When Loki had stolen the car in Liechtenstein, I had assumed that he was driving like a maniac to get to Halja's portal before it closed. That assumption, however, had been wrong. As Loki was weaving in and out of the busy London traffic, sometimes swerving onto the pavement barely avoiding pedestrians, I came to the conclusion that the god of Mischief, as a matter of fact, always drove like a maniac.
One elbow hanging out of the open window, the other hand casually on the steering wheel, Loki cursed and swore in multiple languages (some I even recognised) at his fellow drivers, never slowing down or stopping for a red light.
"Does this car have airbags?" I asked once I got a word in edgewise.
"Airbags? How the hell am I supposed to know?" Loki made a sharp turn and we skidded around the corner. "What does it matter anyway? It's not as if you can die permanently!"
That did nothing to reassure me.
As we left London, Loki slowed down a bit. I shook my head in disbelief. Normal people slow down while in heavy traffic, not once they are out of it. In his defence, we had made it safely through London and no one else had gotten hurt either, as far as I had been able to tell.
"What did Richard want from you?" Loki asked, turning the music down a bit.
"He wasn't happy I had gone to rescue you without telling him," I said.
A part truth is almost as good as a whole truth, right?
"He doesn't seem to like me very much."
"He doesn't," I admitted.
Loki frowned. "I don't much like the thought that I am coming between you and one of your best friends."
"It's not your fault that Richard can't see you for who you are," I said sadly.
"I don't have to like it though," Loki frowned darkly.
Queen turned into Rolling Stones and Rolling Stones into Black Sabbath. I recognised 'Paranoid' and I grinned to myself. Loki was into Dad Rock while driving, or wait, is that Granddad Rock by now?
"What happened to the armour?" I suddenly asked. I had meant to ask earlier, but I never really got a chance. "The armour that the Friezegem was supposed to be attached to, I mean?"
"I don't know," Loki admitted. "I presume my father was wearing it when he fell, but I have no knowledge of where that might have been. The armour is not in my grandmother's possession, and she doesn't remember who brought the gem to her or how it got separated from the armour. I presume it was the same person who informed her of my mother's death.
I learned of the gem a few centuries ago from Halja, who learned about it from her mother. They didn't know either how the gem ended up in Niflheim, or who brought it there."
"How did Halja find and capture you?"
Loki sighed.
"I found her. After I left you, I needed information. There are places in the Secret World where people like us gather, people who are part of the Secret World but don't actually live in it. I did not only need to avoid the organisations but certain elements from my past as well. Old enemies.
I thought I could trust Halja, and I was wrong. I should have seen it coming a mile away, but I wasn't exactly thinking straight."
We drove for a while in silence, as the music had stopped as well. I realised I had no idea where we were going. Perhaps Loki didn't either. There was so much I wanted to say, but I couldn't quite find the words to say it.
"Sorcha, the things that I said before I left…"
"It's okay, Loki. I know." I didn't want to talk about it. "I know you didn't mean any of it."
Loki studied me for a moment, then nodded in relief. He didn't seem to want to talk about it either. He hadn't meant any of it.
Neither of us realised at that time how insidious those words had been. How those poisonous seeds had found fertile ground in my own insecurity and self-doubt. We both just wanted to move on now that we were together again.
"I shouldn't have left. At least allow me to apologise for that."
"I should never have told you to leave, I'm sorry too."
Our eyes met for a moment. I could see from his eyes, from that apologetic half-smile, that Loki was regretting what had happened as much as I did. He had been hurting too.
Loki had to force himself to look back at the road, for a moment getting as lost in my eyes as I was in his.
He set his jaw with determination.
"Things are going to be different now, I promise. I'll be different. I can do better than this, you deserve better than this. I want to be the person you deserve, not the one you settle for."
Loki had pulled into a side road and stopped the car. He turned to me and took my hands, mine looking so small cradled in his.
"In Asgard, we have a saying: 'keep walking the same path and you will keep arriving at the same destination'.
I've walked the same path for centuries, and it always ends in heartache and loss. For myself, and for others. Let me walk a different path with you.
I've never met anyone like you. You drive me insane, I can't breathe, I can't think when I'm with you."
His voice was soft and trembled with emotion, his eyes met mine, begging me to feel the same. I couldn't answer, my own emotions welling up inside me, my love for him overwhelming me like a tidal wave.
"When I'm with you, it is like the sun comes out, and there is colour, and light and music in my life.
And when you are not by my side…"
Loki shook his head, trying to find the right words.
"When I'm not with you I feel like a part of me has died. And the world seems dull and distant and hollow, and I can't eat, or sleep, or think. I might as well not exist.
I love you so much it terrifies me, this all-consuming obsession that is more than a childish infatuation, more than burning passion or physical desire. And I never believed that such a love could truly be, nor that anyone could ever love me in this way.
I will be a better man from now on, I will be better, I promise. I'll be better for you."
"I love you too," my voice trembled and was husky with emotion. "I can't breathe or think when you are near me either."
Loki smiled in surprise. Did he truly have no idea of the effect he had on me? I was certain he had noticed how I felt around him before.
"No, really," I smiled back, "I swear I've lost brain cells due to oxygen deprivation just from staring in your eyes."
His smile became wider as he shook his head in denial.
"I know, I know, I don't have your way with words, but I love you, with my whole heart. I've been in love before, but not like this. This is different."
I reached up and gently took his face into my hands, caressing those perfect cheekbones. "And I don't want you to change. I want you to be just who you are. Because I love you, with all your flaws and all your scars. I really do. You are enough, you are more than enough. You are perfect to me."
I was certain my words weren't enough to really explain how I felt. I'm not half as eloquent as Loki, and I struggled to put my feelings for him into words. But it seemed to have been enough for him.
Loki reached around me to undo the seatbelt I was wearing, and gently pulled me onto his lap. His fingers ran through my hair and caressed my cheeks with such tenderness it made my heart ache. I kissed his brow, his closed eyes, his cheekbones with feather-light kisses while I slowly unbuttoned his shirt.
I gasped softly as his hands slid under my shirt, slowly pulling it over my head as I undid his belt. It had been too long since I felt his skin against mine, touched him, tasted him. His eyes opened as I shifted slightly, and his lips parted as I slowly kiss began to kiss him lower and lower, down that long gorgeous neck, down his chest, lower and lower.
Loki gasped, and then neither of us spoke for quite some time.
Afterwards, Loki drove us to the nearest beach, where we walked hand in hand together, not having to hide our love from the world anymore.
We had both rolled up our trousers and taken our shoes off and were dangling them from our hands as we walked through the sand towards the water.
Loki had left his jacket in the car, and his white shirt had the top buttons undone. The breeze was playing with his hair, blowing it out behind him, his long curls dancing in the wind.
The sun was warm, but the water was cold. Something Loki didn't seem to be feeling at all, as the gentle waves rolled over his feet again and again. I squealed as the tide rose and my bare feet got wet too. Loki, with a cheeky grin, lifted me up and threatened to throw me in the water, only at the last minute to kiss me instead. I wrapped my arm around his waist once he put me down again, and he wrapped his around mine, slowing his strides to match mine.
I couldn't help but notice people were looking at us. I thought they were probably wondering what a man as beautiful as Loki was doing with someone like me.
Until a little boy with a sunburned nose dropped his bucket as we walked past and mouthed Loki's name.
Loki, always observant, noticed it too. He grinned and held his finger to his lips.
"Shhhh, the Avengers mustn't know I'm here," he whispered conspiratorially to the little boy. "I'm certain my secret is safe with you, isn't it?"
The little boy nodded silently, ran off, came back to grab his bucket while staring at Loki wild-eyed, and then ran away again.
Loki chuckled. "That may happen more often now, I'm afraid," he said, not sounding very afraid at all. As a matter of fact, he looked rather pleased with himself.
I sometimes forgot how much he looked like the movie version of himself. Of course, other people would notice that too.
"Mum, Mum, it's Loki! Look, it's Loki! You need to call the Avengers or SHIELD!"
"The youth of today, just can't be trusted at all," Loki shook his head sadly. I grinned at him.
I looked back at the boy's mother, who mouthed an apology, obviously not believing her son. I waved at her.
"I never had that problem when I looked like Beaumont," Loki grinned.
"Just be careful," I warned him. "We'll get in a world of trouble if the organisations start getting reports of Loki sightings all over the place."
"I won't hide who am I, at least not my face. Not anymore. Besides, people will just assume Tom and I look alike, which of course isn't an untruth after all."
We walked until we both realised we were starving since we hadn't really eaten anything since the day before, so we turned around and walked back to where we parked the car and we bought fish and chips from a van.
Now the sun was setting, and we were both sitting on the hood of his car eating ice cream, Loki with his long legs stretched out in front of him and I was sitting cross-legged next to him.
"It is getting late," Loki frowned and squinted into the low sun. "Jessie will truly be worried now."
I nodded and ate the last bit of my ice cream cone. Loki threw the last of his at a nearby seagull, who promptly picked it up and flew away.
"I eh.." Loki carefully avoided my gaze, staring ahead instead. "I don't suppose the Templars kept my apartment for me, did they?"
"No, they didn't," I admitted.
"Ah," he said. "I didn't think they would."
I hid a smile. I knew he'd be too proud to ask and too scared of what my answer would be if he did. There was no need though because for once I knew exactly what to say.
"Loki?" he looked at me, his eyes hopeful, as I smiled at him. "Do you want to come home with me?"