. . .
NOTE: This takes place in an slightly alternate timeline where the Administrator was never close to death. I'm thinking she still had loads of Australium to utilize, and so didn't hide all the known cache.
February 10, 1973
Ms. Pauling was listening to the radio while she and Zhanna drove along Route 66 towards the town of Tuefort. It was after dinner time, and Miss Pauling had decided to pick up some necessary supplies. The usual cargo shipments had been delayed after the train broke down and all the trucking companies were extremely busy with unending deliveries to fulfill.
It would be a week before they'd actually get their much-needed necessities in – toilet paper, anti-fungal toe and hemorrhoid cream being top priority. Maybe another medical kit. Luckily, they had a two-week supply of food for both teams. A new threat was on the rise, after various news reports revealed more left-over hordes of Gray Mann's robots. Now both teams just had to clean up the rest of the mess left behind by the previous waves a year and a half before.
With the most of the military still occupied with Vietnam and their counterpart reserves barely holding the latest attack back, more help was always welcomed. Aside from that dilemma, Miss Pauling even heard these robots didn't bleed money when they were destroyed. No exorbitant tips then for her or the mercenaries. Disappointing.
Their primary objective though would be to destroy the remnants up in Bismark and Toronto. They had overpowered and occupied those towns, the civilians being trapped inside like caged rats. So everyone was preparing to fight.
Zhanna had arrived yesterday to visit Soldier at the base. She and Heavy had been helping the rest of his family settle down in Florida. She decided to come along with Miss Pauling to help out and explore Tuefort for a bit. Hopefully participate in the battle. Of course, the purple-clad assistant was mindful on which areas to avoid – the eastern side of town seemed much safer with more sane people. Their water wasn't contaminated either…atleast, she hoped that was still the case.
She decided to come along with Miss Pauling to help out and explore Tuefort for a bit. Of course, the purple-clad assistant was mindful on which areas to avoid – the eastern side of town seemed much safer with more sane people. Their water wasn't contaminated either…atleast, she hoped that was still the case.
The next segment on the radio caught Miss Pauling's attention.
"We interrupt this bulletin to bring you some bloody disgusting news. Apparently, the cougar duo mutants tore another family apart, this time in Bloomfield. All five members were eaten, just like the last two unfortunate families. The only thing left was a shoe and a couple of gold teeth. Apparently, the kitties aren't interested in pawning precious metals on the open market."
A bit of shuffling could be heard as the announcer leaned away from the microphone. "Ha-ha, told you I'd win the bet, Shane! One of the victims wore a Keds brand. That garbage shoe is all over the place. Wish the fad would die out—" Another pause, then a chided whisper from another associate. "Oh, pardon me." He then perked up in his professional voice.
"The Marshalls and state police warn everyone to stay inside your homes and don't go out until both have been apprehended or are dead. This goes for your chickens, cows, and pigs…well, maybe leave a pig out or two. A sure-fire way to let you know the feline hellspawns are in your yard is with Porky squealing in the throes of murder…"
"A $10,000 reward will be given to the first one that kills them. This doesn't include running them over or poisoning them with a bait trap. Also… *pause* huh, Erica? Oh yeah, if you have kids around, make sure they covered their ears during this broadcast." The announcer's voice then changed to a more cheery, excited tone. "And now the latest scores on the Dodgers vs. Mets game!"
Ms. Pauling sighed. Clearly the radio host was an idiot for not issuing the discreet warning for the younger audiences before the news broadcast. Well, this just made her day a little more depressing – innocent people died at the hands of two ravenous, bloodthirsty cougar monsters.
It's not like they were bad people that needed to be eliminated. They were just happy families minding their own business and to spend their last moments being ripped to shreds and chewed up alive…
"Hey Miss Pauling," Zhanna interrupted her musings, as she rested an arm out the window, the cool wind blowing up her dark tresses. "How come I don't see your baby girlfriend anymore? Did you two break up?"
The other woman stiffened. What business of hers was-
Ms. Pauling cleared her throat, deciding to come clean on the matter. "Zhanna, that was actually…Scout."
"Hmm?" now the Russian looked puzzled.
"It's a long story…"
"Scout is really girl?"
"No, no…"
"So you are not lesbian?"
The brunette balked. "I—uh, nooo. You see, um, it was…" Another pause. "…a literal act of magic. Zhanna, you probably don't believe wizards are real..."
A Few Days Earlier.
Apparently, Soldier had managed to royally piss off Merasmus again – this time to the point where the cantankerous old geezer was hellbent on dealing a personal vendetta against the American bane of his existence.
But it had backfired when Merasmus shot the spell from his sorcerer's staff and it ended up bouncing off Soldier's helmet, hitting Scout instead. How was that even possible that his helmet could deflect something as notoriously powerful as a ray of magic?
Miss Pauling gave up long ago figuring it out, given one had to suspend their disbelief at the weird and wacky phenomena going on in the job. Merasmus only had enough resources for one insidious spellcast. So, he swore vengeance at the team with one of his usual dramatic tirades, before vanishing in a twirl of smoky haze and green light. So far, he hadn't returned.
Poor Scout though…he was now rendered a female, all anatomically correct parts included. It would have been the worst humiliation for Soldier had the spell struck him, being the manliest of the nine mercenaries.
A few hours later, after the spell gone wrong…
"Oh Jeremy, don't worry. We'll find a way to change you back," Miss Pauling reassured.
Scout looked up from burying his now softer, feminine face in his hands. "But Francine, this is a freakin' nightmare! How am I gonna face the others?"
"Well…it's not like Merasmus turned you into a blobfish or the Wicket Witch of The West. I mean, being a woman's not so bad once you get used to it."
"Sox is gonna reject me, I know it."
Miss Pauling remembered his pet Cardinal. A silly bird who was sweet with everyone, even the worst of the lot on the team; but he always came back to Scout.
"Oh come on, if he's truly your friend, he'll look past the boobs and um…the other girl parts below your belt line."
Scout continued sulking.
"And…I look past it. I still love you, you foul-mouthed, bat-bashing scrapper."
Now the Bostonian's eyes lit up, a spark of hope in them…and flattery.
"You really mean that, sweetie?"
She firmly put her hands on his – her - shoulders, resolute. "You're still Scout, no matter what gender."
Before she could stop herself, she smacked her luscious lips against his/her own. Scout's eyes widened in surprise, but a second later, he melted into the languid kiss.
Then Zhanna barged in.
"Miss Pauling, have you seen my Jane-"
She paused at the scene, as both Scout and Miss Pauling's eyes shifted over to her while still locked in the kiss.
"Eahh!" both of them squeaked, pulling apart from each other.
"Oh, you are with female lover. Now I know why you do not flirt with other baby men here."
Miss Pauling and Scout were mortified. Jeez, didn't this beast of a woman know how to knock?
"Sorry to disturb your mating time, I will return later." She quickly left before Pauling could tell her that wasn't the case.
"...And so, that's why you saw me kissing a girl," Miss Pauling finished.
"Hmm, so wizard is after my love," Zhanna mused, eyes furrowed together. "Jane told me about him. He sound like bad news. Is obvious the old durak does not appreciate the greatest roommate in the world."
Miss Pauling shuddered a bit at hearing that. Soldier was the opposite - who could live with such a loud, delusional moron that killed on a whim and thought he was in a war all the time? It's amazing how the other team members put up with him. Even if they themselves had bloodthirsty streaks.
"We just have to find a way to get Merasmus to change Scout back." Miss Pauling was determined.
"What if my brother and I hold him down, while Jane threaten to shoot rocket up his ass?"
"Uhh, it really doesn't work that way. You know, he's got that whole 'powerful wizard and dark magic' thing going on…"
Just then, a small dot appeared on the horizon of the setting sun. As it drew closer, both could make out a tuft of red hair, adorned in two pig tails and shrill cries emanating from it.
"A teeny tiny baby girl," Zhanna observed.
Ms. Pauling slowed down the car, growing concerned when the little girl wouldn't stop screaming. In the distance, two other vague forms materialized. Pulling the vehicle over to the side of the road, she squinted her eyes, habitually pushing her glasses up a little more.
Amidst the incoherent screaming, she made out one word. "HELP!"
She stepped out of the Ford Falcon, as the girl ran toward her, arms wildly flailing. Frantically escaping what was behind her…
"Oh!"
It was the mutant cougars. Great…not what she was anticipating as part of shopping today.
"Help me, pretty purple lady!" the girl cried, crashing into Miss Pauling's demure figure and hugging her tightly. "They're after me!"
The fight-or-flight response seized the assistant, her heart beat speeding up faster in response to the abject terror before all three. The girl started sobbing, so Pauling reached for her concealed pistol, pulling it out.
Okay, you got this!
The ravenous cougars seemed to grin sadistically, drool dripping down their fearsome maws that no doubt chewed through human bone and flesh several hours earlier. Even their eyes gleamed of pure evil.
"Go, get behind me," she ordered the girl, who did as instructed while Zhanna was stepping out of the car.
Click!
Nothing. The pistol was empty.
"What?!" Pauling was baffled. She pulled the trigger again. Still, no crack of a bullet. Hadn't she re-loaded the gun before leaving the base? "You gotta be fucking kidding me!"
She froze, realizing her mistake in front of the girl.
"Uh, I mean, you gotta be fudging kidding me."
As both horrid creatures continued barreling right towards them, Zhanna brazenly lunged forward. Just as one of them was about to leap on Miss Pauling, she caught it by the scruff of its neck.
"So, you're the ones who been killing families?" she demanded.
She then trapped the mutant feline in a wrestle hug, its lithe body furiously struggling against her hefty arms. With the most malicious snarl that Pauling ever heard, Zhanna brought the body down on her thigh, incapacitating it at the moment. The feline mutant's legs were weekly flailing, though one of its swiping paws slashed her across right cheek. She let out an indignant cry from the acute pain. Blood began seeping down from three gash wounds.
She then use brought a bent elbow down on its stomach, and with gritted teeth, finished it off with a twist of its neck.
"Huttah!"
It was finally dead. Pauling could only gawk at the sight as Zhanna callously tossed the body aside. The other cougar mutant let out a raucous screech, and leapt at the Russian. Its unusually long talons were outstretched, primed for drawing more blood.
With a swift duck of her torso, the cougar ended up flying right over her. It crashed into the side of the car, putting a large, sizable dent in the passenger door; its head struck hard enough to disorient it.
"Just great, the Administrator is going to kill me for that," Pauling groaned. The little girl whimpered, clutching one of her legs. She turned to pat the kid's head. "Uhhh, there, there now. As long as the cougar doesn't come after us instead of the more tastier entrée over there—" she pointed to Zhanna "-I think we're on safe base."
She looked up to see Zhanna taking advantage of the cougar's vulnerability from the blow to its head, grabbing it by its tail.
"Monster kitty in for a whole lot of pain," she sneered.
She slammed the hapless cougar into the road several times, causing crack marks to appear on the concrete. Pauling had to look away as it became more brutal, bones breaking and blood smearing the ground.
When she opened her eyes, Zhanna was heaving out of breath and the last cougar lay dead, reduced to a bloody carcass.
"The families have been avenged."
Well, atleast she had some honor like her brother. She then turned to the little girl, stoically asking, "Are you alright?"
The kid's eyes went wide and clutched Miss Pauling's leg even tighter. "Please, pretty purple lady! Save me from the big scary lady!"
Miss Pauling could only smile wearily at Zhanna, her arms bent in a shrugging gesture. Her eyes then panned over to the two slaughtered cat beasts. "Well, looks like you got yourself $10,000."
. . .
With much patience, Pauling managed to pry the girl off her leg; though not without leaving an imprinted bruise of a small body outline and radiating soreness. Afterwards, she treated Zhanna wounds with a first aid kit (as she didn't have any health packs at the moment). They then loaded the remains of the two cougars in the trunk, making sure the more mutilated one covered the other to avoid staining the interior with blood.
They continued on their way to Tuefort, except the little girl refused to get in the car; she was still freaked out over Zhanna's display of unbridled violence.
"Look kid, she's not so bad once you get to know her," Miss Pauling tried to convince her.
"She's going to break me in half!"
A sigh, before an idea came to mind. She pulled out some Starburst candy. "How about I give you this if you go in the backseat?"
"Yay! Let's go!"
The kid happily snatched the candy, hopping inside the vehicle. All seat belts were buckled in place and soon they were back on the road.
"So kid, what's your name?" Pauling asked.
"Carly," the girl answered in between candy chews.
Zhanna leaned over to Pauling and said in hush-hush tone, "You do realize you bribed child like kidnappers do to get them inside car?"
"How else was I going to get her in? Put her in a sack and toss it in the backseat?" She titled her head up, looking quite smug. "Besides, nothing wrong with using a questionable tactic for non-criminal purposes."
"Pretty purple lady, I have to go pee!" Carly announced.
"We should be nearing a gas station soon. You can go there. Also, I have a name, you know."
"What's your name then?"
"Miss Pauling."
"Oh. Are you a teacher?"
"No."
"Then why are you called that?"
"It's just for formality reasons. People usually call me that."
"What's your first name?"
She paused, mulling over it. Oh well, no harm in disclosing it to a kid. It's not like she knew the kind of shady work the assistant was involved in and would run off to spill the beans to local law enforcement.
"It's Francine."
"That's a pretty name."
"Thanks." Miss Pauling felt pleased by the compliment, as she never really found her name so appealing. She wished her mother had named her Rachel.
"What is scary mean lady's name?" Carly then inquired.
Zhanna let out an irritated huff. "I'm right here if you want to know."
Carly cowered further in the seat.
"Go on, ask her," Miss Pauling encouraged. "I promise she won't bite."
"O..okay, uh…do you have name?" Carly squeaked.
"Yes, I am Zhanna," came the unimpressed reply.
"Wow, that's more awesome than Francine!"
Now Zhanna's mood shifted, as it was her turn to look smug. "Why, thank you."
Miss Pauling felt her ego deflate a bit, but nonetheless, chose to ignore it at the moment.
"So Carly, what happened? Where's your family?"
"Well, we were moving to Bloomington," the girl explained. "I was riding on the back of the moving truck. It was full of the living room furniture. I love sitting on the couch. Then the truck hit a bump, the doors opened and I fell off."
"Is anything hurting at all?" Carly didn't look noticeably injured, as far as the assistant was concerned.
"No, I landed on a pile of succulents. I just feel a bit sore."
"The back doors to truck were not locked?" Zhanna spoke up.
Carly shrugged. "I thought they were, but my parents were in such a hurry. Maybe they forgot. Anyhow, I tried yelling for my parents and jerkwad-I mean, my brother. But the car was too fast. So I ran down the road, screaming and screaming but no one heard me. Then I took a nap under a tree for awhile. That's when the evil big cats came out from behind a boulder and started chasing me."
"Whoo boy," Miss Pauling glanced at her watch. "Looks like you had quite a day. Well, we're heading to Teufort, so we can drop you off at the police station. They should be able to locate your family."
. . .
After depositing Carly at the local station and collecting the reward money, the two women went to pick up a few supplies at a Gemco store. It was a pretty calm Saturday, save for several lively dance clubs and bars in full swing. The local theater also had several lines of eager moviegoers.
Miss Pauling read the theater sign listing films playing: Walking Tall, The Cheerleaders, and films from previous years, Joel Kidd and Manos: Hands of Fate. Maybe she and Scout could go on a date here, if he's up for watching the latter. Miss Pauling knew an awful Z-movie when she saw one and couldn't pass it up. It was guaranteed to be scummy entertainment.
Afterwards, both women decided to check out one of the bars for a bit. Zhanna had insisted on going in, though it wasn't Miss Pauling's type of place to hang out.
"Come on, let's get drink."
"Do we have to?" Miss Pauline whined. "This place probably has crappy Mimosas."
"Let's find out."
Zhanna then grabbed her hand and yanked her through the entrance door.
"Hey easy now, I can help myself in!" she protested, fixing her glasses for the umpteenth time as she was pulled along.
Once inside the bar, she was met with the smell of alcohol and meat grilling from a food booth opposite the main entrance. A typical bar stood at one end of the room, patrons hanging off the ends. Some were loud and boisterous, while others were glued to a TV in the corner with a football game showing.
There was a nice medium-sized dance floor, with a few go-go girls performing to "Proud Mary." Several leather couches and round tables dotted either wide of the dance floor. A small disco ball hung overhead.
Zhanna finally let go of her, planting herself on a seat at the bar. Miss Pauling reluctantly took the seat next to her, tenderly rubbing her wrist from the vice-like grip.
"Okay, so we're here," Miss Pauling stated. "But we can't stay long. We have to get back before 9 PM. Otherwise, I'm going to miss All In The Family."
"Is it silly show with wife that has irritating voice?"
"Huh? Edith Bunker?"
"Da."
"Yeah. But her voice doesn't bother me. It's just the way she sounds."
"She sound like animal noise. Like baby calf that got punched in the balls."
Miss Pauling frowned at that, while Zhanna turned to get the bartender's attention. Well, different people, different perspectives, she supposed.
. . .