It is hard to find a meaning to life. Everyone has a different definition of a good life. I never in my 24 years of life found any meaning in anything.

You might say that, that is okay, you are still young after all. That is true, but depression is not making sense, but rather taking away all sense.

So here i lay on the ground after i shot myself in the mouth. Ouch. At least i am free from being alive now. Or so i thought. Well doesnt matter.

And so i got born. Again.

Its not nice. Growing up is going to be a pain.

-A week later-

It is truly weird to getting used to being human, again. I cannot move without help, eat, shit, anything without help. It also doesnt help that my head feels like i smoked 10 tons of weed.

Its always this old lady taking care of me. So old she cant be my mother. Not that i care, im still confused as fuck, is it normal that i have memories of my past life? Am i going to lose my memories, before the point i remember my childhood? Was is the same in my past life? I really hope not, because there is a strange sense of superiority with having an adult mind as child or atleast thats what i think.

I feel like i have a lot more energy a week old kid should have.. Its truly weird. When i look around i see a small room that looks really rudimentary and outdated. I cant really understand the language as well... I dont know if im still on earth or somewhere else, but the language sounds like something i heard before.. In anime.. Japanese. Am i in feudal japan?

"*** **** ** *** Shin", the woman called, before picking me up. For now i could only understand my name and "NANI!?", so its probably gonna take a while to really get the language.

After getting fed literal dog food, i got put back on the little bed.

A new life, huh. I often wondered about what happens after death, but never really belived that there would be something like a soul going to another place.

Im still not sure but i guess this is pretty interesting, even if that doesnt bring my will to life back, i killed myself mainly because i was unhappy with my life... Maybe i can find meaning here.

It would be such a waste to just kill myself again.. who knows where i end up then.

Maybe this is some kind of hell or heaven or test for me or maybe its neither.. well doesnt matter, if i find a way the rest will come after.

No need to make it more complicated. If im waking up tommorrow i want to live a full live or die and lose conciousness forever, but not just survive.

Never again.

Well doesnt matter.. first im gonna sleep...

-One Year Later-

Time truly does pass fast when its hard to maintain conciousness with a muddle brain, thats still growing. Still i got some progress.

First and most importantly: I can feel something in my body and first i thought it was just my imagining stuff...

Anyway i started trying to meditate concentrating on it. Even if its just a part of my imagination, meditation is a healthy habit anyway.

I can understand the people around me a bit and thats when i realised something important. I live in an orphanage. After some time in a room alone, i got put in a room to sleep with a bunch of kids.

I cant complain. It would be weird to deal with people, probably my age, and act like im a kid. I cant really talk yet, only a few words in baby-slur but i would still be suspicious.

Thats why i dont talk around anyone for now and im not really talkative anyway. But the most important thing that i learned from context clues got my extremely excited.

Im in Konohagakure. The Land of Fire. The home of Naruto and the gang. I dont even care if its real or a dream or if some divine entity wants me to learn something by sending me here.

I can train to shoot lightning and fire out of my body. I can train to become a fucking earthbender like Toph or learn a finger-sword like some cultivator.

Thats when a fire in me started, maybe the Hokage would call it the "Will of Fire" or some bullshit, but i have a goal for the first time ever. I have something to strive for.

And i have to train anyway, because its just as dangerous to be a civilian than a ninja. I guess it balances itself out, a ninja has to take more risks, but has a higher chance to survive and a civilian is relatively safe in "peace" times, but will die even against random ass bandits.. No way im dying to some dumbass, thats too lazy to work and just goes to steal.

If im going to die its by my own hand or someone like Madara... Although it would be way cooler to fight Madara on equal grounds.. Imagine that.

Yeah its decided im gonna become a god of shinob-

"Time to change diapers", the young woman said happily. Oh yeah... Im still a baby. Well at least shes hot. Is that weird to think? Ahh.. doesnt matter.

I should probably try to understand the language better and learn writing.

In the orphanage it seems the kids can learn writing when they are 4 years old and with 6 go to school. Civilian or ninja school, you can choose.

The kids that go to become a ninja become money and a small apartment, while the civilans stay in the orphanage until after graduation.

I guess i can wait until im 4 to learn writing but until then i can only try to use chakra as much as possibly and start moving around.

It isnt viable to try and do pushups or any real training yet, but i can run around and try to do dexterous movements as far as my fucking body can, like playing with some shit.

Time passed faster than the yellow flash. Thats funny because he literally died after a huge mind contolled tsundere fox called Kurama stabbed him in the chest. Thats right, the 9 Tails attacked one year after my birth.

That means im in the class with Lee and Neji.. Interesting, i really love Lee to be honest. I mean i basically plan to train as hard as him, so i can sympathise a bit.

Maybe i can get in his team? Guy would be the perfect sensei, since i can do all physical activity in his training and the other afterwards alone. Then i could better hide some abilities later on...

I can also pretty easily spot other people around me. It feels like the chakra in my body, but very different at the same time. I guess it makes sense, sensor ninja have more spiritual chakra and i have the mind or soul of a 25 year old, so i guess it kind of combined that. That would mean i already had some resemblance of chakra in my past life which i really dont want to think about.

When i felt the pressure of the 9-Tails i also realized that it can have negative consequences to naturally sense chakra because it felt like a mountain of chakra just fell on my chest.

When it was over sweat was dripping all over my body and i was hyperventilating.

That only gave me motivation, because there are people, like Minato, without any cheat abilities and can stand in front of it..

Even Might Guy could fight Madara in his 10-Tail Jinchuriki, although Guy is mainly a physical fighter and got that strong from training his body every day until his muscles gave out and then kept going.

I not only have knowledge of Naruto, but my past world and a bunch of fictional worlds that can give me inspiration for a lot, mainly application of chakra. And obviously knowledge about people here, although i shouldnt rely on knowledge on th future, since i dont exist in that future.

But first keep going with the fundamentals.. basic control and abilities reaching a high level can be deadly with good use after all. Sakura didnt have any cheat-like ability at the end of the series and could still kick ass because of exceptional chakra control.

So the days keep going where i try to use my chakra day and night, while doing physical activities. I didnt play with the other kids though. I would rather kill myself again.

I feel kind of desensitized by my own death, like i could restart when i die anyway. Maybe its random that im remembering my past life right now, but im gonna get reborn anyway, right?

Even if this is some kind of dream it wouldnt be too bad, if i can see it to the end.

I often felt dissociation and that nothing matters and that led me to eventually kill myself.

I led a life of no responsibilities and indulgence, because if it doesnt matter, i might as well just enjoy what life has to offer, it just wasnt enough for me.

Now its worse/better in whatever way you see it. I think its better, i dont have to seek what i want out of life because its so obvious to enjoy my life while shouting "UNLIMITED POWER!" with lightning shooting out of my fingers. Yeah definetly gonna do that some time. I wonder what my elemental afinity is. I will see, no haste.

Why hurry its only a hand full of world ending threats in sight. Well doesnt matter.

-3 Years Later-

Tommorrow we finally start writing lessons. Its been a fucking hard time growing up again. Did i go crazy? Maybe. I can finally talk normally, actually like japanese was my native language to begin with.

Maybe thats because my brain is still forming or some shit. I dont talk a lot though, because the less i talk the better.

I dont really feel lonely though, i love being alone. It got even better when the women in the orphanage didnt have to take as much care of me anymore.

I often played with some of the toys and looked at some books (even though i cant read yet), because its just too boring to only train. The training is strechtes and movements i saw shaolin monks do.

Also a lot of push-ups and anything i could do with myself on the ground. I slept a lot in these years. Often longer than 8 hours a day and i didnt have to do dishes and shit like that after i told the matron i want to go to the academy when i was 3 years old. I guess it makes sense, most kids decide on a whim maybe a few weeks before, but you can get better treatment if you just say you want to become a ninja.

Its kind of ridiculous, this level of propaganda for military was something for crazy regimes in my past life, but i never visited countries like that.

I dont care that much though, it makes sense the way it is and i can prentent to care for Konoha easy enough.

The hardest thing is going to be staying away from Danzo for now and if he stands in my way i want to be strong enough to kill him and his loyal Root-Agents.

I dont have access to a lot of information, because i cant leave the orphanage yet. They took us out in groups sometimes though and i heard that the village hidden in the clouds tried to kidnap Hinata Hyuga.

So that happened again.. Its really weird to know whats gonna happen, because you read it in a manga. Nejis father died then as well and he is gonna become some destiny fanatic.

The next day when i woke up the young woman i find so hot brought us in some kind of classroom. Her name is Amaterasu which is the most hilarious shit ive ever heard...

I cant help but think of Sasuke calling her and accidentally setting her on fire. Not that it works like that, but a man can dream.

The class was slower than i wouldve liked but i guess thats the price for staying low for now. I can work in my own pace later on, on my own.

And so my monotonous days changed a bit with classes on writing, reading and some basic stories, history and geography. I never liked school, it felt useless to me in my past life.

The classes here are pretty good though. I kinda like the language more, its more like an art form than english, but i really like it.

I decided to start some drawing as well, i already thought i need some hobby so thats a good place for some distraction from training.

I also started to do some more obvious training, like running and pull-ups on a tree branch. Its a bit weird but not too suspicious.

After another half day of school-like-lessons we went to the dining hall and i got some food. Im sitting at the end of a big table. Sometimes some kids sit near me, but i dont talk to them so they usally ignore me.. good, not today though.

"You still eating that?", asked the fat boy sitting next to me. I mean im eating slow but come on.. I look at him at blankly say "Yes"

He starts pouting like some kicked dog and looks away. "You dont need it anyway, but i need it to become a strong ninja!"

The only thing im thinking about is if i should stab him in the leg with my knife, but i calmed myself down.. after i started meditating in this life its definitly easier to stay calm.

"Scrawny bones like you are going to become useless anyway, but im strong, so give me your food!" the little bitch almost screamed. I sighed in my head.

"Shut up, you piggy!" screamed some boy that probably felt attacked.

I downed my glass of water and walked away thinking that im really sick of this shit every day.

-2 Years Later-

Today is the day i start going to the academy.. finally. The orphanages lessons were really lacklustre, but i kept training almost all the time. I also often went to the library with the Matron giving permission..

Im going to be trained to be a professional killer, but god forbid i go to the library without asking. Weird ass logic. In the library i read all kinds of books about any topic, mainly to learn reading.

Some information was useful anyway, for example books about medicines, poisons, the way the body reacts to it and i also refreshed my anatomy knowledge, especially now that chakra is now one of the most important parts of the human body. Besides that i mostly read fiction, because its interestingly refreshing to what i read in my past life.

Unfortunately i didnt find any books by Jiraiya, but i guess i wouldnt get it anyway, since its for adults.

Well maybe this book Naruto got named after, but i didnt find that in the library neither. Well doesnt matter.

I sketched in my self-allotted freetime, although i didnt pay attention to my progress in my freetime and just tried to calm down from all the work i put on myself.

Not that i dont like it, but everyone needs a break once in a while.

I feel like i can learn and remember way easier and im way stronger than a 6 year old should be. I feel way better than i ever did. I didnt do any training in my past life, because i didnt care how i looked that much and it didnt matter to me if i lived 10 years more because i take care of my health. I killed myself anyways.

"Kids, its time to go!", the matron said after opening the door. I broke out of my meditative state and got ready.

Its still weird what i see in the mirror. Black hair, never cut in this life, bound together with a piece of cloth, insted of my redhead. Black eyes that look like a black hole, instead of my brown eyes.

Even paler skin than in my past life. But most importantly im a fucking gnome, instead of the 2 meter i was so used to. I wear these ninja shoes with open toes in black. I really dont know why the toes are open, but maybe some higher up in the village has some weird fetish, well doesnt matter. I also have black shorts and a black shirt on. If im gonna become a ninja, im going to be inconspicuous, instead of wearing orange-neon and screaming the name of my attack.. i mean come on... Thats not a ninja, but rather some kind of Gladiator or Viking. But i guess Naruto wouldnt really like to call himself a viking, if that even is a thing on this planet.. probably not, but who knows what kind of weird ass movies they made. I never watched any filler, so lets just hope its filler here as well and doesnt actually happen.

While we walk to the academy, i see that the matron doesnt seem as happy as the kids when leading them. I guess it makes sense, most kids that get send to her lost their parents because of shinobis.

Actually i read could the files they had on my parents in the last year i was there. Apparently my father here died in a B-Rank mission he did with his Chunin team or rather the whole team died.

I couldnt get details but it seems like the threat was already dealt with. My mother got the news when i was about to be born. After i got born she brought me to the Orphanage and then killed herself in her home. I dont blame her, i know exactly what its like to commit suicide after all, although it was under different circumstances. I guess she didnt feel up to the task to be a mother after losing the one she loved. Thats a pretty sad origin story for me, but that means i could be the main character, right? In my past life it was pretty similar and i lost my parents when i was young, so i guess its better like it is. It would only break their heart and make me feel guilty, if i act like i do now. Well doesnt matter now.

When we arrived there where a bunch of people waiting in front of the academy. I saw Neji, with his look standing out a lot, i also saw Tenten but only because she already had the double bun hairstyle, which stood out a bit. I also saw Lee which looked the most different, because he didnt copy Guys look yet. I didnt see anyone else i remember.

There was a short speech about welcoming everyone and some propaganda bullshit and then we were led in. I noted that the Hokage didnt make the opening speech, but next year he would, which makes sense considering next years class is full of clan heirs as well as Naruto, which the 3rd obviously favors, although just because of the 4th and the Bijuu, because otherwise Naruto would just be another random orphan like me. Im pretty sure he also basically let Naruto take the sealed scroll after he failed in the academy, because i cant imagine its not guarded by Anbu or at least Chunin, which would still be enough to stop Naruto in the first chapter. Well doesnt matter.

Time for school. Maybe its better than the last time.