Chapter 6: Monday…

Last night, he had truly asked…

If she wanted to stay... The possibility of getting another boat at this time of season would be most rarely, he had said. Besides, they seemed to get along quite well and if they could keep the company going so leisurely the way they did till now, he would be fine with it. Anna had sat and had listened, supressing the scream that impelled within her throat, nearly strangling her by the effort of holding it back. How could he know that she had overheard his conversation with Sven? Though she had of course not heard what the opposite was saying, it was Kristoff´s words, and more than that, the tone of his voice, so warm and vulnerable, which had melted her heart within a brief momentum.

At the end, Anna had plainly thanked the offer and remarked that she would appreciate the invitation under one condition, that she was allowed to help with the cooking and daily chores furthermore. She tried bravely to hold back her elation and nodded formally when Kristoff suggested to go for another shopping tour just to make sure they had enough on board for the next few days.

When they had all stored in the right places, they decided to take the time for a stroll along the beach. It was a lovely day, and the seagulls invited any strollers with their singsongs to cherish the lake shores. They came to the part where little rowing boats were dispatched for a low-priced rental use. And because some physical exercise would not harm, Kristoff suggested they could just as well take a little afternoon tour of such.

Anna was thrilled, because that would mean they sat close and chatting, not each one abandoned on a side of the big ship. She agreed and a few minutes later, Kristoff pushed the little wooden boat away from the landing stage and jumped in before it got out of reach. Anna shrieked with hilarious joy when the vessel rocked by the sturdy impact.

"Sorry about that." Kristoff shrugged and picked up the rudders, manoeuvring them out of the pier´s realm. Anna giggled and waved her hands in excuse, she hadn´t intended making a girlish scene. She just enjoyed the holiday feeling this sort of outing brought to her.

And so, they sat in peaceful silence for a while and all that was heard was the tweeting of the seagulls roaming the skies above their heads, and the gurgling sound of the waters drippling from the rudders´ ends, which sank and uplifted in turns, conducted by those strong arms… When suddenly a calm voice broke the comfy silence, which had not even been dreading Anna for once.

"You know about your family... I can relate to what you were saying two days ago. Though you have a family of your own, you don´t feel like you belong. I never knew my real family, but the strangers who took me in when I was little, made me belong more than I could imagine it would be possible at all.

Anna´s eyes widened, and she sat all still.

He never had a real family. That´s so sad. But why? No interruption, listen!

"I´m sorry to hear that. So, you were adopted?"

"Yes. When I was eight years old. Until then, I grew up in an orphanage. It´s not the best memory, but it´s the past and that´s where I want to keep it. Then, family Stein took me in and made me part of them so naturally. That was the best day of my life, I guess. But then, you must know, my family is big, loud and they love to keep company! They love to have a lot of people around and host a lot of parties all the time. If you like people, that´s THE place to hang around, believe me." Kristoff chuckled and continued with the rowing, shaking his head in amusement.

Anna smiled, shuffling her feet, a bit abashed by this personal sharing, but glad to be chosen as the confident.

Kristoff then continued, "The thing is, why I can relate with what you said, that is; even though my family loves me, and I love them back immensely, still, I don´t feel comfortable with a bunch of people engaging with. It´s hard for me, somehow. I like my solitude for some reason and being left alone, but not left out, you know. When I try to explain to them, they say they understand, because they love me. But I know it hurts them, too. So, with you, maybe it´s just the other way round? I imagine you like people and being surrounded by friends and all, because this was all so rare when you were young. But then, I guess, we both feel like not belonging in our ways. Does that make sense?"

Anna felt a strange knot in her stomach, not an unpleasant knot – like she had once felt before upon fear and panic, but it was a knot that seemed like fastening a peculiar emotion within her that was wondersome in a way. The feeling of being in the right place at the right time with the right person who took her as she was and not how she was expected to be by others. Out of a reflex, Anna leaned forward, a hand to her chest, smiling at him with sparkling eyes.

"This makes so perfect sense. Thank you for sharing this with me. It means a lot to me, you know. And I think you have the perfect right to speak your mind about if you like to interact with people or not. We should all be allowed to say what we feel, and not being forced into something we´re not. But then, I understand your family does not push you?"

Anna straightened back and steadied her weight back on both hands on the bench, sighing in thought. Kristoff nodded with a friendly smile, "yes, that is so."

Anna looked out into the distance, wondering if she could share that one fraction of her life that she had never ever told her family, afraid to get blamed. She would try. Why, she could not tell, but Anna felt like there was no risk and this time, her inner alarms were calm and resting silently.

"You see. I love my family, too. But then, there is something I have never told them, out of fear for misunderstanding and shame. I´m the weirdo, remember?" Anna laughed nervously and shrugged. Kristoff did not agree, he shook his head intending to say something, but Anna gestured her apology. Alright, she was no weirdo, but still, she didn´t feel comfy to speak to her family.

Kristoff didn´t say anything, just continued the rowing, his almond eyes capturing her with plain friendliness.

"It was last year in Stuttgart. He was, well he is, a well-known name on stage, the prince of ballet he gets called. Hans Westergaard had detected me in the company and requested I should get positioned to dance at his side. For me that had been the chance of my life and he had been all charms, encouraging and supporting my career to become a known star along with him. Hans told me over and again that I was his princess and treated me like prominent royalty. He took me out for dinner, made sure fresh flowers would be delivered to my dressing room on time before a performance night. I had been flattered and put all my efforts in my performing improvement to be matching equally with the great star. Olaf had warned me, not to get carried away and keep my senses. I ignored him, though promising I would not lose my head. I was blind, because I believed that finally, I´d…" Anna lowered her head, shame overcoming her now.

"belong…"

Anna´s head snaped up and she stared at Kristoff who sat still, listening concentrated and focussing her with genuine interest. He had put down the rudders and left the boat drifting in the waters. He was all ears, so she felt encouraged to go on.

"Yes, belong to someone… Then it happened."

Kristoff had a bad notion about what might come now. But he would not interrupt her, nor show his worry of things he would hear, but hearing out he would. It seemed to him that Anna needed to get this out at some point.

"One night, after a real good performance, Hans took me out into a fancy hotel-restaurant. I was high spirited after the standing ovation and flowers that had been thrown on stage for me. So, I simply enjoyed the treat and the charming company. Still believing that Hans would want me and me alone, I was dancing on clouds."

Anna sighed, turned her head to look onto the glittering waters, lancing a hand through the splashing surface, just to turn back swallowing her pride to let it out.

"Then, after dinner, Hans confided in me that he had hired a room for us. He said that he couldn´t wait any longer and he desired me to be his. He had said it so captivatingly, I fell for his words. So, I went with him, still, something within me pulled at my guts. I was not really feeling well and, on the way upstairs, my legs felt heavy, and my belly clenched. I couldn´t tell him, I felt silly and blamed the wine and the earlier excitement for this insecurity. So, I let him lead me into the room and slowly he started to undress me. By now it all refers to a blur that I can´t really recall, but at some point, I found myself on the bed and Hans started moving for more. I then realised I had only a second left to figure out if this was supposed to be that way. I struggled to keep up with him and tensed, trying to stop him, stammering my anxiety, begging for more time. And that´s when he stopped being the gentleman. Apparently, Hans wasn´t used to be turned down and snarled at me to shut up and that I shouldn´t make such a scene. He was determined to make me a woman and after all he had done for me and my career, I could at least show him some affection by serving him in a modest way. Later it would turn out that I was supposed to be another trophy on his wall of seducing fame. I was shocked and felt a world dashing down on me, just as he started to push me down onto the mattress. I can´t really recapitulate very clearly but I remember him grabbing my thighs to position himself between and that´s when I got alarmed to no end and panicked, and everything within me repulsed, one thought screaming out in my head "get out of here!" I twisted and smashed my knee into his side and when he crouched swearing badly, I punched his face with a fury, I believe seeing his nose exploding in a red gush. And when he collapsed, I pushed him to the side and jumped off, grabbing my dress, and racing out of the room. While running I pulled my dress over my head and at some point, I emerged the lobby into the fresh air. I can´t even remember how I got home."

By now tears spilled silently down her cheeks out of agitation by retelling this demoralizing moment and Anna had started shuffling her feet again, anxious that she had said to much. For sure the poor man opposite must be appalled by such stupidity and girlish gullibility. But then, a calm and sincere voice came to her ear.

"What happened next? I guess that jerk got away with it?"

I didn´t like him in the video before – now I hate him!

Anna lifted her face to find herself looked at with respect and admiration, or whatever that kind almond eyes were saying. She couldn´t really define, but one thing she noticed. Kristoff did not seem to be repulsed or annoyed. Did he take her story as it was? A ghastly conducted misuse… He would not blame her! Grateful for the honest interest, she went on.

"I told Olaf. He was the one who called me next morning to ask how my evening had turned out. He understood, after all he had warned me before. But he didn´t yell at me or anything. He had taken me by the hand and had managed to get the employment at Arendelle Opera House for me. I begged him to come along and got him accepted there, too. That was like a miracle and a new start. I hadn´t told my family in detail, out of shame and humiliation. I said I appreciated the change of surroundings and Arendelle was a good place. They didn´t question my intention and that´s how I started to leave this part of my life behind me."

"And what happened to prince charming?" Kristoff frowned and spoke the words with apparent disgust. He desperately hoped that this son of a bi… got fired and thrown in the deepest pit of the old Opera basement… And he told Anna of his vision.

Anna waved a dismissing hand at Kristoff´s wish, chuckling at his expression, feeling free and plottingly connected.

"Hans got called to Copenhagen, the legendary and famous Opera House. He didn´t say much about the incident, just that I was not worth the effort he had put on me. I had terribly disappointed him. You know, blablabla..."

"Hmph." Kristoff shook his head and sighed. Where was justice in such cases? He reached for the rudders and restarted gliding the boat through the waters.

They sat in silence for a long while. Anna didn´t feel the urge to ask whether Kristoff thought of her as stupid as she had once felt or if he felt sore pity. For some reason it didn´t matter anymore. That tremendous moment was part of her life, even though Anna didn´t want this whole nightmare to dictate her future life, and even the more her eventual love life if there would ever be one. But then, Anna was nosy of nature, she had been that all her life long. She tilted her head, stretched out her legs, and gnawed on her lips, before she dared to ask.

"And because you´re a realistic and soberly focused person, you must think of me as the dumbest chick on earth, right?" She could just as well hear it out, so he wouldn´t have to pretend he felt sorry for her or any of the sort. But the answer caught her off guard.

"No, Anna. Sure not. That was false and simply mean. What Hans did was shameless and of lowest character level."

"But don´t you think my alarms should have gone off far sooner?"

"Perhaps. Didn´t you say Olaf had warned you? But you said yourself, you were dancing on clouds and that´s when your senses were dimmed, right?"

"Yes, I think so."

"And then," Kristoff cleared his throat, "you longed to belong, and belonging romantically must have been very appealing. Most probably you have shown this need and Hans has taken all advantage of your craving. That´s what I call mean and false. An upright character would not do this."

"So, you wouldn´t take advantage of a lost girl?" Anna asked solemnly.

"No! Because I would not want to be seduced for selfish reasons myself."

"Wait, what?" Anna jolted upright from her relaxed position and stared in disbelief.

"You don´t tell me you have never been with a girl before? I mean, so really together…?"

It was Kristoff now who grinned amused.

"No, I haven´t. I believe it must be the right moment with the right girl. And up until now, this has not happened yet."

"But you´re so nice!" Oh dear, Anna threw a hand over her mouth. The words had escaped her lips before she had even realised that they were there. But it was true though. He was a real catch to look at and even more he was kind-hearted.

"I´m sorry, it´s just…" Anna tried to explain, "I can´t understand why a good guy like you is still alone? Do you like being on your own so much that you have ignored the ladies´ waiting line on your porch?" Anna huffed her shoulders and pulled a questioning face.

Kristoff burst into a laughter and shook his head.

"Thanks for the compliment. But no. I believe it´s worth waiting to meet the one. And when I do, I hope I will be brave enough to make her mine and she´ll let me be hers in return."

This was the most beautiful thing Anna had ever heard about love, even though Kristoff had not even mentioned the word. So, this was getting interesting, and she figured to dart one last question.

"Wow, that´s a really noble and honest attitude. Would you let me in about how you intend to approach the whoever lucky lady one day? I mean, only if you trust me, that is." Anna blinked and pressed her lips together in curiosity.

Kristoff didn´t seem to mind, but then he smiled at her mischievously and continued his rowing habit in silence, extending the quiet moment until he could tell Anna was about to burst. He then chuckled and nodded slowly.

"When time is ripe, I will hopefully know how to step up."

Anna understood to shut up and leave this good man alone now. He had been so kind and comprehending to her. It wouldn´t be fair to push him any further.

"Yes," she said all genuine, "good luck then. And hey! Thank you for listening. I hope I haven´t ruined your afternoon."

"Of course not." He looked at her in thought and then added, "Anna, would you do me a favour? Don´t blame yourself on what had happened. You have a generous personality and have a great gift, that´s called optimism. Don´t ever let that be taken from you. You can charm and thaw a frozen heart I´m sure. That makes you unique. You know that do you?"

And for the first time in forever, Anna felt like what it must be like to belong to somebody who liked her for who she was.

Please, if only it could be you!

Note: Thanks to Jenny (another cool mom), who had lent me her status photo of her houseboat vacation... 😊