A/N: Sometimes, the weirdest ideas come to me. This is a parody fiction, people. Don't take it too seriously, eh? Julia might be a little OOC, but hey, I like to make everyone miserable; I haven't lost that trait yet, especially if you've read Glass Slipper, lol.

Also, the chapters will be shorter since I haven't written parody/comedy in so long; I'm entirely out of practice. I can write only in short bursts. I hope this story at least gives you a much-needed chuckle today! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Summary: The fiery Spaniard steps into the Lands Between. Does Julia Fernandez have what it takes to become Elden Lord? Venture into the fog to find out. R&R!

Julia Plays Elden Ring

Julia was excited! Since arriving home, the orange-haired girl couldn't stop swooning over the newest game, stalled on the title screen. Elden Ring, it read. Her eyes glittered at the grand gold logo and the orchestrated gothic tunes rumbling from the TV speakers. This was it; today was the day she'll prove to everyone she had what it took to become Elden Lord. Those who doubt her would be sent to the gallows!

Crossing her legs, she scrolled through her phone, eyes scanning through social media until she scrolled to a stop. There. At the base of her thumb was a live feed of Ming Ming in a hot tub wearing a bikini and sponsored gaming headphones playing Elden Ring for her fifteen thousand (and counting) thirsty watchers. Her character was on horseback, majestically dashing across the expansive lands and giggling. What's with all the giggling? Was she high? There was nothing to laugh about in Elden Ring! Ugh, whatever. Ming Ming's lame.

Tossing her phone to the side, she marched to the kitchen to prepare for tonight's death match with creatures and bosses in the Lands Between. No fight should engage on an empty stomach. That was her mantra since her blading days.

Ten PM.

Raul was visibly concerned. The level of concern on his face was understandable after walking into the living room and seeing the mass mountain of junk food and drinks sprinkled across the table. Oh boy.

Raul cleared his throat and asked, "Have you lost your mind?"

"No," Julia responded. "I'm preparing for battle if you hadn't noticed."

"Julia," Raul's shoulders slumped. A gesture he often did when his sister acted irrationally and somewhat out-0f-character. "It's a game. You're not playing against anyone, let alone, in a high stakes competition, either."

"Raul, listen." She faced her brother with beaming green eyes. "I've waited for this moment since the game was announced, alright? The guys told me it's an extremely challenging game testing your limits, your wits, your sanity. They claim many raged quit because of it. Destroyed property. Families torn apart. Humanity lost. I intend on taking this challenge."

Raul blinked. Shifting his weight, he crossed his arms. "…is this because Ming Ming's playing the game and she's level two hundred something now?"

"Yeah, that too."

With setup complete, Julia donned her headphones and entered the game. Her eyes glittered at the extensive cutscene, introducing the characters, and my god, the music elevated the entire experience to eargasmic levels. Squirming in delight, Raul rolled his eyes; this was getting weird. Exiting the room, Julia was presented with a character creation screen. She tapped the blood-red controller on her chin; she had two options. Half of her wanted to create the world's most jaw-dropping Tarnished but her other half screamed to create a hideous creature befitting the name. Ideas bounced through her mind thinking about what she could do to the poor soul at her disposal. Scrolling through classes, one class popped out at her; wretch. Yes. YES!

"Oh, just wait until I'm done with you," Julia said darkly.

Julia's maniacal laughter filled the living room for at least twenty minutes. No words. No words could describe Julia's glorious masterpiece, the nightmare in the Lands Between finally rising onto his two feet after the cutscene ended. Where to begin? Julia threw her feet onto the table admiring her handiwork adoring the most trollish character created on the face of the Earth. It was a thing of beauty, really. Drum roll, please! Julia grinned at her beloved blue man with small beady eyes, stupidly pronounced cheekbones, and a chin long enough to become an airport runway. She molded his body into a sexy, delicious dad bod. Why not? Six-packs were so overrated. With a squished, abnormally deformed skull, my god, his hair, his long flowing ravine neon green hair pulled the look together. Chef's kiss.

Julia snapped a screenshot and uploaded the horrendous monstrosity of sexy to social media. Grinning ear to ear, she continued onward and found her character, PrinzeCharmz, face-to-face with a grotesque, multi-armed freak. It thrashed doing sick combos and tumbled all over. What on Earth were they eating in the Lands Between, she wondered. Mushrooms? Look at those moves! Julia bit her lip, doing her best to dodge out of the way but alas, the monster bested her. With a swear perched on her tongue, the scene faded into a cutscene.

Okay, that was scripted. That's cool.

It didn't take the Spaniard long to encounter her first true foe; the Tree Sentinel. She cracked her knuckles. Armed with a wooden club, PrinzeCharmz sat on his trusty steed, Torrent, eying the approaching foe. Look at it saunter down the hill in its full golden glory. Barf. Breathing in, Julia dashed forward, unleashing a blood-curdling battle cry in her living room. Within seconds, Julia made contact with the Tree Sentinel, mashing buttons, and rotating the camera. Every time she clubbed it, the enemy stabbed, robbing her of precious life! That simply wouldn't do. Through gritted teeth, she tried toughing it out but alas, the Tree Sentinel bested her. PrinzeCharmz dissolved into dust.

"Alright, alright, I'm just warming up." Julia cracked her knuckles. This was her first attempt.

Try again, she opted for stealth. Counting down the seconds, she gave the horse a good butt slap and ran away. Her abominable character ran so far before the Tree Sentinel caught up and delivered relentless punishment. Okay, second death. It's no big deal.

"I need to do this on horseback."

She's right. Popping several candies into her mouth followed by gulps of fizzy sodas, Julia tried again. This time, she managed to halve the Tree Sentinel's health until the horrific happened; her character bugged out, getting stuck in the game's geometry!

"Oh no, no, no!"

Engage massive button mashing. Julia desperately tried to break free from the environment, pressing every button at her disposal while spitting out colorful curses in English and Spanish. Four stabs. It took four bloody stabs. PrinzeCharmz dissolved again. Julia blinked. Raul took this moment to peek out from the corner of the corridor. Truthfully, he wasn't sure if it was a good idea to talk to her, let alone, make a sound. Julia had a tendency to go unexpectedly boom. Surely, she wouldn't be salty over a game, right?

Wrong. The poor boy was treated to a tirade of intensely-laced expletives directed at the Tree Sentinel. Raul gulped. He watched his sister flail around and popcorn took flight. Well, there goes today's cleaning efforts, he thought. The sight was equally comical and terrifying. Melting back into the shadows, Raul knew it was best to leave his sister alone. She'd cool down eventually. After five intense minutes, Julia finished her rage and took in a deep, deep breath. Leaning back into the couch, she rubbed the sides of her face before cooling her temper with a glass of iced water.

"Okay, buster. That's how it is. You just pissed me off. I'll show you the resiliency of Julia Fernandez. This means war!"