September 29th, 1971

We're at the river fishing. I watch as he reels in a fish. I can hear myself laughing as if underwater, then suddenly, I am on the floor of my house, and he is beating me. I cry and scream, trying to get him to understand that whatever happened, it wasn't my fault, but he doesn't care. He never does.
"Severus! Wake up! You're being weird again!" moans Clarence. As I open my eyes to the dark first-year dormitory, I feel the sheets tangled all around my body. My brow is sweaty, as if I just ran a marathon.
"Sorry, I had another nightmare," I murmur back.
"Just go to sleep!" says John, angrily.
As I roll back over, my body aches from writhing around and shivering under the blankets. No matter how many I have on, I always seem to be cold. While I have gained a little bit of weight from eating at Hogwarts, it has not been enough to satisfy Lucius, who is forever expressing his worry that he will one day pat my back too hard and I will break in half. I am now 4 foot 3.5 inches tall and 46 pounds. We all measured ourselves in the bathroom yesterday. I told Lucius, his girlfriend Narcissa, and Lily how much I grew. Lily said she was really proud of me, and gave me a big hug. Lucius told me that it's good I've gained some weight, and that I should keep eating so he doesn't have to worry about me anymore, but Narcissa says she thinks it's cute that I'm little, and that I shouldn't push myself to gain too much weight because, as she puts it, "Being fat isn't cute!" I think I like the attention I get from being skinny.

After a long day of classes in which I was much too excited to concentrate, I get back to the common room with my friends. My friends are jealous that I get to go to Slughorn's very first party and they don't. I tell them not to worry, and that I'm sure they'll be invited to the next party. At least Evan and Clarence will for sure— Lucius told me that the Rosiers and Averys are two of the super old pureblood families like the Malfoys. I like to do all of my weekend homework on Friday night so that I have all weekend to study and relax, therefore, I do all of my homework tonight. When I am done with my homework, it is time to get ready for Slughorn's dinner party. I go into the bathroom to comb through my hair with my fingers. It is halfway down my shoulder blades by now. My dad always says I look like a weak little girl with long hair, and I don't want to look like that. Sighing, I go grab my scissors from my backpack, then go back to the bathroom. I part my hair down the middle, and being careful not to overdirect it too much to the front, I cut off about two inches on each side. I know it looks terrible, but at least it's not as long now. I try to comb it back with my fingers to put it in the hair tie, but I can't get it to lie down flat, so I decide to leave it down. I put the hair tie around my wrist just in case. Looking in the mirror, I see an eyesore. The tan I had from the summer is starting to fade, and my cheeks are too hollow. As I step back, I take in the rest of my body. At least nobody can tell how ugly and skinny my body is when I'm wearing my big sweaters and cloak for school. I have no other nice pants or shirts than what I wear with my school uniform, and they're being washed now, so I'm wearing my blue jeans that have the least holes, a plain black tee-shirt, and Lucius' old wooly sweater that he shrunk down to fit me a couple of weeks ago. My jeans are smaller and a little shorter on me than they were when I left for Hogwarts, but at least my sweater is big enough to cover up how bony I am. When I walk out into the common room at exactly 5:30, I see Lucius waiting by the fire for me. My heart sinks all the way to my feet when he stands up. Clad in black and dark green, Lucius looks very intimidating. I feel myself shrink as he disdainfully eyes my outfit.
"Is that really what you're wearing to a dinner party? I thought you would at least know how to dress for a formal occasion. Do I have to teach you everything?" he sneers.
"These are the best clothes I have," I say meekly. Lucius looks taken aback.
"What about wearing a pair of your school pants and one of your school shirts? And don't you have a nicer pair of shoes?"
"I've only got one pair of school pants and one shirt. And these are the only shoes I have. My mum and dad get me a pair every Christmas from the donation center."
Lucius sighs exasperatedly, and says, "Why didn't your parents get you more than one pair of pants and one shirt? That's absurd!"
"Clothes are expensive," I shrug, looking at the floor, "That's all we could afford this year."
Lucius' friends turn around to look at me interestedly, and I feel my cheeks turn red.
"Oh! Well then… I guess I might have an old pair of pants and a shirt somewhere you could keep. Why don't you come with me?" Lucius says awkwardly.
I follow him into his dorm, and sit on his bed while he looks through his chest of drawers.
When he finds the old pair of pants and shirt he's looking for, he says, "Here. Put these on. I'll shrink them while they're on you so we don't have to waste time."
Uncomfortable, I take the baggy sweater off.
"Merlin, you're skinny! Have you ever eaten a meal in your life?!" Lucius exclaims, handing me his shirt.
I hurriedly put the shirt on over my t-shirt, and say, "Food's expensive, innit?"
"I suppose so. What did you say your father does again?"
"He used to work in the steel mill before it closed. Now he works in the car factory."
"And Eileen? What's she doing with her life now?"
"She's a waitress."
Lucius snorts, and asks, "Where at? I certainly hope it's not some sleazy tavern like Madame Circe's!"
I don't respond.
"Well? I asked you a question, Severus. Where does she work?"
"Madame Circe's," I say, plucking at a stray thread on the shirt.
"Well, it's certainly not the classiest of places, at least she's found something she's good at," Lucius sneers, shrinking down the shirt. I'm uncomfortable with how well it fits me now. I like my clothes to be baggy. The less people can see of me, the better. Lucius looks at the book on his bedside table while I change into his old pants. When I'm done, he wordlessly shrinks the pants to fit me.

As we walk back into the common room, I run my fingers nervously through my hair again, and, noticing how ragged it looks, Lucius exclaims, "What in Merlin's name did you do to your hair?!"
"I cut it! It was getting too long! My dad says I look like a girl with long hair!" I squeak.
"It's all choppy! Well, we don't have time to fix it now. I suppose we'll put it back and I'll see if Narcissa can't fix it after the party," he sighs, and says, "Stay," then goes back to get his hairbrush.
When he gets back and starts brushing my hair, I ask, "Is Narcissa coming?"
"She'll be meeting us there. She and Bellatrix are going together. I think they're doing their hair and makeup now, but we should go. I prefer to be punctual."
"What's punk-choo-uhl?"
Lucius and Rodolphus chuckle, and I look at the floor.
"If you're punctual that means you're on time to things. You don't arrive fashionably late like some ladies we know," Rodolphus says.
Lucius snickers, and says, "I don't know what you're washing your hair with, Severus, but it looks terrible. I've never seen such a dull, knotted mess in my life!"
What little confidence I had left leaves my body, and I mumble, "I only have soap."
Lucius sighs exasperatedly, "Merlin! No wonder your hair always looks like a rat's nest! Why are you washing it with soap?!"
"Shampoo's expensive, and we still gotta buy food."
"Oh!" Lucius exclaims, sounding surprised, "Is it really? I suppose you are rather small and skinny, and if your family has to choose between food and hygiene… Well, I suppose if you're good tonight, I'll give you some of my shampoo and conditioner when we get back, and before you go to bed tonight, you can wash your hair so it looks decent tomorrow."
"Thank you! I promise I'll be good," I respond meekly.
"Come along then, we don't want to be late!" Lucius pats my back, and pushes me gently towards the door to the common room. As we walk to Slughorn's office, I have to jog slightly to keep up with Lucius and Rodolphus.
"Lucius?" I pant.
"Yes?"
"Can you walk a little slower please?"
He looks back, and upon seeing me several doors behind him, he slows down a little, "We need to hurry, Severus, but I suppose we can afford to walk a little slower. Sometimes I forget you're so little!" He gives me a smile, and he and Rodolphus wait for me to catch up to him before setting off again.
"Lucius?"
"Yes?"
"What if I don't do good at the dinner party? What if Slughorn decides that he don't like me?"
"You mean what if I don't do well, and what if he doesn't like me, Severus."
"What if I don't do well?"
"And?"
"And what if he doesn't like me?"
"You will do well, and he already likes you. When he speaks to you, make sure not to mumble. Try to look him in the eyes and speak with conviction."
"Is that like a conniption?"
"What? Actually, I don't even want to know. Conviction means, well, it means to speak as if you know what you are saying and you are confident in yourself to speak well. Oh, remind me after the party— we need to work on your accent. You don't want to go around sounding like a mudblood for the rest of your life, do you?"
Looking at the floor, I shake my head.
"Great! I'm glad you agree! We'll start working on it tonight after you take a shower," Lucius smiles at me, and pats my back, "We'll fix you right up. We'll have you sounding like a pureblood in no time."

When we get to Slughorn's office, I can hear the music emanating from inside the closed door. My heart begins to beat faster.
"Deep breath, Severus. I'll be right there the whole time," and he pats me on the back. Then, we are walking through the door and Slughorn is greeting us. I am afraid, but I try to copy Lucius as best I can. I can't help mumbling a little, and I try to make eye contact, but I can't do it with adults. If I looked my father straight in the eyes, he would tell me I was disrespectful and would beat me, and I just can't. When we sit down at the big round table, I quickly check to see what Lucius and Narcissa are doing, and copy them.
When we go around the table and introduce ourselves, I try my hardest not to mumble or stutter, "I'm Severus Snape."
"Now, tell me, Severus, where are you from and what do your parents do for a living?" asks Slughorn genially.
"I'm from Cokeworth. My mum's a waitress and my dad works in the car factory there." I can feel my cheeks starting to turn red, and I look at my plate.
"Muggleborn, eh?"
"No, sir!" I say quickly, "my mum's a witch. She went here, too. Her name's Eileen Prince."
"Oh yes! I remember Eileen! Did she teach you how to brew such incredible potions?"
"Yes, sir. When my dad's at work and my mum's off, she lets me help her!" I look back up and chance a smile.
"Wonderful! I don't know why I didn't realize you were related to the Prince's before— you look so much like your mother! You know, I had asked your grandparents if I would be getting another Prince soon, but they said no! So cheeky! You must get to spend a lot of time with them and your Uncle Elliot!" and he smiles back at me.
I can feel my smile slide off my face, "No, sir," I mumble, looking down at my plate, "I've never met 'em before."
There is a short, awkward silence, then Slughorn clears his throat and says, "Well, I'm sure you'll meet them at some point. Anyways, Lucius, how is Abraxas doing? I haven't spoken with your father in a while!"
I glance quickly at Lucius for recognition, and he gives me a small pat on the back before responding to Slughorn.
Narcissa whispers in my ear, "It's okay, it's not your fault. The Prince's don't know what they're missing out on!"

After the party, as we walk back to the common room, Lucius pats me on the back and tells me that I did well. He tells me he knew I could do it. When we get back to the common room, I quickly shower and wash my hair with a little bit of Lucius' shampoo and conditioner. When I'm done, I go back to the common room to sit by the fire with Lucius and let my hair dry. When Narcissa sees me come in, she motions to her older sister, Bellatrix, to scoot over, and has me sit next to her. She sprays something nice in my hair, then combs through it. She has me hold a towel over my shoulders, then tries to fix my haircut. She says she likes doing hair, and that she would have trimmed it for me if I had asked. When she's done, my hair reaches just to my shoulders and has some shorter pieces around the front. She gives me a hug and uses a spell to vanish the cut hair from the floor. Lucius tells me to sit by the fire and throws me a blanket. Rodolphus, Bellatrix, and Narcissa head off to bed, and Lucius interrogates me about my weight, and tells me I must eat more, and that I need to gain weight so that I will not be so weak.
"I'm not weak," I state with some anger.
"Well, now that that's out of the way, let's work on that accent and your grammar. Why don't you try repeating after me?" he says, ignoring my anger.
"Okay," I retort.
"You mean, 'Okay!', like that, right? With a smile this time."
"Okay!" I repeat, pushing my anger down inside me and smiling.