Notes:

I literally came out of a decade long break from writing fanfiction because of a Tumblr post.

Do people do songfics anymore? Is the DGM fandom still alive?

Not sure; here's a thing.

Fair warning, the ending probably doesn't make a lot of sense unless you are up to date on the manga.

I feel so unsure
As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
As the music dies
Something in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen
And all its sad goodbyes

I wonder which of us is more confused as I drag you away from Lenalee. Not long ago, I sneered at the thought of touching your hand, but everything is different now. You must realize that I could have easily grabbed you by the shirt collar and hauled you off. It would have accomplished the same goal without revealing so much. There doesn't seem to be any sense in pretending anymore – you already know.

The din of the market fades away as we keep running. The growing silence emphasizes the disquieting fact that you are, for once, keeping your peace. I would prefer it if you were cursing and insulting me - that's normal, at least. It would allow me to think that things hadn't just fundamentally changed between us.

We break out of the shaded streets and onto a rooftop on the outskirts of town. The change is sudden, and the late afternoon sunlight feels more belligerent than it should. I turn to see you, convinced that the moment I do, you will vanish again, this time forever.

Seconds pass, yet you don't evaporate.

I find the face to look into your eyes, expecting a careful blankness to match your silence. Instead, I see a movie playing on repeat in your mind's theatre, where the exits are blocked, so you're forced to watch.

A movie about Suman Dark, Mana, and Alma. A greatest-hits reel that's about to get a sequel, starring you and me.

I'm never gonna dance again
These guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool

I'm still holding your hand – still not entirely sure that you won't try to flee again if I let go. Restlessly, I squeeze too tightly. Your gaze goes to my forearm, and you are summoned back to the present. You try to break away. When that fails, you settle for glaring at me.

I hold your gaze and question if I have the gall to look confused. Or if I have the decency to look guilty.

I don't.

For some reason, it seems more audacious to pretend. It seems more honorable to show I don't regret what I've done.

Regardless, you are not amused.

I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I'd been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you

You shout, "Are you actually fucking retarded?!" with more malice than you've shown me in a long time.

And with that, we start waltzing around the issue. Screaming nonsensical abuse instead of acknowledging the betrayal. Growling empty threats instead of apologizing. Pushing at faces and pulling on hair. Stomping on toes. Flinging each other and spinning around. Dip-dodging blows.

It's our usual dance – perhaps the last one we'll ever have. All because of a careless whisper.

Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend

We ran into Lenalee in the downtown area while she was on an unrelated solo mission. After we left her behind at the Order, it was good to see her again. Until it wasn't.

"How are you finding the Crystal type Innocence?" she said, lightly, as if she wasn't ruining my life.

You piped up when it was clear I wasn't going to answer, "Wow – I didn't realize that Mugen had crystalized?! That's amazing, Kanda!"

I was too full of foreboding to feel flattered.

"It's no big deal," I dismissed.

Drop it. Come on. For the love of God, change the subject.

"Jeez, way to kill the conversation," you said.

Good. We can bicker over my bad attitude instead of continuing this discussion.

"I guess I'm just not impressed by stupid things," I said, hand towards Mugen.

She interfered. In the worst way.

"Quit it, you two! I thought you'd be civil by now since you've been on your own a while. We can have a normal conversation. Kanda – how are your stigmata? Are they bothering you at all?"

Fuck.

Lenalee.

Why?

"They're fine. Don't worry," I said, trying to be gentler.

Maybe if I'm less reactive, they'll move on.

There was a beat of silence. I had the brilliant idea to ask her about the Order and whether anyone knows she's here - to change the subject - but it came a split second too late.

Because you asked, "Stigmata?"

"You know, the marks you get from Crystal type Innocence," she said as she helpfully stuck out her ankles in a way that I hoped was distracting. "I only ask because mine got so itchy I was scared they were infected," she continued, but you shifted your gaze.

I stood still and said nothing.

Don't draw any more attention to yourself. Don't be suspicious.

She noticed that you were peeking at my ankles and giggled.

No, don't.

"Kanda's are on his arms."

Goddamn it.

To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind

There was a token struggle, but the damage was inevitable - you would never drop it now.

"Oh, can I see?"

"Piss off, beansprout!"

"Just show me the marks!"

"Why should I?"

"Why are you being so weird? Shy?"

"Maybe because you're trying to undress me, you creepy old man!"

I could only avoid it for so long before you eagerly took my sleeve and pushed it up past the elbow. And there it was – the stigmata – right in the middle of a telling disfigurement. Before the gears could start turning, I viciously pulled down the sleeve.

Too late.

"Is that…?" she trailed off, putting her fingers over her mouth.

I stared directly into her eyes as I ignored her question and promptly screwed her over. Swiftly, I snatched her golem, turned it on, and deadpanned, "Lenalee's getting married."

Voices erupted from the golem. It was chaos.

"LENALEEEEEEEEE~! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Lenalee – where have you been?! We've been trying to contact you for hours!"

"I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR LESS THAN A DAY, AND ALREADY THERE'S AN ELOPEMENT!"

"That wasn't you speaking just now, was it? It sounded like a man…"

"STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER!"

"Yeah, that almost sounded like Kanda - did you run into him? He's been AWOL for months."

"No! No, I'm fine," she rushed into the insanity to cover for us, barely masking her desperation. "It's just me and a man I met in town. He was just kidding around."

"LENALEEEEEE~! I'LL SAVE YOU FROM THAT OCTOPUS!"

"Are they interfering with your mission? Do you need backup?"

"No, no, no – it's alright. No need to send help. I can handle myself."

While she was busy making excuses to avoid bringing the whole Order down upon our heads, I took your hand and ran. I heard the frown in her voice as it rapidly slid out of earshot.

"Don't worry – he's literally running away from me."

"HA, WHAT A LOSER – BIG BROTHER'S GOING TO COME ANYWAY THOUGH. BE THERE SOON~!"

I didn't feel sorry.

She'll have her hands full for a while. After that, she won't follow us anyway, for fear of exposing us to the Order.

Though inelegant, it was a quick and easy solution. Sadly, I knew it wouldn't be as simple to shake you off.

There's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find

All you need to know is written on my increasingly pale veins: I'm starting to fall, and I deliberately hid it from you, which all but confirms that I'm doing it for you.

I'm going to fall for you. I've already fallen for you.

The phrasing hardly matters – it's all the same.

Tonight, the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd

The once desolate rooftop is suddenly louder than a carnival. It's a wonder that no one can hear the monkeys screeching.

We're screaming so loud that we can't hear what we're actually saying.

Why would you do this?

I'd do anything to help you.

How could you hide this from me?

I didn't want you to know.

You're scared and confused, I assume.

I'm too proud and too full of shame. But mostly, I'm annoyed.

Annoyed that Lenalee let it out of the bag.

Annoyed that you're looking at me like I'm some fragile thing.

Annoyed that you think you have any say in how I spend whatever life I have left.

Annoyed that you can't take your own medicine.

Annoyed that my intentions - feelings, hopes - are exposed.

Maybe it's better this way
We've hurt each other with the things we want to say

Then, suddenly, the dance changes. You back-lead, and I'm thrown off.

"I won't let you fall."

"Tsh, as if I'm going to."

A pause. We both catch our breaths.

Maybe that's it. Maybe we can just go back to normal now.

"And I can't let you kill me if I turn into the 14th anymore."

"Why the hell not? Killing things is my job, remember? What are you – a fucking wuss?"

Deny. Deflect. Counter. One last ditch effort. In case you don't understand.

"I'm serious, Kanda – I'm not going to let you kill another person you love."

Wow. You really just came out and said it. Awkward.

You wait, like a gentleman, giving me ample time to deny it.

I don't.

I stare at you, and you stare at the truth.

You're the first to break eye contact as you say, "Ugh, whatever, be that away."

I feel oddly satisfied with how uncomfortable you look. I'm reassured that maybe you're weirded out enough to just drop it now, so we can act like this never happened. Sadly, no such luck.

"Did you even think? I thought you'd understand. I can't be responsible for killing another person-"

I interrupt you before I'm sure if that was going to be the end of your sentence or if you were going to finish it the same way as before. I don't want to hear or not hear it. If I don't observe it, then it can't disappear.

"I don't fucking care how you feel!"

To my delight, you look gob-smacked - like you can't believe I could be this childish. Maybe you don't understand me after all.

"Are you serious right now?" you cry out, your voice jumping the octave.

"I'm free to do what I choose. Isn't that what you wanted?"

You scoff and comb your hand through your hair before seemingly deciding to humor me. "Okay, then tell me – what do you want, Kanda?"

There's a long pause as I debate whether you'll leave if I lie to you again. Eventually, I accept that I'm not good at gambling, so I just play my damn cards.

"Let me help you. Let me keep my promise."

There it is. You bulldoze over it.

"And let you die trying? Right, of course, what am I thinking - I'll just pencil it in!"

You're starting to really piss me off. I lose it. A little too much.

"I should already be dead! The only reason I'm not is because of you – there's no point in me being alive anymore if I can't-"

Repay you? Save you? Be by your side?

How I want to finish the sentence doesn't matter because you slap me.

You actually just fucking slap me in the face. Like someone swatting away an unwanted suitor.

I see red. Through the tint, your eyes look bloodshot too. Before I can even say anything, you have me pinned to the roof access and gagged.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" you grind out the words, like doing so would force some sense into me. I sound much the same, though somewhat muffled behind your hand.

You continue, "This is so wrong…even for you…"

Your words hurt enough for me to bite down and nearly choke in the process, which is a decent cover for the spurned tears welling up. I try to blink them away, and - through the squint - I see that angry tears are pouring down your face.

We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
Now who's gonna dance with me?
Please stay

You start a little shaky, "Don't say that kind of stuff!" Then a little desperate, "Don't. Don't throw your life away." Then you go quiet – making sure I have to listen hard. "There are people who love you."

My breath hitches, and I hate how hopeful and terrified my disbelief feels as you say -

"I love you,"

- with that sad smile on your face.

That is your worst smile. It's the one that hints you're about to do something incredibly dumb.

I lunge to grab you as you pull away, but I get yanked back to the wall - when the hell did you manage to tie me up?!

Fuck you. Fuck your sleight of hand. Fuck your stupid trapeze knots. Fuck your years of experience escaping from debt collectors. Fuck your savior complex.

You're going to run.

I roar, "DON'T YOU FUCKING RUN AWAY AGAIN!"

You step away.

I pull savagely on the chains and shout, "I WILL FIND YOU AND KILL YOU!"

You are unphased. The Ark materializes behind you.

I change tactics – direct my threats elsewhere.

"If you step through this portal, I swear to God I will fall and destroy every living thing for miles!"

You look like you consider it for a moment, but it's an empty threat. It's not on-command.

You aren't impressed by my old moves. You're ditching me on the dancefloor.

You're stepping through the threshold.

I scramble - What do I do? What do I say?

I doubt - What if I can't make you stay? What if I can't find you again?

Is this the last time we'll see each other? If it is, I should say it. You already said it – I just need to do it back. I didn't say it back to Alma when I should have.

I decide if my arrogance is worth more than my absolution.

"Allen."

You pause.

I peel back the angry mask, and shards spill forth. My face is hot and wet. My nose stings.

Say it. Just spit it out!

"Please."

Not quite.

Thankfully, it comes out as less of a whine and more of a plea, but I feel pathetic nonetheless.

It's not what I meant to say, but it seems to work. Maybe if I'd said all that was left to say, then you would've said goodbye.

I know it gets through to you because you're no longer looking at me or the Ark, but out across the rooftops at the reddening sky. Appreciating something. Appraising something. I know because, in the dying light, I see the lost orphan boy longing for a home.

Finally, I understand. What you're thinking. What to do.

"Stay," I say, confidence restored. "Let's watch the sunset. Then, if you can still go, go."

You hesitate. Then heave a tired sigh, like you've walked a long way. And then settle down about five feet from me.

We don't speak. We don't resist. We just observe.

Luckily for me, it is the most beautiful sunset.

As night falls, you close the Gate. Then open a new one by saying, "We'll find a path."

"We will."

The moment is too tender for me, so I break it.

"Can you untie me now?"

"Hmmm, I don't know, I've never seen you this well-behaved before. Maybe I should keep you on a leash."

"You're the one who needs a leash!"

And so, we start the dance again.

A/N: I was going to have Allen actually leave Kanda, I really was, since that goes with the tone of the song better, but I just couldn't do it. Plus, this way, Allen gets some character development too.

Hope you enjoyed!