Centurions! Tonight, its time I expanded into one of my favorite TV shows of all time; Brooklyn 99! I've always liked Jamy and was thinking to myself, how…interesting would it be if the squad babysat Mac? So naturally I'm going to stay as close to the actual characters' personalities as possible, but you know me, I love me some OOC :P
Also, as with most of my stories this is AU-ish. Here's some exposition for y'all. Jake's a stay-at-home dad, Terry's still lieutenant, Holt's still captain and Amy's still sergeant. Both Rosa and Gina still work at the 99 but are now a full on couple. Sorry, as I was typing this I thought there'd be more :P
Enjoy!
_
It had been a year since Mac Peralta had been born, and whilst Amy and Jake loved him more than anything else in the world, they were beginning to see why Terry had become so anxious and tired after Cagney and Lacey were born; exhaustion! Those dark brown orbs of Mac's couldn't hide the fact that despite his cuteness, he had the voice of a foghorn. The couple's neighbors had even started to complain and theorize that sonic weaponry was being developed in the apartment at night.
Sure, when Amy found out she was pregnant, they were aware that being parents meant that they would be sacrificing sleep for years to come. Terry had only finally been able to get a full 8 hours again. But they never thought it would be this bad. Every five minutes, Mac burst into tears and screamed bloody murder. Thanks to Jake being a stay-at-home dad, he had become slightly less insane to deal with during the day. However, night was the most awful time for the two parents. Every four minutes Mac would wake up, it had gotten to the point that Amy could hear screaming when she slept, both parents now looked exactly like extras from an episode of the Walking Dead.
This was apparent right now as the pair were enjoying a very brief period of silence, their child finally asleep after a good 5 hours of crying at the top of his lungs. This was getting to be too much, the two police officers needed some time to themselves, right now an active duty warzone seemed more peaceful than this.
'' How long did you sleep?'' Jake asked, pouring him and Amy two cups of coffee the next morning. He purposefully wore socks so as not to wake the sleeping child.
Amy looked up at him, her skin significantly paler and the bags under her eyes quite pronounced. '' Three, not to mention how many times I kept waking up even when Mac wasn't crying. I'm actually tempted to commandeer Hitchcock and Scully's nap room so I don't have to keep pretending that the reason for my eyes is because of gas station makeup.''
'' How did Terry do this twice? Man, I'm starting to wish I had actually been paying attention when he spoke about Cagney and Lacey when they were babies'' Jake added.
'' We need a break, I get that all babies are a nightmare but its starting to affect my work, I caught the vulture swiping another case and just shrugged it off.''
'' You betrayed the precinct, oh God this is bad. How many vacation days do you have saved up again?''
'' 48 and counting, why?''
'' I'm thinking we go away for two weeks. Any ideas?''
'' A vacation? Isn't this a bit late notice, I mean we have to do forex, find accommodation, budget for food, potential flights and we have to find babysitters.''
'' In order: You can use your vacation days as long as you get permission from the precinct captain, who happens to be…'' Jake cocked his eyes at his wife.
'' Holt. But he'd never do that, remember the whole Teddy-Berkshires episode a few years back.''
'' Yeah, but you lied before, this time its not deception, its fact. Just say that you want to spend two weeks away from your job and let the city go to purge so you can get away from your child and spend time with your husband.''
'' That sounds horrible.''
'' You're right, I really need to work on my phrasing a bit more. Look, I get it, you can't take time off right now, but its Holt, he loves us, and he loves Mac. He once said he's a model specimen of a larval human being.''
'' Wow, for Holt that's some serious emotion.''
'' I know right. So, what do you say?''
Amy sighed, years of being with Jake had taught her that he was as stubborn as they got, she could either cave or wait for him to wear her down over several days.
'' Fine'' she muttered. '' But no where insane ok?''
'' Yes!'' Jake shouted, waking his infant son again, the sound of screeching engulfing the apartment. '' Dammit!"'
-x-
Amy approached the off ice she'd been in countless times before. No big deal, this was Raymond Holt, sure on the outside he was as friendly as a cactus and just as friendly.
'' What's with the walk, you look like you're smuggling illegal contraband into a summer camp'' came a familiar voice.
'' For the record, I've done that. Brett Basich's 8th birthday party, never knew that in my backpack was his entire birthday cake'' another one added on.
'' In order, I'm just a little nervous is all. Secondly Gina, eight?''
'' Mhm, totes. We actually dated for a few years after that, broke his heart when I dumped him. In hindsight, not a good idea to do it at his parents' wedding.''
'' Oh my God'' Amy said, repulsed.
'' Yeah, my girlfriend's insane. Look, what're you nervous about, its Captain Holt, you're his favorite human female. I remember he said that at yours and Jake's 4th wedding anniversary.''
'' Its because of Mac. I love my son more than life itself, but Jake and I need a break is all. Gina, you understand, doesn't Engima make you crazy too sometimes?''
'' Actually no, she and I are total besties. We both think Tyra Banks is a basic bitch. But I do see your point. But, I also know you Amy, you'll chicken out and offer to give Cheddar a blowout.''
'' I would…not.''
'' You totally would Ames'' Rosa deadpanned.
'' Fine, but I'm not going to run, I'm going to demand that I get two weeks away from my job and let the city go to purge so I can get away from mine and Jake's child and spend time with my husband.''
'' That was horribly phrased Amy, are you a monster?'' Gina half-teased.
'' No, but I'm so tired. I'm tempted to use the breakroom couch for a nap.''
'' Hitchcock and Scully's fart couch. You're brave'' Ros commented.
'' Mm, lets test that theory shall we'' Gina evilly smiled. '' Captain! Amy wants to talk to you about taking time off!''
'' Why?!'' Amy mouthed, as Holt did his signature dictator-walk towards the sergeant.
'' Santiago, I heard Gina's banshee scream, why exactly do you need time off, as a sergeant your hours are exceptionally flexible are they not?''
'' They are sir, but Jake and I need a break, Mac's been keeping us up at night, we need a vacation. I have over 40 vacation days saved up so this wouldn't be a conflict with my contract. Terry understands, he has 3 daughters'' Amy pointed to the lieutenant.
'' Hell no! Terry's staying out of this one'' Terry snapped from across the room.
'' Santiago, follow me'' Holt said, motioning for the sergeant to follow him into his office, which she did.
'' Where was I?''
'' You were telling me to follow you.''
'' Ah yes. Sergeant whilst I do not have any children of my own, I do have you and the rest of the squad, who I consider my children. Due to this fact I do believe that you are entitled to take time off of work, however there are certain conditions to this arrangement.''
'' Yay- I mean, yes sir.''
'' Mm. Condition 1, you are to take 8 days off, studies have shown it to be the most effective period of time to be away from work.''
'' Sure, sure. Jake and I were hoping for two weeks but whatever.''
'' Condition 2, you need a babysitter.''
'' Oh sure, but who exactly?''
'' That's the third condition. I wish to be it. Myself, Kevin and cheddar are more than happy to help you in this matter.''
'' With all due respect sir, are you sure you, Kevin and Cheddar are up for the task? I mean, you aren't exactly that warm. Except Cheddar, I can't go near him but he's super cute.''
'' Yes, he is. Also what do you mean, warm? We're hospitable.''
'' You are, but its just, you aren't that good with kids. Remember Cagney and Lacey's last birthday party?''
'' It wasn't that bad.''
'' You told them to enjoy being 10 considering that they're officially one year closer to extinction.''
'' Why would I lie to children, they are the future after all. Look Santiago, your request is exceptionally late notice, however I am more than willing to accommodate your vacation request in exchange that I offer mine and my family's services to you and Jake. That is unless you, wish to continue to get by on less than 15 hours sleep a week.''
'' Are you blackmailing me?''
Captain Holt leant back in his chair as he steepled his fingers. '' Perhaps.''
Amy sighed. '' Fine, but I don't want to pin this all on you, if Jake and I are gone for a week I demand that you trade off with the rest of the squad.''
'' Hitchcock and Scully included?''
'' Oh God no, they'd lose my baby boy before their 8AM 3 hours nap.''
'' That is correct yes. Very well, I shall consult the rest of the detective squad and create a scheduling system.''
'' Yay'' Amy lied through her teeth. This would not end well.