Broken

Hello there, it has been a while since I put up something new and admittedly this had been sitting on my laptop for a while but I only just got to finishing it. But what matters is that it's here, so enjoy!

Disclaimer: Miraculous doesn't belong to me.

Marinette lay on her bed curled up in a ball, her arms wrapped around herself, completely ignoring her phone that had been ringing ceaselessly for over five minutes. Once it was quiet she picked it up and looked at the screen to see yet another missed call from her best friend. That made eight now. She looked at that number with a numb expression. She knew Alya was trying to check up on her since she was clued in on everything but, Marinette was in absolutely no mood to talk to her or anyone for that matter because that meant facing her feelings, confronting her pain and admitting once again that she'd lost.

Admitting how dismally she'd failed.

Her mind was already doing an excellent job of reminding her of what had happened. This is what you get for trying to control everything, for never accepting help when it was almost always offered to you. You never let anyone in, you stopped letting him in. If he hates you now, you definitely deserve it. That's how it had been in her head non-stop for two days now. She'd skipped school and told her parents she was feeling sick. They'd check in on her and bring food but they mostly left her on her own, at her request, saying she just needed more rest. And yet sleep never came easily to her. That was the other reason Alya had been blowing up her phone.

Tikki had been concerned about Marinette right from the start, since that day. The Kwami's heart broke at hearing her holder's constant sobs and self-berating.

"Marinette..."

"You've already tried telling me this isn't my fault, Tikki, but it is." she opened her tear-filled eyes and raised her head to look at her Kwami. "How am I supposed to fix this? We couldn't even defeat Shadow Moth when he only had the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculous and now the only ones he doesn't have are Cat Noir's and mine." she lay back down, "And what do I have? Nothing, just an empty Miracle Box and the fact that I'm a failure."

"You're not in this alone, you and Cat Noir are a team. He's always been there for you and he won't stop now, you can do this."

Marinette wanted so badly to believe those words, to believe in herself but, this loss was unlike any of the others. The pain and emptiness that enveloped her was too strong, almost suffocating. She put her hand on her chest and felt her heartbeat, trying as hard as she could to absorb those words. But it felt like her mind put up an entire barrier, a brick wall in front of her whole self so that not even the slightest spec of hope could enter, nor could it be produced from within.

She was completely hopeless.

She stared blankly at the wall in front of her as tears left her eyes. She didn't have the energy to stop them.

She picked up her phone again to check the time, it was late, almost midnight. Might as well try to get some sleep. Try. Marinette closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep not too long after.

...

Sunset. The most beautiful time of day to her and even more so when spending it with the person she loved. Marinette and Adrien were enjoying the spectacular colours of the sky caused by the setting sun by the Seine, each with one of Andre's ice cream delights in their hands. The best way she could describe this moment with him was dreamy. She felt so content and her chest so full that she thought she'd burst with happiness. Adrien reached down to hold her hand and Marinette was shocked by the sensation, and not just the fact that Adrien wanted to hold hands, but the fact that his hand was freezing. Why would his hand be so cold? She looked up at him and saw something flash in his eyes, something was wrong.

Her blood ran cold in her veins as she realised why. It wasn't Adrien looking at her at that moment, it was Felix. She jumped away from the bench as if it had burned her and backed away from him. No no no, anyone but him. She felt her heart thundering in her chest as he stood up after, his face looking so innocent and calm but she wouldn't fall for it. Never again. He walked towards her and smiled,

"Are you alright, Ladybug?" he asked.

Ladybug? Why would he call me that, there's no way he knows—

But when she looked down at herself she was indeed in her Ladybug costume. When had she even transformed?

Felix kept getting closer and closer.

"You dropped your ice cream, should I fetch you another?" this time his innocent smile turned to a sadistic smirk, a wild look in his eyes as he held up her yo-yo.

Ladybug broke out in cold sweat and tried to calm her breathing but she struggled to take in air as if he was stealing the very oxygen from her lungs.

"S-Stay away from me!" she struggled to say. She continued to back away until she bumped into something, when she turned around she was met with an even worse sight. Shadow Moth stood behind her, holding her yo-yo that Felix had held a few seconds ago. She felt trapped as now both of them approached her. And this time Felix was Flairmidable, deceiving her yet again. Tears stung the corners of her eyes and she held her hand to her chest, feeling her legs tremble as well.

"I can't, I can't do this!" she looked around frantically for a way out but couldn't find any until she noticed a spot of black in the distance. "Cat Noir! Please, I need your help! I'm sorry for always leaving you out!" but her words fell on deaf ears, Cat didn't so much as move an inch to try help her.

Shadow Moth stood right in front of her and spilled all the Miraculous at her feet, a triumphant sneer on his face. All the jewels lay on the ground, damaged and discoloured and she knew the Kwami within were gone as well. With shaky hands Ladybug scooped up a few Miraculous and let out a scream that came right from her soul. Tears streamed down her face as she cried like she'd never cried before, choking on her own sobs.

...

Marinette shot up from her bed and frantically looked around her room, tears blurring her vision and her breathing erratic. Her trembling hands gripped the bedsheets as she took deep calming breaths.

Another nightmare.

How many did that make now? She'd lost count or maybe she hadn't been counting at all but the point was that it had been the norm recently. After a few minutes she'd finally calmed down enough to try go back to sleep. Hopefully another nightmare wouldn't plague her.

The days and nights blurred together in a messy grey colour. There were no endings or beginnings just time continuously moving forward. The setting sun was her indication that it was almost time for patrol. Oh no, how many patrols had she missed? How many days has it been? Was Cat Noir upset with her for blowing him off so many times? Marinette sighed as she sat up and transformed, ignoring the pounding headache she felt and the gaping hole in her stomach. She looked at her gloved arms and legs and felt the mask over her eyes. She closed her eyes and the first thing that came to mind was her on her hands and knees, crying in his bathroom; hoping, praying that she hadn't lost everything.

She balled her hands to fists and willed the tears back, she didn't want to cry again. Once she'd calmed down she noticed that her yo-yo chimed with a few messages. Of course he'd tried to contact her, she'd been off the radar for days. She didn't listen to the messages, she'd rather go see him now and see what he had to say but that didn't mean she wasn't nervous.

She climbed out to her balcony and leapt off the railings, swinging through the air. She couldn't deny that her heart had missed this. The freedom she felt while soaring was indescribable, the wind sweeping back her bangs. She took a deep breath as she did a flip before launching her yo-yo once again. For the few minutes she spent travelling to their rendezvous point, she'd felt the closest to normal in a long time.

Ladybug landed atop the Eiffel Tower, taking in the picturesque sunset sky of gold and pink. Maybe she should've come outside sooner, a ghost of a smile formed on her lips. But then her heart sank when she heard someone land behind her, his surprised gasp making her heart skip a beat.

"Ladybug?" he said her name so delicately. It's now or never Ladybug. She turned around and faced him.

There he was, her partner, her best friend, the person who'd been her number one supporter right from the start. Cat Noir looked at her with wide eyes but she could see some relief in them—a much better reaction that she'd expected. For the longest time all they did was look at each other. Ladybug's heart was racing as was her mind but she was rooted on the spot like him. Oh, how she wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and never let go. She knew his embrace could melt away the frigid nightmare she was going through on her own that encased her body. He'd always been able to pull her out but, what if he couldn't this time? She still didn't know where she stood with him and what if instead of pulling her out, she pulled him in and dragged him down with her, into that endless pool of failure and mistakes.

Her hand— which she'd raised, longing to reach him, to touch him— fell back to her side. Feeling the weight of his gaze, she looked outwards and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Hey, Kitty Cat..." her voice was low, almost timid, "You're probably surprised to see me since I haven't really been around—

She hadn't even seen him move but before she could finish speaking, his arms were around her middle, holding her against him. Less than five seconds had passed yet she felt like everything was the way it was supposed to be. She was expecting to be called out, for him to be upset with her but no. Here he was, not a drop of anger but of concern instead. Their first meeting in days and he was holding her like she was the most important person in the world. She wrapped her arms around him and nuzzled her face into his neck, new tears forming in her eyes. Her madly racing heart was pressed against his and matched her erratic rhythm. Was he scared too? He'd answered her as if he'd read her mind.

"I thought I'd never see you again." his voice spoke clearly into her ear. His words felt like a knife in the chest and she held him tighter, her fingers caressing the back of his head.

"I'm sorry… about everything." she could feel him shake his head. Gosh it felt so good to be in his arms, she felt so safe, his embrace warming her completely.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." he pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes, she'd missed those stunning green eyes of his.

After they'd ended the hug and Ladybug wiped away her tears, they looked down towards the city. They decided they'd meet back and talk about everything once they'd finished their patrol. They looked at each other one last time before jumping down to do their duty.

Xxx

Cat Noir had returned first but Ladybug wasn't too far behind. He watched her swing all the way up and land right beside him. Both looked at each other then looked away just as fast— she was waiting for him to ask and he was trying to figure out how to start.

"Did you get my messages?" he decided to start there. Still not quite meeting his gaze, she answered.

"Yes but only today since its the first time I transformed since then. I haven't listened to them though, I know I should've but, I thought it would be easier to talk to you now instead. Also..." her voice got quieter, "I thought you'd be angry with me and I didn't want to face that. But I'm here now so if you still want to yell at me then now's your chance."

"Ladybug—

"I mean why wouldn't you be, I ruined everything." her words kept tumbling out before she could stop them, and she wasn't even sure she wanted to.

"M'lady—

"I even pushed away the very person who was trying to help all along. Why wouldn't you be mad?"

"M'lady, enough." he'd moved closer to her and put his hands on her shoulders and looked her directly in the eyes. He couldn't bear to hear her talk about herself that way. Every time she blamed herself, he felt a pinch in his chest. His eyes matched his voice, asking, pleading for her to stop. Please, just stop.

"No..." she said calmly before taking a breath, her resolve to hold it together slipping away at break neck speed. "It'll never be enough because I'm not enough!" she felt something inside her break when she'd admitted out loud what she'd feeling for so long now.

"I'm scared, okay? No, it's even more than that, I'm not just scared, Cat, I'm terrified of what's to come." she wiped away the tears as they kept coming. "When we started being superheroes, I made a promise to the city that we'd always be around to protect them. But now Shadow Moth has made his own promise. He's not going to stop hunting us, he's not going to stop using other people until he gets our Miraculous and I basically handed him all the others. I've made a lot of mistakes but this is by far the biggest one! I'm so tired and I just… can't. I've been having nightmares ever since and I've been avoiding everyone around me because I don't even know who I can trust anymore. I can't take it." she buried her face in her hands.

Cat Noir was stunned into silence. Everything else around him felt like background noise. All he could hear was the sound of Ladybug crying and it shattered him, just like it had the first time. "Ladybug..." whatever words he'd wanted to say died in his throat, he felt helpless but he hoped that letting out her feelings would at least help her in some way.

He couldn't, however, stop the sharp claws of guilt that began tearing throughout his body. He had a part to play in their loss, in her pain, in her current state. Unknowingly and unwillingly as it may have been, he'd contributed to all this when he'd agreed to swap places with Felix. Yes, yes he reminded himself over and over again about Risk's part to play in his decisions –as well as not knowing that Felix had his own agenda right from the start— but his guilt monster dug its claws deeper and deeper into him. He couldn't change the past but he could, at the very least, help his lady get through this and perhaps even convince himself as well that they could win this battle.

Ladybug was about to say something but suddenly her vision blurred and dizziness took over as she fell forward. Cat's eyes widened before he reached out to catch her. Sitting on the floor with her head against his chest, Cat Noir noticed just how out of sorts she looked. Her cheeks were flushed and her skin was pale. And she'd looked this way even before she'd broken down in front of him.

"What's wrong, M'lady? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." she tried to answer nonchalantly but the pain showing on her face due to her throbbing head did little to convince him. That paired with the fact that she had no energy because she was beyond starving meant she was anything but fine. "I'm just tired and I forgot to eat before coming here."

"When was the last time you ate something?"

"Uhm..." she tried to remember. Wait a second, when was the last time she'd eaten something? She remembered her parents bringing up her food but didn't remember actually eating it. "I think, dinner."

"Dinner? As in yesterday?" she slowly nodded. Well no wonder she'd fallen over. There was no way she could go on like this. "I think we should call it a night and head home so you can get something to eat—

He'd half helped her up when he felt her tense in his arms. "No please, not yet." she lowered her head and felt her chest tighten. "I don't… want to go back to that silence," Cat Noir looked at her with worried eyes. "I don't want to be alone again."

He sighed softly, understanding how she felt. He was definitely doing a lot better than before he got his powers but, there would always be times when loneliness would creep back in and weigh him down even though he had Plagg. He thought for a moment before deciding on an idea.

Ladybug was looking out over the city, waiting for Cat Noir to return. He'd told her he'd be right back before hopping off the railing. That had been ten minutes ago. Just as she was beginning to wonder when he would return, she saw a black figure quickly ascending. He'd landed right where he'd been before leaving and he hadn't returned empty-handed. He held up a basket with a blanket sticking out.

Xxx

The two heroes sat shoulder-to-shoulder on the blanket Cat had brought with him. Ladybug finally felt like herself again, after having a proper meal. They'd had an impromptu picnic atop the Eiffel Tower, she smiled to herself feeling like life itself was retuning to her limbs, and her head was clearing, now that her stomach was full and she'd had something to drink.

"Thanks, Kitty Cat, you always come through for me." she smiled and rested her head on his shoulder, feeling drowsy.

"You feeling better?" he leaned his head against hers.

"Definitely." her smile widened. "It's been a while since we spent time like this, just the two of us enjoying the night after patrol. I'm sorry about that." she lifted her head to lie back on the blanket and look up at the stars.

"You already apologised for that. I'm not upset but I did miss you, though." he said that last part as he lay on his right side, leaning his head on his hand, watching her watch the sky.

"I missed you, too." she looked away from the sky to meet his gaze. Their eyes still focused on each other, Cat Noir reached out to her, his hand resting gently on her cheek. She placed her hand over his and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm really scared, Cat." she turned her body to face his and moved closer. This was different from when she'd said it earlier. Right now they were closer, emotions bare and Cat Noir could feel the difference. Earlier she'd been looking to just let out all her feelings because they'd been bottled up for so long and maybe get some reassurance as well, but now that all the weight from then had been addressed, she was looking at him differently.

He was being strong for her and they both knew it, supporting her no matter how much pressure he was under and she wanted to help alleviate it. He was right there, right in front of her, so close it would be more than easy enough to pull him into a hug. And as they remained as they were and as she'd said those words, she was giving him an invitation to let his walls fall the same way he'd given her that chance.

He understood her message loud and clear.

"I'm scared, too." he sighed deeply, he'd finally admitted it out loud and as soon as he had, Ladybug closed the distance between them and held him close in a hug that was just as much for him as it was for her. Cat Noir didn't hesitate to hug her her back.

Once again they were in each other's arms, the world below them carrying on while they were in a world of their own. A world that only consisted of each other, a world where they could easily drift off in the embrace of the other, and that's exactly what they did.

Cat Noir had been the first to wake. Unaware of what had woken him, his ability to stay asleep varied from time to time, but all he knew was that he wasn't in his room. He slowly opened his eyes and saw the head of midnight blue hair just below and then realisation hit him like a truck. We're still up here.

He and Ladybug had embraced and in their established comfort in each other, they'd fallen asleep. But for how long? It was still completely dark out so they hadn't slept through the night at least, that would've been all kinds of complicated. Well whatever time it was, they'd been out long enough, any longer and they might as well just expose themselves to their families. Cat Noir already didn't want to leave her side and worst of all, now it was up to him to wake her and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

She looked so peaceful and content, her features soft and most of all, they were still holding on to each other. Her arm was still around him, as was his around her, and her head was resting against his chest. A person was at their most vulnerable when they were asleep and he felt his heart leap at the thought of her being comfortable enough to be this way with him. He wanted nothing more than to remain like this, holding her protectively against him, shielding her from whatever could do her harm and warming the parts of himself he thought frigid with the calming warmth she seemed to never run out of. Gosh, he loved her so much. He smiled to himself as he caressed her check and softly said her name to wake her. After his third attempt, she stirred and slowly opened her eyes.

Ladybug opened her eyes to her partner looking down at her with a warm smile, not a bad way to wake up, she thought to herself. Wait a second…

"Did we fall asleep up here?" she sat up first then Cat followed.

"We did." he chuckled before a yawn escaped his lips.

"Wow, we really should head back." Ladybug said before she reached for his wrist before he stood up, "Before we go though..." she cupped his face and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. Cat's eyes widened as soon as her lips touched his cheek and his heart raced. When she pulled away, they were both looking at each other, smiles on their faces, eyes filled with the things they couldn't express.

To return the gesture, Cat took her hand that was still on his cheek and brought it to his lips. A breath she didn't know she'd been holding escaped her lips as she watched him. He pressed a gentle kiss to the palm of her hand, the hand that had reached out to him so many times.

They knew this had to end, that they had to go back, but for a few extra minutes, Ladybug and Cat Noir decided that the world could wait, that for just a while longer they could be selfish and enjoy each other's company more.

For Marinette who now sat in front of her partner as the hero she was, this night was desperately needed. She knew deep down that she still felt broken and that maybe she might never forgive herself for what had happened but here with him, it didn't hurt as much.

Neither of them knew what the days ahead would bring and it would be futile to try and guess but, so long as they had each other, maybe everything would turn out okay in the end.

And that's the end of this oneshot. I don't know about you guys but S4 finale came for my neck haha, my mind was like wait what? But in the midst of all that I started thinking and that lead to this fic. Like as time has passed and no new threats have appeared, alone with her thoughts what is Marinette going through and etc. So I hope you enjoyed this little piece.

Well that's it from me-

Until the next story:

Ketsui Tasogare :-)