Chapter 12 - Snotty Little Weirdos
Alana entered the library, her long hair shiny and clean and back to its original color. She wore what looked to Mitsuko like some sort of spacesuit.
"Well, you cleaned up well. You must have had a pretty-looking daddy, child; your ma's as homely as a mud fence."
"I love my mother and think she is pretty. I have a surprise for you. Come with me, Grandmother."
"Why do you call me that?"
"Because you're all the grandmother I'm ever going to have."
"Why are you dressed that way?"
"Because there's no atmosphere. I have a suit for you as well."
"What are you chattering about? Where are we going, girl? Speak up!"
"I seem to remember hearing about a little girl who wanted to visit the Moon."
"What of it?"
"I figured out later that she was you."
The old woman's words caught in her throat.
"So. That's where we're going. Right now." Alana walked over to her and took her arm. "We're taking my mother's ENDY. It will only take a few moments. And thank you, Grandmother, for naming her second-generation craft after me."
By this time, Mitsuko had regained at least some of her composure. "You're welcome, girl. By the bye, that hair color isn't as ugly as that coal-black stuff you smeared all over my sofa." She shook her head in wonder. "I'm going to the Moon. My dear Lord."
"Come along, my grandmother," Alana replied, smiling. She took Mitsuko Daitokuji's hand and led her out of the Mansion and into the sunshine.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The Honor of Your Presence is Requested
at the Bikreet for
Mitsuko Avaria Napolipolita-Daitokuji
1:00 in the afternoon
October 5
Napolipolita-Daitokuji Mansion
Graviton City, Japan
"Awwwwww A-ko, lookie! It's got a little baby Cygnan on the front of it! Too kawaii! Of course, they'd want their beautiful 'Lost Princess' to be there - do ya think I oughta wear my crown?"
"Dr. Stellamaris! We've been invited to the ceremony for the new Cygnette!"
"Eeyanna, that's not quite right. This baby is half-Terran."
"Ohhhhhhh. Well, what's this Bikreet all about, anyway? I've never been to one." Both the Doctor and the MedAssist were Pathfollowers - adherents to the monotheistic deity they called the Shotosarikan.
"It's the Great Mother cult's welcoming ceremony for infants. The baby is formally given her name at that time. I've never been to one, either. It ought to be a new experience for both of us!"
"Ohhhhhh. I see. Well, I'd better go buy a present! But what should I get for the baby who already has everything?"
Almah smiled. "I'm sure we can bring some flowers and perhaps a platter of Lemulan Vasa Crystals. You know how crazy Cap's girls are over those. I'll try to think of something else we can bring. I'm so glad the Captain and little Mitsuko are doing fine!"
"Yeah, after that unusually lo-o-o-o-ong and difficult birth, too - three and a half hours! Eenae, Shotosarikan!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
There had been no contact between the Daitokujis and Hikaru's mother during the months which followed their visit. Alana had continued to see her. The girl had been unfazed by her grandmother's comments; after a while, the old lady had stopped making them.
"What the holy tarnal hell is a Bikreet?" Hikaru's mother said to Alana, puzzled. "And why do my son and your mother want me - of all people - to come?"
"Look, Grandmother. I know you don't get along with them. But you and I get along fine. So you'll be my guest, you see. You don't even have to talk to them if you don't want to."
The old lady eyed her with suspicion. "Mmmm. Well. If I don't have to talk to that lavender-haired lunkhead and his - "
"Grandma! Don't talk bad. I love them."
"Humph."
"Are you ready?"
"As I'll ever be, child."
"I thought we'd take a short hop to Ganymede and Callisto. Too bad we've already run out of planets. Well, there's plenty of moons to explore."
"Why your mother won't let you warp outside the Solar System until you're older is beyond me."
"Come along, Grandmother - "
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sweet baby Mitsuko Avaria Napolipolita-Daitokuji had been born and received with great excitement by everyone - except Akana and Biko. Both had been jealous; Akana craved her mother's attention and Biko her father's.
The little mite had her sister Shiiko's aquamarine-colored hair and her father's blue eyes. Of course, her mother had gone back to work the day after her birth, wanting to show those weakling Terran women and those knuckle-headed males at the office what a Cygnan could do.
And now, the Mansion was alive with activity.
The Temple of Cybele - salvaged from the wreckage of the late great Egota Pallas Athena - was so clean that it shone. Former Cygnan soldiers were busy using magnolifts to decorate the tops of its Corinthian-like pillars. The gathering would be catered by the former chefs of the defunct Spaceship Hotel. Lorraine McTamoshanter - known to the fashion world as Lori McT - raced around giving directions in her syrupy Southern accent. Spy D (now Head of Security for the Napolipolita-Daitokuji Financial Group) made sure the grounds would be safe for all invitees. "After all, Cap'n, ya never know when terrorists or saboteurs might pop in for a visit," she had reminded her old friend.
Bikreet babies traditionally were adorned in soft yellow and blue wool gowns and caps, banded down by their forebears. The Kirlian attack which had destroyed her grandmother's Egota years ago also destroyed the little outfit once worn by her mother. Baby Mitsuko would wear her older sister Shiiko's outfit for the ceremony.
The Captain would wear a white tunic-like Leptonian garment; it was now being finished to perfection by the family seamstresses. It didn't much matter what Hikaru wore. Cygnans didn't pay much attention to Bikreet fathers, anyway. Fathers were superfluous in Leptonian society. It was nice if they were around, but it was also nice if they weren't.
One of little Mitsuko's guests of honor would be Theram Avaris, the Captain's father. An alcoholic Anatolian soldier who had abandoned his only child after the funeral of Alia Napolipolita, Theram had spent years alone, wandering the galaxy and drinking to ease his emotional pain. He had only recently been reunited with his daughter. Since the old man had been on the verge of liver failure upon his arrival on Earth, Hikaru had put him in the hospital and, with the help of Dr. Almah Stellamaris, had no doubt saved his life.
Since that time, he had lived at the Mansion and his daughter and he had made their peace with one another. His daughter had introduced him to her program of recovery. Thus, both were staying sober, a day at a time.
He was a tall gentleman with long straight white hair which he wore in a ponytail. He had dark eyebrows and chiseled cheekbones. It was primarily due to his engaging appearance that Shinobu Daitokuji had started making goo-goo eyes in his direction. Captain had laughed for days over the irony of it.
"Oh Sweet Cybele. And what does she call me? Drunkard - sot - barfly -! Don't even glance in her direction, Father," she had advised her father gravely. "She'll have a wedding ring bang slap on your finger, and a week later run off to Aruba with our gardener and the contents of your bank account." She had not told him that she had actually bodily threatened Shinobu. It had been an over-reaction and she had been tired to the death that day. However, Aysha was not stupid, and she had noticed her father's interest when Shinobu's name was mentioned. She had even heard that she had kissed him - once, and sort of by accident.
Well, she's ten years older than I am, after all; that nasty Shinobu's no spring chicken. My poor father grieved over my mother for decades. I should just back off and let him have some happiness - too bad the woman is such a colossal kakamatandula!
As an Anatolian - a resident of one of the seventeen planets in the Tauka Banesh System - Theram Avaris knew all about the Bikreet. He had attended Aysha's, of course. After invoking a blessing from the Great Mother, the attendees would go over to the infant's bed, located in the center of the Temple. Each of the six priestesses would take the child in her arms and move her first under, and then over the bed three times. This was frequently great fun for both baby and grown-up. This symbolized everyone's desire that the little one would conquer all obstacles in her life.
Her mother would then take her daughter to the altar at the far end of the Temple and present her to Cybele, the Great Mother Goddess, promising to raise her in the manner of her ancestors. Following that, the guests would cluck and fuss over the baby (and the mother as well; nobody gave a hang about the dad) and then settle down to a fine meal.
Everyone who was anyone - in either the Lepton Kingdom or Graviton City - had been invited. The guest list included the Magamis (Biko had loudly objected), C-ko and her foster parents, the Yuki family, Colonel Yashida, Mr. Director Zuma, Mayor Elden and his staff, NDFG business associates, and other assorted dignitaries.
Of course, Biko had already invited Asa, Ine, Ume, and Mari, making sure that they knew ahead of time that they would not be paid for making an appearance. "Allowing them to stuff their piggy faces is payment enough," Biko had growled, remembering that Mari in particular was an amazing trencherwoman. The last time Biko's flunkies had eaten at the Mansion, the huge schoolgirl had eaten an entire haunch of beef, a head of cauliflower, seven rolls, four glasses of iced tea, and three-quarters of a sheet cake for dessert.
"Like a hog at a trough," the heiress had snapped. "Next time, you jerks get ramen."
She was less than thrilled about the party. Of course, the up-side was that C-ko was coming. The down-side was that she would no doubt drag A-ko's sorry carcass along with her.
"That freep," Biko had complained about A-ko at the dinner table. "Can't we make her come down with the bubonic plague, or something?"
"Isn't she the girl who makes you cry all the time?" Hikaru asked over his Manichi Dailv News.
"I hope that the Best-Friend-of-our-Princess wears her bracers," her stepmother commented. "That kid wrecked my ship twice. If she messes up our party, I will personally slap her all the way to Saturn."
"You and whose army, Ma?" Atina replied. "She could wipe the floor with all of us put together without even breaking a sweat."
"She's not so - much," Biko said in a peevish tone.
"Yeah, what's with her?" Alana asked. "Is she a Terran Amazon, or something? I thought the patriarchies had destroyed all those women a long time ago."
"And what about those bracers? Didn't the ancient Amazons wear those?" Arisa added.
"I don't know," the Captain replied thoughtfully. "Of course, we did find out that our people had colonized this planet thousands of years ago. It wouldn't surprise me if the Amazons had in fact followed our customs." She turned and explained to Hikaru once more the myriad customs and traditions which made up what was called the Cygnan Way. "Today, our own soldiers wear such bracers as an indication of rank, and our civilians wear them to designate either their family or place of origin. "
Of course, you hocked yours for booze money," Biko said.
Her stepmother was busy feeding Mitsuko, and hadn't heard this remark. Daughter Number Three was quick to jump to her defense. "Hey Beekers," Atina replied cheerfully. "How would you like a quick trip to Saturn for yourself?"
"You and whose army, Algae-head?"
The Cygnettes laughed uproariously, not only at their stepsister's lame insult but also at her statement that they would need an army to defeat her.
"At least we don't have to wear a ridiculous strength costume," Arisa said.
"Oh, shut up."
"Thank the Mother I don't have jiggly thighs like you," Atina added.
"Shut up, I said."
"You look like Batgirl in that dumb strength outfit!" Akana remarked.
"Oh, stick it!"
"STOP it, girls." The stern voice of their mother caused a cessation - albeit a temporary one - in the hostilities.
Biko - rankled by the Cygnettes' mass attack and her stepmother's comment about A-ko being C-ko's best friend - sniffed at her stepsisters. "Don't make fun of the Akagiyama 21. It's one of my best efforts so far."
"Still doing research and development on it, Beekers?" Atina asked. "The last time you gave that sucker a test-hop you shot backwards, flew two miles in a spiral trajectory, and crashed into the pane-glass windows of the Graviton City Fish and Game Commission."
"Hee hee hee," Arisa snickered. "How appropriate, since the projectile was a Japanese birdbrain!"
"Girls, I said STOP it." Captain thought for a moment. "Oh, yes. I remember that. Glen Elden called and shrieked at me. As if it was my fault! What a dipstick that man is! Too bad my beam cannon was destroyed. I could have taken out City Hall with it."
"It wouldn't have, if you hadn't been blotto," B-ko murmured.
"BEEEEEEKOHHHH!" her father shrieked.
"I could have fixed it for you, Ma," Akana said quietly. Daughter Number Five had now been relegated not one, but now two, places away from the coveted position of Baby of The Family.
"And I know you could, my little baby! Will you help me later, getting Shiiko and Mitsuko ready for bed?"
"Sure, Ma." The child beamed and helped herself to another serving of fish.
This short hiatus gave the Cygnettes an opportunity to think up new and better ways to torment their stepsister. "What happened after that Mr. Mayor guy sent us that bill when Biko smashed up his building, Ma?" Arisa asked with a coy expression.
"Will you just drop it?" Biko snarled, threatening the girl with her salad fork. Upon private reflection, Biko had realized that it had been a mistake to antagonize and reject the Cygnettes after their arrival in Graviton City. They had twice the sass of their mother and were not afraid to reciprocate Biko's hostility toward them.
"Woooooooo hold me! I'm so frightened!" Arisa shrieked, clutching her throat.
"Oh no! I just wet myself in terror!" Atina added, falling dramatically to the floor.
"Get UP, Atita. Right now." Captain sighed and began to feed Shiiko. "Yes, he did send me a nasty letter. I turned it over to our lawyer, that kook Katie who yells at me for wearing her dark glasses. She wrote to Elden, more or less telling him to shove it, in nice legalese. Haven't heard from him since."
"Well, Ma, watch the silverware when he comes to the party."
"Hey, Daddy! If Biko keeps doing R&D on her biosuit, you can set up a special fund to pay for destruction to city property, like the high school!"
"I hate you so much, you snotty little weirdos!"
"Kiss our butts!" Atina fired back.
"That's enough, Atita," her mother scolded. "It's a wonder that Biko can even eat her supper."
"I was doing fine, until I looked up and saw your face," the heiress grumbled.
Once again, the Captain was busy with the babies, and hadn't heard Biko's latest slam. This time it was her husband who came to her defense. "BEEEEEEKOHHHH!" Hikaru shrieked once again, jumping up and down.
"OKAY! THAT'S IT!" Alana crowed. "NAPOLIPOLITAS - ASSEMBLE!"
All five Cygnettes pounced upon Biko. Baby Shiiko happily flung a dinner roll at her older half-sister, and nearly pegged her, too. The alien girls - through with their dinner, after all! - then scattered and ran, laughing hysterically and leaving a wake of debris behind them.
"Oh for the sweet Lord's sake!" Hikaru screamed. "Why can't they all get along?"
"Because your daughter is a nasty self-centered little twit, that's why," his bride replied smartly. "If I had my way, I'd send her to Space Academy Boot Camp. If she smarted off to one of our drill sergeants, they would knock her right into next week."
"Yap yap yap eeee woo!" Shiiko added, smearing strained rice in her hair and all over her mother's chest and arm.
Captain looked down and sighed. Deciding the mess wasn't worth cleaning up because the little girl still had to eat her pureed peaches, she handed Mitsuko (still in the crook of her non-befouled arm) to Hikaru. "I'm really worried about your mother. Do you think she'll tear into us and ruin our happy occasion?"
"What's to worry about, Dollface? She'll stay far away from us, and we'll extend the same courtesy to her. She can sip punch with Alana and gossip about us behind our backs."
"I wonder if she'll care that we didn't invite your sister."
"I think Mother would like that. Very much. She finds Shinobu every bit as annoying as we do."
"Actually, Ayshiu - "Theram Avaris said quietly. "I invited her. I am the child's namesake, after all, and - "
"Great Mother! That lavender-headed snipe? Oh, Father!"
Hikaru laughed. He got along very well with his father-in-law. "WO HO HO HO HO HO! Atta boy, old man!"
The former Captain turned on him and got nose-to-nose, her favorite domestic combat pose. "HIKARU TERU DAITOKUJI DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM! SHE'LL GET HIS MONEY AND TOSS HIM AWAY LIKE AN ORANGE PEEL!"
"I don't think so, Ayshiu," her father replied, calling her by her childhood nickname. "I don't have any money. And she knows it."
Captain threw her hands into the air. "Well, it's just a matter of time before she's after mine - or after Hikaru's - or - " She clenched her hands in her hair, which was a mistake because they were still covered with strained rice. "OOOOOH FATHER! COULDN'T YOU HAVE PICKED A BETTER LOVE INTEREST?"
"Now, Captain Weirdo," Biko said archly. "That's my line - "
"BEEEEEEKOHHHH!" her father shrieked once again.