Through the Lookingglass.
By
UCSBdad
Disclaimer: I own neither Castle or anything by Charles Dodgson. And I absolutely refuse to accept any responsibility for any Vorlags. Rating: K Time: Sometime after The Pilots and the Frontier.
"We were in terrible trouble." He intoned, in a low voice. "There we were, trapped on a hostile planet with millions of insect-like creatures who were busy destroying an entire city. They were fierce and ferocious. They stood a good twelve feet tall and their exoskeletons were better armor than any armor made by humans or Kzin. And their weapons? They were born with claws and fangs that could tear holes in a spaceship."
He looked around at the six faces, raptly following his every word.
"Captain Castle is the finest ship captain in all of the Empire and beyond, so he knew who he had to send to subdue these monsters. None other than me. Who else could he have sent?" He asked rhetorically.
"Uncle Moecious, couldn't he have sent our father?" A small Kzin cub asked.
"Duke Skinny? Oh, he was off on another mission for Captain Castle. And a very important mission it was, too. One day perhaps he'll tell you about that. But, to get back to the story…"
Rick Castle, Captain, Imperial Terran Space Navy, and also a captain in the Imperial Kzin Space Navy, leaned back in his chair and smiled. Moecious could tell a very entertaining story.
Another being sat down next to him. To most humans he looked like eight feet of tiger-like sudden death, but Castle knew him as Lieutenant Spotty, the younger brother of Duke Skinny, Castle's assistant at the local flying training school, and a good friend.
"I don't think Moecious' story accords with the trip logs of the Pika-Don that I've seen." Spotty said quietly. "As I recall, the bugs were totally harmless."
"So they were, Spotty. So, they were. But, Moecious is telling the kind of story that Kzins have been telling their children for millennia, all about facing danger for your family and friends. Humans tell those kinds of stories as well to our children, as you can see."
Indeed, three of the children were Kzin cubs, the sons of Duke Skinny, whose planet, or rather, whose inhabitable moon, they now lived on. The cubs were, Spitty, Plump and Quickly. Their mother was Duchess Big Tits.
The three human children were Lily, Jake and Reese, children of Rick and his wife, Kate.
Kate was currently Duchess Big Tits' co-conspirator in an attempt to change Kzin society radically. The Kzin were a warrior race and female Kzin were not, repeat not, considered to be warriors. Therefore, they had become second class citizens. When Kzin females heard of Kate's adventures, first on a half-destroyed planet where she had ruthlessly killed the religious fanatics who'd murdered her mother, and then her adventures as an officer in the Imperial Terran Space navy, they knew they could do as well if only given a chance.
Spotty nodded.
"At first, I thought Moecious was just another happy go lucky Vorlag bartender. Sure, he's almost as big as a Kzin and has fangs and claws, and Vorlags are renowned as the galaxy's biggest party animals, but I've seen him fight."
"He's been quite helpful in training Duke Skinny's household troops." Castle added.
The roar of a spaceship coming in to land drowned out all conversation.
"That must be the Duke." Spotty said. "No one else would dare make so much noise landing at the Duke's home."
Sure enough, Duke Skinny ran into the living room where Rick and the others had gathered. Castle could hear the duchess and Kate coming down the stairs.
"Whatever happens, I'll do my best to see that you all live." Skinny announced dramatically.
"Thanks." Rick said. "I'll try to keep us all alive too. Alive is my favorite way of living."
"You don't understand." Wailed Skinny. "The Day of Annihilation is here."
"Already?" Moecious said. "I thought that came after Christmas. My calendar must be off."
"No. The Day of Annihilation is the flagship of the Imperial Kzin Navy. It never leaves our Home unless the Patriarch himself wants to go somewhere. And the only time the Patriarch goes anyplace is to punish wrongdoers. Otherwise, people go to the Patriarch. He doesn't come to them."
"Dear, I think you may be overreacting." That was Duchess Big Tits.
Skinny thought for a moment.
"You should take the children and go to your family. You won't suffer for what I've done."
"What exactly have you done?" Rick asked. "I haven't noticed any wrongdoing going on around here. Anyone else?"
They all agreed nothing bad was happening in Duke Skinny's fief.
"I must have done something awful for the Patriarch to come here in person?" Skinny wailed. Then he drew himself up to his full height. "I'm a Kzin noble. I'll meet death calmly and with dignity. I just hope none of you have to suffer on my account."
"Duke Skinny?" One of Skinny's household officers had come in. "There's a message from the Patriarch." He handed a message slip to Skinny.
"To our well-beloved Duke Skinny,
Please join me on my ship with your family and your human friends.
Read Tremblingly and Obey,
Patriarch (Growl)."
"That doesn't sound so bad." Rick said
"We Kzin are very polite. When the executioner is about to lop off your head, he'll say, "A bit off the top, My Lord?"."
"And people say the Kzin have no sense of humor." Moecious said.
"We need to dress formally to meet the Patriarch." Duchess Big Tits said. "Off everyone goes."
The Castles decided to wear the dress uniforms of the Imperial Terran Space Navy although they both were also officers in the Kzin Space Navy.
Moecious, who was an officer in the Kzin Space Navy, as well as being connected in some way to the Terran Imperial Central Intelligence Organization, chose to wear a tuxedo.
When they came down from getting dressed, they found both Spotty and the duchess trying to calm Skinny down. With them were their three children dressed in traditional Kzin childrens' clothing, which strongly resembled a uniform.
The Castle children on the other hand were dressed in their best formal attire.
The duke had had his ship land in front of his home so they could leave as soon as possible.
They shot into space and soon saw the Day of Annihilation.
Castle whistled softly.
"That has got to be the biggest battleship I've ever seen."
"What else would the Patriarch himself use?" Skinny said softly. "He knows how to make an entrance."
They were met at the docking bay by a guard of honor and a Kzin captain, one of the Patriarch's aides.
"Welcome, Duke Skinny." He said, smiling. "The patriarch wants to see you at once."
"Kind of formal for someone the Patriarch wants to behead, isn't it?" Castle whispered in Skinny's ear.
"Perhaps I was wrong." Skinny whispered back.
The conversations were all in Anglic, the common language of the Terran Empire. Humans could not reproduce the Kzin language and attempts to use computerized translators allied with vocalizers didn't work. The Kzin said that it missed the nuances of the Kzin tongue. Accordingly, when humans were present, Anglic was used. Kzin names also could not be pronounced by humans, so they had nicknames, such as Skinny. Skinny had crashed on a planet where the highest form of life were tasteless lichens. By the time he was rescued, he was just skin and bones.
Any Kzin word or name that had no Anglic counterpart was rendered as (Growl).
The Patriarch was sitting on a throne made of weapons the Kzin Empire had taken from their defeated foes. As soon as they saw him, the Kzins bowed down, exposing their necks, should the Patriarch decide to execute them. Rick and Kate saluted while Moecious and the children bowed.
"Please, Duke Skinny, rise. Rise. It's good to see you. You're doing well in your fief?"
"Yes, Patriarch." Skinny said, starting to believe this was not the day of his death. "My household troops now number two full regimental combat teams and I hope to raise them to a full division. My fleet has two light cruisers, eight destroyers and over seventy system defense boats."
The Kzin Empire was more of a feudal organization than the Terran Empire. While the Patriarch had by far the largest Kzin military, his nobles were required to maintain armed forces to serve when needed.
"Excellent. Excellent. And I understand that Captain Sir Richard Castle has been training your troops in the ways of the humans?"
"I have, Patriarch." Castle said. "Duke Skinny and his troops are doing very well."
"Good. Too many of our nobles and officers can't get past the old ways. Scream and leap is all they can think of. Look where that got us."
The Kzin had conquered a small empire using slower than light ships when they ran into the expanding Terran Empire. As a warrior race, they attacked at once, not worrying that they were outnumbered by humans several billions to one, nor that the Terrans used faster than light ships. The Kzin had lost battles because they hadn't bothered to return to their bases to take on weapons and food, or because they attacked with damaged ships that could hardly function. The Kzin way was to attack at once, no matter what. The Kzin way was disastrous.
Eventually, the surviving Kzins decided that if they couldn't beat the humans, they'd join them. The Kzin signed a treaty joining the Empire which gave them a great deal of internal autonomy and their own space navy, under the ultimate control of Terra.
The Patriarch walked over to Moecious, who bowed again.
"Your business is going well, in addition to the help you give Duke Skinny?"
"Yes, Your Majesty. I've opened another Jolly Spacer Pub to go along with the one I own in the Sky Cave. And my cousins Buggsy, Muggsy and Puggsy are doing quite well with Da Vorlag Brudders Ice Cream Parlors here on Duke Skinny's Moon. Kzins seem to like ice cream."
"I personally love it." The Patriarch said.
"I'll tell my cousins. They'll be happy to provide all you want."
"Oh, they already do."
The Patriarch moved on to Rick and Kate. He knelt in front of Lily, Jake and Reese, something almost unheard of for Kzin royalty.
"And you are Sir Richard and Lady Kate's children, are you not?"
Jake and Reese bowed as Lily curtsied.
"We are, Your Highness." Lily said.
"I do hope you wish to grow up and serve our two empires some day."
"Nothing would please us more, Your Highness." Lily replied.
Castle knew that as of last night, Lily wanted to be a ballerina, Reese wanted to race spaceships and Jake wanted…more dessert.
"Your mother and father are working very hard to change the old ways of our Kzin Empire and I for one wish them well."
The Patriarch stood and looked around him.
"I'm sure you're all wondering why I came here in person to see you all. Now that our other guests have arrived from their ship, we can begin."
Castle's heart sank when he saw the first two people to enter the throne room. They were an older redheaded woman he knew only as Martha. However, Martha was somewhere high in the ranks of the Imperial Central Intelligence Organization. With her was Admiral Zek, who was high in Imperial Naval Intelligence. He suppressed a shudder when he saw that Zek had been promoted to Vice Admiral. Castle felt that the two spent their lives trying to figure out ways to get him and his wife killed.
He felt better when the second pair arrived. They were Simone Renoir and Jane Avril, two free-lance spies that had served with the Castles before. They were good friends with Kate and visited Skinny's Moon between missions. Growing up on a planet where the only rule was shoot first and ask questions never, Kate had never had any friends once her parents were killed and she treasured the friendship of the two women.
Lastly were Andine and Lindane, mother and daughter. Andine had been the star attraction of a house of prostitution in the fabled and frightening Sky Cave but was now retired. However, she was as beautiful as ever. Lindane was a genius, there was no other word for it. In spite of having little formal schooling, she had zipped through the Imperial Institute of Technology in record time. She had never gotten a PHD because her professors confessed, she knew more than they did.
Waddling behind the two ladies, was the Quinncunx who looked like a small pink bowling pin and spouted nonsense. Castle had always thought that his talent would make him a fine politician.
The Patriarch smiled at everyone.
"Sir Richard, I believe you know Professor Lindane. She has some questions for you."
TBC