marriage. Looking back, he has to admit that it wasn`t his best idea doing it that way. He had feared that he pushed her too far, that she was retreating from him. She didn`t, though. She just needed a little more time, needed to make it her decision.
Ezekiel has a feeling they are back at that point in some ways. They have reached a crossroads and now it is on Carol to make a decision. If her behavior today was any indication, she may already have done so. Maybe – maybe she just needs this little extra push. Needs to hear out loud that he is just as committed to her now as he was back then. Maybe he should just risk it all and put his feelings for her on the table, voice out loud what he hopes for them.
But maybe he is going too fast again, misjudging the situation. Maybe – with the problems they are all facing right now – it is just bad timing all over again. Is he really willing to risk the progress they made over the past couple months? Overcome by his own fears and insecurities, Ezekiel decides to play it safe. Shifting his position, he leans a bit closer to Carol, looking into her eyes.
"I will head out tomorrow morning with some others. Check out the coordinates, see if we`ll find something."
Carol had a feeling that he would say something like that. Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath. When she looks back at him, it`s with a stubborn determination. He wants to go out? Fine – but not without her.
"When are we leaving?"
"You wanna come along?" Ezekiel isn`t really surprised. Carol has always enjoyed being outside and she certainly isn`t one to sit back while others went out, putting themselves at risk. Whatever the risk may be in this case. Ezekiel has no real concept of what may be waiting for them – or what the consequences might be if someone found out what they are doing.
"Of course, I am. I told you that I will always keep you safe!"
Carol looks at him with an adorable expression – a mixture of exasperation and affection, a teasing glint shining from the depths of her eyes, warring with the worry that is still there. Her lips press together in the cutest pout, her chin pushing forward, challenging him to argue with her. An argument is the last thing on Ezekiel`s mind, though. He`s so smitten, thrown back in time by this familiar posture, that he forgets about his own hesitation just some moments ago.
Smiling brightly, he utters the words that his heart wanted to say for so long, but his mind didn`t allow.
"I love you."
Carol`s eyes go round in surprise. Even with the mild flirting that has been going on between them today and the certainty that their love for each other was still intact, blossoming under the surface of their self-inflicted fears and insecurities, she didn`t expect to hear Ezekiel say these words to her. Her heart skips a beat, then falls into a crazy rhythm as if she just ran a marathon. Her mouth opens and closes again, no sound coming out.
Misinterpreting her reaction as disapproval, Ezekiel`s own heart crumbles. Hoping he didn`t completely screw up, he aims to apologize for his slip.
"I`m sorry – I just – I know you don`t – ", he stutters, at a complete loss for words.
Carol barely hears what he`s saying. She recognizes the defeated look on his face and – more importantly, the feeling of pure joy that came over her. Acting on pure instinct, she reaches for his face, pulling him against her for a kiss. A kiss so tender and full of emotion that she can`t stop the tears from spilling over. For a split second, Ezekiel remains frozen, then his hand comes up, gently cupping the back of her head. He reciprocates, just as gentle, tasting the saltiness of her tears that slowly run down her cheeks.
When they part, they stare at each other in awe. Slowly, Ezekiel shakes his head from one side to the other, trying to get his brain back to work.
"That, uhm", he clears his throat, his voice cracking up "that was unexpected."
The completely stunned expression on Ezekiel`s face makes Carol giggle. One of her hands comes up to wipe away another stray tear. So much for solving the problems at hand first. Well, okay then – since things got their own dynamic – you gotta go with the flow, right? Ezekiel still struggles to find the right words to say, but Carol doesn`t give him a chance. It is all or nothing now.
"I love you, too."
Oh, it feels so good to finally say it again, a huge weight lifting off her heart. More tears spill over and now it is Ezekiel who reaches out to wipe them away. He`s still speechless, his mind not quite able to cope with the situation. Grasping his hands, Carol holds on to them tightly, another fit of giggles escaping her. Geez, he must think she lost her mind.
"I`m sorry. I – I didn`t think I`d be such a cry baby. This is so not romantic."
She smiles at him, trying to blink away the tears. And suddenly it hits Ezekiel. It hits him that they have crossed the bridge and that they now are on the same page again. Smiling back at her, he joins in the laughter, at the same time feeling relieved and yeah, also a little bit silly. But mostly, he feels happy. Happy that after everything they`ve been through, they are here now, laughing together. Healing together.
Raising her hands to his mouth, he kisses them, once more leaning back against the cushions.
"You thought about this scenario?"
"Yeah, well, not like this." Carol feels the need to be close to him and before her mind can talk her out of it, she follows her intuition, climbing onto Ezekiel`s lap. Sitting like that has always had a calming effect on her and whenever she felt troubled, she sought the comfort of his embrace. His arms around her, his heart beating right next to hers. Often that was all she needed. Like now.
Sliding her arms around his neck, Carol leans against Ezekiel. Looking into his eyes, she smiles encouragingly when she feels his hands tentatively press against her lower back.
"Last night, after you left – I laid awake, thinking. About the past, everything that happened. About where we are now. About what I want."
"What do you want?"
"Us. I want us."
Carol`s words are a soft breath, fluttering over Ezekiel`s face. They feel like a caress, like soft summer rain after an endless drought, his heart and soul blossoming up, reaching out to her.
"I want us, too."
One of her hands presses against his cheek, her thumb caressing the soft beard on his jaw. Carol lowers her head, her lips softly pressing against Ezekiel`s. Again and again and again. Her long curls flow around his face, touching his skin, so silky. He can`t suppress the urge to feel it, both his hands weaving into it, keeping her close. She has no intention of going very far. They completely lose themselves in this kiss, this first real kiss in many months. A kiss that only speaks of love and commitment, not of fear and desperation.
This kiss is a promise, sealing their fresh start.
Only when the need for oxygen makes them lightheaded, do they separate reluctantly. Foreheads pressed against each other, they breathe into each other`s faces, hearts beating wildly in their chests. It`s Ezekiel who moves first, gently bringing them into an upright position. His hands glide over Carol`s back, the touch sending shivers down her spine. Lightly resting his hands on her hips, he steals another soft kiss.
"I should leave now. We have to be ready very early tomorrow morning."
A small frown appears on Carol`s face. She`s not ready to let him go now.
"You could stay. Just – just sleep here."
The grin that appears on Ezekiel`s face immediately makes her belly flutter in nervous excitement. Oh, the power this man still has! When he speaks, his voice is a low sexy rumble.
"If I stay here, my Love, you know very well that we will end up naked and sweaty."
His words, the tone of his voice, it`s enough to spark a fire in Carol – although he probably didn`t even aim to do so. He is right, of course. Their mutual attraction never lessened, their love life exciting and fulfilling even after years of marriage. She remembers the night they spend here together some months ago. They both have been very emotional that night, the wine lowering their inhibitions. Neither of them had planned for something like that to happen back then – but they certainly enjoyed it very much.
She looks at him with a sparkle in her eyes, the corners of her mouth just rising the tiniest bit. Her hands glide down his arms, her fingers wrapping around his wrists. She can feel his rapid pulse.
"Possible", she whispers.
Ezekiel`s thoughts went in a similar direction. Oh, he would so love to stay, lose himself in her. But there still was a mission to be accomplished, and maybe it would be better if they just –
"Maybe we shouldn`t rush things. Take our time when – when things are over."
Carol understands. She understands what Ezekiel means to say – that maybe after all this time, their first time as a real couple again deserved something better, something more romantic than this night has to offer. And a part of her agrees with him, adores even his sense of chivalry, his desire to make it right. And another part of her is still reluctant to let him go, yearns for his company.
Deciding for what her mind tells her is the right thing, Carol slides off Ezekiel`s lap.
"Okay."
He looks up at her, glad when he sees her smile. She reaches out, stroking his head, her fingers gliding down the long strands of his dreads. Drawn to him, she bows down for another tender kiss. And then she forces herself to take the few steps over to the other end of the room. Turning on the bedside lamp, Carol closes the curtains on the one large window, then turns down the covers on the bed.
Ezekiel gets up from the sofa as well, watching her. To him, she was just as beautiful as on the first day he met her. So many years have passed, so many memories have been made. They found each other under impossible circumstances, two pieces of one soul reuniting. So different and yet complimenting each other in the most perfect way. He has always known that he would love this woman for the rest of his life, that somehow, they would always find their way back to each other.
Aware of Ezekiel`s eyes on her, Carol slips out of her boots, then walks over to where he is standing at the foot of the bed.
"Time to say goodnight, I guess."
"Yeah."
No. No, it`s impossible. His heart decides before his mind even can fully catch up. He`s not going anywhere. It doesn`t matter what`s waiting for them tomorrow morning. It doesn`t matter that there`s no flowers and romantic candlelight. All that matters is that they have reached out to each other, that they need to hold and feel each other, to show each other that they were real.
Reaching for her, Ezekiel pulls Carol against him, his mouth finding hers. She`s not hesitating, her arms wrapping around his middle, answering his kiss. Loving, tender, a spark of passion welling up inside them.
"Thought you wanted to leave", Carol whispers against Ezekiel`s lips, a teasing undertone in her voice. Her lips tingle from his kiss, brushing against him sensuously. The feeling of his mustache tickling her skin sends shivers up and down her spine. Ezekiel enjoys the playfulness, the temptation of her touch – innocent and yet arousing. He knows where they are headed, the anticipation making his skin prickle. Pulling his head just the tiniest bit back, he makes eye contact with Carol. He needs her to understand the seriousness of what he is about to say.
"Changed my mind. I will never leave your side again. Ever."
She blinks, the meaning slowly sinking into her brain – and her soul. "Good."
And then they reach for each other again, this kiss more passionate, allowing their desire to break through to the surface. They remain where they are, pressing against each other, hands roaming leisurely, groping where they can reach. It`s Carol who disentangles herself from Ezekiel`s grasp, taking a small step backwards. Holding his gaze, she unbuttons her shirt with shaking fingers, letting it slide to the floor.
Underneath she`s wearing a spaghetti strap top, showing off a nice amount of sweetly freckled skin. Closing the gap, Ezekiel trails his fingertips up and down her bare arms, admiring the sight. Unable to hold still, Carol slides her hands under his t-shirt, feeling up his nicely muscled stomach and chest. Wrapping his fingers around her upper arms, Ezekiel teasingly raises an eyebrow.
"So, no sleeping, huh?"
Carol`s eyes drift south, lingering on the obvious bulge in his pants, then up to his face again. Smiling sweetly, she lets one hand trail down, gently placing it over the evidence of his desire.
"Later."
Grinning, Ezekiel crushes her against him, effectively trapping her arms between their bodies. Carol doesn`t mind, eagerly responding to his kiss. When she feels his large hands on her ass, she softly moans into his mouth, her fingers flexing over his erection. Ezekiel hums his approval, content with kneading the firm flesh of her buttocks. Eventually, though, his fingers get more adventurous, hungry to feel naked skin. Wandering upwards, he pushes her top up, easing his hold on her to be able to push it over her head, along with her bra.
Seizing the moment, Carol does the same with Ezekiel`s t-shirt.
Their hands reach out at the same time, ghosting over their bellies, softly, reverently. Sliding over the waistbands of their pants, popping the buttons open, lowering the zippers. All the while looking at each other. And then another kiss, deep and sensual, chests pressed tightly together. They stumble forward a step or two, not separating an inch. Lightly pushing against him, Carol urges Ezekiel to turn until he is with his back to the bed.
His fingers creep under the waistband of her pants, pushing them down. She does the same, again exhaling a soft moan when she feels his hardness touch her belly. Needing some air, Carol takes a small step back, her eyes gliding over Ezekiel`s body. Absentmindedly, she licks her lips, bowing just a bit to give her pants that last shove, stepping out of them and her panties. It`s Ezekiel`s turn to let his eyes roam over her body, his fingers itching to touch her again.
Trying to keep a modicum of control, he sits down on the edge of the bed. He takes off his boots, then gets rid of his pants as well. Holding one hand out to Carol, he beckons her to come to him. She takes it, sliding onto his lap once more. Ezekiel`s hands land on her buttocks again, pulling her impossibly close. Carol cups his face, stroking his cheeks with her thumbs. She is not in any hurry, simply enjoying being in his arms again. She captures his lips, kissing him slowly, thoroughly, her breasts pressing against his collarbones.
Ezekiel is more than content with letting her set the pace. His body and mind are focused on her needs, aiming to give her the utmost pleasure. Everything else, the world outside this little room, is gone from their minds. Carol`s arms slide around his neck, deepening the kiss, her tongue sliding into his mouth, inviting him to an erotic dance. She lifts just the tiniest bit, pressing even tighter against him.
Ezekiel`s head is spinning, pleasure coursing through his body. His dick is trapped between their bodies, throbbing with his own need, longing to be inside her. He ignores it for now, reveling in the feeling of sharing this intimacy with his love. No matter how many times they did it, it just never loses its excitement. His hands can`t remain still, one gliding up Carol`s back, disappearing under the mass of wonderful curls. The other one dips between her legs from behind, teasing the sensitive flesh he encounters there.
Tearing her mouth away, Carol looks at him, lust flickering in her eyes. She leans back a bit, encouraging him. The small movement directs his gaze to her breasts, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. Her perky nipples look inviting, tasty. His hand travels from her back to her front, gently squeezing one breast, his thumb circling the tight pebble. A low moan escapes her throat, her head falling back, her long hair sensually gliding over her back.
That feels so good.
Ezekiel repeats his action once more, twice, tugging just a little bit. His head bows forward, his lips fastening on the tender skin of Carol`s neck. He sucks it into his mouth, lavishing it with his tongue. A shudder is running through Carol, her mouth opening on an audible gasp. Her hands glide to his shoulders, digging into them. Biting her lips, she gives herself some more moments of this exquisite touch, then gently pushes against Ezekiel. He releases her neck, straightening, his eyes meeting hers.
She holds him captive, her eyes liquid fire. Her fingers lightly brush over his neck and shoulders, down to his chest, teasing his pecs. His own fingers keep up their maddening teasing touch. Carol starts rocking her hips against him, just small movements, but they send bolts of pleasure all through their bodies. Ezekiel knows what she wants. Releasing her breast, he trails his hand down over her stomach and the soft patch of pubic hair. His fingers glide through her folds, swollen and damp with her arousal.
"Yes!"
Carol grabs Ezekiel`s face again, feeding him kiss after kiss, cute little whimpering noises escaping her every now and then. Her whole body feels electrified, all nerves tuned to his touch. Both his hands are between her legs, stimulating her, soft and yet insistent. Her own rocking movement intensifies the friction, a powerful orgasm building in her belly. She tries to stall it for as long as possible, tries to hold on to the breathtaking pleasure that he is giving her. Eventually, the need for release becomes overwhelming.
Straightening her body, Carol lets her hands drop from Ezekiel`s face to his arms, her fingers curling around them. She widens her legs a little more, trying to give him better access for this last final push. Closing her eyes, she leans back, completely surrendering her control to him. Blindly trusting him to catch her. One of Ezekiel`s hands splays out over her back, supporting her, while he keeps working her with the other. His middle finger slips inside, curling upwards, while his thumb keeps stroking her clit, over and over, unrelenting.
The ball of fire explodes in Carol`s belly, igniting every cell in her body. A hoarse cry falls from her lips, but she`s not even aware of it. All she feels is Ezekiel`s fingers. Bit by bit he slows his movements, then gathers her in his arms. She rests her head on his shoulder, trying to get the mad beating of her heart under control. Her hand presses against his chest, feeling his own heart thundering in his chest.
Turning her head, Carol kisses Ezekiel`s collarbone, tasting the saltiness of his skin. Mmmh. She works her way upwards, peppering his neck and jaw with small open-mouthed kisses. Looking into his eyes, she smiles, her thumbs brushing over his mustache.
"You`re sweaty."
Chuckling, he pulls her tight against him. "Cause your fire is hot."
Oh, huh, well – Carol does indeed feel hot. Crashing her lips to his, she takes possession of his mouth again, one hand sneaking down between their bodies, wrapping around his hardness. She runs her hand up and down his length a couple times, squeezing the thick and sensitive head in the process, her thumb rubbing the slit. God! Ezekiel`s grip on her tightens, groaning into her mouth. If she keeps this up …
But Carol eases her grip, lifting up on her knees.
"Help me."
Digging his fingers into her waist, Ezekiel easily raises her body. Giving him one last squeeze, Carol positions him at her entrance, slowly sliding down on him. Oh, how she loves having him inside her, fill her completely. Gritting his teeth, Ezekiel does his best to hold still, giving her the time to accommodate him. Her wet heat is surrounding him, hugging him tight. Pressing her body against his, Carol seeks his kiss again, sweet and slow and deep, ignoring the persistent need of their sexes.
Ezekiel`s hands are back on her ass, kneading, urging her to move against him if just a bit. When his grip gets more insistent, Carol pushes against his shoulders. He gets the hint, lying back, resting on his elbows, his feet still firmly planted on the floor. Carol runs her hands up and down his stomach and chest a couple of times, enjoying the feeling of his taut muscles and sparse hair under her fingers. He groans, pushing his hips against her, reminding her of his burning desire for her.
Yeah, as if she could forget that!
Carol places her hands on his chest, leaning a bit forward. Rotates her hips tentatively, teasingly, earning herself another groan from him.
"Enjoy", she purrs. And then she starts riding him.
Oh, and Ezekiel does enjoy! She`s a vision, her messy curls framing her face, flowing over her shoulders. Her breasts swaying from the soft motion, so tempting. Hypnotizing even. His hands dig into the bedsheets, completely surrendering to her sensuous beauty. Her movements are slow, but powerful, the pleasure running like a constant current through their bodies. If only this could last all night!
Eventually, Ezekiel can`t resist anymore. Shifting his weight, he raises his upper body, one hand pressing against Carol`s back. He pulls one perfect breast into his mouth, suckling, his tongue teasing the sensitive nipple. The added stimulation spurs her on, increasing her tempo. He switches from one breast to the other, pulling as much of it into his mouth as he can. Carol gasps, her hands gliding upwards, touching his neck. She loses control of her rhythm, her body seeking release without any conscious thought about it.
Ezekiel is beyond thought as well. Pushing upright, he wraps both his arms tightly around Carol, her breast popping from his mouth.
"Hold on."
Carol barely registers what he`s saying and before she knows it, he`s moving. Her arms tighten around his neck instinctively. Using the strength of his legs, Ezekiel stands up from the edge of the bed, holding Carol close, urging her to wrap her legs around his waist. The unexpected movement makes her head spin, his hard-on still embedded within her. Turning them, Ezekiel puts one knee on the bed, carefully lowering them down to the mattress. He settles his weight on her, sinking even deeper. His mouth seeks her kiss, his fingers tangling into her hair.
Carol`s arms and legs wrap tightly around him. She tries to move against him, tries to give her clit that extra friction to set her off, but he`s too heavy. With a little whimpering sound, she gives up, her fingers fisting into his dreads. Raising his head, Ezekiel looks down into her face. He sees the need, the desire to come. He feels the same need deep within. Steeling his body, he thrusts into her, making her moan every time he makes impact. Her arms drop from his shoulders to the mattress, her fingers helplessly digging into it. Her head is turned sideways, breathing heavily through parted lips, her body surging up against him as far as possible.
She`s close. So very close.
Ezekiel doesn`t want their lovemaking to end. Knowing that he will follow her if she comes now, he pulls out. Carol cries out in protest, her legs wrapping tighter around him, trying to hold him. And then she gasps when his lips wrap around one tightly puckered nipple, his teeth gently scraping over it. She doesn`t have time to react any further before he is gone again, his lips traveling down her body. Instinctively, Carol releases him, her legs spreading open to give him access to her sweetness.
She smells heavenly! Ezekiel runs his nose through her pubic hair, his mouth seeking her clit, closing around it. Carol`s hips buck against him immediately, but he places one hand on her belly, the other one curling around her thigh, trying to keep her in place for his attack. He wants her to come undone under his mouth, wants to feel her release ripple through her body. He runs his tongue through her folds, teasing her entrance. She strains against him as best as she can, silently begging for more.
Ezekiel is more than happy to obey. Tightening his grip on her, he attacks her in earnest. He pulls her labia into his mouth, then dips the tip of his tongue inside her, her taste filling his senses. His fingers reach out, finding the slippery pearl of her clit. He keeps stroking it with his thumb, all the while licking and nipping the highly sensitive flesh. Carol writhes beneath him, unable to hold still.
Close. Close.
Ezekiel can tell the moment she is flying. Can tell by the way she grabs his hair, by the way her legs start quivering. He raises his head in time to watch her orgasm wash over her face – eyes squeezed shut, cheeks stained pink, her mouth forming a perfect O. His fingers keep working until he feels her relax, the hand that held on to his dreads falling to her stomach. He pushes up on his knees, looking down at her.
So perfect. So beautiful.
His eyes drift from her face to her sex, all pink and wet, calling to him. Carol`s eyes flutter open, a satisfied smile blossoming on her lips. She recognizes the feral look on Ezekiel`s face, knows what`s coming. He grabs her thighs, pulling her closer in a swift motion. She can`t help the gasp of surprise, followed by a fit of giggles and then a deep moan when he enters her again, pushing his hardness into her up to the very hilt. Reaching for his face, Carol pulls Ezekiel down on top of her, searching for his kiss.
He goes willingly, grinding his groin against her. Wrapping her legs high around his waist, she cups his cheek lovingly.
"Let go", she breathes into his face.
Oh, how he wants to! Taking her hand, Ezekiel presses a kiss on it, then lifts it above her head. Searching for her other hand, he does the same, lacing his fingers with her.
Kissing the tip of her nose, he smiles, whispering "I love you!"
And then he starts pounding into her. There`s no more finesse, just the need to come. Carol doesn`t mind. Ezekiel has been the first lover in her life who truly cared about her needs. Who made sure that she was sated, whether it was before or after him. He once told her that giving her pleasure, seeing her come undone in his arms – because of him – was the biggest turn on for him. And even although there have been a handful of times during their relationship when her body just wouldn`t take that final leap, Carol always enjoyed the pleasure that their lovemaking brought.
Always enjoyed the feeling of having him come inside of her.
Always enjoyed the deep intimacy they shared, not just of their bodies, but of their minds.
Tonight, her body and mind are so hyped up, so aroused, so emotionally affected, that she feels the coiling in her belly build up again as soon as Ezekiel starts surging against her. Gripping his hands tighter, Carol lets herself fall, knowing there`s no safer place in this world than his arms. She feels him swelling, his rhythm becoming erratic. And then he washes her insides with his come, taking her over the edge with him. Mouths fusing together, silencing their mutual sounds of ecstasy.
They lie in each other`s arms, hearts beating next to each other, slowly coming down again. When he feels he can move, Ezekiel rolls off Carol, pulling her with him. Lying on their side, he fishes for the blanket, pulling it over them. Carol snuggles up to him as close as possible, burying her face against his chest. He reaches out to brush her damp hair out of her face, gently tipping her chin up. Her eyes are closed, two big teardrops rolling down her cheeks. Ezekiel bows down, gently kissing them away.
Opening her eyes, Carol looks at him, smiling.
"Sorry – I – they just won`t stop", she chuckles. "I`m not sad, I`m just – emotional."
She strokes his beard, leaning forward for a soft peck to his lips.
"It`s okay to be emotional." He wipes away another stray tear.
Carol nods, her hand resting against Ezekiel`s face. "I`m sorry I pushed you out of my life. I thought I wasn`t good for you."
She looks at him, completely open, hoping he understands what she means to say.
Ezekiel takes her hand, kissing her palm.
"Carol, there isn`t anything more precious in my life than you. I love you. And I always will. Nothing in this world will ever change that."
Ezekiel hates seeing her cry, always has. It`s tearing at his heart. He wishes he knew the words to take away her guilt, her self-doubt.
Carol is silent for a while, absentmindedly playing with a strand of Ezekiel`s dreads. She knows that he truly means what he said, and she feels the same. She wants nothing more than to have her life back – her life with him. But there`s this tiny part of her that`s still scared. Drawing strength from Ezekiel`s embrace, Carol voices her biggest fear.
"What if – what if I hurt you again? What if – the darkness – overwhelms me again? It`s still there. I – I don`t want to disappoint you again."
For a second or two, she doesn`t dare to look into his face. When she does raise her head, she is surprised to see the sparkle in his eyes and a smile tugging on the corners of his mouth.
"I`m not afraid of the dark, baby. I won`t let it take you away from me ever again. Will there be bad days? Yes, there will. For you. And for me. But together we are stronger than the darkness. We can fight it, even if we struggle. Together, we can spark a light brighter than the darkness. You and me, baby."
Carol can`t help but giggle at the confident enthusiasm in his voice. She`s heard it many times. Often in front of a crowd in their Kingdom. But also on nights like these, lying in Ezekiel`s arms, listening to him talking about his plans and dreams for the future. Sometimes he would exaggerate so badly, just to make her laugh. He always had a way to make her laugh. It`s something that Carol deeply admires about him.
"Oh, huh, we definitely can ignite a spark together", she says in an amused tone, eliciting a chuckle from Ezekiel. In a softer voice, she adds "You always were my light. Without you, I would have disappeared long ago."
"I will always catch you. If you let me."
Reaching for his face, Carol kisses him.
"I will."
It`s a promise she never intends to break. Because if there is one thing she knows now, it is that being away from him, trying to fight the darkness alone, didn`t make anything better.
Ezekiel is right, together they are stronger.
Darkness and light. One cannot exist without the other.
Their souls were severely wounded by the worst nightmare of any loving parent. But if wounds get healed by love, then the scars that remain are beautiful.
After making sure that the alarm is set for their early secret mission, they fall asleep spooned up together, exhausted from the physical and emotional exertion.
Another storm is already waiting for them, another war they do not yet see coming. But it is nothing compared to what they have survived. They will get through it.
And in the end there will be light.
The end
Author`s note: After reading completely, I realized that this is totally messy and fucked up. Sorry, too lazy to do anything about it. Very likely my last fic anyway. Not gonna make it through the last episodes. The vibes I get are not good for my health.
So, thanks to everyone for reading.