A/N I don't own anything, I'm just borrowing some stuff. Slight rearranging of the episode for my own selfish purpose. Please R&R!
If you touch me,
Well, I just think I'll scream,
Cause it's been so long,
Since someone challenged me...
- My Morning Jacket (appropriate, dontcha think?)
R u coming out with us? -Kelly
Penny picked her phone up from coffee table and opened the text. Not tonight, got plans!
She dumped the phone down on the couch, and started picking clothes up off the floor, hurling them into the laundry basket. A buzz from the couch made her turn.
Oh reeeeally ;)
Penny rolled her eyes, thought about telling her the real plan for the evening...
Nah. She wont get it. I'd rather have sweet, sweet revenge than… well anything else right now.
She checks the time on her phone. 7:45pm… perfect.
Basket slung on her hip she starts heading down.
Sheldon had been getting out of control lately. More of an ass than his usual pompous self. The back and forth between them was really getting out of hand, and after one, just one, little misstep it had all instantaneously become a battle of wills. Who would knuckle under first? Penny bit her lip, sauntering down towards the laundry room. It damn well won't be me! I'm not the one who started this!
She winced. Knowing that wasn't strictly true. That honestly she'd been goading Sheldon. She knew he was a germaphobe, and she should've apologised for touching his food. But they'd been getting on so well most of the time, and there were moments when his company was actually friendly, that she'd genuinely thought for a second that all his mad rules and deranged mania over touching didn't apply to her anymore.
She hadn't thought, just picked up an onion ring. Even before Leonard and Howard had freaked out she realised what she'd done. She could've admitted it immediately and apologised.
But dammit she liked pushing his buttons. Liked torturing him to a point where she could see his pupils contract into tiny pinpricks of rage. If he didn't beg to be messed with so much she'd maybe feel a little bit bad about it.
And it wasn't bullying... Not when he gave as good as he got. Not when she could tell he liked pushing her right back. Nutcase like him probably got off on authority and control.
If he gets off on control, and I get off on pushing him into it, what does that say about me? A little voice in her head said as she entered the laundry room.
She mentally slammed a lid on it, along with the lid of each machine.
It's just a bit of fun. That's all...
I mean who the hell hates lolcats anyway!? Seriously? I get a strike for that?
"Penny?"
She started, nearly walking headlong into Leonard on her way back up.
"Hey Leonard. What's up?"
He fidgeted, readjusting the strap of his bag across his chest.
If he tells me to knuckle under one more time I'll show him the meaning of under my knuckles.
"Can we talk? This... thing you've started with Sheldon-"
"I. Did not. Start it."
"Well- but technically you did-"
"Oh so you're on his side now? The guy is a Bond villain! He's one bad day away from getting a fluffy white cat and sitting in spinning chairs waiting for people to fall into his snake pit or whatever!"
"-I know! I know. So," Leonard sighed, and dug around in his pants pocket it. He held out a folded piece of paper. "Here."
Penny didn't take it immediately, raised her eyebrow suspiciously.
"What is it?"
Leonard swallowed.
"Sheldon's Kryptonite."
Penny sat on the couch, turning the piece of paper over and over in her hands. Deep in thought.
Hmm... it would be easier...
This heady, aggravating war they'd started was seriously becoming a major distraction. She'd even given up a night out with the girls just so she could mess with his laundry night.
God but it had worked like a charm. Not only had she made the knuckles on his hands turn white from clutching his laundry basket so hard his eye had actually started twitching. And that look on his face. Like he'd happily rip her limb from limb...
At this rate they'd end up killing each other. Probably falling to their deaths down the elevator shaft, locked in some hellfire embrace-
Wait, what the hell am I thinking here?
Folding and unfolding the piece of paper Leonard had handed her, she reached for her glass of wine. Nearly spilling it when the timer on her phone chirped.
Time to go get the laundry!
She grinned as she grabbed her laundry basket, Leonard's note momentarily forgotten...
"Get them down!"
"Apologize."
"GET. THEM. DOWN. NOW, SHELDON!"
"Apologise!"
"NEVER!"
"Then I propose you get a long stick and play panty piñata." He smirked, raising an eyebrow.
Oh Jesus, that smirk. It got her more than anything else. His eyes travelled the entire length of her, and she flushed. She wasn't wearing anything underneath her red tank top or silk pyjamas bottoms. She'd filled every laundry machine with all her delicates. Convinced that even if he tried to remove her clothes from one of the machines to do his own he wouldn't touch her underwear. Shirts and dresses and skirts maybe. If he had to. But not that.
Obviously she was wrong. As every bra and piece of underwear she owned fluttered from the telephone wire below them her cheeks deepened into a vicious pink at the thought of him meticulously handling... everything... with those long white fingers.
She swallowed.
"No. You know what? I think I'll play with something else." She slammed the basket down, stormed passed him.
"Penny?"
He followed her down the hall, watched as she disappeared through the door to his room.
"PENNY!"
He burst in behind her.
"Penny, you're in my room-" his gut took a dive as she picked up the limited edition figure of Wolverine from his bedside table- "Penny, people can't be in my room!"
Penny tossed it from hand to hand, relishing the look on Sheldon's face as the color drained from his cheeks.
"Last chance, Sheldon." She smiled coyly.
"Woman, I swear-" Penny dropped the figurine to the carpet. And menacingly hovered the tip of her sandal over it, watched as the twitch in his left eye deepened.
The grin died a little on her lips as he took several steps towards her. Towering over her. He might not be broad, or heavily muscled, but when he was angry he seemed to unfold completely, like a bird of prey suddenly doubling in size.
Holy crap on cracker. I sort of forgot how tall he is.
"Don't. You. Dare."
Her lips pursed. And her sandal edged closer towards Wolverine.
Something inside him snapped.
He grabbed her by the wrists, pushing her back off the figurine, and she gasped. Sheldon's fingers dug into her wrists as she stepped back, lost her balance and went sprawling across his bed.
He didn't let go of her hands in time and went tumbling with her, landing awkwardly on top of her still with her wrists in his hands, now inadvertently pinning her to the bed.
Sheldon froze as thoughts spun through his head, too many to count.
Penny in his bedroom. Penny on his bed. She was in his room, in his room, people weren't allowed in his room and she'd barged in like she'd always did and ignored him and touched his things. And now he was touching-
He froze. He was touching her skin. Touching her bare hand and it wasn't making him reach for the hand sanitiser. He could feel her breath on his neck and it wasn't repulsive. She was soft. And hot. And smelled like vanilla. And he could feel her breasts pushed again his chest. The thought of it was making every part of his body suddenly feel painfully tight. One part in particular...
Penny could feel how hard he was through the fabric of his pants. And judging by how much of him was digging into her hip and stomach it was very much in proportion to the rest of him. His face was millimeters away from hers. His breathing shallow and hot, lips almost touching hers.
Oh shit... Oh shit I broke Sheldon...
Her legs were starting to tremble from the effort of keeping herself up and not slipping to the floor underneath him, lying as they were, half on and half off the bed. If that happened her face would be catastrophically close to his-
She felt his lips brush hers for just a second, and she jolted, thoughts halting in their tracks. His grip on her wrists deepening for just a moment, his chest pushing harder against hers-
And then suddenly not there, leaving her head spinning-
The slam of the front door brought her back to herself and she realised she'd closed her eyes. Was waiting for more.
"Sheldon?" Leonard's voice echoed through from the living room and Sheldon's grip was off her, as if he'd flung himself as far away from her as possible, standing on the other side of the room. Face still red, cheeks and neck still flushed, breath still coming out in shallow shaky gasps. Penny stopped herself before her gaze moved lower.
She managed to get herself to her feet, albeit rather ungracefully, having to hoist herself up on her elbows before her knees woke up. The entire lower part of her felt wobbly and far away.
"Penny?" Both their heads snapped to Leonard, standing in the doorway. He blinked at the scene before him. The two of them looked like he'd interrupted them in the middle of a screaming match. He took in Sheldon's red face, the slight tremble to his whole frame. A glassy sheen in his eyes made his pupils look weirdly dilated... "Penny, you know you shouldn't be in here. Sheldon really doesn't like people being in his roo-"
He hugged his bag to his chest as Penny darted passed him, nearly colliding with him on her way out.