My thoughts on what Lena was going through at the end of episode 9

Lena reached her hand out to her monitors, desperately wishing she could grab the small dot's representing the last members of her precious Spearhead squadron. She had never accepted the idea of commanding a unit simply to die, especially not after becoming closer than ever to the 86. There was so much more to do, so much more to say…

"Don't leave me!"

"Yeah I like that. We're not being chased. We're going on our own, as far as we can go." Raiden's last sentence was like a bullet to her heart. Go? Go where? Somewhere without her? Where she could never reach them? Her eyes darted to the corner of the screen marked as unknown territory, a place where the para raids couldn't connect. She stood abruptly, feeling her heart stuck in her throat, and the painful throb of her heart racing. If it were possible, her blood ran hot and cold, her cheeks burning and fingers shaking with cold.

There was no time to waste! Lena darted out of the room, racing down the dark halls and ignoring the glow of the sunlit staircase. Normally she admired the beauty of it's architecture and decor however this time she cursed the amount of time it was taking to get outside. She tried to ignore the casual conversation of the 86 members, terrified that they were so nonchalant about venturing into the unknown no doubt littered with the Legion. Lena ran past Annette and finally burst through the exit. She momentarily stumbled before regaining her footing, losing her hat in the process.

"Wait!"

But she knew there was no waiting. There never was. She clenched her jaw and kept running. She needed to get out and reach her team. When did her beloved city get so big? Deep down Lena knew she wouldn't be able to reach them, they were miles away living in a vastly different world than she was. Yet every inch of her body screamed to run as fast as she could to not be left behind.

Kurena, Theo, Anju, Raiden… and most of all Shin. She knew her bond with Shin ran deeper than the others. She couldn't place a specific title on their relationship, but she wasn't that naive to only settle on calling her bond with Shin as just friendship. If only they had more time to talk they might've been able to understand each other better. Lena had hoped to one day meet them all in person, and show them the wonders and beauty of the world. To share the fireworks with Shin without the worries of battle. It wasn't fair at all. None of it was.

She could hear them awe over a cathedral and marvel at the beauty of a field of flowers. She could only imagine what Theo would've painted, or the flower crowns she'd have made with Anju and Kurena. Perhaps she would've discussed the fine architecture of the cathedral with Raiden and Shin…It just wasn't fair at all…but then again, she was an Alba, so it wasn't her right to call what was fair or not.

"Ahhh!" She came to a halt as the heel of her boot snapped off. She breathed rapidly, her fingers gripped her knees as her unshed tears stung. Gasping for breath she tuned in to what Raiden was saying, her mind moving a million miles as she understood that the group had finally reached the border.

Finally Shin spoke, "Major… We're going on ahead, Major."

Her para-raid rapidly blinked before disconnecting, the sudden silence made her all too aware of the loss of her beloved team members… Lena fell to her knees, letting out a wail as her anguish washed over her. What a sight she must be to the other Albas, especially to any passing soldiers. None who could begin to understand the complexity of emotions brought on by war and death. She didn't want to accept that their price for freedom would be to wander among Legion territory until their supplies ran out. They had all faced death on the battlefield countless times, and had even accepted that one day they too would face death like their fallen comrades. Lena roughly rubbed her eyes as she continued to sob. She would be the only one touched by their existence, the only one to remember them.

She whimpered and whispered, "Please don't leave me."

Under the setting sun, the night sky reflected her emotions and her words were carried away by the gentle wind.

The cicadas chirped loudly as the hot sun glared down on the rich field. Lena kept her distance as she watched the new members of the Spearhead Squadron get their pictures taken. Most had scowls on their faces likely caused by the rude behaviors of the other Alba soldiers. Most of her comrades regarded her as an outlier, a weirdo (or as some have muttered, a traitor) to have such compassion for the eighty-six. She held the small kitten close to her chest with her left arm, her right hand clutching the picture and note left behind for her. The last words of her true comrades, her friends.

"If one day, we arrive at the end of our journey, do you mind providing flowers for us?"

Of course.