Disclaimer: Not mine.

AN: Okay, I promise the next thing I'm gonna post is going to be an update for She's Come Undone but until then...

I've always thought it would have been funny if Rebekah had reacted like this to that scene. Never thought I'd actually WRITE it but the inspiration struck, so why not?

*o0O0o*
*tattletale (snitches get stitches from laughing too hard)*
*o0O0o*

"It probably took him about ten seconds to realize that she wasn't me, at which point he probably yanked her heart right out of her chest."

For a few moments Rebekah's mind - barely past the ickiness of Katherine's last announcement - blanked at the horrific picture being painted across the back of her eyelids now, and Rebekah felt her nose scrunch up in disgust once more. As soon as the idea of Elena - running on payback and spite and lacking all inhibitions - currently being alone with her brother crystallized in vivid detail, she wanted to scrub it clean. For the good of her own mental health.

Then she pulled up her gaze and looked from the worry on the faces of Dumb and Dumber - one of the more stupid movies Nik had given her to watch after she'd been woken from being daggered for nearly a century, though at least it had given her a few more insults for the Salvatores - to the supreme look of smug satisfaction on Katherine's face, and burst out laughing.

It seemed to throw the other three vampires sitting around the cheap, slightly peeling table of this small-town diner off their tracks because they fell silent, their looks now ranging from confusion and irritation to anger.

"Is Elena being in danger funny to you, Original Barbie?" Damon asked, voice acerbic. "Thought you were besties now?"

"No, but the three of you are hilarious," she said, beginning to quiet down but refusing to lose her grin, "for actually thinking that that is what is happening right now."

"What's that supposed to mean?" All humor had fled Damon's face, which almost caused a new wave of hilarity to rise in Rebekah. He looked like he expected her to be intimidated, somehow still unable to comprehend that she was a Mikaelson too, just as able to tear him limb from limb as her brothers.

She considered whether she wanted to illuminate them or not, she knew Elijah certainly would have preferred for her not to have noticed herself. But if that were the case he shouldn't have always stared at Elena like she was some kind of oasis in the middle of a desert. A look she had been forced to observe from that first occasion when Rebekah had tried killing her - when he'd ripped her away from the girl and slammed her against that car, seeming to forget her entirely as soon as his eyes had landed on Elena.

And it's not as if Elena was any better, eyes magnetized to Elijah and heart fluttering like a hummingbird's wings.

You know what? Screw the both of them, if Rebekah had to be bombarded by all these brain-melting images, she'd make them pay for it.

"I mean, I get Katherine," she said slowly like she was addressing a bunch of very young children; or idiots, "she's never had to see the two of them dancing around each other like courting swans, but I thought the two of you had front-row seats to at least a few of their meetings?"

"Elena would never-" Damon started out at once.

"I don't see how-" Stefan finally chimed in himself.

"What?" Katherine finished, a brief flash of something nearly like hurt in her eyes that inspired an even briefer feeling of sympathy in Rebekah. Then she remembered that she rather hated Katherine's guts and the feeling vanished.

"Right," she raised her eyebrows nearly to her scalp, and her voice dripping with condescension added, "Elena would never. It's not as if the air around her and Elijah isn't disgustingly full of pheromones any time they happen to share breathing space."

That seemed to have struck them all mute momentarily, which gave Rebekah just enough time to land on a truly evil idea and let her enact it. She fished Katherine's phone out of her pocket and had pressed the screen to call 'em' before anyone had time to do more than ask what she was doing.

It rang for only a moment before being picked up.

"Katerina," came the voice of Elijah, lacking even a hint of the confusion that might have been present if he'd actually thought that the woman in front of him had been Katherine. Rebekah wasn't surprised, at least that far she agreed with the bitch from hell, Elijah would have clocked Elena as soon as he'd seen her.

"Brother," she smiled back, eyes running over the two Salvatores and a Petrova in preemptive mirth "I'm guessing it's been long enough by now that you're done making out with Elena?"

The silence on both the other side of the line and this one was suddenly weighted, Rebekah's smile widened. She heard the unmistakable sound of Elijah clearing his throat. As did the three other vampires listening to the conversation.

Rebekah burst back into laughter.

*o0O0o*

AN2: It turns out I enjoy Rebekah being kind of an evil brat, so sue me ;) Hopefully, you guys enjoy it too.