RON'S HOWLER AND GILDEROY LOCKHART

It was lunch time. Most students were gathered around the great hall, eating or doing homework. Alex was sitting next to Draco. They were chattering about the classes they had had that morning: herbology and transfiguration. That last one was Alex's favourite class. Draco liked it too, but he was more interested in potions, which the first class of the day would be after lunch. They were also discussing the Quidditch trials with Marcus Flint, the Slytherin team captain.

- Trials will be this weekend. If you want to try out, you're welcome to come. What positions are you interested in?

- I want to try for the seeker.

- I'm interested in the beaters.

- Our last seeker was a disaster…as for the beaters…you better be ruthless out there, kid.

- I can be ruthless.

- Even with your Gryffindor friends, Black? - Marcus Flint hated the Gryffindors, especially the team captain, Oliver Woods.

- I know the difference between friendship and competition, don't worry… - Alex didn't like him, but she'd have to put up with him if she wanted to be on the Quidditch team.

Suddenly, the mail arrived. Owls flew through the great hall, delivering letters and packages all around. At the Gryffindors table, one of the owls crashed against the table, in front of Ron.

- Bloody bird's a menace… - Ron grabbed the letter that the owl had brought. - Oh…no.

- Heads up, everyone. Weasley's gotten himself a Howler! - Just as Seamus said that, everyone at the great hall started laughing and looking in Ron's direction.

- Go on, Ron. I ignored one from my Gran once…and it was horrible. - Neville looked really frightened as he said that. Finally, a pale Ron decided to open the red envelope. Suddenly, the voice of his mother was heard in all of the great Hall.

"RONALD WEASLEY! HOW DARE YOU STEAL THAT CAR! I AM ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED! YOUR FATHER'S NOW FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK AND IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT! IF YOU PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE, WE'LL BRING YOU STRAIGHT HOME! Oh, and Ginny dear. Congratulations on making Gryffindor. Your father and I are so proud."

Ginny, who was sitting a bit apart from the others, looked up shyly, then returned to the small black book she was scribbling in. Ron watched the envelope rip itself to pieces as everyone started laughing. Another Gryffindor boy, younger, snapped a few photos.

Alex had never received a howler, but she had heard of those. Not all of them were terrible. They were usually used to give important messages. However, when it came to parents or tutors…well, Molly Weasley had set the perfect example.

Time passed, and the second-year students were about to have their first class of Defence Against the Dark Arts that year, with Gilderoy Lockhart. In the front part of the class there was a giant painting of him, painting another picture of himself.

Alex seated next to Hermione, front row.

- He clearly likes himself…

- I think he's admirable! Have you read his books? They're fascinating! - Hermione seemed to be a big fan of his.

Gilderoy Lockhart walked outside of his office, which was inside the class, on top of the stairs. He smiled widely to the class, and started talking, walking down the stairs.

- Let me introduce you to your new Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher. Me. Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League and five times winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award - he flashed an enormous smile to the class. All of the girls in the classroom hanged at his words. All but Alex, who didn't seem to understand what was so fascinating about that man. - But I won't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!

Lockhart started laughing, as well as the female students. His laughter was weird, and it made Alex laugh too, but at him more than with him. Hermione lightly hit her in the arm.

- I see you've all bought a complete set of my books. Well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about. Just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in… – he started to circulate some papers. – You have thirty minutes. Start now.

When Alex read the questions, she couldn't believe her eyes. "What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour? When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday? What kind of questions are these?". It was an exam about Gilderoy Lockhart. Nothing to do with defence against the dark arts or anything related to it. Just questions about their new selfish teacher. Alex looked around her. The girls were smiling and writing all over the exam paper. The boys looked as confused as she did. "Okay, seriously, what's the deal with this teacher and women?". She really didn't understand. Thirty minutes passed and Lockhart started taking a look through the exams.

- Tut, tut. Hardly any of you remembered my favourite colour is lilac. But Miss Hermione Granger knew that my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair care potions. Good girl. – he winked at Hermione and she smiled widely. – However, other people…Alexa Black says, for example, that my favourite hobby is to look myself in the mirror. Well, that's not my official hobby, so, we need to dig a little deeper, yes? – Alex smiled with pride as the male students laughed at her response.

- Good one, Alex. – Draco, who was sitting behind her, whispered to her.

- Now… - he left the exams on the table and approached a cage covered by a sheet. - Be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizard kind! You may find yourself facing your own worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here…

- I seriously doubt that… - Alex whispered to herself.

- I must ask you not to scream. It might…provoke them! – with that, he removed the sheet of the cage. There were several blue creatures, not very tall, with pointed faces and wings.

- Cornish pixies? – asked Seamus with a smile.

- Freshly caught Cornish pixies. – Seamus couldn't stop his laughter. - Laugh if you will, Mister Finnegan, but pixies can be devilishly tricky little blighters. Let's see what you make of them now!

Suddenly, Lockhart opened the cage and the pixies started flying against the students. Chaos was unleashed. The pixies were spraying the students with ink bottles, shredding books, destroying everything…They all started running towards the door.

- Don't run, don't run away. They're only pixies! – Gilderoy Lockhart said with a smile as he did nothing.

Two of the pixies grabbed Neville by the ears and lifted him into the air, leaving him hanging from the ceiling light.

- Come on now, round them up, round them up. Perskipiski Perternomi! – Gilderoy Lockhart tried a spell of some sort but it didn't work. One of the pixies stole his wand and used it to destroy a chain that held a skeleton to the ceiling.

With that, Lockhart climbed up the stairs to enter into his office. Some pixies tried to stole one of his pictures.

- I'll ask you four to just nip the rest of them back into their cage. – he slammed the door behind him and left Alex, Hermione, Ron and Harry standing there, with poor Neville hanging from the roof.

- What do we do now? – asked Ron trying to get rid of the pixies around him.

- Immobilus! – Hermione raised her wand. The pixies froze in mid-air, stopping the chaos.

- Great idea. – Alex looked around her, and then at Neville, who was still hanging there. – Are you okay, Neville?

- Why is it always me? – he asked with a sad face.

Carefully, Ron and Harry managed to get Neville down. They grabbed the rope that suspended the ceiling light there, and pulled it to get him on the floor. In the meantime, Alex and Hermione grabbed the pixies and put them inside the cage again. Alex, pissed at the events, went to knock on the office door.

- Professor? We know you're there, you know that, right?

- Alex, leave it, you'll end up losing points. – Neville said to her friend.

- I don't care. We cleaned the mess you made! You're welcome, by the way!

Free from the pixies, the four left the class. Their robes were shredded.

- Can you believe him? – Ron's face was still in shock.

- I'm sure Professor Lockhart just wanted to give us some hands-on experience. – Hermione defended the Professor.

- Oh, c'mon! What's the deal with him, seriously! He's a mess! – Alex couldn't believe Hermione's words.

- Hermione, he didn't have a clue what he was doing. – Harry said.

- Rubbish. Read his books. You'll see all the amazing things he's done. – Hermione hugged her books tightly.

- He says he's done… - said Ron.

- Yeah, after what happened today in class, I really doubt he did anything he mentions in his books at all… - Alex and her friends headed to their next class.