Talk Show Paternity Test
By Bashfulglowfly
The host settled into his chair "Our first guest today says that she had a one-night stand that resulted in a beautiful baby girl. But the man she says is the father of that child refuses to admit that he is! Please welcome Karin Uzumaki!"
A thin red-headed woman with glasses entered the stage and sat down in a chair near the host. "Hello, thank you for having me."
"You're welcome." Said the host. "Tell me how you met the man whom you claim is your daughter's father."
Karin nervously pushed at her glasses before speaking. "We met at a party when I was vacationing in Kusagakuri. We talked about all sorts of things: school, work, our future plans. We were drinking a lot. I know I had too much, but I wasn't that drunk. But after a while we went upstairs, and we had sex."
"And nine months later, you gave birth to your daughter, Kana." The host gestured to the screen behind him that was showing a baby girl. He smiled at the oohs and awes of the audience.
Karin smiled "Yes, she's just perfect but it's so disappointing that Sasuke won't admit he's the father."
"That would be Sasuke Uchiha?" asked the host.
"Yes."
"Well, Sasuke is here." Said the host. "Sasuke please come out."
A scowling man practically stomped onto the stage and sat down in the chair farthest from the woman claiming he was the father of her child.
The host leaned forward "Sasuke, are you the father of that adorable baby girl?" The host again gestured to the baby still on the screen behind him.
"No."
"But how do you know that for sure?"
"Three reasons. One: that baby has white hair. There is no one in my family that has ever had white hair unless they were super old. Two: I'm gay."
The audience gave a mixed reaction of boos and laughter.
"Well, that's two reasons," said the host. "What's the third?"
"I haven't been in Kusagakuri since I was thirteen."
The audience laughed and the host smiled. "Well, I have in my hand the paternity results. Would you like to hear what they are?"
Sasuke looked at Karin "Call this off. If you don't call this off Naruto and Kushina will never forgive you. This could have been managed properly. But you wanted your fifteen minutes of fame. If you call this off now, nothing will happen. But once he reads the results, regardless of the answer, I will see you in court. For slander at the very least."
Karin tilted up her chin. "No." She turned the host "Please read the results."
The host opened the envelope and read the single sheet of paper.
"Sasuke, you are NOT the father."
Karin broke into tears and ran off the stage as Sasuke nodded grimly.
The host looked at the black-haired man "What will you do now?"
"Get married to my wonderful fiancé."
"And the baby?"
"Well, that's up to Karin, isn't it? But her Clan is seriously thinking about claiming the baby as a Clan Child if Karin doesn't change her ways."
"Change her ways?"
"This is the third child that she's tried to claim was an Uchiha. She's gone after my brother and my cousin as well. I can't believe that she was stupid and indiscrete enough to do this on television."
"You didn't have to come on the show."
"True. But I also want men to know to stay far away from her."
"Good point. Sasuke, thank you for coming."