Chapter One: An exercise in catharsis.

"Man is alone among the animals when it comes to taking pleasure in the suffering of others." Erik Lensherr - Earth-1610

I am a Hulk. No, I don't turn into a giant green or gray or orange rage monster, and that's where a lot of people get confused.

What a lot of people don't understand is 'Hulk' is a state of mind. It's living as you please. It's not giving a fuck what other people think. It's freedom. Freedom from the shackles of cheap morality, archaic values, bullshit religions, and everything else that holds a man down.

I hate pretty much every religion with the sole exceptions of Satanism and my religion, Marism.

Everywhere I look, it's the same thing. Telling people what to eat, what to wear, and how to act. Telling people that their harmless hobbies are evil vices, that their natural desires are grave sins. Buddhism actually has the balls to say desire itself is a shackle that people that need to be free of.

But then, Buddha himself had the balls to teach people about self-discipline when he weighed over three-hundred pounds.

I'm just saying... Put him in a line-up with a bunch of sumo wrestlers and I wouldn't be able to pick him out.

These pale, organized religions are like a cancer upon humanity's collective soul.

Ah, but I'm getting off track. To be a Hulk is... it's to embrace the monster within without fear or shame.

It's honestly crazy to me how so many people, even the ones who've become monsters like myself, still try, desperately try to cling on to some illusion of moral superiority.

Take Deadpool, for example. He'd say he's not completely evil because doesn't kill kids. Sure, he's killed their fathers, their mothers, likely orphaned quite a few kids in the process. Some of those orphans might have starved. A few might have been abused by their new caretakers.

But he doesn't personally kill them, so he's not all bad, right?

How pathetic...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'd kill 'em. I'm not that kind of monster.

I'm more like... You see, Being a Hulk is more like, ah... you know what? I think maybe it'd be easier to understand if I show you. Bear with me, this may take a while.

Outside some conservative dumbshit's house...

This dumbshit came to the store yesterday in his little red hat. He was pawning a bunch of Punisher merch.

See, the day before that, Frank Castle, the titular Punisher, put a bullet in Former President Darren Waite's fat orange face, after putting one in Waite's small, mushroom-shaped dick. That earned him the displeasure of Waite's supporters like Mike Sofa here. Yeah, that's really his name. Mike Sofa. That was the name on his ID anyway.

Who knew The Punisher didn't like child rapists?

*Crash* I throw a rock through his window. He comes out with his AR-15. I take aim with my pepperball gun and shoot him right in the face.

He coughs, he sputters, he keels over. I love to see it.

I love it because I fucking hate these people... they're so obvious. Their hypocrisy is so fucking obvious...

"You fuckin' cocksucker... kaff."

I say nothing. I'll save my breath for when I've won. I holster my gun, and quickly run up and grab his. He tries to hang on, but a hard kick to his crotch takes the fight out of him. I take hold of the gun as he falls to the ground.

These people betray the country and call themselves patriots, they go against all of Christ's teachings and call themselves Christians.

They live in a constant state of delusional paranoia, ranting and raving about 'Antifa' aka the terrorist group that never was, the impending invasion of immigrants and subsequent displacement of white people, and imaginary sex dungeons in the basements of pizza parlors, and insist the other side is unhinged and living in fear.

Denial, deflection, weakness... I am stronger than them. I am the strongest one there is, for I embrace myself, warts and all. I accept the monster I am.

I press the barrel into the back of his skull.

"Please, please don't. Come on, man... I have a kid..."

"Blame your own bad luck for coming into my store wearing that stupid little hat."

I am a Hulk, and one of my hobbies is killing people I hate.

I decide to take a page out of Castle's book. I move the barrel to the seat of his pants and press the barrel down hard. Time for a colon cleansing.

*BANG*

I'm just writing this for fun and stress relief. If you got any crazy ideas you want to contribute, please do.

To guest: Yeah, I've got something like that in mind. Later on in the story.