Tomoe's Head by Roxius

by Professor Guttenberg

Another Roxius funny, based on the notorious Puella Magi Madoka Magica, penned by Gen Urobuchi of Fate/Stay fame and produced by SHAFT, the anime that turned the magical girl genre completely over its head a la Evangelion. And there's much comedy to be mined such as Tomoe's unfortunate demise in the series. Modified zipped extract format, credit goes to Roxius.

1. Chapter 1

Tomoe's Head

by Roxius

Alone in a subway car, Madoka has a conversation with Tomoe's living head, and then other things happen. CRACK. Please R & R!

Original source: s/7860979/1/Tomoe-s-Head

Chapters: 2

Words: 3029

Rated: Fiction T - Language: English - Genre: Humor - Characters: Madoka K., Mami T. - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 3 - Updated: Feb 27, 2012 - Published: Feb 22, 2012 - Status: Complete - id: 7860979

Exported with the assistance of Fichub

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

A/N: I'm pretty sure something like this has been done before, but I'm not even going to bother looking it up. Plus, I kinda wrote this with only looking at the wiki so don't expect clear-cut accuracy.

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Madoka Kaname was alone in the subway train car.

She looked down one end of the car, and then the other. There really wasn't anyone else around. It was strange; even when it was this late at night, there were always people riding the cars. It was why they had to run 24-7. She thought about how the passengers had moved to the next car not long after she got on. Nothing like that had ever happened before. A chill slowly crawled up her spine; she hated being all alone.

Especially when she had a living human head sitting in her lap.

"… Madoka?"

Madoka glanced down. She saw Mami Tomoe, who had seemingly died in the battle against Charlotte the witch, staring back at her. Madoka felt another shiver. The blonde girl was smiling as usual, despite lacking anything below her chin.

"Y-Yes?"

"You don't seem very happy; did I do something wrong?" the head asked.

Madoka stared back at her, unsure of what to say. She was starting to understand why everyone else had left the train car. A talking, disembodied head was incredibly disturbing to see, no matter the circumstances. Even though it meant her friend somehow survived death. Madoka wished that she had just let Sayaka take it instead.

"I'm just… a bit concerned about you," Madoka finally said.

"About me?"

"Of course. You lost your body, yet you're still alive! I'm glad you're not gone, but this doesn't make any sense!"

Tomoe laughed. "Oh, don't worry about it; I believe it is because of my soul gem's magical power that I am still able to survive. It was just fortunate enough that my head was still in-tact after Charlotte was destroyed. Of course, I doubt this magic will last forever, and without a body to sustain that magic, it continues to leak out of me. I will eventually die for real."

"What? Are… are you sure about that? Is there anything we can do?" Madoka truly wanted to help Tomoe in any way that she could. She didn't want to have to watch her friend die in front of her… again.

"We need to get me a new body, and soon."

The color drained from Madoka's face. "A-A new body?" she stammered.

"Yes. My original body… I'd much rather use it if I could, but it is long gone now. I can't get it back."

"Oh no!"

"That means we should look for a totally new body for me!" Tomoe beamed.

Madoka couldn't believe she was actually hearing this. Her life had gotten way too out of the ordinary for her liking.

"How am I supposed to do that?" she asked.

"Well, I'm sure there must be a cemetery or something around here, right?"

"What?"

Tomoe laughed again, but this time it was curt. "All you have to do is dig it up, and make sure to remove the head first. If you're lucky it might already be missing its head. Be careful not to get too much blood on everything. I would also greatly appreciate it if you brought me a woman's body with proportions similar to my original; I'd like to be able to continue wearing my old clothes when I return home. It needs to be around my age for that purpose, then, too. And it needs to be fresh, because it wouldn't be very good for me to have a body that's in the process of rotting. I'm sure you can get Sayaka to help you, right? I'm counting on the both of you."

Tomoe had said all of this in such a nonchalant manner of speaking that Madoka could hardly believe it. There was no way she could do this. She wanted to save her friend's life, true, but to actually go and deface a burial site, steal a corpse, and chop off its head was just too much. She wasn't some kind of psychotic criminal, nor did she want to be thought of as one. Even worse, how would she find a 15 to 16 year old girl's body with breasts that would match Tomoe's? It was an impossibility.

'I suppose this will have to be my wish for Kyubey, then…' she thought with some disappointment.