Discalimer: Naruto does not belong to me or I wouldn't have lost so many characters.
Advertences: This is a yaoi full of OoC (how else would I get these two together if not with that?), English is not my first language but I hope I've managed something good enough. Alternative universe.
This was first published on my Ao3 account.
Reluctant
I need somebody
To pull me out of this grave
I filled with hate and doubt.
—Munn, Can you hear me now?
I
"You're not getting any reaction from me," Sasori hissed at Deidara, who groaned childishly in his seat. "No matter how many times you say it."
The blond had started a game. A rather annoying one he heard about from the next classroom, probably thanks to a bunch of girls who loved nonsense. The main idea was to tell a classmate you love them, and if that made them blush or laugh, you won.
His blue-eyed friend told Sasori 'I love you' in so many ways those days that it was starting to creep him out more than anything. Finally, when Deidara realized he would not achieve it, and went out of ideas, he convinced some of the Akatsuki members to play.
At the end, Sasori had to deal with all of them, one by one: Hidan cornering the shortest as he leaned towards Akasuna's lips, Kisame lifting him as a princess, Kakuzu's ominous glare that made the words sound like a threat, Tobi's upsetting and big hand-made posters, even the bucket of origami flowers that Konan gave him a couple of days ago.
"There has to be someone who can make you blush, hm!" Deidara said, deeply committed to that stupid task. "If anyone gets the tiniest blush from you— even if I'm not responsible for it, I'll consider it my victory."
Sasori rolled his eyes, and decided he would ignore further efforts to win from his supposedly called friends.
To be honest, it was not the worst thing ever invented, considering its harmless nature. Everyone wanted to be loved, of course. However, Sasori hated this kind of 'lies', where the sentiment did not exist, and they were just saying it to provoke embarrassment.
Akasuna missed hearing those words from his parents— they held so much meaning in the redhead teen's memory. Sasori craved for them like a shipwreck survivor did for a glimpse of human life on an island. He would sell his life for it without a second thought. So this disgusting game was a totally different matter. If anything, it had been making him uncomfortable, and angry.
But now that Akatsuki had taken as the students' council's goal to dye Sasori's face red, their victim really wanted them to stop before he got a chance to try.
The one with gray-brownish eyes looked to his left side, feigning boredom. Itachi was sitting next to Kisame, listening to whatever the tallest spoke joyfully.
Oh, how Sasori wished he could just throw up the fucking butterflies to which his stomach gave birth whenever his eyes met the Uchiha's!
Akasuna swallowed hard, feeling his face warming up a little. He turned a blank stare to the white board, and sighed.
Why did the redhead fantasize with Itachi's deep voice calling his name before whispering those pathetic words? Why did his heart beat faster than ever as he dreamt of closing his eyes and—?
"Sasori-danna? Are you alright?" Deidara interrupted, raising a suspicious brow. The aforementioned looked daggers at his younger friend while the other artist continued in a mocking tone, "You seemed off, hm."
"I've never been better." He spat as a retort.
II
"What a wonderful painting." The Uchiha had suddenly come closer. Sasori was about to finish another masterpiece in their Art class, and his classmate seemed too impressed by it. This was the only subject where Itachi did not excel. "Would you mind if I take a picture?"
The redhead shrugged, pretending his heart remained calm in front of the brunette. "Sure. I don't know why you bother to ask me anyway. I never say no."
Uchiha lifted the corners of his mouth, drawing a breath-taking smile that Sasori felt the urge to immortalize at that very moment.
"I don't like forcing myself on others."
The black-haired was such a gentleman— at least that is what everyone in his school insisted on saying. Obviously, not all of the students were in love with Itachi, but most of them agreed you could never despise him. Uchiha was a considerate person, intelligent, skilled, but rather humble. He never made you feel inferior nor stupid, and he always offered his help to anyone who would ask for it.
"I hope Akatsuki would think the same as you." Sasori replied bitterly.
The redhead had had a difficult morning so far due to Hidan's and Tobi's fake confessions. They got him into a bad mood.
Itachi tilted his head. Some charcoal locks of his slipped to the side, and Akasuna tried not to think about clearing Uchiha's face from them.
"Are they still playing that game Deidara started?"
"It's a never-ending torture." As he finished his sentence, Itachi hummed.
"I guess it can become annoying after a while. Why don't you laugh so everyone is satisfied?"
"I did!" Sasori complained with a grimace. He would have expected better advice from an Uchiha.
"And?"
"Have you ever heard me faking a laugh? It's painfully obvious."
Itachi remained quiet for a moment. "Well, I'm sure I've never had the pleasure to know it." Despite the unpredictable sadness, the brunette simply smiled. Sasori fought one more time against his cheeks, which color went a slight pink without permission. The tallest then suggested nonchalantly: "What if we say I made it? That would draw the attention away from you."
Sasori certainly panicked inside. "That's not a very good idea." He muttered, "Deidara would pester you forever so you show him."
Itachi thought about that inconvenience. "I won't mind." Uchiha leaned to Sasori's ear, sending a shiver down his backbone. The tallest then spoke in a deep voice, as if telling him a secret. "I'll be the one who made you blush, after all."
Sasori felt it coming, and pushed Itachi a little by his face.
"Don't mess around with me." He said in a husky voice, which threatened with stuttering any second. It took everything Akasuna had to keep calm. "I won't blush over anyone."
The raven-haired grabbed his wrist and moved it away from his eyes with a soft laugh. Itachi was apparently amused, and did not plan to let his hand go.
"Well, isn't there something that works for you? Like, thinking about kittens?"
"Seriously? Cats?"
"I love them." Uchiha said with a pout, freeing Sasori. "They are adorable."
"Yeah, you can say it. But I just don't want to blush before anyone." Akasuna said nervously. He returned his eyes towards the painting, a wonderful landscape full of color and life. "I'd look pathetic."
Itachi said nothing, then cleared his throat. "Why do you say that?" The raven-haired voiced his thoughts in an almost sweet tone. "I believe it would suit you nicely. You'll look cu— you know, uh, yeah."
Sasori blinked, "What?"
"Nothing!" Itachi exclaimed. "I should go back to my seat. See you later."
Akasuna followed the Uchiha with his eyes, turning crimson red.
III
"Close your eyes and pretend I'm your favorite Uchiha." Silence. "I love you."
Hidan crossed a line Sasori would kill him for. The albino turned out to be more observant than anyone could think possible coming from him. Nonetheless, his shot fired backwards, because the redhead lost color instead of gaining it.
Akasuna's lips quivered and his fists clenched. He could not decide if he was angry or scared! The artist was beyond control at this rate.
The lilac-eyed seemed to notice it, and tried to say something when Itachi suddenly appeared. His charcoal eyes burnt with an intense rage that unsettled both Akatsuki as the Uchiha put himself in front of Sasori.
"OK. It's enough. We will stop this thing right now." Uchiha snapped at Hidan as he had never done with anybody before. The redhead almost felt sorry for his religious classmate, because he did not say anything really bad. Hidan just— knew it. "Sasori did not like this game, and he will not blush. Give up."
The albino opened his mouth, but thought better of it and nodded.
"Fuck you, Itachi." Hidan blurted out without sentiment, only for show. "Sorry, Woodpecker. I overdid it." After apologizing, he went away from both of them.
Itachi kept scowling until the religious disappeared from their sight. Then he turned his face towards Sasori, worried. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes. Hidan was just being his annoying self, same as always." Akasuna practically barked, and made a pause. "Thanks."
"What did he say to you?" Uchiha questioned sharply. The brownish eyed male shook his head from one side to the other. Furrowing his brows, the tallest reached Akasuna's crimson locks and took them tenderly between his fingers. Sasori felt his heart dropping.
"Hidan—" The redhead started, and avoided Uchiha's dark eyes. "He knows who can make me blush. He was just joking around about it, but I— shit. Let's forget it."
Itachi made a weird face, "Oh. I see." Both remained silent until the black-haired finally continued, "Why was it so bad?"
Sasori tried not to sound sad when he answered. "That person would never want me back the same way I do. It will be painful ever imagining they would ever tell me they love me. Hidan told me to pretend he was— God. I am such an idiot."
"You are not." The brunette said. "It makes perfect sense. I wouldn't like it either."
Akasuna nodded. "I must go."
The redhead walked past Itachi before the raven-haired took his hand. Sasori looked at him, surprised. "Just for the record: I think you should risk it, and go for them."
"Shut up." Akasuna spat. "You know nothing."
"You're smart, handsome, creative, and kind in a very strange way."
"Why are you telling me this? Why the fuck I would care for anything of that?"
"Because I want you to know I love you."
A breeze whistled between them, and time stopped. He often thought about hearing those words, how he would respond to them. Fantasy did not hurt. Reality did.
Akasuna did not want to be loved. He did not want hugs, dates, promises, hope, or kisses. He was afraid of all these things.
"Go. To. Hell." Sasori hissed, and shook his arm to get free.
Itachi seemed almost betrayed. "But—"
"Please. I'm not suitable for you, Itachi. How could you ever think of that?"
"That's for me to decide."
"You said you didn't like to force yourself on other people!" Sasori replied, angrier than ever. He refused to watch the Uchiha. After all, his cheeks were a dark red, blazing like two bonfires. There was no way on Earth he would let Itachi see his face.
"I'm not trying to. Could you listen to me, please? I know you probably love someone else, and that's fine. I want you to be happy."
"If that were true, why are you not letting me go?"
The raven haired suddenly tightened his fingers, but he finally freed Akasuna.
"Sorry." Uchiha whispered before the shortest left.
IV
Sasori often lied, he did that to others and himself. The first time Akasuna saw Itachi's girlfriend he swore it felt like a punch in the stomach. However, the redhead still bowed and wished this woman— whose name Sasori pretended he did not care enough to remember— a happy birthday.
Uchiha's apartment was beaming that night, full of lively music and conversations from Akatsuki members and some extra guests he did not recognize. Everyone was dancing or speaking to each other in noisy conversations that buzzed in Sasori's ears like annoying mosquitos.
The artist could not really get into the mood, though. He went to the balcony to contemplate the starry sky, and breathed the fresh air without beer and cigarettes' perfume.
Someone else closed the door to the flat. Sasori turned and met Itachi's dark eyes, which sparkled after distinguishing Akasuna under the soft light of the balcony. The redhead clenched his teeth, trying to remember the last time they were left alone since that unfortunate meeting.
"Hi," Uchiha said friendly, "Enjoying tonight by yourself?"
"Parties are not my thing."
"Mine neither." Itachi accepted, coming closer at a slow pace, as if he were afraid a sudden movement would scare Sasori away one more time. "But Izumi does, and she wanted to meet all of you."
"Ah, Izumi." Akasuna said. His former classmate blinked, confused.
"What?"
"I had forgotten her name. It slipped my mind just like that." Sasori snapped his fingers, and avoided the disapproving look of the tallest. "I'm not good at remembering new names."
"You can be such a—" Itachi started and shook his head, sighing. He smiled, then. For absolutely no reason. "At least you're not as bad as Gai-sensei. After two years, he still struggled to remember Kisame's name."
Sasori smirked, amused by Uchiha's remark. "Yeah, I'm not at his level."
The black haired leaned against the handrail. "How are you doing lately? Deidara— uh, he mentioned you also got a boyfriend after High School."
Akasuna did not want to talk about Sandaime. Not to Itachi.
"Life is good enough, thanks for asking." He made a pause. "Aren't you supposed to— go inside or something?"
Uchiha huffed, but he did not seem half as hurt as that other day. Instead, he took something from his jeans pocket, and left it on the banister. "I brought you this from Canada. I recalled you mentioned once about a day it snowed in your town. You had a photo, didn't you? I saw this snow crystal ball, and since it was similar, I thought you might enjoy it."
Sasori felt a bulge in his throat that did not allow him to speak. The redhead reached Itachi's gift for him, and looked at it. The tiny little house was pretty close to his, indeed. Memories— happy ones— came running to his mind. "You shouldn't have bothered." He whispered, ashamed.
"It's nothing, really." Uchiha said, shaking his hand to belittle his present. "Do you like it?"
"Yes, I do. Thank you very much."
"I'm glad. So— I'll let you be."
Akasuna licked his lips, and called Itachi's name before he went too far away. "I'm sorry." Sasori blurted out. "For, you know, everything. I was scared back then." His cheeks felt hot as boiling water inside his skin, but the dim light hid them. "I wish I had said—"
The black haired came closer and kissed Sasori's forehead, gaining an almost inaudible moan. "I just hope you're happy now."
His world crumbled.
V
Happy birthday, Sasori. The audio had said. He could not help but blush at hearing his deep voice so close so early in the morning. Do you want to go out tomorrow at night? We can invite everyone or go just the two of us. I've got the best present for you!
Sasori had been an optimistic, cheerful kid who lost his innocence the day his parents' deaths finally came to light. The redhead grew up cold and cynic after that moment. He did not believe in love, nor the Afterlife, ghosts or presentiments.
Nonetheless, the day his precious crystal ball was wrecked by Sandaime's jealousy, Sasori felt more than just rage, and hate, and tiredness. The redhead was about to bring Hell to his— already called ex— boyfriend when he heard his phone ringing.
"Don't fucking answer." The golden-eyed said. "If it's that shitty bunch of friends of yours, I'll—"
"You'll what, idiot? I've already broken up with you, so get out of my house."
"Are you serious?!"
"Hello?" Sasori barked at his phone, happy to ignore his ex-lover. "What's the matter, Deidara?"
"He— Itachi and Izumi, they—"
The redhead felt his heart stopping in a void of nothingness for a few seconds before he ran out of the apartment to his car. Behind, Sandaime's screams were a triviality he would deal with later.
He drove to the hospital as a soul chased by the Devil himself. 'Please, don't die.' He begged, 'Oh, God, please, don't take him.' Deidara's words were flying around his distressed head: "There has been a terrible accident."
Sasori repeated himself once and one more time he could not lose what he never had. He would not care at all if Itachi and his wannabe wife perished, his life threads suddenly cut. Akasuna did not want— could not have— his feelings reciprocated.
'Fuck! I want to tell you. Don't leave me yet. Not you with those smiles, nor your stupid compliments, or damn gifts, or sweet words, or kindness, or provoking-blushes affection.'
He arrived at the hospital the blond had said and demanded to know the room the raven haired was in. Would his beloved one survive? Was Izumi OK? (Did he really care about her? Yes, Sasori actually did, because she always acted sweet to Akasuna and made Itachi happy, after all. Also not, because the woman was the one driving.). Could he kick out Itachi's family so he could enter instead of waiting his turn?
Everything went blurry until he finally sat next to the Uchiha, squeezing his hand while thanking Heavens for the annoying machine that measured Itachi's heart beating.
Hours passed by, feeling like centuries until the brunette finally opened his rather swollen eyes. "Oh, Dear Lord. You woke up." Sasori stuttered, feeling himself believing again in every fairy tale, and magic creature he had heard about. "You'll be fine. I promise."
Despite his handsome face being covered by wounds, Itachi was still the most beautiful man Sasori had ever seen. He wanted to lean and kiss him hard, but abstained from doing so. Izumi was— Itachi did not know she—
Akasuna took Itachi's hand and clenched it against his chest.
"Sa-so-ri?" Itachi seemed to find it difficult to speak. "Where am I?"
"Shhh." The redhead whispered, caressing the other's forehead. The Uchiha looked everywhere, realizing something important as the seconds passed. "Everything will be alright."
"Is Izumi OK?" Itachi asked with a weak, shaky voice.
Sasori bit his lips, and answered nothing.
VI
The redhead always hated waiting, but he did it. Was it respect? Were his own fears coming for him?
Either way, three more years Akasuna saved the words inside, but he showed Itachi everyday how he felt: Sasori pushed the wheelchair in the park, he went to most of the physical therapies, he prepared bentos with kitten faces made of coloured rice, he read to the Uchiha when he could not sleep at all, he would let him small notes in Itachi's lunch as Akasuna's mother used to do for his father.
Sasori often wrote the words 'I love you' while caressing the black haired man's back, soothing him after a hard day of work. Itachi never seemed to notice it.
Finally, one afternoon, when they were watching a sitcom and laughing softly together, Itachi said, "Can I ask you something?"
Akasuna muted the TV, and turned his face towards him. "Sure."
"Hidan knew who was able to make you blush in High School. He—" the raven-haired made a pause before continuing, "kind of told me the answer. Would that still work or— can I—?"
Sasori straightened up in his seat, and smiled. "Only if I say it first."
Itachi blinked, surprised but not displeased judging by the color of his visage. "Fine, then."
Akasuna took both of his hands, closed the distance to Itachi's lips so they shared their breaths. and whispered, "I love you."
The Uchiha let the air escape from his lungs, as if he had held it for years now. Itachi leaned so he could touch Sasori's nose with his. "I love you, too."
The words provoked a hard blush on Akasuna's face, and for the first time ever, he allowed his beloved one to see it at its full splendor.
The end
I wish I could say I'm proud of me. Truth is I'm just wondering why I did not use HadesQin for this idea. Anyway, thanks for reading, giving me kudos, reviews or anything. I'll really appreciate them.