Forbidden

She couldn't sleep. The initial shock of it had long since worn off. Well, first the hope had died, and then the shock had overtaken her. And from there, she had become unspeakably sad. Now, her sadness had turned to frustration and even anger.

Robert did not love her.

It wasn't as though Cora thought that Robert did love her and then learned otherwise. They had even gotten engaged not being in love with each other. It had been a very good match, and it made perfect sense. Love did not need to enter into it. Not then, at any rate. Cora had money, and Downton needed it. Robert had a title to give, and the Levinsons wanted it. And now the Grantham estate had been saved, and Cora was a viscountess. The reason Cora had gone through with the marriage, however, was because she had always felt that Robert Crawley was a man she could love. And in time—before the wedding, in fact—she had fallen in love with him. Their courtship had been so pleasant, and Robert was always so kind and attentive. He was gentle and he even made her laugh at times. Cora had married a good, decent man that she loved.

She had hope that he would fall in love with her in time. But after about six months with no change and in fact more distance between them, the hope died. And then the shock came of realizing she was doomed to a marriage of unrequited love. That was when the sadness took over.

But Cora Crawley was not a person to wallow in her troubles. Cora Levinson had never really had troubles in all her life. But she had come to this country and given up her family and the easy life she'd known and all her money for the dream of loving the man she married.

And now, Cora was infuriated. Robert had made a mockery of her, and he didn't even know it. He had taken her money and given her a hollow title, and for what? He did not even seem to care. He came to her bedroom most nights and made love to her, though there was little love in the act.

Even in her fit of pique, Cora knew that was an unfair characterization. Robert had always, always been tender and considerate with her. His kisses were affectionate, and their marital relations were gentle and pleasurable. It was not entirely a loveless act. After all, Cora still loved him. And he was a good husband, even if he did not love her.

He had not come to her tonight, and she was angry with him for that. She was angry with him for everything, but being with him somehow calmed her down. It was only when she was alone with her thoughts that she really got herself worked up like this. But tonight, the frustration was even keeping her from sleeping. Alone in her bed, Cora tossed and turned and threw the bedsheets off and pulled them back on and just could not get comfortable.

"Oh this is stupid," she muttered. She wasn't going to get any sleep, so why bother trying? It was only going to make her feel worse. She needed something to distract her.

Even though she knew better, Cora decided to get up and walk around. She had to get out of this room and far away from her husband who was probably sleeping next door without a care in the world. She lit a lamp and put on her slippers and dressing gown. With the flickering light of the lamp in her hand, Cora silently went out of her bedroom.

She had never seen the corridors entirely in darkness like this. The servants always kept the sconces on the wall lit during the evening hours and obviously put them out after everyone had gone to bed. Cora had never bothered to think about such things before. And it made her wonder what else might be different late at night when no one was around.

Carefully, Cora made her way down the stairs. Her first stop was in the great hall, which was eerie in the shifting shadowy darkness illuminated by just her lamp. The little hairs on the back of her neck stood up, and she quickly moved through to the dining room. She had never seen it entirely empty like this. Empty and dark. The library, too, was empty and dark, but Cora found it a much more comfortable setting than the other rooms she'd visited thus far. Perhaps because the family spent so much time in the library and often it was a place of relaxation and enjoyment. Some of the fondest memories Cora had made in the house thus far had been in the library.

But Cora did not linger in the library too long. She knew she was not supposed to be wandering on her own like this, and it would not do to be caught. She would take her little walk and calm herself down and then go right back to bed.

There was a thrill of this, though. A thrill that made her bolder than she might otherwise have been if not for the way the forbidden darkness beckoned her onward. Though she knew she could not place the blame anywhere other than herself if she were found downstairs, especially in her dressing gown and slippers. Yet somehow, Cora found herself in the kitchen.

When she was a little girl, she and Harold would sneak into the kitchens and hide under the table to watch the cooks do their work. Cora had never been to the kitchen at Downton in the year she had lived here. And it was exciting. She loved food and all the magnificent things the cooks made for the family and their guests to enjoy. If she held a different position in life, Cora might have liked to learn to cook. She imagined it was interesting and rewarding to take ingredients and turn them into something entirely new. She'd been fascinated by it as a child.

And now she was in the kitchen all alone for most likely the only time she'd ever manage it. There was nothing for Cora to do but take great advantage of her circumstances.

She opened every cupboard and looked inside. Every drawer. Examined every shelf. There were so many things that were so unusual to her, things she did not understand. She tried not to touch anything, just in case she made noise or disturbed something. The last thing she wanted was to make a mess and create more work for the staff.

Her journey took her to the icebox where she found some of the raspberry ice cream that they'd enjoyed for dessert at dinner that very night. Apparently there had been some to save. Cora had absolutely loved it and would have happily eaten more if she'd been offered another helping.

That thrill of the forbidden tempted her once again, and she gave in. She put the lamp on the countertop beside her and bit her lip, wondering whether to try and control herself. She didn't. Greedily, Cora found a spoon in one of the drawers she'd opened before and she dug into the ice cream right there with the icebox door open. She could not suppress a groan of pleasure when the sweet, tart flavor exploded on her tongue.

"What are you doing down here?"

Cora gasped and dropped the spoon as she whirled around. "Robert!" she hissed in annoyance.

Robert Crawley had come upon a wholly unexpected scene. Really, this whole night had been unexpected. At dinner, Cora had been quieter than usual. And then she went up to bed almost immediately when Robert and Papa came through to the drawing room before he even could speak to her. He had asked Mama what was the matter with her, but of course Mama just brushed his concerns aside. His mother never did care about Cora's well-being. If there were anything upsetting Cora, it was her own fault, in Mama's view. Robert might have agreed with her for a time. He didn't anymore.

This last year of knowing Cora and being married to her had taught him a lot, not the least of which was the duty and responsibility of a husband to make his wife happy. He wanted very much to make her happy. Because when Cora was happy, the sun shone brighter and the flowers bloomed more beautifully. Seeing Cora happy moved something inside Robert that he felt compelled to repeat again and again and again. He did not think there was anything he would not do, now, to make her happy.

And so, because she had been unhappy tonight, he thought it best to leave her in peace. If she were upset about something, Robert coming to her room and disturbing her for the purpose of his own marital pleasure would surely be unwelcome. He knew of some men who took their wives at their whim and expected them to comply no matter what. Robert had never wanted to be like those men, and he certainly did not want to ever force himself on Cora against her wishes.

It had been difficult, though, to keep away from her. She was upset about something, and he had tossed and turned all night worrying about her. If there was something he could do to ease her displeasure, something he could say to comfort her, anything to make things better for her, he wanted to do it.

He thought he heard a noise, so he got up to press his ear to the door. There was definitely movement inside. Perhaps Cora had gone to her en suite, or perhaps it was something else. Robert had waited a little longer to try and see what he could figure out. The bed creaked slightly when someone laid down or got up, but he did not hear that just now.

Robert thought that perhaps it might be alright if he went into her room and got into bed with her just to be there with her. Not with anything he needed from her, but only to be present to talk to her and ease her in any way he could. He resigned himself to at least trying.

As gently as he could, Robert opened the door separating his bedroom from hers. The room was entirely dark. "Cora?" he whispered into the blackness.

No answer came. He made his way over to the bed as carefully as possible. Only the bed was empty.

He looked in the bathroom and could not find Cora anywhere. Eventually, he went back to his room and lit a lamp and went out into the corridor. Cora had gone somewhere, and Robert needed to find her.

There were sounds coming from downstairs, so Robert followed as best he could. He had to hand it to her, if she was wandering around the house, she was doing a good job of keeping from being discovered. Robert went through practically every room of the ground floor trying to find her. Surely she had a lamp or something? He should be able to see or hear her somewhere.

At last, he walked by the servant's stairs and heard something. Even if it was one of the servants, at least someone could help him look for his wife, wherever she might be. He carefully went downstairs and saw a beacon of light from the kitchen. It had been many, many years since he'd been down to the kitchen, but he remembered where it was.

And that was where Robert Crawley found his wife reaching into the icebox and was so surprised that he did not even bother whispering.

She picked up the spoon she had dropped and closed the icebox. "Robert, keep your voice down," she hissed.

Robert had never seen her like this. She was demanding and harsh and ferocious. The light from their lamps made the sapphire blue of her eyes flicker in her anger. He stared at her, transfixed.

"What are you doing?" she snapped.

He blinked himself back to reality. "I was looking for you," he answered. "I came to your room and you weren't there."

"It's the middle of the night! You were going to wake me to…"

"No!" he interrupted, cutting off that sentence before it could leave her lips. "No, I'd never, I just wanted to see you."

His words confused her. Why would he want to see her? He had ignored her all evening, ignored her most of the time. What on earth would make him bother to come see her in the middle of the night.

When she didn't respond, he continued, "I thought you might have been upset about something. You weren't quite yourself at dinner. At first I didn't want to bother you, but I couldn't sleep, and I thought…" He didn't know what he thought. He wanted to see her. He wanted to be with her. That was all. And that was a silly thing to say.

Cora found her voice as he trailed off. "I was upset," she told him. "I am upset. I couldn't sleep, I was so furious."

Robert was quite taken aback by that. "Whatever for!?" He asked the question in a normal volume, earning another harsh shushing from her.

"Because you've made a fool of me! Because our marriage is ridiculous!" she answered.

Her face was growing hot. Cora was always, always so good at keeping herself calm and not flying off the handle the way her mother did. It was Mother and Harold who got angry and shouted. It was Cora and Father who spoke softly and quietly. Cora Levinson had better manners than that. She would not let her emotions or especially her anger get the better of her.

But she was not Cora Levinson, now. She was Cora Crawley. She was a viscountess, the wife of the heir to a mighty estate. And she had been reduced to this. To hissing like a feral cat in the kitchen at the man who was the cause of it all.

Robert's jaw dropped. "What are you talking about?" he whispered emphatically. "How have I made a fool of you? What's wrong with our marriage!?" The very idea of it, that Cora was upset and felt a fool and was even somehow ashamed of being married to him had caused a wave of nausea to threaten him. Dear god, what had he done?!

She scoffed, "No, I suppose you wouldn't see it, would you? You've gotten what you wanted. You have my money, your estate is saved, and I'm sure we'll produce an heir at some point to satisfy your line of succession. That's all that matters, isn't it?"

The tone of sarcasm, that taunting quality in her voice, it cut him deeply. "I don't understand," he said weakly.

Cora stood there, eyes blazing, cheeks flushed, head held high, and she said in a voice almost too strong for the quiet they were desperately trying to keep, "You don't deny it. That's all I am to you. And I am the fool. Because I love you."

Robert fell silent. Cora's jaw was tight. She had laid down her challenge. Dared him to speak, to explain himself, to try and smooth things over.

And he knew that his response was of vital importance. Perhaps nothing in their lives together before or after this moment would be so important. He had to find the words. He had to do this correctly.

He took two steps forward. Cora stood in front of the large worktable. Her lamp had been left on the countertop beside the icebox behind her. Robert watched as her eyes widened in surprise and then quickly narrowed in suspicion as he stood right before her. He placed his lamp on the table beside them. And with both of his hands, he grasped her upper arms firmly, keeping her in place.

"What are you doing?" she asked, trying to wriggle away from him. But he just held on tighter.

"You say I have made a fool of you," he began, speaking just above a whisper only inches from her face. "You say our marriage is ridiculous. You say that you love me and yet I only value you for your money. And for that, you are a fool. And it is you who has ridiculed our marriage."

Cora gasped, jaw dropping in surprise. She had not expected this. She had not thought that Robert would react to her with cruelty.

But he continued, "I ache when I am not with you, Cora, don't you see? I have grown to care for nothing but your happiness. I am grateful for all you have given to the estate, but it is you that I value. How could I not, when I have grown to love you more than I ever imagined possible?"

Her head was swimming. "You love me?" she breathed, unable to conceive of such a thing.

"I love you," he answered resolutely. "Deeply. Passionately."

"P-passionately?"

A shiver passed through Robert, right to his groin. Her lips parted and he saw her eyes flick down to his mouth and back up to his eyes.

Their lips locked immediately in a fiery kiss. Cora threw her arms around his neck as soon as he unhanded her. He wrapped her in his tight embrace, and she felt Robert press her back against the worktable, kissing her deeply. His tongue caressed hers, his lips moving over hers, his teeth sensuously nipping at every place he could reach. He kissed down her neck. Cora pulled at the tie on his dressing gown and fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, desperate to feel the heat of his skin. She moaned as he sucked hard on her neck, just below her ear.

The sounds she made rocketed through him. His cock was completely hard and twitched against his pants. "I need you, Cora," he growled.

"Yes, my love," she pleaded, pulling him as close to her as she could,

His hands fumbled at the tie of her dressing gown and then wandered up the silk covering her body to her breasts, full and warm beneath his palms. She gasped for air as he rolled one taut nipple between his fingers. He fisted the material of her nightgown, pulling it up enough so that he could touch her bare body beneath.

By this time, Cora had managed to get Robert's shirt unbuttoned. Her hands clutched at his flesh desperately. But then, much to her displeasure, Robert pulled away.

He was breathing in short, ragged gasps. "We ought to go upstairs."

But Cora shook her head. "Later. Make love to me, Robert. Here and now."

His eyes widened in surprise, and Cora pulled him back into the kiss and getting to work on trousers of his pajamas.

Robert wanted so much to explore her, to worship her body slowly and sensually in this newfound love between them. But his erection was far too insistent for that now. And Cora certainly didn't seem to mind, the way she was reaching for him. He grasped her at her waist beneath her dressing gown and lifted her up onto the worktable. She yelped slightly at being picked up so swiftly, but she quickly captured his mouth with hers, nibbling on his lower lip. He stood between her legs as she sat there, and he pushed her nightgown up over her hips. Robert practically tore her drawers off her as his fingers found her hot center, tracing the wet folds and slipping one finger inside her. Cora gasped his name, begging him to take her, and Robert didn't need to be asked twice. It took only a moment to push his pajama trousers down enough to release his aching cock. He lined himself up to her entrance and pushed his way in. She was tight and slick, though it took a few shallow thrusts to sheathe himself fully inside her.

Cora nearly shattered in his arms to feel him fill and stretch her so wonderfully. She couldn't resist bucking her hips against him, encouraging him to move. Her long legs wrapped around his waist as he stood there holding her as she sat at the edge of the worktable. He withdrew almost completely before slamming back into her.

Their coupling was fast and hard and powerful. Cora could only cling to him as his thrusts pounded into her, the friction bringing her to a shattering mess in mere moments. In the year or so they'd been married, they had never made love like this, rough and fast and messy. Though they had not, until this moment, actually both loved each other during this act.

It was in Cora's mind to whisper her love to him, wanted to tell him how incredible he was, how perfect, but her words had all left her. Only high-pitched breathy moans passed through her lips. And quickly after her first, Cora's second climax overtook her and rid her mind of all rational thought.

Robert's cock was squeezed in the vice grip of her orgasm, and he was powerless to resist spilling inside her. She still trembled in his arms as he stilled. He rested his forehead on her shoulder as he practically slumped against her. Cora's panting breaths on his neck were a welcome tingling that seemed to spread through every nerve of his body.

"Dear God," he breathed.

She giggled in response and took his face in her hands to kiss his dear face. He was sweaty from the exertion, but she didn't mind. Just now, she didn't mind anything. Funny how that happened, how she could go from so unbelievably upset to blissfully floating on air.

Robert straightened up and slipped out of her. Vaguely, he realized that they were usually—always, before now—in bed when they did this, so the mess was a bit less of a concern. With an embarrassed blush, Robert used the edge of his dressing gown to wipe them both off to keep from spreading the mess around the kitchen. They were in the kitchen, good lord what had he been thinking!?

He hadn't been thinking, obviously. All that had been in his mind was the fact that Cora was upset, that he loved her, and that he desperately needed to make everything alright.

"There we are," he murmured softly.

Cora fixed herself back up and took Robert's hand as he helped her hop down to the floor. Her legs felt like jelly, and she would have stumbled if his strong, solid frame hadn't been there to hold her steady.

She gazed up at him, mesmerized. In all the worry and sadness and anger over thinking he didn't love her, Cora had forgotten that her Robert was, in many ways, a very steady sort of man. He had a tendency to carry on about things, to get hurt feelings and to pout, but on the whole, he approached the world with a strength she found so very admirable. And really, for all that she worked so hard to be calm and rational and even-keel about things, she knew she could fall into hysterics if she wasn't careful.

Tonight was the perfect example of that. She'd given in to that terrible temptation, to get angry and to wander around where she wasn't supposed to be and to get upset at her husband and to eagerly allow him to ravage her in the kitchen. All things that were forbidden for a woman of her position. And yet, here she was. Here they were. And they were all the better for it.

"We ought to go back upstairs. I daresay it will be dawn soon, and the servants might wake and find us here," he pointed out.

"Oh no, we mustn't have that," Cora teased. She wrapped her arms around his and rested her head on his shoulder. "Let's go to bed, Robert. My bed, if you'd join me."

He turned his head and brushed his lips over her forehead. "Nothing would make me happier, my dearest one."

Cora sighed happily. "I do love you so very much, darling."

Robert smiled to hear her say that. Funny how things could change in the span of a year. No longer was he embarrassed or guilty to know of her love. No, now it made him unspeakably proud and happy. "I love you, too."

They took their lamps and made their way back to Cora's bedroom, quickly and silently. And when they got into bed together, they snuggled in each other's arms and fell asleep in no time.

Just as Cora's mind faded into dreamland, she wondered in the back of her mind what other forbidden things she might want to try with Robert, should the opportunity present itself again.

THE END