Anders awoke panting in a cold sweat. He had the dream again, but this time it was more vivid than ever before. His body had been completely taken over by Justice and he had lost all control over it. Everyone that he had ever known or cared about was just going about their day to day lives as if they didn't care or notice that the man he had been was gone…everyone but Hawke. She tried to reason with them, to make them see that he needed help, that he was lost, but no one would listen to her pleas. She was the only one who cared.
The blonde mage's amber eyes scanned the darkness surrounding him, his heart still gripped by the pain of the knowledge that nobody in the world cared if he lived or died. He felt a warm hand on his bicep and his muscles relaxed as he peered down at the dark-haired beauty lying at his side.
"Anders? What's wrong sweetheart?" she asked with genuine concern.
His lips curled into a gentle, wistful smile. "It's nothing, love. Go back to sleep."
"Another nightmare? It seems you have those quite often, lately."
He gave her hand a gentle pat. "I'm fine. I just have a lot on my mind."
Although the part about him being fine was a lie, he was truthful when he said he had a lot on his mind. Tomorrow was the day…the day of reckoning. It was the day that would force all mages to finally take a stand, the day that they would finally have to pick a side. There would be no more Grand Cleric to try to smooth things over between mages and templars. Mages would be forced to fight for their freedom, for their lives. Everything he had done up until then had led him to that point. He would be loathed by most for his act of defiance, and he knew his life would be forfeit for it. The only thing he really wondered was would anyone see the sacrifices he made to get there? Would they understand? Or would they simply see him as some sort of crazed abomination that had lost control? Would they only remember that one act that would start the upcoming revolution?
He lay his head back onto his pillow and felt the only woman he had ever loved snuggle up to his chest. He kissed the top of her head. "Hawke?"
"Yes sweetheart?" she asked sleepily.
"If something were to happen to me...I want you to know how very much I love you and how much your love has meant to me."
He felt her head shake against his body. "Anders, don't talk like that. Nothing is going to happen to you. I won't let it."
He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. "But if it did…I just wanted you to know that."
"I know you love me, Anders, and I love you, with every bit of my heart. Whatever this is…we'll get through it. We always do."
His response came in a silent nod before wrapping her in his arms and closing his eyes. "I've tried so hard to help others. Since leaving Ferelden, I've tried to atone for the selfishness of my youth. Do you think anyone will remember me for that? Or will they only remember my wrongdoings?"
Hawke tightened her embrace. "You're a good man, Anders. I know not everyone sees that about you, but I do. You could never do anything to make me believe otherwise. You've helped a lot of people and saved a lot of lives. No one will forget that."
"Do you really believe that love? No matter what I do?"
She raised her head and stared into his eyes, her own bright blue ones reflecting the light of the moon pouring through the window. "I really believe that. That dream really has you spooked doesn't it?"
Anders ran his fingers through her dark-brown locks. "I need you to promise me something. Promise me you'll remember me…the way we are now…just like this. That you'll remember I loved you as much as any man could ever love a woman, no matter what happens. Promise me you'll remember that, whatever is to come in the future, it has nothing to do with my feelings for you and that you did nothing wrong. And, if there ever comes a time when I have to leave you alone, you'll try to remember the love we shared more than anything."
"This is about more than some dream, isn't it? What's this all about Anders? Talk to me…please."
He kissed her lips tenderly, for what he was sure would be the last time. "Do you know what I'm most afraid of Hawke? I'm afraid I'll die or disappear, and no one will care at all."
She put a hand to his scruffy cheek and shook her head. Her voice was both frightened and angry when she spoke. "Anders that will never happen. Besides me, you have friends who love you and who would miss you terribly. Swear to me that you aren't thinking of doing something to throw your life away needlessly. Swear it."
He painted on his best reassuring smile. "I swear to you, love, you have nothing to worry about. I'm not going to kill myself, and I would never throw my life away needlessly."
Hawke's shoulders visibly relaxed before she snuggled up to him again. Anders stroked her hair, listening to her breathing even out as she fell into a peaceful sleep. Needlessly…That one word he had spoken kept the promise he made from being untruthful. That one word would help him keep his oath. He only hoped Hawke would see it that way as well.