Ready to see
Summary: Post-Obi-Wan Kenobi TV series (spoilers) Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi. Qui-Gon guides Obi-Wan on Tatooine.
"Master?"
"Here, Obi-Wan."
"I can't see you."
"It's not always easy to keep my physical form. It's taken me many years to achieve what I will teach you."
"Why are you here now? I've been reaching for you for so long."
"You were disconnected from the Force, hidden from it's comfort and safety. I've always been here, you just had to find yourself again. You were not yet ready to see."
"I was so lost, Master."
"I know."
"I let him live. Again. Anakin… Vader."
"It is who you are, Obi-Wan. It has always been who you are. Compassion when others choose violence."
The ghostly form of Qui-Gon Jinn finally took it's slightly-blue shape in front of where Obi-Wan stood. The former student's face softened and he breathed out a chest-deep vibrating sigh.
"There you are. Seeing your face after so long. After being alone and desolate. Master Qui-Gon, I've so many failures, I can't begin to make up for them and…"
"No. Not failures. I have watched, Obi-Wan. I have seen you do the impossible. I have seen your kindness and your need to love and protect. Your compassion. None of that is failure. Anakin chose his own path. He chose evil, darkness. You chose light. I could not be more prouder of you, my Padawan."
Obi-Wan absently wiped away the blurry vision that was now clouding his blue eyes. Saving Leia. Violent battles with his former apprentice, his brother, now Vader. Forgiving Reva. Loss and tragedy within every ounce of who Obi-Wan was… but somewhere inside, the tiniest twist of hope. Seeing Qui-Gon, having him here, even in this ghostly form, it would be enough. Training again. Learning how to crossover when his time in this galaxy was done. Simply having the company of another while living alone to watch over Luke. The company of one who would listen and who would care. Someone who cared about him. He hadn't had that in such an impossibly long time.
"My Obi-Wan, you've always been an emotional one. At times, perhaps caring more than you should have."
Obi-Wan nodded, certainly unable to disagree.
"I looked past many of those dark tendencies from Anakin when he was that small boy. Still reeling from your loss and suddenly finding myself with a apprentice with such uncertainty around him. Perhaps he'd grow out of those tendencies once he got better acquainted with the Jedi. One he was more comfortable with our ways and structure. I was determined to fulfill your dying wish, Master. You asked that one thing of me. I wasn't going to let you down."
"And you did your best, what you trusted was believed was right. I cannot find fault in that."
"I could have killed him. Twice. I should have…"
"Taking that last final deadly strike would have turned you against all that you truly are, Obi-Wan. I know what's inside you. Perhaps you are not perfect, but you have a good heart. Ten years now and it's time you look beyond what you believe to be your faults. We have much training ahead as Luke grows to age, and my training for you? It will be challenging. Even more so than when you were an apprentice."
"Master," Obi-Wan said with clear uncertainty in his voice. "Are you certain that I can do this?"
Qui-Gon's form nodded. "As certain as I've ever been of anything, Obi-Wan. I'd not be here otherwise. Seeing your career and the difficulties you've suffered and battled through, I fought impossibly hard to find the ability for physical form so that you'd not be alone as you watched over Luke."
More blurry eyes and Obi-Wan gave up pushing them away. After all that had happened in the last few days - the last ten years and before - seeing Qui-Gon again, it was overwhelming.
"I've been alone for such a long time, I've struggled, but kept going. My final task… to keep Luke safe, but it's been… so desolate here, Master, on this unforgiving world. The silence in the desert, especially at night… night's have been impossible. But having you here, yes, I believe I'm overwhelmed."
Qui-Gon's mouth slid into a gentle smile. "You are ready now, Obi-Wan. You needed a catalyst to reignite your connection, your passion, and your strength of will. All things that you bore so confidently as an apprentice and into your career as a Knight and a General. Leia was that catalyst to start you on that path. And so here we are."
"She… yes. She was that and she offered me hope for the future when I had so little. Might I ask though,when will I begin training?" Obi-Wan sought, sliding his saddle pack from his shoulders.
"Soon, but the girl was correct. You should sleep. It's what you need more than anything. Rest and sleep. This new hovel, it will do you well. It's why I chose it for you. After all, I can't have my Padawan sleeping in a cold and heartless cave. There is the beginnings of what all you will require here. You can acquire the rest, fix the hovel to your needs and live out your years until the time comes for you to join me within the Force. I will let you know when it's time for training. Until then, I won't be far. Now that you are ready, I am but a call away."
A depth of relief sagged through Obi-Wan, his shoulders fell as if the weight of the galaxy had been lifted away. Just having someone here, a voice, a presence that he trusted more than any. It would get him through these next years while protecting the future that was Luke Skywalker.
"Well, this hovel is a step up from my cave."
"More than a step, I've see that cave. And you, you have always been adept at mechanics, I suspect you will have any problems up and running in no time. You can pick up necessities in Mos Eisley. This your home, Obi-Wan."
"And you are my home, Master. You have been ever since you took a chance on me so long ago. I hope I've not ever disappointed you."
"Never. Now, enough of feeling badly about yourself. Time to begin anew. As Luke grows, the danger around him will also grow. You must be prepared. And it will take many years for you to complete your training. I believe that makes you once again… my apprentice."
"I've never stopped being your apprentice. I remembered your training. All of it. At times I had to go my own way, but your guidance was there with me. How many times I took a step back to think what you would do in a given situation before I took action… I look forward to our future time together."
"As do I. And…Yes… you seem brighter. I am glad to see that."
"I am no longer lost and frightened. The Force is with me. I can embrace it once more, allow it to comfort me. Leia is safe and ridiculously strong willed. Luke is allowed to be a boy and is well loved. You are here with me. I do feel brighter."
Qui-Gon gestured toward the bedding area. At least it appeared to be designed as such by whoever the previous resident may have been. Obi-Wan set down his meager belongings, sat and took it in the surroundings. Yes, this was quite the improvement from the unforgiving hardness and intense darkness of the cave.
"There is definitely potential here, Master, you are correct."
"It's not the comfort of the Jedi Temple, but you've slept in much worse."
Obi-Wan laughed and that was a good feeling. So many past memories came to life at Qui-Gon's comment.
"The swamp leeches on Navar?"
Another smile from Qui-Gon. "Indeed, that was my first thought. Those three days were one of our most uncomfortable of challenges, eating, sleeping and living with bloodsucking leeches… I honestly thing they had it out for me, and those three days? They actually did make me question my dedication to the Jedi."
Obi-Wan sighed at the warm memory, then said, "Master. It's so good to hear your voice. You can't truly understand."
"I cannot, but you are no longer alone, Obi-Wan."
"Oddly, I feel like a young apprentice again asking this… I'd like to just sit and talk sometimes, can we do that between trainings?"
"We can. Anytime you wish."
Obi-Wan felt his eyes moisten again. After ten years of calling to Qui-Gon without response, part of him began to believe he'd remain alone for what remained of his life. He'd have done it, putting every once of effort into watching over Luke, but having another presence here… someone he'd loved as family for over a decade…
"Sorry." He eventually responded, clearing the emotion in which throat, "I'm having a more difficult time than I thought accepting you here. When I saw you in the desert, I was relieved that finally you had come. Now, we are here and you are here and… it just.. it's comforting. It feels good. For the first time in forever, it just feels good to be."
"I won't leave you, Obi-Wan. We have much to learn and much to discuss… and yes, time to simply talk."
"Thank you, Master."
"However, you really do need sleep. There will be days enough coming to sort your new home. For the moment, stretch out your blanket and your robe and just rest. You've done well, Padawan, and I am proud of you."
With a sniff and a sleeve to the nose, Obi-Wan once again cleared the emotion. He settled onto the makeshift bed, curling onto his left side, pillowing his head with a crooked arm. It would do for now.
"Master Qui-Gon, will you be here tomorrow?"
"I will be here always."
Pushing back another tug of emotional thought, Obi-Wan reached out to the Force. There he felt that presence missing for so many years. It wrapped around his mind like the warmest of fine cloth. His eyes closed. Contentment eclipsed his being. It was something he'd not experienced in what seemed like forever. Breaths came slow and steady, Obi-Wan's worn body relaxed into them.
There were no nightmares on this night, for the first time he could remember since losing Anakin to the Dark Side. No doubt some of those dreams would return, possibly aided by newer visions of Vader/Anakin's distorted face appearing when he'd shattered Vader's helmet.
For this one night though, there was peace.
Qui-Gon had said, he had always been there, Obi-Wan had just not been ready to see. He was ready now. It had taken that desperate need to help a child to push his battered soul into an emotionally violent conflict that would reconnect him to the Force. Only then with that deep reconnection could Obi-Wan find the ability to see again. And there, finally, waiting for him, was the presence he'd craved more than any. Even as a young apprentice, Qui-Gon made him feel calm and at ease when the odds were stacked against them. Having his friend and teacher back, even in this strange ghostly form, was more than he could have ever wished.
He stirred only once in his sleep. Neither nightmare nor dream. A gentle voice beside rested him through.
The remainder of the night brought with it only a kind and companionable silence.
END
Posted 7-27-22