AN: This is my first Fallout fic and my first bit of writing in about a year, so I'm a little rusty. I am mostly writing this story for my own fun and entertainment after simping over my own Fallout 4 character for a couple months now. I am not a Fallout/Wasteland expert by any means, but I hope there's not too many continuity errors or that I diverge too greatly from the Canon ideas.

My main character is the Sole Survivor, who I basically created in my one save file to be my dream man. So I started picturing him with who I would think of as a dream girl and tried to base a believable story around it. I don't know how many parts there will be.

This fic's main purpose is absolutely smut, hopefully tasteful smut with some minor plots and whatever. Plot is not the main focus of this story, but romance is. It will most definitely not be everyone's cup of tea but regardless I hope there will be those who might find enjoyment from it. Like I said, I mostly wrote it for myself. I will honestly be surprised if anyone reads it at all!

The title is subject to change, but unlikely.

If you have any other questions about me or my motives in fanfiction, please refer to my profile bio.

You Deserve to Feel It: Part I

He had been gone from Sanctuary Hills a long time. All he could think of was falling onto that faithfully creaky bed of his in the root cellar; allowing his body to shut down and blocking out the entire world.

The realization to him that he had been awake in this godforsaken wasteland for over seven months now without feeling any closer to getting his son back, hit him hard. Prancing from settlement to settlement, lending his helping hands to allies, swiftly smacking down on the enemies… he had begun to drown away his pain in drink. Nate had never been the type before.

Before.

The life he had before was simultaneously the only thing keeping him going, and the one thing he could hardly bear to think on.

It had felt good to take Kellogg's life, murdering him. Kellogg had assisted the Institute in stealing everything that Nate held dear, and the motherfucker had it coming.

Nate was going to find out the Institute's motives, the reasons for all they have done. He would discover what became of Shaun or die fighting them.

A loyal canine campion whimpered anxiously up at Nate's pained expression. "Don't worry, buddy," he reassured Dogmeat, leaning down to stroke his tough, but soft fur. This journey had been particularly arduous, but mostly burdensome for his pup. They both needed to rest, a real rest this time. "Almost there."

\-/0v0\-/

The moment they entered the front gate, Preston Garvey was there. It was as if he could sniff him out like a bloodhound, maybe even better than Dogmeat.

"General,"

"How's it going, friend?" Nate was very skilled at behaving with nonchalance, but in this instance felt exceedingly thankful for the patrolman sunglasses he wore, otherwise Garvey would have seen the roll of his eyes.

It was not as if he didn't like Garvey. Garvey was one of the good ones, the first comrade Nate had made on this hellhole planet – if you weren't counting Dogmeat. However, from observing his hesitant demeanor, Nate just knew the man was about to suggest yet another settlement he had his sights set on.

"Things are getting better and better each day," Garvey informed him earnestly. "Spirits are high, rations are plenty. Best of all, we feel safe."

It was a relief to hear. Nate told him so.

"There are even more settlers as well, and a group of three who showed up several days ago. British bunch… sailed all the way here from Old England. They haven't been any trouble. In fact, they've been pitching in a lot. We're not quite sure their whole story yet. We were hoping you could -"

"Yeah, man," Nate interjected with restrained exasperation. "I'll figure that one out later. If they aren't hostile, I'd like to think it isn't a problem."

He walked away, following Dogmeat towards the epicenter of Sanctuary and Garvey gratefully let him go. Nate honestly could not suffer through another second of the bullshit – socializing. Though as charismatic as they come, Nate could only pal around for so much, for so long. Especially now after what went down with Valentine, and then Kellogg, he was absolutely done.

The settlers of Sanctuary Hills came to discern just how spent he was, because Nate didn't show himself for almost two days, locking himself down in the root cellar where no one could bother him; only his dog, his bourbon, and his ghosts to keep company as he slept through the hours.

When he finally resurfaced, squinting into the daylight, all Nate wanted then was to bathe. He was probably as grimy as he'd ever been, sporting a throbbing red cut on his lower lip, mud and sweat matting up his chestnut brown hair. The shower in his old home was the only one he'd gotten working so far, so he headed there in an attempt to cleanse his filth the best he could.

Unfortunately, he would not be able to cleanse his soul, his hands of all the blood he had spilt; the foreseen blood he had yet to spill.

\-/0v0\-/

He popped the cap off a Nuka-Cherry, that satisfying sound, and downed the whole soda in under a minute. He began slinking his way past a smoking Trashcan Carla who he nodded to.

Nate tossed the empty bottle into his workstation before walking towards the Field, which is what he affectionately called their garden. It was full of everything the Commonwealth had to offer, the majority of it being razorgrain, carrots, corn and tatos, which were just the crops he happened to take a liking to the most.

That was when he saw it: that head of miles-long hair posted up on guard by the old playground. Was that red… no, it was more strawberry blonde. The woman's posture was straight, spine held with confidence as she gazed up thoughtfully toward the early afternoon sun.

"Ah, he has arisen," said Pumpkin, one of the first settlers he hired. She was an amusing but insecure girl with a daydreamy manner, one who spent all her spare moments cooped up playing Grognak and the Ruby Ruins. His old friends in school before the Great War, they would have called Pumpkin a nerd, but Nate had taken quite a liking to her.

He had to withhold a snarky remark about being Jesus, grinning a toothy smile. "Apparently so. How's the corn coming along?"

Pumpkin shrugged, throwing another in the basket to be shucked later. "Better than usual,"

"That's good," he said brightly. "Any chance you can tell me who that is over there?"

Pumpkin snapped her eyes up and peered through the cornstalks to see who he was referring to. "Oh her? That's that Fisher lady,"

"Fisher, huh?" Nate stared interestedly at the back of those strawberry blonde locks.

"Yeah," said Pumpkin. "She's a part of the people who came here last week, the English folk."

"I see,"

"'Seems friendly enough, so far. I really like them, actually. They've been a huge help."

"Thank you, Pumpkin,"

"'Course," she replied, watching Nate curiously as he went to approach the newcomer.

Nate had trouble understanding why he felt so timid as he came to stand below the post she was perched. It was like he could feel a crackling of energy between them as he stepped closer and closer. The sensations had his stomach flip-flopping, hands clamming up from nerves. "Hello," he greeted politely.

Black sunglasses atop a perfect little nose turned to face him. "Hello." Her silky soft voice returned.

"'Names Nate. I just wanted to introduce myself."

The woman's brows leapt up to her hairline in surprise. "Oh, alright Nate. It's wonderful to finally meet the man I've been hearing so much about."

Nate wanted to cringe. "Nothing too bad, I hope." She smiled, seemingly entertained by his response.

"Not at all. Just the opposite, in fact," she said, her boots thumping down the wooden stairs to the grass. She had a silenced pistol holstered to her hip and a dagger sheathed at her thigh. She sported an army green jumpsuit that hugged her curves and was unzipped at the neck, exposing a generous view of her freckled chest. Nate liked this girl's style. "You can call me Fisher."

He smirked handsomely. "Is that a last name, or do you just really love to fish?"

"Funny," she quipped, stepping around him. "It's a last name. My dad's."

"Of course," replied Nate, somewhat sheepish. He trailed behind her as she marched into the main lodge – the recreational building where the settlers came and went, a safe place to relax. "So, you and your group finding Sanctuary… nice? I'd like to know how you came to join us."

Fisher looked as if she was trying not to chuckle. She poured herself a small cup of whiskey, peeling off her sunglasses to reveal a pair of gorgeous, big brown eyes. Nate's breath hitched, his Adam's apple bobbing in excitement.

"Yes, it's nice. Very nice and better than we expected. We were over in Far Harbor for ages. 'Couldn't take the fog anymore, so we left and ended up in Diamond City for a few nights. We heard Sanctuary was one of the safest places in the Commonwealth…" she trailed off a moment, seemingly sizing up the man in front of her. "There was… we met a reporter, a journalist named Piper. She filled us in on a lot." Nate tried preparing himself internally, knowing exactly where this was going but sadly, he had trouble focusing. "I… read that issue of Publick Occurrences. Two-hundred years old, eh?"

Nate bit his lip in embarrassment, scratching his head. "Yeeah… Mr. Popular. That's me, giving everyone something to talk about." His tone was disdainful, and instantly he regretted the way it sounded.

Pity flashed across Fisher's eyes. "'Sorry, I didn't mean -"

"Oh no, it's fine, really," he told her quickly, mentally berating the sad, tragic little man he'd become. "I'm just… currently on edge."

"I think it's pretty understandable why."

Nate found himself a bottle of Bolbrov's Best Moonshine and pulled a hefty gulp into his mouth, slightly grimacing. Fisher pretended like she was not witnessing the mess before her. "Sorry," he said, clearing his throat nervously. She only smiled, taking a sip of her own drink. "So, who did you travel here with?" he asked, expeditiously changing the subject. His troubles weren't anyone else's problem.

He wondered if the large amount of alcohol he was regularly consuming was beginning to change him. Nate found it incredibly difficult to maintain the patience he used to have, his consistent attitude of positivity dwindling fast; finding he felt utterly cut to the bone, hanging on by the thinnest of threads. He did not want to take it out on the others.

"My two companions, Stark and Jesse," replied Fisher exuberantly. "They're around here somewhere, the lads. Don't worry, we've been pulling our weight. 'Put ourselves to work right away upon arriving."

"So I heard,"

"Stark has mostly been guarding the posts with me," she continued. "While Jesse has used his know-it-all-ness to help out with the bits and bobs around here."

"That's great," Nate said. "Sounds like you three are going to be… an essential asset to the community. That is, if you were planning to stay with us." He attempted to come off as indifferent as possible, unwilling to admit outright that he very much wanted this young woman to stick around. She certainly had his attention.

Nate watched as Fisher's glossy gaze fell briefly to the table. "We'll stay for as long as the weather permits. We never can tell which way the wind might blow. 'Can't promise anything, you know."

"Right," he responded lightly, acknowledging the slight suspicion he felt at her wording. "Well, for as long as you're here, you let me know if there's any problems, anything you need. Good?"

"Y-Yes. Good."

"Good. I'll catch up with you later, Fish."

One of her brows arched questioningly at the nickname, not that she hadn't heard that one before. Nate mostly ignored it, smirking playfully and exited through the door. He had to get some more details on this group of three. He'd planned to get much more out of that conversation just then, but Nate was feeling an unidentifiable sort of aftershock from the interaction and found himself needing to step away. Maybe these "lads" of hers could explain further on their origins.

A Wastelander traversing the ruins of Boston met a lot of different people, beings and creatures, but it was kind of rare to come by a friend from straight across the pond.

\-/0v0\-/

Nate had a lengthy afternoon conversing with Stark. Stark informed him that he was a sailor and longtime merchant from Old Liverpool. He was in his fifties, and when Fisher's father had passed – one of his old acquaintances, another seaman – Stark had taken her under his wing, finished raising her.

Stark had salt and pepper hair, a vertical gash spanning the left side of his face, and some faded scars etched around his neck. He was a hardened brute and a chain smoker, but Nate could tell right away that he was very compassionate with a protective nature toward Fisher.

"She lost her mum when she was just a tot. Her father was a good man, a brave man. One of the best I ever knew. 'Couldn't stand the thought of her fighting for survival out there in Yorkshire on her own," Stark had explained, his accent thick, melodic and slow. "So, I went and retrieved her – just in the nick 'o time too – brought her back to my boathouse and it's like she's been one of my own ever since."

"Did you?" Nate had asked. "Have any of your own?"

"I had a son once," Stark revealed, dark eyes misting over with wistful memories. The man's throat got all choked up, and Nate felt guilt panging in his chest. "He was a good lad. All he'd wanted was to make his old man proud, and he did. I lost him to sickness when he was just eleven."

"Damn, I'm sorry. I really hadn't meant to pry that out of you. That's just awful." Nate divulged his sob story in return. "I… had a son myself. I haven't seen him since he was an infant. The institute… I found out they conspired, claimed him for their own. They killed my wife and kidnapped him. There was nothing I could do and… he's out there. I'm doing everything in my power to find him. But I'm incredibly sorry you lost your boy, especially like that. I can't imagine what you went through."

"Many thanks," replied Stark, lighting up a cigarette. "We all have our so-called traumas, don't we?"

Nate nodded, taking a swig of his pilsner. "And where does this Jesse fellow fit in?" He inquired, looking pointedly over at the scrawny, pale boy who couldn't have been more than nineteen. He was kneeling by the purification system in the river, twisting a knob back and forth, then here or there watching it like a hawk as if waiting for something to happen.

"Bloody genius, that one," exclaimed Stark. "I don't know where he gets it from, but it's like everything he touches and messes with eventually improves, in appearance and in function. He's way better than one of those Mr. Handy's, that's for damn sure."

Nate chuckled, thinking of poor Codsworth and downed the rest of his beer. He was getting nice and drunk now.

"Just… picked him up on the side of the road one day. He was alone, his entire village sacked, parents savagely killed, he'd said." Stark continued. "He was crafty enough to escape through the cracks unseen during the takeover. 'Been in hiding for a couple o' days when we found him. Glad we did. If it wasn't for him at one point, we wouldn't even be alive."

"I look forward to hearing this story," Nate slurred, but Stark shook his head.

"Another time, I think. I got to go take me a leak, grab some Mentats, you know?" He started shuffling away discreetly.

"Alright then," Nate hoped he hadn't done, or said anything wrong. He was learning he could be kind of a buzzkill if he wasn't careful, but maybe he was just feeling insecure.

"See you later, man."

\-/0v0\-/

"Hi there," Nate greeted kindly to the boy almost sitting in the water.

"Hello," Jesse replied, a thousand questions mixed with a thousand answers behind his stony grey eyes. His expression was very serious, a stitch between his thick brows, but his demeanor was that of inner amusement – as if he knew a very funny joke that he wouldn't dare let anyone in on. "You're Mister Nate." He said in a matter of fact.

Nate cracked a smile. "Yes. Good observation. And you're Jesse, am I right?"

Jesse snickered, staring back down at the water his bare feet were immersed in. "You're right."

Nate pressed his hands to his hips, attempting to appear greatly interested in whatever it was Jesse was consumed with. "How's the water?"

Jesse took a moment to even out the edges of his reply. "I found some abnormalities."

Stark had proclaimed this boy a genius. Nate had to admit, Jesse was right away showing signs of proper intelligence. His mind just had to be full of vast amounts of information and ideas that other people could never understand or couldn't be bothered to try to grasp or think about. "Hmm… well, that's not good." Nate said, swallowing a lump in his throat. "Is it… really bad?"

"It's contaminated."

Nate itched at some of the stubble on his chin, grunting as he mulled the whole thing over. He just might be too intoxicated for this sort of issue. "We need to find a solution right away… but before we can find a solution, we uh, need to find out where the abnormalities are coming from, and what sort of abnormalities these are."

"There's a buildup, a blockage." Jesse said.

"A blockage?"

"There's something bad, something dirty coming through the water," explained Jesse. "There's so much of it, the purifier can't keep up. You either need to double, maybe triple the system or you need to find out what's causing the bad stuff to come through and get rid of it."

Nate gazed at the boy in wonder and admiration. "I'm very impressed, Jesse. When did you start to figure all this out?"

"After lunch. The water tasted funny."

"I see. Well, I think until we fix the problem it's probably best you get outta the water then,"

Jesse nodded, a flash of embarrassment flitting across his face before jumping as fast as he could out of the river.

"Jesse, can you do something for me?" The boy nodded again. "I need you to go tell everyone right away the running water is not safe. Tell them to stop drinking the water, stop using it. We should only be using the stock water for now. I don't want our people to get sick. Christ, I just took a shower," Nate struggled with his sanity for a moment, feeling just plain icky all over again.

"I can do that, Mister Nate."

"I appreciate it. I'm going to investigate, try to pinpoint where the contamination could be coming from." Intoxicated or not, this was definitely not something that could be ignored.

\-/0v0\-/

Dead bodies. Putrid, decaying bodies upon bodies, stacked over and around each other like one of those fucked up meat bags. Ghouls, humans, super mutants, yao guai… you name it, it was wrapped up in there. Right in the middle of the river a half a mile's walk from the settlement.

It was no coincidence… it couldn't have been. This monstrosity had to have been put here on purpose. This kind of thing never just... happened by chance.

It almost felt like it was a message being delivered, a terribly gruesome one at that. A bad omen, misfortunes to come.

Nate had an idea of why, too. It must have been because of how large Sanctuary had grown. He had made quite a lot of enemies in his travels, not that any of them survived long before he came in shooting… but there was no mistaking this kind of message. Someone out there was trying to sabotage Sanctuary Hills, to make them sick, to sabotage him in the process. He couldn't help but think the Institute had something, maybe everything to do with this, and Nate's guess would be as good as any.

He'd turned too many heads, talked too much to too many people. After he was done cleaning up this terrible mess, Nate was unsure of the next move. He did not want to bring any more harm to his comrades, he would only cause them danger. Wherever he went, whoever he was with became targets. How was he supposed to truly keep them safe if he was shacked up here with them for too long?

On top of everything, he yearned for his kin, for the answers he so desperately needed.

Restless.

But something in his gut told him 'not yet'.

\-/0v0\-/

AN: I am having a lot of fun with this story. If you made it this far, thank you so much and I hope it was at least somewhat enjoyable! Part II is already almost finished, and things will definitely be heating up. Will be posting as soon as possible. Cheers friends.