Notes:
The timeline of this scenario takes place after "You're My Great Escape" and "Lavender and Vanilla", but you could read it independently if you haven't read those two.
Originally inspired by the "Stop me" EO Weekly Ficlets prompt on Twitter, but it took on a life of its own. You know how that goes!
*Dick Wolf owns the characters, I'm just borrowing for fun.
*As always, please let me know what you think. Your kudos, comments, and feedback are so greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading - Enjoy!
Elliot has the day off. After this last case, Ayanna suggested, actually she ordered him to take a couple days. He hates when she does that because he doesn't really know what to do with himself when he's not working. Eli is at school, Mama's on a walk with a friend of hers from down the hall, and… Liv is at work. So, he's doing the only other thing that comes to mind - He's working out. He's on his one hundred and fourteenth push up when his phone rings.
"Hey Liv", he answers, popping up to his feet, catching his breath.
"Elliot?! Elliot… They're taking him to the hospital…" Olivia's voice is distressed, bordering frantic on the other line.
"What?? Who, Liv? What happened?"
"It's… It's Noah… They were doing some sort of obstacle course at his friend's house… He fell… They think he hit his head… Couldn't wake him up, so they called an ambulance… His arm might be broken, Elliot! He might have a concussion! Ugh, I was in Trenton on a case this afternoon and I'm on my way back now, but… Elliot…" she sucks back a sob of guilt. Trenton is 70 miles from Manhattan…
Before she can continue, he asks, "Which hospital? I'll go… Just meet me there".
"Bellevue…" She says breathing a drop of relief.
"I'm leaving right now", he says, grabbing his keys and wallet from the table by the door.
"Okay…" she chokes on another breath.
"Olivia, listen to me. He's gonna be okay", he heads down the hallway to the elevators and hears the engine of her SUV roar as she steps on the gas. "You said they called an ambulance. The paramedics know what they're doin', you know that. He's in good hands. Just breathe, focus on driving safely so you make it there in one piece, okay? We don't need both of you in the ER".
"Yeah… okay, okay", She hangs up.
He pulls open the door of his Explorer and plops down on the seat, taking a moment to collect himself, because he plans on driving like a bat out of hell. He's only spent a handful of times with Noah since he and Liv started this thing they're doing, but his heart already beats for this kid like as much as it does for his other five. The stringent ache to be there for him in this time of need is the same. On the way to the hospital, he breaks several laws, including turning on his lights and siren to get through traffic. His only incessant thought, get there.
Liv chucks her phone onto the passenger seat and tries to quell her anxiety as she fixates on the road and just getting there. Problem is, she's stifling her breaths and swallowing the thick lump in her throat, which is just making it worse. She grips the steering wheel, her knuckles turning white and she checks the ETA on her nav system - 50 minutes away… 40 if she speeds.
"Uggggh", Olivia groans from her chest. She didn't even need to come all the way out here on this call today, but she and Amanda had been having a much needed heart-to-heart beforehand. She thought she might like some company on the long drive and they could finish catching up. She also really wanted to get out of her office for the first time in over a week. She begins to seeth, feeling trapped. There's nothing more she can do, but sit with resentment for herself, and her own self-deprecating thoughts. The little voice of shame and self-doubt creeps up on her. Mother of the year award goes to... She slams her fist on the steering wheel and screams through her clenched teeth as tears begin to flow.
Elliot arrives at Bellevue in less than ten minutes. He parks and sprints inside, pushing past other visitors and practically accosting the check in desk. "I'm here to see Noah Benson", he blurts out before the woman at the desk can even ask him why he's there.
"We don't have anyone by that name, sir", she says, visibly annoyed already.
"He's… He's coming in by ambulance. They said he'd be here…" He says.
He hears the ambulance bay doors open, catching the movement from his peripherals. Then he sees it, the paramedics entering with a young boy on a gurney, and his eyes widen, Noah, "Noah"! He calls, running across the room.
A tall, brawny nurse, Jack, intercepts his path, "Sir, you can't come back here".
"That's Noah Benson, I'm here for him. I'm supposed to meet him here. His mom is on her way", he tries to go around him.
"Sir, you can't…" Jack grabs Elliot's arms so hard he feels the bruises forming, wrong move.
"Stop me…" Elliot growls, searing a glare into Jack's face.
"You need to check in at the front desk. Only the family can go back with the patients, sir. Are you his dad?" He continues.
"Yes…Yes, I am! Please…", Elliot pleads, "… let me go with him".
He knows he probably shouldn't do this but… "Okay… okay. Follow me", Jack concedes, releasing his grasp.
He leads Elliot around the corner to Noah's curtain, where he's already being assessed. "You can wait right here until they're ready for you".
Elliot watches as they work on Noah, and his heart aches at the sight of his limp little body being handled and poked. He turns his head to see a woman standing next to him watching the scene unfold. "Did you come here with him?" He asks.
"Natalie, Roman's mom. Noah was at our house, I rode with him in the ambulance". She says, her voice laced with guilt. He nods and thanks her - Says she can take off, that he would wait with Noah until Liv gets there. Better run while you can, lady. Mama bear will be here soon, he thinks.
Noah wakes shortly after Natalie leaves, looking around - He seems confused and Elliot's heart squeezes in his throat again. He steps closer, restraining his urge to run to him. The doctor looks up at Elliot and nods, and in an instant he's by Noah's side taking his hand, "Hey Noah, it's Elliot. I'm here buddy".
Noah turns his head toward him, eyes heavy, smiling big and groggy, "Elliot…" He furrows his brow a little, "Where's Mom"?
"Almost here, she got stuck in traffic", He squeezes his hand.
"Okay", he smiles again and then frowns, "I fell…"
"I know. It's ok, buddy. It was an accident - Just glad you're okay", Elliot says.
Noah nods sleepily and closes his eyes again.
"You just get some rest and we'll be right here when you wake up". I'm not going anywhere.
Liv arrives in the waiting area, out of breath from her run through the parking lot. She scans the waiting room for Elliot, who is nowhere to be found. Dammit, Elliot where are you?? She checks in at the front desk, "Noah Porter Benson, please. I'm his mother, Olivia Benson".
The charge nurse, Jade, leads Olivia back to Noah's bed and tries to ease her panic, "He's just fine, honey…", and Olivia thinks God bless nurses and their affinity to nurture literally everyone.
"Don't worry, it looks like his daddy got here first. Been with him the whole time", Jade warmly continues.
Liv stares at her, his daddy? Acid turns in her stomach again because, well… as far as she knows, his father is dead. Where the hell is Elliot and who is in there with her son??
When they arrive, Jade says fondly pulling back the curtain, "See"?
It hits her like a freight train, the picture laid out before her. Noah is sleeping peacefully, his slender little arm in a temporary brace. Elliot is sitting by Noah's side, holding his good hand, rubbing the top of it, his eyes glued to his face. When he hears the curtain, Elliot looks back, brows furrowed, then raises them in relief when he sees her.
Liv raises an eyebrow at him and shakes her head a little, "Hi… Daddy", she whispers. You've got some explaining to do, she tells him silently.
"I'll give you folks a few minutes. The doctor will be back shortly", Jade says, repositioning the curtain.
"Thank you", they both echo.
When they're alone, he stands and attempts to explain, "About that… I'm sorry, Liv. They wouldn't let me see him when I got here, and then they asked if I was his dad so I said 'yes' because I— he's… He needed me, I couldn't leave him".
She interrupts him by throwing her arms around his shoulders, and burying her face in his neck with a heavy sigh, "Thank you. Just… Thank you. Thank you", she chokes out, squeezing him tighter.
"You're not mad?" He asks, burrowing his nose in her hair.
"No, no I'm not mad…", She whispers, releasing him just as Dr. Lee comes in again. She informs Liv that Noah is going to be just fine. He has a broken arm, and a minor concussion. He's going to need surgery on the arm and will need to stay overnight. Noah asks some questions about what surgery is going to be like, and Dr. Lee explains everything to him - Tells him he'll have a cool cast to show off after. Suddenly he's the bravest kid in the place, and he can't wait to tell his friends all about it.
Her stomach turns at the thought of her child needing surgery, but she knows it's necessary, and he seems to be handling better than she is. She thanks the doctor, and when she leaves, Olivia moves to the side of Noah's bed and kisses his forehead. She puts one hand on the crown of his head, stroking his temple with her thumb. Elliot sits taking Noah's hand again, and Olivia puts her other hand on top of theirs. Olivia tries to give him her calm, and Elliot says a silent prayer.
They stay like that, until they come to get him for surgery. "I love you, my sweet boy. You'll be done before you know it, and I'll be right here when you get back", She says in his ear.
"Love you, Mom. Don't worry, I got this. Will Elliot be here, too?" He asks her.
"Elliot will be here too", she whispers, looking back at El as they wheel him down the hall to the OR. Noah gives her a big thumbs up and starts chatting with the nurse who's pushing his bed.
Elliot comes up behind her and takes her hand, "Come on, let's go for a little walk. He's going to be busy for a while".
"Okay, yeah", She knows they have a couple of hours to kill but she can't bring herself to move from the spot she's standing in, so he tugs her a little and she follows down the hall.
"I'm sorry I interrupted your day off", Olivia finally says as they head outside for some fresh air. Lucy is on vacation with her fiancé this week and Fin was out on this call with us, and…"
Her people. All of her people were busy with their own lives, and she was left begging Elliot for help. God, she feels like an idiot.
He tightens his lips into an empathetic smile, "Want to grab some coffee or tea here? We can sit and talk?" He points to the cafeteria they approach.
"Sure", she nods.
As they sit with their cups at the corner table, looking out at the rest of the dining area, Olivia sees other families sitting sporadically throughout, and a wave of heartache washes over her.
"Liv, I'm sorry all of your people were busy today. I know this was scary", he scoots closer to her.
"Terrifying", she nods again, staring at the tea bag floating in her cup.
She can't help but recall the time when Noah was a baby, and in the hospital for several days. She was a new mom, still figuring it out, but she still remembers the sick to her stomach feeling that persisted the whole time. The extra weight of loneliness she felt was excruciating. Elliot can see her gears turning, "What's on your mind, Liv?"
She sighs with a sad smile, "When Noah was a baby, he got really sick. The flu - He was in the hospital, this one actually, for days because he has respiratory issues. I… I was so scared. I didn't know how to handle it, I felt so helpless. I couldn't do anything for him, I couldn't fix it, I felt like I was just getting in the way. I had a new chief at the time who was putting a lot of pressure on us to catch this perp… Anyway, I did what I knew… I kept going to work… Distracting myself while my son was alone, fighting for his life. Lucy stayed with him part time, and my old partner's mother relieved Lucy, but you can imagine, that didn't go over well with the social worker. See, Noah had evidence of broken ribs from abuse he had endured before he was in my care. She wasn't happy that I had left to go to work, and wanted me to know that my absence from the hospital would be 'noted in his file'. Of course, I knew about his history, and he was thriving with me, but I was so afraid they were going to take him from me after that", She wipes the tear escaping down her cheek.
God, he's missed so much…
Elliot puts his hand on her back as she continues, "All of my self doubt came creeping back in, wondering if I was cut out for this. If they made the right choice by placing Noah with me… I was flooded with memories of all the reasons the adoption agency had turned me down in '08 when I had looked into it, remember? Single woman, job with demanding hours. They didn't see me as prime parent material, so I thought, why would it be any different now?"
"Of course they made the right call placing Noah with you. Liv, that boy won the lottery havin' you as a mom", Elliot leaned in, speaking softly within their little bubble there in the cafeteria.
"Trust me… I won having him as a son. I… I know we're good now, but it was a bumpy road at first and sometimes I still have my doubts".
"That's parenthood, sweetheart. We're all just doing our best, trying to figure it out as we go. Can't fault anyone for that", he says. "Hey, look at me, please", meeting her eyes. "Liv, I want you to remember that you have me now too. And Mama, and all of my kids if you ever need anything".
"I know, I just hate to bother anyone…"
"Hey", bumping his forehead to hers, "Nowhere I'd rather be, remember?" He whispers, squeezing her hand.
She smiles and nods back, "I know that now. I've been doing this by myself for so long, Elliot. It's going to take time for me to trust that. I want to, believe me… You understand that, right?"
He can feel the sting of guilt riddled tears threatening to arise behind his eyes, "I know. I do understand, and I'll spend the rest of my life making up for it. More than, if you'll let me. I love you, and I love that funny, sweet, brilliant kid of yours so much. I'm not going anywhere until the good lord decides he wants me back".
Well shit, now she's crying. "Okay, okay, Elliot Stabler. I'm starting to believe you", she laughs a little to diffuse her tears. "We love you too… So much", she kisses him for the first time today, and then leans back in her chair. "Let's go back up and see if they have an update on Noah's surgery".
"You got it, Captain", he smirks as he stands.
"Ooooh, we need to make a pit stop at the car. Noah's teddy bear is in the back seat. He'll want "Teddy" when he wakes up", she says playfully.
Elliot smiles and pulls her into his side as they walk to the car. He's so proud of the way she loves her son, and he hopes she's willing to let him try to love her, them, the way they both deserve. God knows he's not giving up again.