THC/The Houses Competition; House: Gryffindor; Class: Muggle Studies; Prompt: [Animal] Grindylow; Word Count: 976

A/N: Mild fantasy violence (I imagine the tentacles on the Grindylow will eventually grow back like the arms of a starfish; the consumed bits are good as gone, and Jacob is not a wasteful man).

Translations (from an online translator, so they may not be fully correct):

Naoussa Xinomavro = expensive Greek wine

Mia stigmí = one moment

servitóros = waiter

wurp= buzzkill

Babsia = grandma (polish)

Beta thank you so much for editing: Turanga4, CelesteMagnolia and Gryffindor team

Jacob Kowalski knew his responsibilities as the head of this household. The last few years had been difficult for his missus after joining the wrong side of the war with Grindelwald and losing her job at the Ministry.

Friends and family had accepted Queenie back, but hardly with open arms. If there was one thing Americans and Brits shared, it was the fine art of holding an amicable grudge. Jacob could hold a grudge too. If this "Magical Ministry" was going to value some "Secrecy Statue" hoohah over the dedication of his talented Queenie, they were not worth his time.

Queenie always said she was happy being a house witch, but her deep crow's feet said otherwise. Jacob's mother taught him well enough to know that women often didn't say what they really meant. Well, Jacob was going to do better than most men; he wanted to treat his wife to what she really wanted – the vacation of her dreams.

Queenie had always talked about wanting to visit the islands of the Mediterranean. In spring, when his bakery was quieter, Jacob visited a travel agent and booked a flight to Greece.

Jacob had already prepared the itinerary: lunch in front of the Acropolis, hiking to the Meteora and sailing to the island of Corfu. At the end of it, he would give Queenie his babcia's five-diamond necklace to celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary, a Kowalski family tradition.

Well, so far, everything was going perfectly. They left their triplets (Jacob's other gift to Queenie) at their auntie and uncle's for two weeks.

"Be wary of the Grindylows," Uncle Newt said, picking up baby Klara and Kora as delicately as an unhatched egg. "They migrate this time of year and they're rather vicious."

Instantly, Queenie's face twisted, and she grabbed Jacob's arm, whispering that maybe it was better to stay home and be safe.

"But listen to Newt," she repeated.

Jacob humphed and straightened his coat. Listen to Newt? Was Newt the head of this family now?

Newt was a good man, but quite frankly, his pragmatism was aggravating; he was acting like a real wurp. There would be no Grindy-whatever's ruining Queenie's perfect vacation. And if those fantastic pests showed their snouts on the horizon of the Mediterranean Sea, Jacob had his makeshift wand and a whole lot of Polish nerve to snipe them off his turf.

The Kowalskis arrived in Athens, and initially, everything was going swimmingly.

Jacob had booked a private table on a raised sandy turf of land on the beach shore, surrounded by a heart of candles. He asked the nimble-fingered servitóros from the hotel to drop the diamond necklace into a glass of exquisite, burgundy Naoussa Xinomavro, for a generous tip. Jacob took Queenie, breathtakingly beautiful in a copper gown, by the arm and led her to the beach. Everything was perfectly perfect.

Suddenly, he heard a ruckus erupt beyond the cliff roses.

"Mia stigmí my Aphrodite." He kissed Queenie's hands and dove for the beach.

He stormed down the steps, and what did he see? Lo! An ugly little cherub, looking like a shriveled up prune-baby with tentacles, bounced about the sand, tossing its candles and rose petals all around. There was a generous helping of sand on their dinner plates and the tablecloth looked like an old dishrag. Jacob wiped his forehead. What kind of Greek table service was this?

Jacob ran over to shoo the thing away, only to discover it was one of those beasts Newt loved so dearly. Up close, the human-like thing gnashed its horrid teeth at Jacob and bit back an angry snarl. Jacob was able to recognize it as a Grindylow.

"Scram!" Jacob yelled.

In one move, the creature jumped on him, tearing at his best suit. Jacob contorted on the ground, grabbing at the Grindylows' tentacles and shoving them away.

"Sweetie?" came Queenie's concerned voice, and then she appeared, wand in hand.

Jacob would handle this just as he handled the wizard Grindelwald's behind some years ago. He shook his makeshift wand, hoping a Grindylow-sized zap of magic would squeeze out.

With a reassuring cry of "I've got this!" he aimed at the Grindylow, who had clasped the necklace in one tentacle and was making its way into the water. Steal his gift? Not on his watch.

Jacob was already in the water when the ugly thing lashed out at him with even more strength than before and bit his nose. Jacob's deafening scream must have done it because the creature bounced off him, fell into the water and its little body swam away leaving a few severed tentacles behind.

"What do we do with those?" a frightened servitóros asked, fishing them out of the water. Luckily, Jacob had a solution for that too.

Jacob had defended his wife's honour. He still wasn't sure if it was the wand or the Polish nerve that had taken that Grindylow down, but frankly, he did not really care.

He spent an hour in the hotel kitchen cooking up a special dish for his dear Queenie. Approaching their table, he served her the 'special' wine glass.

Queenie fished out the diamond necklace, grinning from ear to ear, and grasped Jacob's hands. "You really are the most fantastic No-Maj I've ever met."

"Those beasts are no match for the Kowalskis," Jacob said proudly, earning himself a cheeky kiss. "Wait until you see what I've cooked up for dinner tonight."

Queenie dropped her voice down low and looked at him through her lashes. "There's more from my fantastic husband?"

Jacob, who now believed himself fantastic at nearly everything, brought out the Grindylow-tentacle orzo. "My own recipe."

With Queenie feeding him a big spoonful of the scrumptious sea creature, which tasted of eel, Jacob admitted that there was some merit to those magical beasts Uncle Newt loved so much.