Many years ago, 1970 to be exact, Bill Stanley Preston and Theodore Ted Logan were brought into the world. They would go on to become two of the galaxy's greatest musicians, and bring peace and harmony to the universe. Their song, performed at exactly 7:17pm on the 28th August 2020, united all of space and time, and prevented the complete collapse of reality as we know it.
Their legacy would live on far into the future, with societies far and wide across many galaxies celebrating the music of the Wyld Stallyns. Except now a new reality is threatening to emerge, on this day in 2025, as America's first presidential duo, Bill and Ted, are sworn into office. A reality which would see every war in human history repeated over and over again, on an endless loop, like repeats of Murder She Wrote on the Drama channel. The ultimate form of torture.
If they don't deliver the speech that will turn Earth into a utopian society by 2145, the world will be destroyed by nuclear warfare, and all life on your planet will cease to exist.
Luckily for you humans, I'm the Doctor, I'm a frequent visitor to your world, and I intend to fix this mess, to ensure your planet's bright and cheery future.
The 20th January 2025 was an especially important day, not just for America, but for all of Planet Earth. Today was the day of the presidential inauguration, a day which would see two of the USA's most famous rock stars become America's joint president.
Millions upon millions waited with bated breath across the world, as they waited for Bill and Ted to make their monumental inauguration speech. At the White House, the camera operators stood ready in the Oval Office, the podium sitting in preparation for the arrival of its most excellent speakers.
The tension, as Bill and Ted confidently strode through the door to the office, was unbearable, the camera crew's eyes nervously following the pair's movement towards the podium, like a dog surveying the neighborhood for a potential threat.
The Wyld Stallyn's frontmen cleared their throats, as they prepared to make their speech to the United States, and the world.
"Be excellent to each other!" Bill yelled into the microphone, causing the most ear-splitting sound disturbance that Bob on camera one had ever heard.
"Party on, dudes!" Shouted Ted, causing further microphone issues.
"Seriously, that's it?" Came a voice from behind camera three.
A tall, grey-haired man emerged from the back of the room, his eyebrows glowering furiously at the newly elected presidents.
"No talk of history and hope, or America's prosperity? Not even a 'Let's make America great again'? Even Thomas Jefferson gave a better presidential address than that. Believe me, I was there!"
Bill stared at the strange man, annoyed at his critical judgement of their inauguration.
"Look, dude. We're not good at speeches, okay?"
"Yeah," Ted butted in. "Give us a chance, man. It's our first day on the job!"
"What do you think this is, retail?" The man scoffed. "You're the Presidents of America, not the supermarket assistants at Walmart. A great responsibility rests on your shoulders, not just for your country, but for the whole of reality itself,"
"What do you mean?" Bill frowned. "We already found the song that would unite the world!"
"Yeah!" Ted interjected. "And we succeeded!"
The other camera men were looking rather bemused at this especially odd conversation.
"Except it's not just a song that brings harmony to the universe. It's never just a song. It's also words, and reason," The man spoke in a world-weary voice, as though he had lived many centuries of war and conflict. "On the 21st January 2025, at precisely 6:29pm, you will deliver a speech that will send into motion the first steps towards a utopian society. Except you clearly need some help,"
"And you're going to help us?" Asked Bill.
"Oh, I'm going to do more than that," He gave a confident smile. "I'm going to bring you inspiration. Follow me,"
He led them towards a blue police box stood in the corner.
"Bill, what's a police box?" Asked Ted.
"No idea, Ted," Shrugged Bill. "A jail for cops, maybe?"
"Good thinking, dude!" Ted followed the man inside the box. "Then the cops can arrest themselves!"
The pair stared in amazement at their new surroundings, as they found themselves inside a gigantic machine. Above them, a series of rotating cylinders contained the most bizarre symbols Bill and Ted had seen. Bookshelves surrounded the group from all corners of the room, whilst a chalkboard stood beside the room's central piece, a magnificent console littered with a series of colourful buttons.
"Woah," Bill exclaimed in astonishment. "This is so much bigger than our telephone box,"
"Not the usual words I hear, but I'll take it," The man began fiddling with the buttons on the console. "I'm the Doctor, by the way. And I'll be your guide through history today. Any questions?"
Ted raised his hand.
"Don't do that," The Doctor said sharply. "This isn't school. I had enough of that at Coal Hill,"
"Sorry, Doctor. I just wondered, are you Rufus's grandfather?" Ted wondered curiously.
"Who's Rufus?" The Doctor pulled a lever on the control panel. "Now Abraham Lincoln, on the other hand…I know who he is. How about we go meet him?"
NB: I haven't forgotten that Bill and Ted also know Abraham Lincoln. That will be referenced in the next chapter.