"I really hope the neighbours aren't home, who knows how I'm going to explain this to them," I sighed.
"Tell them your brother-in-law is on drugs?" Loki suggested with a shrug.
"Loki!"
We were watching Thor from the kitchen window, while he stood in the back garden. Talking to a raven.
"That won't explain the raven talking back," I grinned. Loki grinned back. "Probably not, no," he admitted.
"He's been talking to Odin for a long time," I worried.
"The AllFather is rather verbose," Loki didn't seem too worried. "And from the set of Thor's shoulders, he is giving Thor quite the scolding."
"Poor Thor!"
"Eh, I'm just glad it isn't me for a change." Loki was heartless. "I've been on the receiving end of father's tongue lashings far too often for my comfort. Let Thor be the one to bear the brunt of it for once, it's only fair."
"Do you think Odin will help at all? I mean, Thor was only supposed to grab you and bring you back to Asgard, not stick around and get involved with everything that's happening here."
"I'm not sure," Loki admitted, "but I'm certain we'll find out soon."
Loki wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me a bit closer. I leaned my head against him, simply enjoying the feeling of his body so near to mine. I felt his lips brush the top of my head and smiled up at him. I expected Loki to smile back, but his eyes were serious.
"While Thor is talking to father, there is something I'd like to discuss while it is just us."
He took my hand in his and stroked with his thumb over the ring on my finger, my engagement ring with the moon and star.
"Remember I mentioned Laufey's Glade? The place where the veil between our realms is thin?"
I nodded. "There's a portal there to Jotunnheim," I remembered.
"I have not been back there in a while, but it could well be that place is also losing its power rapidly. If we still wish to get the staff, if we still wish to ask my mother's spirit to marry us, we may have to do that sooner rather than later."
"I thought you were worried about Asgard learning of that place and destroying it like they destroyed everything else that once belonged to the Jotunn?"
"I'm afraid that if we wait too long that place loses its power and its destruction might happen regardless." Loki hesitated, a small frown appearing between his eyes.
"I know things have been different between us since Thor's uninvited arrival. I know you've seen sides of me that may not have been pretty, that the mask cracked and you caught a glimpse of the darkness, the demons that lie behind it. I am not the husband you deserve, and I most certainly don't deserve you.
I've tried giving us time, tried to change enough to become worthy of you. But time is running out, I'm afraid.
If you were to have changed your mind, if you regret accepting my proposal I would not blame you, I truly wouldn't. But if the love in your heart has not lessened, if your resolve has not waned, if you could still imagine spending an eternity by my side…" his voice cracked, as his eyes pleaded into mine.
"Loki…" my heart ached at the plea in his eyes, the fear behind it. "Do you truly still not know how much I love you? How dear you are to me? Of course, I still want to marry you!"
"It won't be the wedding we dreamt of, there will be no big affair, no dress, no flowers, no cake. Just us…" he warned.
"I don't need it. We can always have a big celebration after. I just want you! I just want you.." I whispered as my emotions overwhelmed me, my eyes filling with tears.
Loki studied my eyes for a moment, as he so often did, trying to read the truth behind my words.
"Oh darling…" he looked up for a moment, blinking away the tears in his own eyes and then picked me up, face brightly lit with joy as he twirled me around. He showered my face, my neck, and my hands with kisses, and all I could do was kiss him back.
"We'll sneak away as soon as possible!" Loki promised me with the biggest smile on his face.
"We'll tell Jess," it wasn't a question.
"Of course! Of course!"
"And Thor," I added.
"Absolutely not!"
"Yes, we are," I argued back. "We are telling Thor, and we are taking him."
"He can't come with us to Jotunnheim, it wouldn't be safe. Vengeful spirits haunt the realm, they'd tear him apart and even I could not protect him."
"Then he'll come as far with us as he can go, even just to the portal."
"But why?"
"Because he is your brother, and you love him. Can you truly imagine marrying me without Thor by your side?"
We told Thor the moment he came back inside, and he had been delighted by the news. He pulled us into a big hug even Loki could not, or perhaps didn't want to, escape.
His own conversation with Odin had gone pretty much the way Loki predicted; it was mostly Odin being angered at Thor's refusal to bring Loki back to Asgard to stand judgement. In the end, Odin had promised to compile a list of Places of Power, but only those locations that were offered voluntarily by the other gods. Thor said most of the gods had guarded the location of theirs jealously and he didn't have much hope the list would be very comprehensive.
I probably should have cared more about that than I did at that moment, but the thought of finally getting married to Loki had driven all other thoughts out of my mind. Nothing could dampen the joy I felt in my heart.
And yet, I remember lying there that night, in the dark, watching the sleeping god of Mischief next to me. Loki was sleeping soundly, on his stomach, an arm wrapped around his pillow, his bare back pale in the moonlight. A stray strand of hair fell across his cheek, but I knew that if I would stroke it back in place, he'd wake up and would have trouble falling back asleep again. And he looked so peaceful for once, no frown on his brow, no sardonic smile pulling up the corner of his mouth.
He was so beautiful it made my heart ache.
Could I truly be enough for him? Would I truly be able to make him happy? To keep him happy? To keep him satisfied?
And did he really love me? Or would I find the next day that all this, all the smiles and the tears, all the beautiful words and romantic gestures, had all been part of a long con? A cleverly conceived and executed ploy to finally get his hand on the staff he considered his birthright?
"Not quite what I dreamt of wearing at my wedding when I was a little girl," I admitted with a grin, as I pulled my bobble-hat snugly over my ears. It was cold!
I was wearing my heaviest coat, snow boots and big red mittens on my hands. Loki's only concession to the weather was his charcoal grey coat and the green scarf he had swung jauntily around his neck.
I wasn't certain where we were, Loki had led us through Agartha through one of its portals without any explanation of where we were going. But it was beautiful here. Around us were tall, snow-covered mountains and evergreen trees. The snow was clean and crisp under my boots and while it was cold the sun shone brightly above us in a clear blue sky.
"This is as far as you can come with us, brother," Loki told Thor. "Any further and the Guardians of the Glade will surely recognise you for what you are and attack you on sight."
"Are you certain? Because I'm not afraid, and I'd much rather stand by your side on this glorious day than stand here and twiddle my thumbs."
"I am certain," Loki smiled a genuine smile. "As much as I had hoped you'd be by my side if this day were ever to come, I have to walk the rest of this path without you. I'll be fine brother, you don't have to look after me, not this day."
"Than I will stand guard until you return," Thor promised solemnly.
Loki took my mittened hand in his.
"Are you ready?" he asked softly, his eyes shining brightly into mine. I smiled and nodded, and let him lead me deeper into the trees.
After a while the trees parted, giving way to a beautiful lake. The deep water was clear and blue and on its surface danced creatures made of pure water and ice. Loki put his finger to his lips, and together we watched as they shimmered iridescent in the light of the sun as their naked bodies glided and twirled merrily to the tune of a violin played by one of the creatures at the edge of the lake.
"What are they?" I whispered quietly.
"Nix and nixies, water spirits serving the queen of Jotunnheim. They guard this place," Loki's eyes twinkled into mine, taking obvious delight in the joyful frolicking.
"But they are so beautiful and graceful! I can't imagine them harming anyone!"
"They would have drowned Thor without a second thought, and he never would have lifted a finger to fight them," Loki slowly entered the glade, pulling me along with him.
"Prince Loki! It is Prince Loki!" The nix and nixies stopped dancing and eagerly surrounded us as they saw him, their voices crystal clear and bubbling with joy.
"Come play with us Loki! Sing with us, dance with us!"
"Not today," Loki tried to ward them off as they stole his scarf and took off his coat.
"Come swim with us, and have fun with us! Touch us! Pleasure us!"
I raised an eyebrow at Loki, who had the decency to blush.
"I'm certain I have no idea what they are talking about," he lied, his face a bright red.
"And you brought us a gift," the nix and nixies ignored him as they saw me, "a mortal to play with! Touch her, dance with her, drown her! Break her bones, drink her blood!"
Well, that took a turn! I tried to fend off watery hands as they touched me, pushing me and pulling me towards the lake.
"No! No! Stop that!" Loki's voice was strong and commanding. "The mortal is mine, my toy, my plaything. You can not have her!"
"But we want her, she's pretty! Pretty face, pretty hair!"
I tried breaking their grasp, but my hands went right through them.
"Enough!" Loki barked. "She is mine, not yours to have. Shoo, shoo! Back into the lake!"
The nix and nixies sulked and tittered, but obeyed his command and withdrew onto the lake.
"I'm terribly sorry about that, they are ill-behaved," Loki sounded apologetic. I straightened my clothes and put my hat back on.
"Your plaything?" I asked archly.
"I had to say something, you weren't planning on spending the rest of the day at the bottom of the lake I presume," he said innocently.
"I'm sure we'll discuss these nix and nixies later, at length," I glowered.
Loki nodded glumly.
"I wouldn't expect anything less," he said morosely.
Past the lake was a white marble arch, overgrown with creeping vines on which bloomed the prettiest blue and white flowers I had ever seen.
Loki's eyes flashed green and he grew taller as his skin turned blue. He spread his arms wide as he lay his hands on the white marble, the Friezegem in one hand. Slowly the air inside the arch began to shimmer and glow, and the portal began to appear.
"Close your eyes," Loki's voice sounded strained as he summoned the portal.
"Why?" I asked immediately.
"Because I'm asking you too," came the annoyed answer, "Just do as you are told for once!"
I closed my eyes.
After a moment Loki took my hand in his, he must have shrunk down to his usual size again. He carefully guided me through the portal, one hand holding mine, the other gently placed around my waist to make sure I wouldn't trip and fall.
It was cold, a lot colder than it had been in the glade. My Bee helps me resist the elements, but even with its protection I quickly began to shiver.
"Open your eyes, darling, and behold the realm of my birth."
We had entered Jotunnheim in what seemed to be a park, surrounded by a small city. Tall, graceful spires rose up around us, the buildings made of white marble and ice. Vines like the one that grew on the portal crept over the buildings as well, decorating them with flowers, and flowerboxes with purple, white and pink flowers hung under every window.
In front of us was a broad street, lined by shops and houses that were made of ice and marble as well. A group of Jotunn children were throwing snowballs at each other, a mother carrying a small child in a sling walked past us with her arms filled with parcels, and a young couple walked ahead of us holding hands.
There was the jingling of bells as a sleigh pulled by giant white reindeer drove past us, the passengers waving at people as they passed by.
At the end of the street stood a castle, its tall elegant spires reaching for the sky. It was a winter wonderland, like something from a fairytale. I gasped as I looked around, it was beautiful!
And then I remembered the stories Loki had told me, of the death and destruction Odin and Hel had left in their wake. Had he lied?
I had walked a few steps ahead to get a better look at the city around me, but now I turned back. Loki stood behind me, his eyes glowing green.
Oh. An illusion.
"Loki?" I asked softly. His eyes stopped glowing as he looked sadly into mine. The illusion shattered. No more graceful spires surrounded us, no children played in the street. We were surrounded by ruins, a cold wind howling through what once had been a broad street. And it wasn't the just wind howling, there was a mournful lament as the spirits of the Jotunn haunted what was left of the realm.
"What you showed me, was that what it was once truly like?" I asked softly, trying to stroke his cheek with one mitten.
Loki took my hand and shrugged. "How am I supposed to know? I've never known anything but haunted ruins."
Seeing the look on my face he added: "But I'd like to think it was."
Hand in hand we made our way through the street, climbing over the snowcovered rubble in our way.
"Shouldn't you change into your Jotunn form?" I asked Loki as we came closer to the castle. We had moved at a brisk pace, neither of us quite willing to linger in the haunted street. At least the exercise had left me feeling less cold and I had stopped shivering.
"In my experience, my mother will recognise me no matter what form I take," Loki explained, "and I would rather stand before her as your equal today."
I was nervous, incredibly nervous. What if Laufey didn't approve of me? What if she didn't consider me good enough for her son?
"We should not tarry, we don't want to be here when the sun goes down. It will get even colder, and I'm not certain how much your Bee can protect you outside of your own realm." Loki pulled me along as he headed into the ruins of the castle.
Snow had drifted into the ruins, and a thin layer of ice covered what the snow hadn't touched. A thin, eerie light shone down on what remained inside. Any furniture that had graced the throne room had been shattered and broken, and amidst the rubble were the remains of Laufey's handmaidens who still lay where they had fallen.
In front of the throne were the remains of Queen Laufey, Loki's mother, herself with one hand still clutched around her staff, the other reaching out towards her throne. The throne she had hidden her newborn son behind, in the vain hope to protect him from Odin.
"Mother?" Loki's voice sounded thin and unsure.
"Mother? I am here."
Laufey's spirit rose above the skeletal remains.
"Loki? My son? Have you returned to me?"
Queen Laufey was beautiful, even in death. Her long hair was done up in elaborate tresses, her dress flowing gently around her as she floated in the air. I could not help but notice that Loki took after his mother, and a lump formed in my throat. He had the same cheekbones, the same brow, the same eyes.
"I have, mother. I am here."
Loki knelt before his mother's spirit, and I found myself doing the same without even thinking about it. It just felt like the right thing to do.
"You have been here before," Laufey's voice was accusing, suspicious.
"I have, mother," Loki admitted. "But it is different this time, I promise. I'm different. I have found a family, a home. I have found love, mother."
He looked up at his mother's spirit, his voice growing stronger and clearer.
"This is Sorcha, and she is the one I love. She is my heart and soul, my saviour and my guardian, my light in the dark, my shelter in the storm.
I love her, and she loves me.
Look into our hearts and see the truth, mother, and agree to marry us, please. For I could not imagine spending another day of my life without her."
I glanced up through my eyelashes. Was I going to be good enough for Laufey? The queen's eyes glowed a ghostly green as she used her magic to look into our hearts.
But it was not my heart that was judged and found wanting, I realised to my horror, as the queen's face contorted into anger.
"LIAR! DECEIVER! CHARLATAN!
Did you truly think you could come here and lie to me, again and again?
You still covet the staff, your desire for it is so strong I can taste it!
Did you truly think that appearing before me with yet another slattern would make a difference?
BEGONE! YOU ARE NO SON OF MINE!"
Loki's face was so pale it was almost translucent, and his hands shook.
"No, mother, please! I admit I covet the staff, but I truly love Sorcha! Don't send me away! Please!"
But Loki's pleas and reassurances fell on deaf ears, as Laufey spread her arms and threw back her head, letting out an unearthly wail.
Shards of ice flew from her mouth, her eyes, and her hands, creating a deadly storm around us.
"RUN!" Loki bellowed. He changed shape as he ran, but even his Jotunn skin was no protection against the razor-sharp shards as cuts appeared on his face and hands.
My own skin was being flayed, my clothes were being torn and rent, and still, I found myself unable to run. This was not right. This was not the way it was supposed to happen!
"Laufey, hear me! You are wrong!" I yelled, covering my face with my arm to protect my eyes from the shards that flew all around me. But Laufey did not listen, and I would not survive the onslaught for long.
I looked at the staff in Laufey's skeletal hand. We might have to leave without her blessing, but I wasn't leaving without that staff!
I set my jaw stubbornly and grabbed hold of the staff. To my surprise, it shrunk to a more manageable size. I wrapped it in my scarf and hoped that between the scarf and the gloves I would be protected from the curse long enough to make it back to Midgard.
"Why aren't you running? You foolish woman, let's go!"
Loki had come back for me and unceremoniously picked me up, running out of the castle as fast as he could.
I could feel the poison seeping through the scarf, through the gloves. My teeth were chattering and I was losing feeling in my feet and my hands. I stuffed the staff inside my coat before I'd drop it, before I lost feeling in my hands completely. All I had to do was survive until Loki carried me through the portal back to Midgard and my Bee would save me.
But I was so cold, so cold. My vision slowly began to fade, and I could not feel my body. I tried to call out to Loki, but my tongue lay thick and heavy in my mouth, and my throat was swollen so much I couldn't breathe.
My heart was beating erratically and far too slow, and suddenly I didn't feel cold anymore, but far, far too warm. It would be so easy to just let go, to rest, to surrender.
"Perhaps just a little nap," I thought drowsily to myself, "I'll just sleep here for a bit in Loki's arms…"
And as I slowly lost consciousness, my last thought was that at least I had gotten him the staff he wanted so much, surely he had to love me now!