Who Is Sonic's Number One Fan?
It happened early one morning at Station Square. They were merely strangers, passing each other on the street: one a fox and the other a pink hedgehog. Ordinarily, they wouldn't have spared the other a glance. Except for one thing they shared in common: a decorative pin of the famous blue hedgehog who'd saved the world on multiple occasions. The city was having a special commemorative event giving away the pins that day. Evidently, both the fox and the pink hedgehog had just come from that event. When they noticed, the two stared at each other and the pins.
"Are you a fan of Sonic too?" the pink hedgehog asked.
"Yeah, you could say that!" said the fox cheerily. "I'm the biggest Sonic fan around! I want to be just like him!"
"Obviously you know the true value of these pins, to have gotten up so early to get yours," the pink hedgehog said, nodding at the Sonic pin.
"There was no way I was missing out on such a limited run of Sonic memorabilia!"
"Well, well! Pleased to meet a fellow Sonic fan!" the hedgehog declared, extending her hand along with a warm smile. "My name is Amy Rose."
"I'm Tails!" Tails shook Amy's hand.
Amy chuckled pleasantly, though her tone belied the severity of what she said next. "There's just one problem with what you said. You're not the biggest fan around here. I'm Sonic's number one fan. Nobody loves him more than I do."
Tails laughed, clearly thinking things were still amicable. In a joking tone he said, "I don't know about that. I know a lot about Sonic, and I'm pretty close to him."
Amy was visibly annoyed now. She had to crush this upstart. "You don't know what you're talking about. Not only do I know everything there is to know about Sonic, I've met him."
"So you've only met him? Big deal." Tails said. He'd thought they were just having a pleasant conversation, but seeing how uncompromising Amy was, he was plenty angry now. "I'm friends with Sonic! We go on adventures together."
"So what?! Sonic cares so much about me, he's always saving me when I get kidnapped by Doctor Eggman! And Sonic's going to be my future husband!"
"He's saved me too! Lots of times! You wouldn't believe how many times! I mean, honestly, I can't even fend for myself, but Sonic still wants me around!"
"Shut your mouth!" Amy cried out, furious. "There's no way Sonic has saved you more times than he's saved me! I'm always getting kidnapped by Metal Sonic or one of Eggman's robots, and Sonic always always always comes to my rescue!"
"How many times?" Tails asked. He scowled and furrowed his brow as he scrutinized Amy.
"I've lost count!" Amy yelled.
"Well, if you know so much about Sonic, what's his favorite food?" Tails asked.
"Chili dog!" Amy said, before retorting with, "What's his shoe size?"
"That's an easy one!"
They went back and forth answering each other's Sonic trivia questions, but neither could stump the other. It was futile, and both were out of breath by the time they gave up on trying.
"This is getting us nowhere," Tails said. "If we can't determine who knows the most about Sonic, how are we going to decide who's his biggest fan?"
Amy put her hands on her hips and donned a confident smile. "By proving our dedication."
"That's how it's going to be, huh? Well, I bet I have more Sonic memorabilia than you," Tails said.
"Puh-lease! I have every piece of Sonic merch that's ever been released!"
Tails snorted. "That's impossible. With all the limited edition runs across the world, you'd have to be as fast as Sonic to get them all."
"Well, it helps to be as cute and friendly as me. I have friends all over." In a mocking way, Amy framed her face with her hands and batted her eyelashes, flaunting her cuteness. That got under Tails's skin.
"Do you have the limited edition Sonic action figure made in Soleanna?" Tails asked.
"Yep."
Tails listed off a number of other items, but Amy claimed she had them all, even some Tails was still trying to track down for himself. He was more than a little jealous.
"I even have my own hand knit Sonic doll I made myself," Amy said. She pressed her hands to her face and in a loving tone she added, "I cuddle with it every night when I go to bed."
Tails didn't have any custom dolls like that, but he did have something that might one-up Amy's boast. "Well, Sonic lets me sleep with him whenever I'm feeling scared."
"You… what?" Amy's left eye twitched. And in the next moment, she exploded with rage. "How dare you! You stay away from Sonic, you little floozy!" With a rabid snarl on her lips, Amy looked about one provocation away from spin-dashing Tails.
"W-What are you talking about?!" Tails said, thoroughly cowed and confused by Amy's anger.
"Stop taking advantage of Sonic's kind heart!" Amy demanded.
Tails got an idea to derail the current line of conversation, which was making him uncomfortable and a little afraid for his life. "W-Well, anyway, we'll have to compare our collections in more detail later. But I have an idea. I know no one's more dedicated to Sonic than I am, and I know just who to call to back me up." Tails dialed up a number on his phone. After three rings, the message almost went to voicemail, but then the recipient finally picked up.
"I'm busy guarding the Master Emblem, you know. What do you want, Tails?" The voice on the other end was Knuckles the Echidna.
"Hey Knuckles, I want to ask you a question."
Amy raised an eyebrow as if to ask what Tails thought he was doing, but Tails just smiled.
"Make it quick," Knuckles said.
"So, in all your fights with Sonic, how many times have I sided with you?"
"…" Knuckles fell silent on the other end, obviously baffled by the question. "Um, never? Don't you always side with Sonic? Even when he's wrong?"
"Ha. When is Sonic ever wrong? Okay, bye Knuckles." Tails hung up just as Knuckles started screaming obscenities.
"That was supposed to prove something?" Amy asked.
"You don't know?" Tails, sneering, spoke with a voice dripping with haughtiness. "What kind of number one fan isn't a sycophant?"
"What? How dare you imply I'm not a sycophant! I'll have you know, I'd take Sonic's side even if he was up against the whole world! Even if he got imprisoned on Prison Island, I'd go to his rescue! And then he'd have to marry me!"
"If that happened, I'd go to his rescue too!" Tails said. "And I wouldn't make helping him contingent on him marrying me."
"I-I wouldn't either! Of course I'd help him with no strings attached! I was just saying he'd probably want to marry me once he realized how amazing I am!"
"Ohhh, I see." Tails rolled his eyes.
"A-Anyway, that guy you were talking to sounded really gullible. I bet you could've gotten him to say anything. So there, you didn't really prove anything. But if we're calling in character witnesses now, let me bring you to someone! Come on!" Amy grabbed Tails by the arm and dragged him down the street.
"H-Hey! Where are you taking me?!" Tails didn't like the dodgy part of town he was being dragged into. There was a casino nearby, and other weird things. And come to think of it, he had just met Amy, so he didn't know her that well. "S-Stranger danger!"
"Oh, quit being a little kid," Amy shook her head in exasperation. "I'm just taking you to that detective agency over there! I know them! And they'll tell you how I'm a bigger Sonic fan than you."
"'Little kid…'? But I am a kid! I'm eight!"
"Wait, really?" Amy let go of his hand at once and donned a guilty look like she'd just done something awful. "W-Well, I'm twelve, so it's fine. Anyway, we're here, so let's go inside."
They stood outside a run-down office for a while. A little dusty sign marked it as the Chaotix Detective Agency, with the slogan: "We're detectives, our directive: tracking down your crime!" In smaller letters, scribbled on in black ink, a note was written: "Though the police don't want to work with us anymore after the incident, so we mainly track down cheating spouses. Cheap rates! Hire us! Please!"
With a confident gait, Amy threw open the door without knocking and marched inside. Tails slipped in quietly behind her.
"Whaddya want, dollface?" A big crocodile greeted Amy, but he sounded grumpy and wore a droopy expression. "I ain't running any more shady jobs for you, if that's what you're here for."
"Vector, tell this little twerp how I'm a bigger Sonic fan than him!" Amy pointed at Tails.
"Who's the kid?" Vector the Crocodile asked.
"That's not important! Just tell him no one's a bigger Sonic fan than me!"
Vector sighed. Grimacing, he pinched his forehead like he was getting a migraine. He looked to Tails. "Listen kid, I don't know why you're following her around, but this chick is bad news. I wouldn't argue with her if I were you. She's totally crazy. She asked me to spy on her boyfriend because she thought he was cheating on her. So, me and the boys did our sleuthing, and pulled surveillance on one Sonic the Hedgehog. But the whole thing turned out to be a total lie. Turned out Toots here wasn't even dating Sonic, and she just wanted the surveillance photos we took."
"There, you see, Tails?" Amy said, puffing out her chest proudly for some reason.
"Uhhh…" Why did she look proud of that? Majorly freaked out, Tails could only stutter. Maybe Amy really was bad news, like Vector said.
"Oh, by the way, we still have some photos left over from that job…" Vector spoke, addressing Amy this time. He pulled a file and slapped it open on his desk. Inside were some photos of Sonic napping in his hammock. "I'd rather not hang onto these things…"
A greedy gleam in her eyes, Amy snatched them up at once. Holding the pictures spread out like a fan in her hands, she stared with rapture at the pictures. Her breathing grew ragged, and a bit of drool dribbled from her mouth. "Hehehe…"
When she noticed Tails staring at her and giving her a look of incredulity, Amy quickly stashed the pictures away, rubbed the drool from her mouth, and composed herself. "A-Anyway, now you see I'm a more dedicated Sonic fan than you."
"…Yeah, I don't think I can beat that," Tails said. "You're a crazy stalker, and I kind of think I should call the police."
"W-What?! A stalker?! How dare you?! Anyway, what's that make you?! You're just some little waif Sonic took pity on! Stop bothering him so much!"
"You take that back!" Tails snarled. "I do not bother Sonic! We're best friends!"
"Who's delusional now?!"
Tails and Amy burst into furious bickering. Neither was even listening to the other, and it seemed like there would be no end to their sniping. And since they were still in his office, Vector was left to suffer through it all.
"Uh… Could you two take it outside?" Vector asked.