Shepard arrives to his rooms after de-brief with the Illusive Man and hits the shower with a head full of thoughts. Well, mission Horizon was not the biggest success. Third of the colony down, Praetorian almost killed me, and Kaidan was not twice happy on collaborating with Cerberus. At least we got to kill a lot of husks. Illusive Man seems to count is as a success… I still do not trust him; we just have a common goal. But we did not have to discuss my relationship with Kaidan in the de-brief.
Of course, I wish he'd join me on the Normandy... I wish he'd join me in my cabin again. But it appears we have different opinions in the end. Like, I can't blame him on moving on after my death, right? At least I've still got rest of the team. Especially Garrus. His shooting skills are great, he always knows how to cheer me up. And he is nicely built for a turian… Ugghh, not again. I have so much other problems with defending galaxy from the Collectors, Shepard thought. Now it is not the best time to fall in love with a squad mate.
After shower Shepard lies on bed. But he is so fricking cool. You can recognize a good partner easily when they are fighting alongside you and you do not have a need to search for an escape. This is what a good partner feels like. Shepard brushes his hair. And his jokes. God, I like his jokes. And I can make him laugh too. We seem to understand each other.
What is so sexy about him anyway? Do I like his voice? Yes. Maybe it was his spiky head. It looks dangerous. Rebelish. Or his blue markings? Maybe eyes? Probably not, they are covered by visor most of the times. But definitely that scar. Cannot forget that moment on Omega… One second, I can't believe that he is the Archangel and then I'm saving his life again. I just could not just let him down.
Nah; his body? There is something about it, but he is not a human. It is a bit exotic. How does even human have sex with a turian anyway? I'm sure somebody already figured that out. Not mentioning same sex intercourse… Gonna find out.
Geez, I'm like a teenager. I should just tell him. The last thing I need is to have a clouded mind before hitting Omega 4 relay. I need to tell him. Even if that means he stops being so friendly. He will be still valuable crew member. But now I need to get some sleep.
Another colony attacked by the collectors. This time they have managed to rescue some colonists. A small victory in this war. Again, in the battlefield. Again, with Garrus. He was as sharp as ever. He could help but to look at him from time to time. He might have noticed, Shepard thought. He was looking at me too sometimes. At least I'd like to think of that. But Shepard had other things on his mind now. After deployment he went directly to his room. Not even speaking with Kelly. He only acknowledged her typical "Commander, you have the unread messages on your private terminal".
He needed time out. Alone. No Kelly, Liara or… Garrus. At his quarters, he locked his doors immediately. Commander took a deep breath and decided to hit a shower. Then he raised a tablet and tuned on encrypted connection. Why is this so difficult? I'd rather bring down a krogan than this, Shepard though staring at a blinking cursor in the search input. He typed in what he was so desperately searching for. But Shepard was not satisfied with extranet results on "turian x human intercourse". There was A LOT of videos, but all of them were unrealistic and nothing he have not already seen during his curious teenage years.
After browsing a few pages, he closed the connection and tossed the laptop away. This did not help. He needed to talk to someone. Dr. Chakwas could provide some help. We have already shared some stories from our past over a bottle of turian brandy. I'm sure she'd be discreet. Or at least not telling it to the entire crew at lunch.
It was almost before night schedule when he entered Dr. Chakwas office. She was finishing cleaning up the desk when he entered.
"Shepard, is everything alright?" she asked.
"Dr. Chakwas, I've got a – sensitive question to ask" Shepard asked a bit nervously as office doors closed.
"Oh, okay. How may I help you, Commander?" Dr. Chakwas sat down on the chair while Shepard rested against the wall.
"I was wondering- Is there a way- how to have safe and pleasant sex between human and turian?" This was not an ideal wording. This was not typical Shepard. He was searching for words. He can find the right words in front of Citadel Council, unifying several species together or improvising at the battlefield. Yet now he is speechless.
"Oh." She opened her eyes in surprise. "Well, yes of course. I may provide you some materials on turian anatomy. Basic rules are using condom which doesn't irritate turian skin and water-based lubricants only. Don't worry, she will-"
"Ehm, that is a detail I forgot to specify. I'm talking about a- male sex" That was a detail that he did not want to discuss further, hoping she won't immediately think I'm into Garrus.
"Oh." Doctor showed surprised face again, not so confident what to think about. "Well, the same rules apply basically. Maybe there will be needed some- compensation if you are going to- be the active one. I'm sure you can find a lot of these things on Omega, but Citadel stores should be also selling something. I may provide you some basic rations Cerberus stocked up."
She went to a cabinet and gave Shepard lubricant, turian safe condom and a powder. "Here, this is what I can provide to you from our stock. Always safe than sorry. I gonna send you the files with turian anatomy. You should be alright after going thru it."
Shepard took the things and thanked her. This was way more helpful than all extranet videos. Before leaving, he asked her to not spread the word about it among others.
"Don't worry, this will be another docker-patient secret. You may repay me with another brandy. And don't forget to relax!"
"Thank you doctor. I owe you a bottle. Good night," said Shepard. Without any other word he left back to his room, rather not looking how much Dr. Chakwas looked amazed by this situation.
Next evening, he decided to take an action. Today was the day to end the hesitation one way or the other. He needed to confess to Garrus. They both have spent a lot of time looking at each other. Bumping fists into arms. Racing and fighting together. Maybe Garrus felt the same way. Or Shepard just imagined he had a chance? Has Garrus played with him? He knows nothing about his preferences. They have never talked about previous partners. Does he like dicks or not? Is he into him? How big is his di-. Well, there go these thoughts again. But he needed to decide if he needs to move on or be with him.
Carrying old turian brandy he enters main battery room. Garrus is at the console, as usual.
"Hey Garrus, look what I've got" he shows and open the bottle.
"Can it wait for a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations."
"No, it cannot Garrus. I've got a lot to discuss. Last mission was a great success. You need to tell me more how you can aim so quickly not husks head with a sniper rifle" Shepard tries to hide his true reason as he pours first two glasses of brandy.
Garrus closes the console, "so you've come to finally learn from the master, listen carefully my boy…"
After some rounds, they are both a bit buzzed. Sitting next to each other at improvised sleeping quarter for Garrus – mattress at the back of main battery.
"Do you really like sleeping here? You know you can have better" Shepard asks.
"This is cozy. I like to make sure guns have top performance. And I sometimes enjoy being alone. Thinking, enjoying calm- "
"I get that. Sometimes the best thing is to lock myself I the quarters ad have some time alone. You know, laying down, browsing extranet-"
"Jerking off-" Garrus bumped his arm.
"Oh, shut up!"
"Don't say the great Commander Shepard doesn't do it. Everybody does that"
"… Hell, shall we have another round?" Shepard was still collecting a bravery to ask him what he meant. It was crazy. A hoard of Collectors, Cerberus or Reapers is a rose garden I comparison to this situation. He wanted just one thing. To not lose him.
"Nah, I've had enough. We should go to sleep." Garrus leaned on him. "Or you may finally split what's on your mind."
Shepard's raised an eyebrow. Did he know what I wanted to talk about? He decided to dodge his hit and try to get "I think I'm cool"
"Don't play me like a fool. You've wanted to have a drink to ease up. That's checked! Don't think I have not noticed you behave weird recently. You seem to be locked out in your quarters more and more often. Not mentioning you keep checking me out on each assignment. Last time you've spent more time staring at me than in the scope of your gun! Of course, I've noticed everything. We are alone here. So let me ask you once. What's wrong with you? If I would not know you, I'd guess you have a crush on me." Garrus seemed to be distressed too, Shepard couldn't tell if he's serious or just joking.
Shepard's hearth started to race. He'd rather fight a krogan hand to hand than this. "You got me. Alright… You are a great fighter, and I don't want to lose you. But over the time I have started to- to- to like you."
Shit, he said it. Almost.
"Okay…" Garrus crossed his hands and looked away, "And that's it? That is not a big deal, I like you too. You know how to fight- "
Shepard cuts him "That is not what I've meant. I mean like- I think I like you more- than a friend."
That was it. It is out. Shot was fired.
"I won't let this interfe-" Shepard started saving this situation, but Garrus cut his speech and fist bumped him in the chest.
"Shut up and kiss me" he pushed him, almost making him fall on the mattress while kissing him. For both of them it was a strange feeling. Turian and human tongue tasted so differently. Not in the wrong way, but it was so unique nothing could describe it. The grip and hold of their hands. Known from typical picking from the ground on battlefield, yet different. Chest to chest, different from sparring in practice ring.
"Shit, Shepard" Garrus looked on Shepard. Shepard was amazed by this flow of events ad just stared while Garrus tried to search for his words.
"I love you too. Spirits, this feels so good to let out. Don't care if that is unnatural, weird or just a PTSD. After your death I've realized that I didn't miss fighting on deployments with you. I missed you. And when you've showed up on Omega, I've decided that I gonna enjoy every second at any cost, not letting my feeling to betray me. I didn't dare to hope you'd feel the same".
"We are two hell of the fighters" Shepard said pulling Garrus into his arms, "and yet we even cannot express our feelings" They have exchanged another great kiss and a laugh.
"Tell me, how long have you known?" Garrus rested his head on Shepard's head.
"I started thinking about you once I've helped you track down Saleon. I thought I like you as a friend. But with each assignment we've been thru, I began to realize there was something more to it." Shepard touched Garrus scars "I couldn't sleep that night you took a hit on Omega when we met you as the Archangel"
"Here I am, hideous as ever" turian broke the hug and folded his hands.
"Oh, shut up! I've got bigger scars than you. I'll show you upstairs." Shepard started to make his way to the doors.
"Is that an invitation?"
"Yeah, I hope you won't spend another night here while I gonna lie alone in king sized bed"
"No, I'm gonna take up the whole bed!" They smiled and held their hands for some time before making their way to Shepard's room.
The elevator ride was one of the most exciting in the long time. What if somebody sees them? What would they think? But deep in the simulated night of silent cruising in space, no one was up at this hour. After arrival, Shepard gives Garrus a small tour around his cabin. Garrus admires his ship model display. But as soon as Garrus notices his bed, he goes down at it.
"Why do you have such a big bed? You know how crew pods are small?" Garrus jumps on the bed, almost breaking it under his weight
"Commander's perks. A lot of worries, a lot for comfort"
Garrus rubs his head against sheets and sights: "So soft and it has your smell."
Oh, shit. There are still the old sheets. Into the same one he often collapsed after a mission. Un-showered. Many times. "Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't change the sheets- I've "
"I love it" Garrus said thru the sheets, rubbing his head up and down the pillow.
"Well, that is something new. You've got a thing for smells?"
"Some turians do. Like me- Spirits." He digs his head into it even more.
Shepard joined him in bed and hugged him. He has never seen his this relaxed. Not sure if it was the alcohol or today's confession.
"I might be drunk but, this armor might be a bit tight for me. Can I take it off?"
"I don't expect you to sleep in your armor. Put it in the wardrobe. I guess you can make a room for yourself there."
"It is very comfy, most turians do that. You are always ready for combat. But it may be restricting in… some activities…" Garrus slowly takes off all his armor and puts it on the shelf in the wardrobe. Shepard takes clothes off too; he decides to keep only his underwear.
Here they were. Standing there. Without armor. Just in their underwear. Shepard noticed a bulge on Garrus clothes. This got out of the hand quickly.
"Oh, spirits. I've got so many questions right now." Garrus says laying into bed.
Shepard smiles, "Let's start with showing you my scars."