Diary of a Camp Mascot - Entry One
I guess I should start this with a little introduction of who and what I am. I am Buttons. Stalag 13, Barracks 2, one and only cat mascot. At the time of writing this, I've just turned one and been promoted to the rank of corporal. (Yes, I know what you are thinking. How can Felix, Carter's pet mouse, be a sergeant and me only a corporal? I am still trying to figure that out for myself…)
I guess I should tell you all a little more about myself. I'm a sleek, gorgeous, beautiful, black female feline with a white bib, white front toes and sparkling green eyes. And yes, in case you are wondering, all those words I used to describe myself have been used at one point in time by my devoted human servants. I take great pride in my appearance, spending hours each day cleaning my thick, shining fur and my efforts haven't gone unnoticed by the humans.
Ah, the humans… There are a lot of humans here where I live. I guess if I'm going to speak about my life here at what they call 'Stalag 13' that I should start with my favorite human. Maisie. Maisie is the youngest human here at Stalag 13, and the only other female apart from Hilda, the nice lady in the office who slips me treats from time to time. Maisie was the one who raised me from a tiny kitten after my mother abandoned me. Maisie is my most favorite person in the entire world. She caters to every need that I have, and I never have to worry about going hungry, unlike other cats I meet when I venture outside the wire.
Maisie looks after me well and in return, I shower her with my affection. A head bump here, a brush against her legs there and my favorite; sleeping across her neck at night. That's the ultimate sign of affection in my book, but for some reason, she doesn't take to that very much. I wonder why… I don't know, but I hope one day she'll realize it's a sign of how much I like her.
After Maisie, my next favorite person in the whole world is the man they call Colonel Hogan. Hogan is the commander of this camp (sssh, don't tell Kommandant Klink I said that. He seems to have this idea that he is in charge. However, you and I both know better, right?), and when he speaks, everyone has to do as he says. He tries to play hard to get, but I know he just can't resist my feline charms, and it doesn't take long for me to win him over each time I visit the barracks. I know he attempts to hide our little moments of affection from the rest of the men, my favorite is when he's busy working, and I jump onto his desk to rearrange the items he has on there. His bed, apart from Maisie's, is the only place for such a cat as myself to sleep at night. If I'm not in my usual place on Maisie's quilt, you'll find me curled up beside the Colonel.
I guess I should mention the other humans I like. Sergeant Carter, Corporal Newkirk, Corporal LeBeau, and finally, Sergeant Kinch, each of them tieing to be my third favorite human. I'll start with why I like Carter, since he's the first I've listed.
Ah, Carter, Carter, Carter…. Next to Maisie, Carter is the next person who worships the ground I walk on. As a matter of fact, come to think of it, I have these humans pretty well trained in my opinion… Anyway, that's a story for another time. I'll get back to my story here. Carter gets picked on a lot by the other humans. I don't know why. Carter is one of the nicest people I know, despite my one attempt at eating his pet mouse. (I will add that Felix and I have worked out our differences now, and we get along quite splendidly, if I do say so myself) Carter has trained my human Maisie well for me, showing her how to get me to do things in return for food. Maisie thinks she's got me trained, but between you and me, it's most definitely the other way around. I do like Carter, and hopefully, one of these days I'll convince him to add an extra stripe to my uniform Newkirk made me. Then Felix won't be able to boss me around, ruddy mouse…
There I go, picking up words from Newkirk again. Newkirk, like Hogan, likes to hide the fact that he enjoys my company. I know he especially likes it when I venture underground into his workshop. There's so many great, cozy places to take a quick nap in. Sometimes he gets cross when I've been rearranging his work benches, but deep down I know he doesn't mean it. When no one else is around to watch, he always gives me lots of pats. I really do like Newkirk, as far as humans go. He's one of the best.
Let me tell you now about my favorite chef, LeBeau. LeBeau is always cooking up some delicious morsels in the barracks, be it chicken or stew, he's always got something simmering away on the stove. You may have heard that the way into a cat's heart is through her stomach, and by golly (another little figure of speech I picked up from Newkirk, amongst others) it sure is true. LeBeau is the best cook in camp, I should know. I don't even bother begging at the mess hall. How on earth do those humans eat that horrible stuff they call food over there? Their cooks must be terrible, for compared to LeBeau's meals, what is served over there is almost poison. To eat what is served there is beneath me. I will stick to LeBeau's cooking, thank you.
The last member of Barracks 2 that I really like is Kinch. I don't get to see much of him. Most of the time I can find him down below at something the humans call a radio. To me, it looks like a huge box with a lot of cables, but apparently, it is very important, which I learned the hard way… Let's just say I learned my lesson, I do my utmost best to make sure I don't knock anything or get tangled when I go to visit Kinch. Kinch is different from the rest of the men, but a good different. He's quieter, more thoughtful I've noticed. He likes it when I join him, curling up on his lap as he holds his post at the radio. He doesn't get involved much with the other activities around camp. His job must be very important with how much time he spends in the tunnels.
Well, that's covered my favorite people, I think- Wait. I think Maisie's calling me for dinner. Gosh, is it that time already? Goodbye, I'm off to go eat! I'll be back again soon to tell you more yarns from Stalag 13. Buttons signing off.
Meow.