The Baby-Sitters Club belong to Ann M. Martin.
I was doing homework in my room. Then, Dad got home from work. He's not usually home early.
"Hi, you're home early," I said.
"My office just lost power, so Mark decided to close it for the day. He didn't want us to get cold in there," said Dad.
"That makes sense. I'm just taking a break from homework for a snack," I said.
After that, I managed to finish my homework.
I'm Mary Anne Spier. I'm 16 years old and an just became a 11th grader at Portland Voc-Tech High School in Portland, Maine. My siblings; Dawn and Carlos, attend Portland High School. Dad was promoted and transferred here recently from Stoneybrook, Connecticut. I didn't want to move because it was my home. I was in New Mexico at the time, so I couldn't join right away. Plus, I refused to break up with my boyfriend, Logan although Dad tried to pressure to do that. Dad got me a car for my birthday. He even signed me up for a driving school. I did it that week. But I don't use it much for school since it's a walking distance unless it's raining and he's okay with that.
But the biggest reason that I didn't want to move is that my best friend, Kayla, who was suffering from cancer. I was very supportive. I would take over if Kayla's too tired to help Kaylee to watch her siblings. Their family moved here at the same time as us. Their father before the move was announced. I felt so bad for the girls. Especially Mrs. Willis who was raising her eight kids on her own. They were lucky to have me if they need me.
In Stoneybrook, we were three houses apart and now, we live next door, so it's still great. She and her twin, Kaylee, attend the same school. She was in nursing while Kaylee's in office. One day, Kayla had a doctor's appointment and might be late. Then, when I was concerned that she didn't show up, I found out that she could no longer attend school. Kaylee got upset after she heard that and it didn't bother me until later that day. That was when I also learned that her illness was spreading and had a few weeks to live. She told me that Kayla stopped breathing and had to be rushed to the hospital. When we visited her after school, we were told she was on life support and might not last long.
A week later, I noticed Kaylee did not attend school. She had an upset stomach. But when I learned Kayla had died during the night, I cried my eyes out. I thought it was a joke at first. I almost couldn't find the words to tell Kaylee- she was asleep when I visited her. I also had a hard time to tell my own family or other friends. I'm very sensitive and get upset easily if I bring up any subject.
She and Kaylee were at my 16th birthday party and had a good time. Kayla gave me her locket I got her for Christmas in Stoneybrook- but there was one small problem: Kaylee didn't had one because they were sold out including her initial. In fact, it was from a bucket list. Luckily, she bought an extra locket and put another picture of all three of us. It was a good way to honor her.
Although we had friendship issues a few times during Kayla's illness, we grew closer after she died. April's friend, Beth, would try to stop bother each other, but we didn't care- we needed each other.
I did not attend any funeral services. I was too upset and was depressed. We were very close and I still suffer from it often. In fact, I didn't tell anyone that it will be almost three months coming up right after I return from Iowa. I can't wait for that though and hope it would keep my mind off Kayla while I'm there. Kaylee decided to join me, so we would be flying together. She keeps herself busy from missing her sister. April would be coming, too. Logan is going to meet us there.
My grandmother was supposed to join us, but her friend, who was supposed to move there, died suddenly, so her house is up for sale and will join us once it's sold.
That night, I wasn't hungry all of the sudden.
After dinner, I excused from myself from helping out from the kitchen.
"Is Mary Anne feeling okay tonight?" asked Sharon.
"She was very quiet," said Carlos.
"I didn't notice," said Dad.
Dawn suddenly realized why and whispered, "I think I knew why she was acting that way tonight. Isn't it almost three months since Kayla has been dead?"
"Already?" asked Carlos.
"You know what? I think you got a good point," said Dad.
"We better not ask bring that up to her because you don't want her to be miserable in Iowa," said Carlos.
"I agree," said Dad.
After dinner, I was reading.
"Mary Anne," said Dawn as she came in. "Are you okay? We were all worried about you."
"I'm just tired, that's all. A long day in school drains me. I think that's why I didn't help you in the kitchen tonight," I said.
"That's okay," said Dawn.
I felt bad for lying to her, but I was afraid to get depressed even more before the trip.
In the middle of the night, I was wide awake. I just hope I won't think about it in Iowa to have a good time. I'm always worried about it now. I got up and went downstairs to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
Dad probably knew I was up because he spotted me downstairs and came down to be with me.
"Are you okay? I noticed you were up," said Dad as he sat at the table with me.
"I couldn't sleep," I said.
"Did something bothered you? The others noticed how quiet you were at the dinner table," said Dad.
"Well... I know when Kayla's three month anniversary comes around, it will bother me a lot. It will be here right after I get back from Iowa from winter vacation," I said.
"Already?" asked Dad as I nodded.
"I didn't want to bring it up earlier. I just didn't want to feel miserable in Iowa," I said.
"I understand," said Dad.
"I made a white lie to Dawn to forget about it," I said.
"I can see why," said Dad.
"I just hope I would stay busy while being there," I said.
"I'm sure it will, sweetie," said Dad.
"To be honest with you, there's not one day when I don't think of her," I said. "I'm sure it would keep Kaylee busy."
"I think so, too. Instead taking your car, I'll bring you girls to the airport," said Dad.
"Sounds good," I said.
The next day, at school, I told April and Kaylee that Dad offered to take us to the airport.
"Okay," said April. "Mom was bringing my suitcase to your house."
"Same with mine," said Kaylee.
"You can meet me outside after school," I said.
"Okay," said the girls.
Later, I suspect that I'm starting to get depressed because I didn't pay much attention in any of my classes.
"Are you feeling okay?" asked April. "You've been quiet in class."
I knew she was concerned about me, but I didn't want to talk about that right now.
"Can we talk after school?" I asked.
"Sure," said April.
My grades were up and down since I got depressed. My teachers were concerned about me. They knew why.
After school, I waited for April and Kaylee. Our flight is at 4:00 pm. They were coming out together and went to Dad's car. We're not in the same cycle. When April and I are in class cycle, Kaylee's in shop. Beth was due to go with us, but she was going away with her family, so she couldn't make it.
At the airport, we were in the waiting room near our gate. I was sitting alone near the window while the girls were on the other side.
"Is Mary Anne feeling okay?" asked Kaylee. "How come she's sitting by herself?"
"I don't know. I noticed something's bothering her and was supposed to talk to me after school, but she hasn't yet. I'm concerned about her," said April.
"I know what's bugging her," said Kaylee. "I'll go talk to her."
"We can go join her anyway," said April.
They came to sit next to me.
"April was telling me you weren't yourself today. Is everything alright?" asked Kaylee. "She was worried about you."
"I have been feeling down lately," I said.
"What are you upset about?" asked Kaylee.
"I started to think about Kayla a lot these days. It's almost three months since she's been gone and I know it's going to bother me," I said.
"Wow. That day is already approaching after we return from winter vacation?" asked April as I nodded.
"But I didn't want to mention it earlier so I can enjoy my trip," I said. "I wasn't going to be depressed over there during Winter Break."
"I didn't know what was bothering you," said April.
"I can see why: I don't blame her though," said Kaylee. "She just wants to have a good time."
"I was thankful she was here for my birthday," I said.
"I agree," said Kaylee.
"I can't wait to see Michelle tomorrow. She did helped me out," I said.
"I remember her," said Kaylee. "She came down week after the funeral to cheer you up."
"What I liked about her is that she knew how I felt since she lost her best friend of the same illness before we met," I said.
"You almost didn't want to tell her it upsets you because you were grateful to have her," said April.
"I just didn't want her to think I didn't want her help," I said.
We didn't wait for long when our plane arrived. Once everyone got off, we went in and sat down. The sky was cloudy, but there was no snow, so it was a good flight. A few hours later, we were in Iowa. Bob's mom, Tina, was there when we got our suitcases. Logan was already there.
"Hi. Your grandmother asked me to get you and your friends because she was making dinner. She didn't want to burn anything when she's not home," said Tina.
"Okay," said Kaylee.
"That was a good idea to do," I said.
"You must be April," said Tina.
"Yes," said April.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Tina," said Tina. "By the way, Mary Anne, Bob is sick with vertigo and had to be in bed rest this week."
"I know how that feels," I said. "Who's with him if he loses his balance?"
"I was leaving him to get you. He's sleeping," said Tina.
We left for Grandma Verna's and we were there about ten minutes later. We thanked Tina and went inside.
"Hi, Grandma," I said.
"Hi. Just in time, dinner's ready," said Grandma Verna.
"Great," said Kaylee.
"Hi, April," said my grandmother.
"Hi," said April.
"Hi," said Logan.
"I have some news, Mary Anne," said Grandma Verna. "I'll be going back with you after Winter Break ends because my house got sold to a young couple who were buying their first home. They had just gotten married."
"That's good," I said.
"I already called your father before you came," said my grandmother.
I skipped the turnips because I had an upset stomach for some reason last time. Grandma knew about it and doesn't mind. After dinner, Kaylee, April, Logan, and I were in my room.
In the middle of the night, I was awake. I got up as I went downstairs and got water. Kaylee noticed I was up and came downstairs to join me.
"Were you okay?" asked Kaylee
"I couldn't sleep. My mind was on Kayla," I said.
"It'll be okay," said Kaylee holding my hand. "Try not to think about it while you're here."
"Thank god you're both here to keep me busy," I said.
"True," said Kaylee.
I didn't want to tell about her that was the reason why I didn't want to tell anyone before the trip. I didn't want to be ungrateful. Then, we all went back to bed after I finished water. Logan cuddled with me to make me feel better.
The next day, Grandma Verna made waffles.
"I'm excited to see Michelle today," I said.
"That's good," said Grandma Verna.
"Same here," said April.
"Michelle asked to see Mary Anne alone. They don't each other much," said Grandma Verna.
"That's fine," said Kaylee.
"She'll be here shortly," said Grandma Verna.
Michelle came by noon. She actually didn't mind my company joining us after all.
"I thought you wanted Mary Anne alone," said Grandma Verna.
"I don't mind her friends and Logan joining us," said Michelle.
We had a fun day. We plan to see each other one last time before we leave for home. That's what we did on Saturday. I was glad that she kept me busy from missing Kayla all this week.
When we got back from Iowa the following afternoon, Mrs. Willis picked us up from the airport. Dad and Sharon couldn't get me because they were out.
"Do you have room in your car?" asked Grandma Verna.
"We can put your stuff in my trunk," said Mrs. Willis.
"Grandma is moving in with my family," I said.
"That's good," said Mrs. Willis.
She took April home on the way. When we dropped her off, April said, "Thanks for the ride."
"Anytime, honey," said Mrs. Willis.
When we got to our house, we helped Grandma Verna bringing the stuff. Mrs. Willis parked in our driveway to make it easier.
"Thank you for the help," said my grandmother.
"You're welcome," said Mrs. Willis.
"I wonder how this would work because there was no other rooms left," I said. "Our rooms have twin bed except for Carlos' room."
"We'll figure it out," said Grandma Verna.
After we told Carlos about that issue, he came up with a plan.
"I can move out from that guestroom and I can move into your room to let her have my room," said Carlos.
"That would work," I said.
"Thank you," said Grandma Verna.
Carlos and I did all that together and we were done in no time.
Later, I started to think about Kayla a lot, but I didn't think about it in Iowa, so I don't get why it happened now. Worse of all, I lose sleep time to time when I think of her. It started happening like that when she got ill. Kaylee's advice was to think about happy thoughts. It hardly works now.
The next day, I figured going to school might help me. Kaylee and I were walking to school.
"In fact, they're having a mass for her anniversary in New York City for a Tuesday mass, so we can just do that instead."
"Maybe I'll go with you," I said.
"It's up to you," said Kaylee.
That night, I was feeling miserable. At dinner, I hardly ate.
"You're not eating too much tonight," said Dad who noticed that.
"Are you thinking about Kayla's third month anniversary?" asked Dawn.
"Leave her alone," said Sharon.
"That's okay, she's right I am thinking of it," I replied. "Dad, may I leave the table?"
"Of course, honey," said Dad.
I got up, clearing my spot, and went up to my room.
"I can tell that she's starting to get depressed again," said Dad. "She told me that Kayla's fourth month anniversary would bug her when that day comes."
"I believe that," said Carlos.
After dinner, Carlos said, "I think we should give Mary Anne more time before she could help us out in the kitchen."
"I think so, too," said Dad. "I'll going to see her."
I was on my bed looking at Kayla's picture in my locket.
"Mary Anne," said Dad as he came in. "How are you doing tonight, honey?"
"I wish I could pretend I did it for her instead of thinking about her," I said. "Plus, Kaylee says they're having a mass for her on that anniversary at a church in New York anyway."
"We can go to that," said Dad.
"I'm a bit nervous on how to act in church on that day," I said.
A week later, on Monday, after school, we all went to New York for overnight and we would leave after the mass for Kayla. School know I won't be in school tomorrow. Carlo had practice and couldn't make it, but I'm okay with that. I invited April, but she had to study fpr I don't expect him to miss anything. Kaylee and I were in Mom's car while the rest went in my car.
On the way, Mario was reading his book when D.J. grabbed it out of his hand.
"Hey," said Mario.
"D.J., give it back to Mario. He was reading it," said Kaylee.
"No," said D.J.
I went to grab the book and give it to Mario.
"For that, you're not getting it back," I told D.J.
"You can sit back here with Mary Anne," said Kaylee. "And, I'll sit with D.J."
They switched the places.
"Thank you, girls," said Mrs. Willis.
D.J. and Mario have a rocky relationship. He does mean things. They shared a room when they first moved to Stoneybrook, but after D.J. hit his own twin, that was the last straw. He's been sharing with the girls ever since. And, he still does with Kaylee after Kayla died.
When we got to their grandparents' apartment, Jeff and Ginnie were there to greet us.
"Hi, how are you holding up?" asked Jeff.
"Not well. I knew this was coming," I said. "It's still hard. I'm nervous about tomorrow."
That night, I wasn't hungry. We were having pizza. I was in Kaylee's room where she stays when her family visit here.
"I'm concerned about Mary Anne since she hasn't been eating," said Grandma Verna.
"Me, too," said Dad. "Where is she?"
"She's in my room," said Kaylee. "She's still down in the dumps."
After dinner, Kaylee came in to join me.
"How are you doing?" asked Kaylee.
"I wish there's something I could to keep me busy from missing Kayla- missing her still hurts," I said.
"I miss her, too, but she will always be in our thoughts," said Kaylee. "If we use our imaginations, she's looking down on us. At least your locket is one of the ways for you to keep her alive."
Later, that night, I didn't sleep. I went out there. Kaylee must have knew I was because she came out to me.
"Are you still nervous about tomorrow?" asked Kaylee as she sat on the couch with me.
I nodded. "I don't know how I could act. I'm worried I'd start crying in mass. That would be so embarrassing."
"Your feelings are totally normal," said Kaylee. "How about you can sleep in my bed with me?"
"Sure," I said.
I don't get see how that nothing was bothering her. I suspect she's been busy helping me. Sleeping in her bed with her helped me feel better,
The next day, I was getting ready for church.
"Are you almost ready?" asked Kaylee
"I'm just fixing my hair," I replied while brushing it.
"Take your time," said Kaylee.
At church, I had butterflies in my stomach. Kaylee and I plan to sit together. Her mother didn't mind. During mass, I could feel tears coming down. I talk to the priest when I feel blue. Kaylee took my hand when she noticed that. I've met this priest before and he was nice. I liked Father Samuel in Stoneybrook and Father Chris at my new church in Maine. This priest in New York was nice, too.
After mass, I went to the priest.
"Hi. I was worried when you didn't join in for prayers," said the priest.
"I couldn't stop thinking about Kayla," I said wiping my tears. "It's hard to believe her third month anniversary is here."
"Oh, it must be bugging you to think about it," said the priest.
"It's starting to. I'm fine other times," I said. "It's still hard for me to adjust her death."
"I bet," said the priest.
"I was so nervous on how I would act in church," I said.
"I'm sure you were," said the priest as he sat on the bench with me.
Dad was looking for me in the meantime.
"Mary Anne went to the priest to talk to him," said Kaylee.
"She usually does," said Dad. "Talking to him helps her."
"It was starting to affect her like she said it would," said Kaylee.
"I noticed that," said Dad.
"Me, too," said Grandma Verna.
"I'll just go see her if she's okay," said Kaylee.
"Go ahead," said her mom. "I'm not in a rush."
"Me, either," said Dad.
Most of the time, I only want Kaylee went to be with me.
"Hi, Kaylee," said the priest.
"It was a nice mass about Kayla, Father Hammel," said Kaylee.
"Thank you," said the priest.
My eyes were red from weeping. After we had a long talk, we met the others in their cars. I was quiet.
"You're quiet this afternoon, honey," said Dad. "Want go to Friendly's with us?"
"No, I'm not hungry," I said. "I just want to go back to the apartment until we leave."
"Okay," said Dad.
At home, I went to Kaylee's room. In there, I was on Kayla's old bed curling into a ball while crying. The rest came home after lunch.
"Poor Mary Anne had a rough time in church," said Dawn.
"I know, I'll go see her," said Dad.
That was when he knocked on my door and came in to be with me. I was still curled up in ball and weeping.
"I was worried about you," said Dad.
"I just regretted going to mass today," I said.
"Don't feel hard on yourself," said Dad.
"I knew I was going to act upset in church while having Kayla on my mind," I said.
"Anyone can feel that way when they think about a loved one or a friend," said Dad.
"I was just trying to be brave like Kaylee is," I said.
"I know you were," said Dad stroking my hair.
"I'm glad she was with me. That's all I cared about it. Talking to the priest helps me a bit," I said.
"Which is a good thing," said Dad.
Then, it was time to head back to Maine.
"Do you mind if I visit Kayla's grave first?" I asked.
"Sure, we can do that on the way out," said Mrs. Willis. "You can come in our van."
"I'll meet the rest of you in Maine," I said.
"Take your time," said Dad.
When we got there, Mrs. Willis said, "You girls can stay for as long as you like. I'm not in a rush to head back home."
I used my money for flowers and put them in the dirt. Kaylee was with me and helped me plant it.
"Those are nice flowers you picked out," said Kaylee.
"I know," I said.
We stayed for a few minutes. We stood up.
"I miss you so much," I said to the grave.
After that, we were on our way back to Maine. We were back later that evening.
"Do you feel okay after visiting Kayla's grave?" asked Dad.
"I kind of felt better doing that while the part of me isn't. My heart is still broken since Kayla's death," I said.
"You can do visit her grave anytime you want," said Dad.
"Even during the school week?" I asked.
"Sure, I won't give you a curfew for that," said Dad.
"I just thought weekends would be better," I said.
"If you want to do it that way, that's fine with me, too," said Dad. "I think seeing a therapist would do you good."
"That's not on my mind right now," I said.
That sounds silly because Dr. Reese always helps me when I see her. I miss not seeing her. But I did saw one after Kayla died. Dr. Reece recommended me to him. They worked together. His name is Dr. Mark Parks.
The next day, April said, "I heard Kaylee is spreading lies about you."
"I doubt that," I said.
"Me, too. I know she wouldn't do that to you," said April.
We went to talk to Kaylee, who laughed. "Where did you got that idea from?"
"I bet it's Andy," said April.
"We'll have to be on the look out," said Kaylee.
Later, after school, Andy told us it was Beth who. Kaylee blasted at Beth. "Why did you tell people I'm spreading about my best friend for?"
"Well, it's true that you did. I heard that you told them that Mary Anne has changed," said Beth.
"That's a lie," said Kaylee.
"And, is it my fault that I've been depressed since Kayla died?" I asked. "You were the one who tried to separate us and we both refused to do that."
"I think that friendship with you is about to end," Kaylee told Beth.
"Come on, let's go," I said.
"But I'm not lying, Andy is," said Beth.
We ignored while we walked away. This is why we didn't want her around.
"Honestly, I believe them," said April. "Kaylee would never spread lies about Mary Anne. And, Andy doesn't make up stuff like that."
At home, Kaylee said, "I can't believe Beth was making up the story. In fact, I heard that, too, but no one believed her."
"I know you've been concerned about me, but I go to you when I needed to talk to someone," I said.
"Exactly," said Kaylee.
"I have a dumb question," I said. "I noticed nothing was bugging you these days. Was it because you've been busy to make me feel better?"
"Yes, and that's not a dumb question, Mary Anne. You've been focused on Kayla during her illness. That's why I did that in return. And, here's a little secret: I promised her I'd look after you and I didn't want to break it," said Kaylee. "That was after she found out she couldn't attend school any longer and before she went on life support."
Later, I finally texted Dr. Parks to see him. He said I can start seeing him tomorrow after school.
The following day, Beth did admit she made up the story and apologized.
"Thanks for your apology, but I'm not sure if I'd ever want be friends with you right now," said Kaylee.
"But I apologized," said Beth.
"I know, but I can't trust you at this time. I need to focus more on my best friend. I promised my sister that I would look after Mary Anne," said Kaylee.
After school, I drove myself to see the therapist. I used it today because it's 20 minutes away and it would be too far for me to walk there. I was at the office in the waiting area when Dr. Parks came in and said, "Hi."
"Hi," I said.
We sat in the office.
"How are you doing these days?" asked Dr. Parks.
"Not well. Kayla's anniversary just went by," I said.
"How long for her now?" asked Dr. Parks.
"Yes. It happened three months ago," I replied.
"Wow. Already," said Dr. Parks.
"It bugged me for awhile," I said.
"I'm sure it did," said Dr. Parks.
"They had a mass for her in New York and I was nervous on how I would act," I said.
"What were you nervous about?" asked Dr. Parks.
"I would get emotional during her mass. I knew it was coming," I said.
"Your feelings are normal. I can see you're still having trouble to adjust your best friend's death," said the therapist.
"I am. We were very close," I said.
"That's very good," said Dr. Parks.
"Yeah. We did had friendship troubles a few times while Kayla was sick, but we never fight," I said. "We would make up."
"It's good when you two work things out," said Dr. Parks.
"I agree. I missed Kayla who used to help me with things like that," I said.
"I bet," said the therapist.
"She wanted to be a therapist or a nurse," I said. "At least I have you or Dad. Dr. Reece helped out when I feel blue."
"That's true," said Dr. Parks.
We talked for a long time and felt much better knowing what was bothering me. I only saw him for two to three days. I felt refreshed like a new person. He said I can still see him whenever I feel low.
The End