Notes
This is a song(s)fic at heart. It was originally just going to be one song, but I followed the flow and here we are. I highly recommend cueing up these songs for when they are mentioned to fully appreciate the story. The Dior video is something special too. It's not critical to watch for the story, but it's *amazing* Natalie Merchant - My Skin - /Pvf5zSU9LSw
Kaleo - I Want More - /X1OxUUV8dpI
FKA Twigs - Sad Day - /gnmDMAVdaPc
Ruben - Lay By Me - /VFJbLzEtoZw
Dior Tarot Video - /jYOrGvVh7mk
Here's a Spotify playlist for all the songs for both chapters if that's preferred: /devildwp
Also, I have full intentions of weaving this 'verse into my HG/MM Harry Potter fic series current WIP story "Queen of Wands." Given that, I've shifted the timeline of this story to be in 1998. I realize most of the songs/video were made after that, but hey, it's fiction!
Chapter 1
"Everyone wants to be us" reverberated around in Andy's brain setting off red flags and flashing lights like a pinball hitting each target on its way back to the flipper. The slam of the Mercedes door broke Andy out of her distress. Not now, Sachs, you can unpack that later . Plastering on a smile for the cameras, Andy dutifully exited the car and marched up the stairs, trailing her boss into the last show. Robotically taking notes and cataloging Miranda's reactions, she resolved to take the space and time she needed to process recent events as soon as this show wrapped. As the final claps died down, she leaned into Miranda's personal space to whisper in her ear, familiar perfume nearly overwhelming her senses, "Miranda, I'm walking back, and I'm turning my phone off. I promise to meet you in your room in two hours to go over the notes and the agenda for tomorrow." Miranda turned her face so fast their noses almost collided. Jerking back a bit, Andy held the piercing blue eyes, not letting Miranda's startled expression rattle her, "I need this, Miranda, two hours." Miranda's eyes roamed Andrea's face, seeming to take in any information she could, before giving a short nod then turning to speak to someone as if nothing had been amiss.
Not wasting a moment, Andy made her way from the crowded venue and out into the autumn afternoon sunlight. Skirting the carpet and cameras, she trotted quickly around the building and out of sight down a quaint side street. After a few yards and checking over her shoulder ensuring she hadn't been noticed, she slipped off her heels, replacing them with the Havaianas she liked to have on hand for running errands. Breathing a sigh of relief she took out her phone and saw one new message from Miranda: 2 hours. Rolling her eyes, she turned the phone off and shoved it back in her bag and oriented herself in the direction of the hotel.
Miranda made the necessary small talk and faire la bise before donning her sunglasses and returning to a waiting Roy. His raised right eyebrow was clearly about her missing assistant. Shaking her head, he bowed slightly, shut her door after her and speedily took his place behind the wheel. Once the doors were sealed, he shot her a questioning glance in the rearview. Miranda huffed out a sigh, waving her left hand indifferently as she spoke, "She wanted to walk."
"Ahh," was his only response, as he pulled into the Parisian traffic circle. Miranda looked unseeingly out her window as she tried to contain a growing sense of unease. Had she misjudged Andrea? Recalling their last interaction, Miranda knew she had needled her unnecessarily about Emily. It's not that she was wrong, but Andrea's superiority complex had irritated her. How dare she make assumptions about what she would have done in her place. After an indeterminate amount of time the car slowed and her spiraling thoughts were halted by Roy obnoxiously clearing his throat. Meeting his eyes again in the mirror, "Spit it out, Roy. You clearly have something on your mind. About our Andrea, I dare say?
His eyes crinkled from smiling at hearing the possessive toward Andy, "Look out your left window."
Following his instruction she turned her neck and removed her sunglasses. Through the tinted glass she saw the subject of her thoughts, now quite appallingly in flip flops, standing at a newsstand seemingly transfixed. Eyes rising from the offensive footwear she also noticed her wayward assistant was wearing headphones, the bright red wire standing out against the dark green of the Chloe dress and disappearing into her Coach bag. The profile of her face was visible and she appeared to be singing along with whatever she was listening to, her expression could only be described as forlorn. The whole scene painted a tragic story of an American beauty lost in Paris. Just as she was leaning over to roll down the window and demand she get in the car, Andrea lifted her right hand and traced with the back of two fingers something on the magazine in the rack in front of her.
"What is she looking at?" Miranda asked Roy.
Rolling up a little more, "Looks like a tabloid with a picture of you on the cover."
"Me?" Miranda's brow furrowed.
"I may be speaking out of turn here, but she cares for you, Miranda. You, not fashion."
Taken aback by Roy's candidness, Miranda straightened in her seat and huffed, "Yes, well, clearly, given she's wearing those obscene sandals ."
Roy chuckled, understanding after more than a decade of service, Miranda tended to deflect topics of a vulnerable nature. He considered himself lucky that she used humor instead of her unerringly sharp tongue.
"Move along, Roy, Andrea seemed very intent on walking back."
"Yes, ma'am."
After a long pause, Miranda added, "After you drop me, circle back and keep an eye on her will you?"
"Of course, ma'am."
Replacing her sunglasses, she turned her gaze out her own window again, bringing her right index finger and thumb together to her trace the Cupid's bow of her lip.
Andy had found comfort in walking and running since she was a teenager. There were many occasions where she'd set off and absorbed in her thoughts would completely zone out of where she was only to come around and wonder how she'd traveled so far. Luckily she had a good sense of direction and after pouring over the maps of the Marais district for their tight schedule, she felt confident she would be back to her hotel in about an hour, which would give her some time to shower and change before her promised meeting with Miranda. Miranda. A swell of raw mixed emotions that had been contained and restrained over the last eighteen hours came back in full force. Eyes watering, she fished in her purse for a tissue, fingers first finding her mp3 player that was like an old friend. Oh thank god. Deciding just to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand, to hell with her makeup, she pulled the small contraption out of the bag and putting in the earbuds, powered it on and after scrolling a bit, smiled. Yes, perfect. Pushing the center play button on the song, My Skin, Natalie Merchant's smoky contralto voice flooded her senses. Letting the music wash over her as she resumed her course, her soul was buoyed atop the piano accompaniment. The beauty of the sunlight filtering through the leaves casting dancing shadows onto the sidewalk seemed to be in timed accord with the sonic movement. The second verse articulated her emotions perfectly.
I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
Well content loves the silence
It thrives in the dark
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart
Andy had endured an onslaught of opinions thrust upon her in the last week about her behavior and character. All of them seemed to replay one after the other:
Emily - "You sold your soul the day you put on your first pair of Jimmy Choos."
Lily - " For the last 16 years I've known everything about that Andy, but this person? This glamazon who skulks around in corners with some random hot fashion guy? I don't get her."
Nate - " You used to say this was just a job. You made fun of the Runway girls. And now you've become one of them."
Christian - " You're defending her. The wide-eyed girl peddling her earnest newspaper stories - you're crossing over to the dark side. Miranda-girl."
Miranda - "You know -and I know - that you have it in you. That you can see beyond what other people want and choose for yourself."
Upon reflection, although unwelcome at the time, Miranda's words were the most accurate of the bunch. Emily had wanted her to fail from the outset, Lily and Nate wanted her to remain the college version of herself forever. Even Miranda's underhanded comparison of her betrayal to taking Emily's position wasn't completely baseless. It didn't feel the same, but the look on Nigel's face at Miranda's announcement was a spitting imitation of Emily's shock at her own.
Sighing she let herself drift along as the song began again.
Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here that I don't understand
These words chafed along another raw part within her. So busy keeping everything in Miranda's orbit moving, she hadn't really spared a moment to fully understand the why behind her dedication. Yes, she had chosen to throw one hundred percent into being successful at her job despite seemingly everyone's dismay. But this aspect of herself was not new. Whenever she had been passionate about something, she went all in, which is why Lily and Nate's refusal to support her had been so confusing and hurtful.
But why am I doing it? She obviously knew the power of a recommendation from Miranda to anywhere in the publishing industry after she paid her dues, but if she were being honest with herself she hadn't thought of her future writing career in quite awhile. And if she were being truly honest with herself, she had made a point to avoid lingering on the real reason. Even to the point of sleeping with Christian. Gah, what a waste of a night in Paris. She couldn't even remember the sex, which now that she thought about it required her to stop by a pharmacy and get a morning-after pill. God forbid that lame one night stand create any more drama in her life.
Oh, I need the darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
Oh, I need this
Miranda's phone startled her from her musings and her first hope was that it was Andrea changing her mind about the walk. Pulling the phone from her bag she read Bobbsies on the screen and smiled as she answered the call from the landline at the townhouse. "Hello my darlings, how are you?"
"We're good," Caroline answered nonchalantly, "Stephen just moved the last of his things out, and the press is outside heckling him and his movers." Miranda heard Cassidy giggle in the background.
Miranda had been incredibly anxious yesterday when she had called the girls to tell them of the divorce. To her complete surprise they seemed totally unaffected. In fact, their response had given her pause and she hadn't quite had the time nor headspace to sort it out fully.
Not one to mince words, she laid it out there, "Girls, Stephen and I are getting a divorce."
Cassidy had been the first to respond, "Mom, it's totally fine. He doesn't make you happy, and he doesn't even try to tell us apart anymore." "Yeah," chimed in Caroline, "You don't need him and we don't need him either. All we need is you." "And Andy," added Cassidy. "Yeah, you and Andy." Caroline agreed.
"Andrea?" Miranda asked, surprised. "My Andrea?"
She was met with twin giggles that usually made her smile, but now had her brow furrowed in confusion. They took turns speaking, Caroline first,"Yes, mom your Anndreeah. She makes you happy and she talks to us." "Like really talks to us like we are people." "Like two separate people." "And she teaches us all this cool stuff and our book club is so awesome." "So yeah, we're good." "Can we talk to Andy now?"
Instantly regretting sending Andrea away so coldly, "Maybe later, Bobbsies, she's back in her room now. Big day tomorrow. Well good, you can stay home from school tomorrow to avoid the press and call me in the morning, I'll be done with my shows by the time you wake."
"Yes, mom" "Love you, bye""Yeah love ya, tell Andy we love her too." "Byeee"
"Mom?" Caroline spoke after the unusually long pause. "You okay?"
"Hmm? Yes, yes of course, darling, I'm a bit tired is all, it's been a... day. What have you two planned for your day off?" Cassidy grabbed the phone and started rattling off a myriad of options they had come up with. Miranda was only half listening as her mind wandered back to the woman who, how did Roy put it? Cared for her. And who her daughters apparently loved.
Andy washed the pill down with sparkling mineral water and exited the pharmacy. Bless the French and their respect for birth control...and sparkling water. Putting her headphones back in and returning to the enchanting if melancholy world of My Skin, she thought about choosing a different song, but this still felt right, still met the moment of trying to make sense of her life. And frankly she doubted she could make another decision right now other than to walk in the direction of the hotel. To Miranda.
Miranda is the reason. The thought came unbidden like a lightning bolt. Feeling her emotional self swell at finally being acknowledged, she blinked back tears as she refused to hide from her feelings any longer. It was like a missing piece that put the whole puzzle into focus. The late nights sidled up close to Miranda's side as they reviewed the Book. The feeling she got the first time she had been invited to stay. And the girls. They too were the reason. It happened quite naturally, the conversations when dropping off the Book when Miranda would be out at a dinner or budget meeting, leading to them calling her almost every day with random thoughts and questions. Caroline had initiated the regular calls. She smiled at the memory.
Andy answered the phone to a number she didn't recognize. "Andy Sachs"
"Andy, it's Caroline."
"Oh hey! Wait, are you okay? What's up?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, this is my cell, you can save my number."
"Um okay, thanks?"
"Yeah, so I wanted to ask you a question."
"Sure kiddo, shoot."
"You won't hurt mom right?"
"Hurt your mom? No. I mean, I'd never want to hurt your mom. I only want to help her."
"Okay, good. Since you've been around she's been happier and more chill and I don't want you to mess it up and hurt her."
"Right. Well, I have no intention of hurting your mom, okay kiddo? Hey, did you finish The People's History yet?"
"Oh totally! I can't believe the inaccuracies of some of the things we've been taught. Cass and I took it to our Social Sciences professor and told him we want it to be required reading for the rest of the class. He's reading it now."
"Way to go, Caroline! I'm proud of you!"
"Thanks, Andy, gotta go, love ya, bye."
"Love you too, kiddo, talk to you later."
That was the first of many conversations that ended that way and while it had caught her off guard the first time, it wasn't untrue. She did love Caroline and Cassidy. And she loved Miranda. I am in love with Miranda. Fuck. Way to make your life difficult, Sachs. As if the fates were watching, when she brought her eyes up from the ground what did she see but the woman of her desires looking back at her from a magazine rack at the newsstand in front of her. Walking up and taking a closer look she mouthed along to the song as she caressed the two dimensional cheek, pretending to push the regal silver locks behind an invisible ear.
Oh, I need this
I need a lullaby
A kiss good night
Angel sweet love of my life
Oh, I need this
It all made sense now, the depth of hurt she felt when she realized Miranda had known all along about Irv's plan. She didn't tell me. She didn't trust me enough to tell me. Had Miranda just confided in her, Andy was sure they could have come up with a plan that didn't include screwing Nigel over. The intensity of her anger and disbelief when Christian had revealed the betrayal against Miranda came flooding back. How dare they try to oust the woman who had literally built the globally influential empire they profited from so greatly. And Miranda knew and she chose to deal with it all on her own. Of course she knew. Oh, Miranda, that must have felt so shitty. The song seamlessly shifted gears in her head to be about Miranda.
I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
I'm the slow dying flower
In the frost killing hour
Sweet turning sour and untouchable
Andy, feeling the eyes of the vendor watching her, pulled the magazine she was inappropriately touching. God she must look pathetic. Retrieving the proper combination of coins from her purse, she handed them to him. He nodded, accepting the Euros without counting, "C'est toi dans le dos de Miranda, n'est-ce pas?" Pulling out an earbud, "Pardon?" He repeated himself in English this time, "It's you behind Miranda, is it not?" Taking a closer look at the cover, she was in fact in the photo just over Miranda's right shoulder. Her usual spot . Smiling, she nodded. "There is another inside of you two. You would make a lovely couple." Andy barked out a laugh shaking her head as she flipped through. He stopped her page turning, "Just here." Opening the spread all the way, her heart started racing as her eyes devoured the picture. The moment was still vivid in her memory. It was two nights ago, after the Valentino show. Andy had quipped about their abundant use of cerulean and Miranda had given one of her rare rich laughs, transforming her usual icy demeanor into the most alluring warmth. Goddamn she is the most beautiful woman on Earth. Andy's returning smile was equally candid and she could read the desire in her eyes just as she could remember feeling it. She loved making Miranda laugh, it had become a mission of hers of late. "You love her, yes?" Andy huffed out a laugh and looked at the Frenchman directly in the eyes. He didn't seem like someone who would rattle off to the press, but one could never tell. "You do, I can see it. And you don't think she loves you. You are an open book. Do not worry, I only sell the papers, not the stories. Take a chance, chérie. You are in the city of love." Giving the kind man a half smile, she rolled the tabloid and put it in her bag, "We'll see." It was his turn to huff out a laugh, "If you are successful, I will sell many papers, so for your happiness and my wallet, I wish you good luck, chérie." Shaking her head with a laugh she waved as she walked away, putting her earbud back in.
Could she really just tell Miranda how she felt? Did Miranda even go for women? Memories of Miranda's eyes scanning her from toe to forehead with each new outfit brought a warm blanket of hope while simultaneously triggering a spike of arousal that was overpowering in its long denied attention. She lived for those nods of approval at the end of each thorough perusal. And now that she thought about it, unless it was specifically for a shoot, she hadn't seen Miranda pay as close attention to anyone else around them.
Do you remember the way that you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored
Your face saying promises whispered like prayers
Andy, herself, had only been with one woman, but had recognized her attraction to both sexes early in life. She actually preferred women, but had found it difficult navigating the scene as a young person in the conservative midwest. She smiled at the memory of the English femme and their two month hot and heavy fling the summer before her junior year of college. Andy had stayed with her Aunt and her English husband above their bookstore in London. Since she had been old enough, Aunt Nancy had invited Andy to work in the shop between school years. One day this bold girl not much younger than herself who had often frequented the shop on days she worked kissed her in the stacks, which eventually led to the best sex of her life to-date. Andy still woke up fully primed to orgasm from dream memories of their time together. Too bad her young enthusiastic lover had been completely emotionally unavailable. Andy wasn't even sure of her name as she had hesitated offering it to the point Andy doubted she was being truthful. Who was named Hermione anyway? She hadn't heard of the name until the girls told her all about a young girl of the same name in the Harry Potter book that came out last year. She let out a long breath. Maybe emotionally unavailable women are my type. Seeing the hotel ahead, she checked the time. Good, I still have forty minutes to freshen up and decide what the hell I'm going to do. One thing was for certain, she couldn't go on like they had been. Not with her realization and also Miranda's lack of trust. The reality crystalized in Andy's heart and mind. I'm either going to have this woman or I have to let her go. Stopping to lean on a nearby gate, she retrieved her Ferragamo heels from her bag. It's pure torture that we are expected to wear these. Sighing, she winced as her swollen feet made the motions toward the grand entry. The bellman nodded as she entered. Esme from the front desk waved and motioned for her to come. Andy begrudgingly changed course in her direction. What now? "Yes, Esme? Has Miranda returned, is she in her suite?"
Esme looked flustered, "Well, yes ma'am she's in her room, but..."
"That's all, thanks, Esme." And moving toward the elevators, she didn't wait for a response. Internally smiling at herself as she entered the lift. At least I added thanks. Unlocking her room, she stepped in and immediately kicked off her heels and threw her purse on the entry stand. Removing her headphones and pulling the red wire to draw the magical music device from her bag she pushed pause, but the silence just wasn't going to work for her right now. She needed the consistency of the music. Going over to her travel dongle kit she fished out her auxiliary cord and replacing the headset, plugged in the player to the speaker system. Gah this room was amazing. Andy had never stayed in a place this nice. It was bigger than her apartment in New York and could even double in size if the adjoining suite was added. With only two suites per floor and the adjoining one empty she knew her music wouldn't bother anyone. Nothing came out of the speakers right away so she fiddled with the buttons on the receiver until at last Natalie's voice and piano were again her sonic companions. Feeling more at ease in the privacy of her rooms, she started to truly sing along. Stripping herself of her couture and putting the dress in a dry cleaning bag, Andy started the shower while using makeup remover to wipe away the mess her face had become on her on-again off-again tearful journey. Taking stock of her body in the mirror, she was glad at least her tryst with Christian hadn't left any marks. If it wasn't for the ache between her legs this morning she might have not even known they had had sex. Refusing to dwell on her mistakes, she was grateful for the speaker in the bathroom and resumed her sing along as she stepped into the shower.
Oh, oh, ooh
Oh, I need the darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
Oh, I need this
Roy pulled up to the hotel and started to get out. "Sit, Roy" Miranda demanded as if to a trained dog. Sighing and softening her voice, "I can let myself out. You go find Andrea. Make sure she returns safely." Snapping his door shut, he twisted to make brief eye contact. "I will, Miranda, don't worry." Giving him a sharp nod, she exited the car. The bellman at once snapped to attention and opened the door, "Good afternoon, ma'dame, ze front desk would like a word."
She glided past him without acknowledgment and headed directly to the nervous looking woman behind the gilded counter. The same woman who had served her divorce papers. Elea? Esme? Oh Andrea would know. Whipping off her sunglasses, she raised one eyebrow and tilted her head slightly.
"Um, yez, good afternoon Miranda, well, we tried contacting your assistant, Andee, but we couldzn't reach her, so we called the alternate number and spoke to ze...," Esme checked her notes, "Emily." Miranda was like a statue in front of her, still apparently waiting for whatever the point was. "Yez, well, you see, ze Princess Margaret, Countess of Snowdon, ze British Queen Elizabeth's sister and her daughter showed up quite unexpectedly and requested your rooms. I spoke with ze Emily and we decided that the adjoining rooms of your Andrea were the best possible solution as it is the next best suite and you would be ze closest to your assistant. We are almost finished moving your items. If you wouldn't mind waiting at the bar, anything you order will be complimentary, of-a-courz."
Miranda sighed and nodded and without a word made her way to the bar. Had it been anyone other than Maragaret and Sarah she would have pushed back. But she had met both women when she had featured Lady Sarah Chatto in Runway last summer at Royal request. Oh yes, she knew exactly how those Royal requests worked. They were nothing but veiled demands with great consequences if not fulfilled. And frankly I don't have much fight left in me today. There was only one other patron at the small bar, so she chose the chair furthest from him, two seats down, and lifted her gown gracefully into the antique yet roomy bar seat.
"Well, well, if it isn't the dragon lady herself," a pompous voice slurred from her right. So much for some peace. Pursing her lips, she turned and took in Christian Thompson's classically handsome features. From the glazed look in his eyes and his near empty glass she would estimate he was on his third or fourth whisky. Shame, looks like that's another thing we have in common, Andrea, angry alcoholic men. Feeling her mood sour even more at the thought, she snapped at him, "What are you doing here, Mister Thompson? Surely you haven't been sitting here poisoning yourself on the off-chance you could harass me?"
His reaction was the opposite of what she expected. His face broke out in a wide grin, while he shook his head. "You really are something else. No wonder she's under your spell."
Hackles rising at mention of one who could only be Andrea, she straightened and was about to order him to get out, but before she could hiss he cut her off. Turning himself back to the bar cradling his near empty whisky, his voice low despite them being alone, "I fucked her you know, last night. It was the best lay I've had in recent memory until," he moved his eyes to meet hers and they now looked completely sober, "she screamed your name when she came." Shaking his head again and taking the last swallow of his drink, "then she promptly passed out. Didn't seem to remember it this morning either. She took off so fast after finding the Runway mock up featuring Jacqueline that I didn't have a chance to tell her my condom broke. So… to answer your question," pulling out a small box from his trousers he slid it across to her, "I came to make sure she took one of these. The woman at the front desk agreed to send her in here to meet me, but looks like you found me first." Standing and putting on his jacket, "Make sure she gets it will you? Oh and well done on your successful coup avoidance." Not waiting for a response, he left Miranda staring at the package of the morning-after pill, still in shock at hearing that Andrea had screamed her name during sex. Her body felt hot and cold at the same time. Looking down the bar, then behind her, still seeing no one, she balanced the front of her right red-bottomed Louboutin on the bar rail and inelegantly reached over for the nearest bottle, presumably what Christian had been drinking. Sitting back down she examined the label. Yamasaki 12. That'll do. Eyeing Christian's now empty glass, she sighed. Needs must. Drawing it closer and turning it around, she poured herself a double and took a healthy first swallow. The clean, woody citrus notes tasted divine and went down smooth. The only thing that would have made it better was a cigarette. Miranda always loved a cigarette after good sex. Not that she just had sex, but imagining her Andrea in the throws of passion, nearing release underneath her, beautiful dark hair mussed around her flushed and panting face, murmuring her name, was a close second. She let out a low moan as she felt herself dampen her silk La Perla's and took another small sip. Noticing someone enter from the back, she shifted in her seat and crossed her legs, she was drenched. Oh for fucks sake.
"Ah, Ms. Priestly, sorry to keep you waiting. I see you've helped yourself, excellent. I'm happy to report your new accommodations are ready for you. Feel free to take the Yamazaki with you, or perhaps you'd like something else sent up?"
Grateful she wouldn't have to remain in this semi-public place in this unexpected state of arousal, she cleared her throat and checked the time on her understated Cartier watch. Andrea was due to her rooms in about an hour, "A chilled bottle of Veuve 96 delivered in an hour, sharp, with two glasses." And after a moment added, "And a pack of Gauloises, bleu."
Raising one eyebrow at the cigarette request. "Of course. Here is your key. We appreciate your flexibility in this matter."
Giving a nod, she took the key, knocked back the rest of her whisky and headed to the elevator, pushing four instead of six.
Andy went back and forth on what to wear, finally deciding simple was best. She'll either want me or not, regardless of what I'm wearing. Not skimping on her bra-panty set however, she pulled on her Eres Eden nude lace thong and soft cup bra, smiling. You never know. Pulling on a pair of dark blue True Religion jeans, she chose a slim-fitting navy and ivory baseball-style, long-sleeved shirt that Caroline had gifted her, with DALTON across the front. Deciding against make-up, she brushed her wet hair back into a pony tail before deciding to just blow dry it and leave it down. Taking a deep breath she checked the time. Excellent if she left now she'd be her customary ten minutes early. Putting on her sensible ballet flats, she walked over to the speaker system, about to shut it off, but hesitated at the last second. Deciding to leave it on, just in case this meeting was a disaster she could retreat immediately under the covers and let Natalie's voice console her until morning. Singing with gusto the last part of the song:
Well is it dark enough
Can you see me
Do you want me
Can you reach me
Or I'm leaving
You better shut your mouth
And hold your breath
And kiss me now
And catch your death
Oh, I mean this
Oh, I mean this
Grabbing her notes from today's YSL show and the folder marked with tomorrow's date, Andy turned off the lights and exited her room. Walking the short distance to the elevator and pushing up, she found comfort in still being able to hear the low undertones of her music.
Miranda entered her new suite and took a cursory glance around. It had Emily's touch even from across the pond. Not in anything other than all of her possessions were positioned exactly the way they were in her former suite. She could hear Emily's haughty voice demanding they take before and after photos to prove everything was just right. She'd earned her impending promotion and Miranda believed her gained fastidious attention to detail and timeliness would serve her well as an Art Director and eventually as an Editor.
Before an hour ago Miranda hadn't had a single concern about the effects of Emily moving on. After that bumpy start Andrea was now the best assistant she'd ever had and the natural trajectory was already looking like this would be the easiest assistant turnover she'd ever experienced. The thought of Andrea at the beginning of her tenure put a fond smile on her face. It wasn't everyday that someone entered her orbit who had no idea who she was. As much as Andrea's fashion sense and nonchalance had irked, it was also refreshing. To not be known, and to have the knowing unfold untainted by anything preconceived. Miranda had seen the familiar spark of someone who wanted to achieve great things despite her naïveté. And she hadn't miscalculated, once Andrea shed that oversized chip on her shoulder, she blossomed into the sharp, intuitive, proactive assistant she was today. She's more than an assistant to me and has been for awhile. What was she then? Miranda's emotions churned as she bagged her fur stole and carefully removed her Dior gown. Catching herself in the floor length mirror clad only in her strapless lace bodysuit, her eyes landed on a prominent wet spot darkening the black silk even more. More. She's more. And I want more. She brought her right hand and using the barest of pressure grazed her nails over the soaked silk covering her mons. Oh god yes. More. My Andrea. How have I been so blind? Memories started to flit through her mind only now in the technicolor of her obvious attraction, landing on the evening where everything shifted.
The words escaped her mouth before she had really thought about it. "Would you care to stay and review the Book with me this evening?"
Andrea's expression seemed frozen for a half a second before immediately breaking into a full grin, "Yeah, I mean, yes, I'd love that." Miranda had taken to meeting her in the foyer most nights to receive the Book since "the incident". Usually she didn't initiate any conversation, sometimes a question here and there and increasingly a departing "Thank you" that seemed to light up Andrea in a way that was worth making the effort to say it. The smile she just received was a hundred watt version comparatively. It warmed her to know she could have that effect on someone.
She hadn't planned on inviting Andrea to review the Book. In fact, she usually despised having anyone even in the same room while she worked. What was she doing? Doing a quick analysis of herself as she led her pleased assistant to her study, she realized she wanted to hear Andrea's thoughts about … anything. So much of their conversations to date had been one-sided or completely nonverbal. Which was working incredibly, but Miranda was curious about Andrea's perspective, and Andrea had yet to offer it freely. Unbeknownst to Andrea, Miranda had requested and read all her articles and editorials from her time at Northwestern. She didn't closely examine why she had done so at the time, just following her curiosity she told herself. And they were good, really good. She wanted to know more, she hungered for it.
Oh and Andrea did not disappoint. Andrea's perceptiveness and emotional intelligence clearly extended beyond the realm of fulfilling Miranda's wants and needs, she could think about what a wider audience would be receptive too and conversely turned off by. They had been sitting close, closer than necessary, all things considered, but it just happened over the course of the engaging two hours. Turning her head, she took in Andrea's look of concentration on the last page. Seeming to sense her, Andrea tilted her head slightly and met her eyes. They looked at each other for a moment, and Miranda felt like she truly saw Andrea for the first time. "I hadn't expected to say this, but I'd like for you to work with me in this capacity more often." To her shock and odd delight, Andrea laughed. "I hadn't expected any of this, but I've thoroughly enjoyed myself and would be happy to. Thank you for letting me behind the curtain, Miranda. You've made me feel really special." A sarcastic retort had been on the tip of Miranda's tongue, but for some reason, she held it. Andrea seemed to read her mind and giving her a knowing smile, got up and said softly, as if in response to her restraint, "Thank you" before retreating out of the study. That had been the first of many evenings spent much the same way, some over a glass of wine, some with music of which they would take turns selecting. The magazine she had to admit improved since their collaboration, and her mood.
Snapping out of the memory and her mirror gaze, Miranda went to her new nightstand. As she assumed would be the case, she found her iPod in the top drawer. Pulling it out and powering it on, she scrolled until she found the song that sprung to mind during her revelation. I Want More, by Kaleo. Smiling, she remembered how she had been introduced to the song and singer while on location for a photoshoot in the same location, the iconic Skálholt in Reykjavik. The band was filming a live performance for a music video. It had been very moving and at the time she had also thought of Andrea. Not with as much literal clarity as now, but the sweater the singer was wearing, not something she would personally wear or even put in the magazine, was something she could picture Andrea in and loving. Afterward she had one made for her in the same design and Icelandic wool as a gift. Pleased that there was an iPod dock built into the stereo, Miranda saddled it in and pushed play. As the crisp guitar intro filled the room, Miranda shed her lingerie. Putting on a simple cowl neck silk camisole over her bare breasts she let herself experience the belted baritone lyrics with her fresh lens of directed desire.
Homegrounds
Feels like the weight has been lifted away
But if she leaves me there I won't run
Please pass it on
Carry me down
All you need to know is I want more
More
Looking for more
I want more, more I want more
After wiping herself dry, and donning a more sensible pair of underwear, she pulled on a comfortable pair of tailored capri trousers and moved to the little sitting area, putting her legs up on the feather tufted ottoman and closed her eyes, enjoying how the lyrics lined up with her emotions. Just as the song had started again, it faltered and stopped. Annoyed at the interruption she huffed out a sigh and threw her legs over to get up when suddenly a different song she had never heard before started playing instead. What the? And just as she had risen and turned toward where the iPod was situated she heard another voice. Andrea . Moving to the door that separated the suites she leaned in, pressing her left ear to the paneling and heard the most enchanting, soulful accompaniment to the recorded voice could hear from her other ear.
Your face say these promises
Whispered like prayers I don't need them
Because I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
Staying that way until Andrea moved out of range, Miranda thought about knocking, but changed her mind and instead resumed her original position to hear the rest of the song Andrea had chosen and obviously felt deeply. Another thing we have in common, my love. My love. Yes, that's what she is, or what I hope her to be. And god dammit, I live on hope. Continuing to listen, Miranda couldn't help but try to discern the meaning Andrea was taking from it. She feels this attraction is one-sided. Just then her voice rang out clearly again singing.
Well is it dark enough
Can you see me
Do you want me
Can you reach me
Or I'm leaving
Yes, darling, I want you. Come to me. She heard Andrea's door to the hallway slam shut and she got up again moving toward the door anticipating a knock. When one never came, she opened the door to see the back foot of Andrea entering the elevator. For a brief second Miranda panicked. She's left. But the music was still on. She doesn't know I moved rooms. She really is distracted. Well at least she changed out of those awful flip flops. Shaking her head she sat down a third time only to be roused moments later by the crisp knock which she recognized to be the hotel service. "Come in." she called out just loud enough to be heard. And the gentleman from the bar let himself in with an ice bucket containing the choice vintage from two years ago clutched to his chest and in his other hand two flutes. "Ma'am, sorry to be early, but it is the end of my shift soon, where would you like this?"
"Anywhere is fine. And if you see my wayward assistant roaming the halls, please send her to me, will you?"
Putting the champagne and glasses down on the entry table, he pulled the blue pack of cigarettes from his inside his jacket pocket. Miranda had forgotten the impulsive request and smiled upon seeing them. Perhaps I'll have reason to open them if I play my cards right.
Clearing his throat, "Can I get you anything else?"
"Just Andrea."
"Uh, yes ma'am, I'll be on the look out for her on my way out," bowing slightly he left.
Andy took a deep breath and knocked on Miranda's door. After a minute and hearing nothing she knocked louder. A man's voice with a pronounced English accent startled her, "Who is it?"
"Uh, Andy, I mean Andrea. Miranda's assistant?"
The door opened and a very handsome well dressed older gentleman looked at her in confusion and after a long once over, barely contained disgust. "Who?"
Andy took in his condescension and decided she wasn't in the mood to placate, "Look, I don't know who you are either, you're certainly not on the schedule today. Is Miranda in or not?"
An older woman came into view who looked vaguely familiar and spoke also with a proper RP accent, "Oh hello dear, we only just arrived today. Miranda Priestly has been relocated."
Andy's mind went blank. Miranda? Relocated? Oh great, I'm sure that went over really well. And I haven't even turned my phone back on. Fuck. She didn't even think to bring her phone. Shaking her head, she backed away from the door, "I'm sorry to have bothered you."
The wealthy looking folks both tilted their heads in identical half nods as they shut the door. Andy practically ran to the elevator, punching the button over and over as if that would make the lift come faster. Come on! Seeing the sign for the stairs she bolted for it, flying down the interior spiral staircase, coming out into the bar area. A surprised gentleman jumped at her sudden arrival.
"You must be Andrea."
"Yes, where is she?"
"It's okay, you can breathe. Ms. Priestly is perfectly fine. She's in the room next to yours. Esme and Miranda's stateside assistant, Emily, I believe, saw to the transition and Ms. Priestly hasn't complained once." Smiling at the look of relief on Andrea's face, he added, "Mmm, perhaps it was the handsome young man she was having drinks with while we moved her things? I also just delivered a very expensive bottle and two glasses, so maybe she has plans later? But she did say she wanted to see you."
Andy felt like she had been punched in the gut. "Who was she having drinks with, do you know?"
"No, it was not a guest, he had been here awhile before she arrived, but anyway, she looked pretty happy, if you know what I mean, even ordered a pack of cigarettes," he smirked.
Faking a smile and a chuckle, Andy's heart was hammering in her chest. I am such a goddamn fool.
"Anyway, she seemed pretty intent on meeting with you immediately."
"Right, yeah, ok, thanks." Walking slowly to the elevator, her now bent folder clenched in her fist felt like a ten pound weight. How was she supposed to get through a normal note and schedule run through with Miranda's booty call impending? A sharp inner voice of criticism cut across her thoughts. Who are you to judge? You literally black-out fucked a guy you didn't care about last night. Like a bucket of ice water over her head, she shivered. Right. She doesn't even know you love her. This was never going to be a normal run through meeting. Sachs, put your head on and eye on the prize. Jesus. The elevator opened on her floor and she was greeted by the sounds of Natalie's piano. Part of her wanted to go basque in the music to recalibrate her roller coaster of emotions, instead she just stood, eyes closed, letting the muffled music calm her nerves. She didn't hear Miranda's door open nor her quiet approach.
Miranda hated waiting, and by normal standards, Andrea was late. It was making her anxious and edgy. Rolling her eyes at herself she gave in and stood by the door waiting for a sign of her return. Finally the elevator doors quiet ding made itself known. Looking out the peephole she saw a very flustered Andrea in none other than her girls school t-shirt. Her desire immediately took on a new depth at the sight. Andrea loves my girls. And they love her. Miranda decided right then and there she was going to have this woman whatever the cost. Quietly exiting her room she silently approached her soon to be lover. She smiled at the thought. Yes, nothing less than lover would be acceptable.
On Andy's next deep inhale, she was overwhelmed by the scent of Miranda's perfume. God I can even smell her from the hall. How did I miss that earlier? Letting out her breath with a low gravelly, "Miranda," she opened her eyes to find the very woman inches from her face, heavy-lidded blue eyes capturing her own surprised gaze.
When Miranda heard Andrea groan out her name she felt herself clench and was instantly wet again. The want in Andrea's voice was even better than in her fantasy. Coming to a stop right within Andrea's personal space, she waited for her eyes to open. Once the rich walnut doe eyes met hers and the moment of surprise passed, she took a half step closer. Reaching up slowly with her right hand, she caressed a soft cheek with the back of her first two fingers, exactly like she had witnessed Andrea touch the magazine earlier, "Yes, darling." Bringing her hand down to Andrea's shoulder, Miranda squeezed gently then trailed her fingernails down her arm until she reached an equally soft hand, twining their fingers. Smirking at the open mouth breathing of a completely disoriented and clearly aroused Andrea, she stepped back, pulling their joined hands, "Come along, Andrea."
To say Andy was transfixed would be putting it mildly. Is this really happening? Her left cheek and arm still tingled from the unexpected touch and the warm fingers now tugging felt real, and so right, wrapped around her own. Andy gave a slight squeeze, which prompted Miranda to throw a seductive smile over her shoulder, "Yes, Andrea this is really happening, darling. Let's make ourselves more comfortable, hmm?" And pushing the door she left ajar, she led Andrea through the seating area picking up something on the way to their adjoining door. Andy was struck at once that her music was playing on Miranda's speakers. A wave of panic mixed with embarrassment washed down from the top of her head. Miranda turned pulling Andy now into her personal space, so close that Andy could feel Miranda's erect nipples gently poking the sides of her breasts, "I can hear your mind racing, Andrea, it's alright. But now that I have the song memorized I think we could do with something different." Giving a gentle smile Andy had only seen Miranda give her children, she added, "You have a remarkable voice, darling. Before you turned it on, I had been listening to a song that I'd like you to hear, consider it a response piece. Will you go and replace your device with mine and hit play?" Andy found her voice, barely, "Okay" It came out rough and uncertain.
Miranda cupped the same cheek and felt Andrea lean into the touch, her eyes fluttering closed again, "Mm, good, and hurry back, I'll pour us some champagne." Pulling her hand away, Miranda turned, leaving her stunned Andrea to collect herself.
Andy watched Miranda head toward the copper bucket with the iconic wrapper of a bottle of Veuve Clicquot peaking out. The champagne he brought up was for us? She still had questions, but hope bloomed, spreading warmth and helping her brain synapses fire so her legs would move through the door and complete the task she had been assigned. Pulling the plug on her dated mp3 player and slipping the cord into Miranda's top of the line device, Andy smiled. It was so them. All of it. The fact her player was old and dinged, well-loved her mind supplied, and Miranda's was new and spotless, but no less meaningful to her; the fact that they were now swapping songs to help communicate their feelings. They had always been good at nonverbal communication. It was one of their things. Clearly. Andy was a puddle and had only said Miranda's name and "Okay", well really just okay, since she hadn't known Miranda heard her in the hall, and yet Miranda appeared to have insight far deeper into Andy's mind and heart than she anticipated.
"Andrea" came a calm but commanding call from the other room.
Andy huffed out a laugh, hit play and like drawn to a siren returned to Miranda's room, where she was waiting with a flute of champagne extended. Taking the glass as the guitar strummed beautifully, she decided to continue to follow Miranda's lead. For now. Clinking glasses and eyes locked taking a sip, Miranda motioned for her to sit. She did and to her surprise, Miranda did not sit on the chair adjoining her seat, instead moving to the window which looked out on the Parisian twilit streets. Understanding dawned on Andy. She wants me to pay attention to the song. Following her instincts she leaned back in the comfortable chair and put her legs up on the ottoman, right in the indents she assumed Miranda had left listening to My Skin. Closing her eyes she let the strong baritone voice deliver the "response" as Miranda had put it.
Miranda had never done anything of this sort before and it left her a bit bereft in spite of her earlier confidence. Gazing out at the motion-filled streets, she realized for once she hadn't thought of an exit strategy if this weren't to work. The realization was unsettling and she clutched the stem of her glass so tight it started to shake. What am I doing? And a second before her protective measures were about to shut the whole event down, she felt strong arms wrap around her and the heat of a full feminine body press against the length of her backside. A steady hand removed her trembling glass and put it down on the sill, before returning to slide around her stomach. Warm breath hit her neck and a soft voice whispered in her ear, "Is this alright?"
Andy felt Miranda's body tremble, pushing back into the embrace, as she answered in a low whisper, "More." Andy brought her lips to the source of the scent that she now realized she craved, and gently kissed the soft patch of skin below Miranda's left ear. The strings of the interlude provided a beautiful backdrop to their first moments of physical intimacy. Just as she placed a second lingering kiss where Miranda's neck met her shoulder, to Andy's delight and complete surprise, Miranda began to sing along to the next verse, her neck prone to Andy's mouth, heavy eyes fixed out the window, hands atop Andy's. Her sultry low register stirred Andy to the core. Spellbound, she rested her chin right over where she placed her last kiss, closing her eyes.
If you leap I'll come
Falling too
Running deep 'till that
Rivers through
I don't mind what you have to do
'Cause I won't think less, less of you
Yes, I want more
More
Looking for more I want more, more I want more
Old grounds
Feels like the weight
Has been lifted away
So don't you leave me there wanting more
Miranda's grip tightened almost painfully as she sang the last line. Andy knew Miranda was exposing herself to a degree that, for her, may be close to painful. Wanting to provide reassurance before she withdrew or worse, lashed out, Andy lifted her head and spoke firmly into her desire's ear as she squeezed her slight frame, " Your voice is incredible and I'm not leaving you, Miranda." And wanting to ground her a bit, added, "Is this the song from that shoot in Iceland where you commissioned me that wool sweater with hearts on it?" Miranda leaned her head back into the crook of Andy's shoulder and released one of those rare genuine laughs that burned through the heaviness of the moment. Andy's heart soared at the response. I want endless opportunities to make this woman laugh like that.
Turning within Andrea's embrace, Miranda looked up with bright, open eyes and brought both hands to her face, thumbs brushing lightly over her cheekbones. "Yes, it is. Although I must admit, I wasn't aware of my... want ... at that time."
Andy's arms, now around Miranda's back, moved up the buttery silk camisole, pulling Miranda closer, as Miranda simultaneously pulled her face towards hers. "And now?" Andy murmured. Miranda in an another uncharacteristic yet adorable move nuzzled their noses together before pulling back, ensuring enough distance to have clear eye contact, "I want as much as you're willing to give, darling. The power dynamics being what they are, I feel I must leave this decision to you." Andy saw the sincerity in Miranda's eyes and trying to take in the fullness of the moment, she was again aware of Miranda's hard nipples pressed against her chest and how perfectly their bodies fit together. Knowing she only had moments before Miranda would get nervous, she just started talking, "I realized today that I, too, want more. I love you, Miranda. I know it may be too soon to say that, but it's true. And I don't want to be your assistant anymore. I want to be someone who you can come to with your real burdens. You dealt with this whole mutiny on your own. I want you to trust me with things you're going through, so I can help, or even if I can't help, we can go through them together. And I want you to kiss me, desperately." Running a hand through Miranda's iconic hair like she had pretended to earlier on the photograph, "But before you do, I need to ask, are you expecting someone else here tonight?"
Miranda was used to Andrea's non-linear ramblings, which she found endearing and almost a challenge to try and remember her thoughts during each twist and turn so she may respond in kind. She had been really enjoying the ride until the last question brought her up short, rankling her good mood, "Someone else? No, why would you ask that?"
Andy covered Miranda's hands on her face with her own and brought each palm to her lips to smooth her soon-to-be-lover's sour reaction, "The hotel valet who informed me of your room change intimated that a man you were having drinks with might return later."
Miranda's eyebrows quirked up, and snorting a laugh, she shook her head, "Let's get our champagne and sit. This is actually important to discuss before we take things any further." Andrea's confusion was palpable, but just like before, Miranda just trusted Andrea would follow her lead.
Andy's mind raced with what Miranda was about to say. If it was something about non-monogamy she didn't know if she was prepared to agree. You wanted her to speak openly, Sachs, you can't have it both ways. Defaulting to going with Miranda's flow, she accepted a freshly topped off flute and took the place Miranda indicated on the couch. Miranda went to her nightstand and retrieved something before returning. Sitting close, Miranda handed her a box, which on closer inspection was the same medication she had taken on her walk home. Wait, what?
Miranda put a hand on Andrea's knee and spoke in a calm, matter-of-fact tone, "The man the valet assumed I was having a drink with was Christian Thompson. He was waiting at the bar with intentions of intercepting you to give you this. I just so happened to be there while they gave the Queen's sister my suite." Rolling her eyes, "He believed you may have not been... aware enough... to know that his condom broke and wanted to ensure you had the proper protection."
Andy wanted to disappear into the floor. Waves of disbelief, embarrassment, and shame took turns lapping over her nervous system. Then something niggled at her memory. The valet also said that Miranda had seemed happy " If you know what I mean" and had even ordered cigarettes which she now spotted by the champagne bucket. Breathing out her discomfort, she met patient sea blue eyes that held no sign of judgment. "Did Christian say anything else?" Miranda, for the first time this evening looked uncomfortable, uncrossing and recrossing her legs with her eyes averted. "What did he say? Please, Miranda, just say it, whatever it is. If we are to move forward I want nothing from that meaningless night lingering between us. And just for the record, I already took one of these," waving the pill box, she threw it on the coffee table, "I don't remember much after arriving to his hotel, so I wanted to be safe."
Miranda nodded, eyes first locked on the box before returning to Andrea's, putting her glass down she wrung her hands, "He, well uh, he may have mentioned that when," her hands made a tumbling motion, "well, you..." Rolling her eyes and sighing, she barked out a laugh, "Oh for fucks sake, you cried out my name when you had sex with him." The look on Andrea's face was priceless and set Miranda off on a real round of laughter.
Andy sat dumbstruck as she watched Miranda's obvious pleasure. The valet's impression of the situation came into clear view. Miranda would have preened at that news. She probed her memories of the previous night and while she still couldn't retrieve anything about the sex, she was not surprised, of course her subconscious would cry out for the one she wanted. She took a breath and felt oddly grounded in her love for Miranda. It's my turn.
Andy moved in one fluid motion, putting her glass next to Miranda's and straddled her lap, knees now in the crease of the couch, arms bracketing her shoulders. Miranda's laugh turned into a groan of pleasure. "You liked hearing that didn't you, Miranda?" Andy ground her pelvis into Mirana's lap, leaning forward, capturing those smirking lips for first time, Andy waited a second, savoring the full lip contact before swiping her tongue quickly across, requesting entry, which was granted immediately while slightly chilled hands found their way up the back of her shirt. Pulling back, breaking the kiss, Miranda answered roughly, "You have no idea." Andy smirked, also pulling back to bring her hands to Miranda's chest. Brushing her thumbs over the silk covered nubs. Miranda's hot heaving breath letting Andy know she was enjoying the touch. "Tell me. Did it make you wet? Knowing you're the one. The only one..." Her voice going to a whisper as she went in for another kiss, "The only one I want to fuck me." Miranda met her mouth with a veracity Andy wasn't expecting, simultaneously pulling up Andy's shirt, breaking the kiss to yank it up and over her head, before recapturing her chin with a firm hand, guiding their mouths back together so her tongue could resume its plunder.
Miranda's free hand deftly undid the front clasp of Andrea's tasteful bra with thumb and forefinger. Pays to be sent samples of designer lingerie. Bringing both hands to palm Andrea's now free and heavier than she expected breasts, she ripped her mouth away from Andrea's to look at them properly. The moan of loss turned into a one of obvious pleasure when Miranda latched her hot mouth to Andrea's left breast. The joy of being with a woman came flooding back to Miranda as her tongue teased Andrea's engorged raspberry like nipple. God, I've missed this. It had been fifteen years since her split from Seraphina, rather Seraphina's cruel betrayal. Even the barest thought of it brought a sharp piercing sensation. She had sworn off any relationships since that could capture, and destroy, her heart so completely. Which left men. She enjoyed sex with men like she enjoyed a good workout session, perfunctory and a good endorphin release. She had no interest in anything emotionally laborious which is no doubt why she left a string of crash and burn marriages in her wake. But now, with her Andrea, she felt like putting it all on the line again. Without even trying Andrea had conquered that which she had thought was incapable of experiencing romantic love again. With sudden urgency she needed to hear Andrea call her name, speeding up her pace she focused all her energy on Andrea's responses. She's close. After swirling her tongue around the areola, she used the tip of her now rigid tongue to flick the plump puckered nipple back and forth, gaining speed until she sucked on it hard then bit down gently on the tip. Andrea's steadily rocking hips convulsed and her thighs squeezed Miranda's as she threw her head back, giving her exactly what she craved, "MIRANDA oh Miranda oh fuck YES!"
Andy felt lips still pressed into her breast stretch her skin as Miranda smiled around her now hypersensitized nipple. Panting, she opened her eyes to the ceiling and tracked them down slowly as she came back to herself, noticing things she hadn't until this point, namely the gorgeous Dior dress Miranda had worn today draped on the giant bed and next to it a black lace La Perla bodysuit, the thin rigid spines holding its sexy two-dimensional body shape. Her gaze continued its journey down to find a smug Miranda looking back at her as she with one last flick of her tongue released Andy's breast. Andy's mind faltered at the vision. This must be a glorious fever dream. Miranda's iconic quaff was still present but had a carefree tossed look to it, her skin usually so evenly pale was flushed in a gradient of luminescent pink, set off by her sparkling blue eyes that shone of victory and adoration.
Miranda drank in the desire in Andrea's dialated eyes and the vulnerability, "Going back to what you initially said; I love you too, darling. I doubt I would have allowed myself to admit it but for Christian's admission. To which, yes I became instantly aroused and indecently flooded my La Perla's you just noticed. And I will say that was nothing compared to the state you've just put me in." Cupping Andrea's still flushed right cheek as a tear escaped out the corner, brushing it away she knew Andrea was overwhelmed, in a good way. "And I do trust you, Andrea, in ways I've never trusted anyone before, which also I came to realize today after speaking to Caroline and Cassidy, who by the way wanted me to pass along "love ya". Andrea beamed as she choked on a sob. Throwing her head back again and wiping her eyes, "Gah, I love them too. I truly expected to have to walk away from you unrequited today and it was killing me that I'd lose them too." Miranda' heart swelled and pulling Andrea closer so she wouldn't fall backward, she leaned to pick up the discarded Dalton shirt from the floor, turning it inside out, "Let me guess, Caroline gave this to you?"
Andy nodded, feeling like she was floating on way Miranda was looking at her made the earlier anguish and even the stupid one night stand with Christian all worth it. "They both did really, but Caroline made it clear it was her idea. Cassidy added that it meant that they appreciated me being on their team." Smiling at the memory another rogue tear fell that Miranda caught. "They are amazing girls, Miranda, you should be proud of yourself as a parent. I know last night you felt like they were going to lose another father figure, but I can assure you they never felt that connected to Stephen."
It was Miranda's turn to well up. She held the most generous and beautiful soul in her lap. One who to no advantage to herself made an effort to co-parent her girls. Even if Andrea hadn't considered it that, it is what she had been doing. "They intimated that much when I called them last night. They could care less about the divorce. I believe their exact words were "we only need you and Andy."
That did it. Andy threw her arms around Miranda, burrowed her head in her neck and gave herself permission to cry. She desperately needed the release and feeling Miranda's soft fingertips graze her bare back, she felt completely supported and unashamed. The intensity of her emotions soon subsided and in its place was a deep need. Kissing up Miranda's neck, to her ear, "Will you let me love you?"
Miranda knew Andrea's question was not just about making love and she paused her caressing. That is the question isn't it? She deserves nothing less than an honest partner.
Andy felt Miranda tense up and she was pretty sure Miranda was holding her breath, "Breathe, Miranda." Feeling her shakily inhale, Andy moved her face so she could read Miranda's expression. What she saw made her heart sink. What looked like could only be fear, quickly changed into the very familiar steely face of withdrawal. No no no you don't.
Miranda had spent tens of thousands of dollars on therapy and still had not managed to modify her tendency to shut down when her quick analysis determined a "no win" situation. She'd never be able to share all of herself with Andrea and being the curious and down right stubborn woman Andrea was she would be relentless until she'd find no other option to leave her. Better to just end it now before it even begins. Tendrils of dread and cold began sealing her heart where Andrea resided. Her voice was rough but final, "This is a mistake. I think you should leave." Andrea's face that moments ago was the picture of rapture, now looked like she had been slapped. Blinking she immediately covered her breasts, "What?! What just happened here, Miranda?" Miranda had never loathed herself more than she did in this moment. Why must I be cursed with these godforsaken powers that have only led to loss and loneliness. Closing her eyes she brought her hands to her face, needing the extra barrier from witnessing the pain she was causing Andrea.
Andy should have known Miranda wasn't going to give in to this so easily. She's in pain. And she's afraid of me knowing something. Taking a deep breath to calm her strung out nerves. Honestly, I don't know how many more ups and downs I can take today. Grabbing the shirt now left between them, she pulled it over her head. Feeling a little less exposed, she extracted herself from Miranda's lap and moved back to where she had been sitting previously, "I told you before, I'm not leaving, Miranda. I don't believe this, us, is a mistake. I think you think I can't handle something about you or your past and are afraid. This is where that trust part comes in that I was talking about. You can trust me, love. Please don't shut me out."
Miranda's phone rang, abruptly intruding the fraught moment. Still hiding behind her hands, Miranda let it ring two more times before slowly dragging them down her tear stained face. Getting up and going to her bag she withdrew the phone: Bobbsies. Taking a breath, she answered it facing away from Andrea. "Hello my darlings."
Their voices were so loud Andy could hear them despite the distance. And could even parse them out taking turns. Cassidy went first.
"Hey mom!" "Is Andy with you?" "We think her phone is off, it keeps going to voicemail." "For like hours."
Miranda turned to see Andrea's hand extended. She hesitated, but passed it to her.
"Hey kiddos, what's up?"
"ANDY!" they both shouted at the same time, then again took turns peppering her, Caroline first, "Where have you been?" "Did you lose your phone or something?" "Mom sounds sad, what is she sad about?" "Tell her we don't care about the divorce." "We tried but I think she doesn't get it yet." "Did you go to the Louvre yet and check out that painting we think you'd like?" "Remember Cass, she said her only free day was tomorrow. Andy, you're going to love it. It's so you."
Andy couldn't help but smile. Hearing them was grounding and furthered her resolve to coax Miranda back out of her shell, "I can't wait to see it in person, Paysage avec femme courant , right?"
"Yep," Cassidy said brightly, "We miss you. Can you come straight from the airport and maybe just stay the weekend? We have so much to catch up on." Caroline piped in, "Yeah! I'm sure mom won't mind now that Stephan's gone." "Yeah, it's SO NICE not having him here, like oh my god."
Andrea's eyes pierced hers and she knew this decision would determine her course of action. Could she really handle the truth? A seed of hope watered by the obvious affection toward Andrea from her daughters, began to melt her previous resolve. If any one could handle it, it would be her. She gave a nod.
Andy watched as Miranda's face broadcast her internal struggle. At the nod, Andy's heart swelled and she beamed, laughing the weight away, "Your mom has approved. I'll see you kiddos in a couple days okay?"
"YES!" and a sound of a high five slapped through the speaker. "Kay, love you, Andy!" "Yeah, love you!"
"I love you guys, too." Eyes still fixed on Miranda's, "Always."
"Bye!" They ended the call before she could respond, and Andy stood handing Miranda the phone back as she entered her personal space, speaking gently but firmly, "Thank you, Miranda. Now, here's what's going to happen. I'm going to go cue up another song that's come to mind, use the bathroom, order us some food and put on my robe. You take some space, but please remove your dress from the bed." Stepping even closer, she lowered her voice, "Leave the bodysuit. That belongs to me now." And before Miranda could respond, Andy stepped back and walked through the adjoining door, leaving it open.
Miranda was at a loss. She needed to sit. Collapsing on the sofa on the cushion that looked straight through the adjoining door, she saw Andrea in profile, pushing buttons on her mp3 player. Closing her eyes and leaning her head back to rest, she focused on her breathing. There was no going back once she revealed herself and Andrea would have to take the vow. It's too much, this is crazy. No, I am crazy and foolish. A counter voice cut through her negative thought spiral. BUT what if you were right all along? She could join the fold. The thought was like a match igniting a fuse and she felt herself tingle with excitement.
"Miranda, the dress. Put it away. Get undressed and in bed."
Startled by the commanding voice of her former assistant, Miranda raised her head, opening her eyes to see Andrea by her own bed pulling on her robe, and caught a flash of her nude form before it was wrapped in the white terry cloth. Sweet Merlin. Fierce desire shot through her system at the sight . Raising her eyes she met Andrea's knowing glance. And in a very close imitation of herself, Andrea raised an eyebrow and tilted her head just so. Miranda couldn't help but laugh. Still unable to form words, she decided to defer to Andrea's lead. It actually wasn't hard, now that she thought about it. She'd been following Andrea's lead for awhile now, leaving most of her schedule and planning in her capable hands. Huffing out a another silent laugh, she shook her head as she dutifully picked up her gown. I've been topped from the bottom and didn't even know it. Her heart quickened. But now I do, hmm. Now eagerly removing her clothes, she too used the loo before returning naked. Slipping in the sheet she hoped Andrea made good on all her declarations and ordered food. She hadn't eaten much at the traitorous luncheon.
Seeing Miranda submit to her heightened Andy's confidence. I've got this. I've got her. Moving into the bathroom she braced her arms on the counter and gazed into the mirror, letting out a long breath. She looked different to herself. Trying to pin it down, she saw the heat and determination in her eyes and realized she felt and looked powerful . Smiling, she fell, for the first time, a bit in love with herself. Filling her cup with that feeling, she turned and using the bathroom phone called Esme and ordered a charcuterie board for immediate delivery, which Esme was more than eager to accommodate. Finishing her ablutions, she returned to her main room and shot a glance through the adjoining door. Miranda was in bed. Good girl.
Miranda loved to sleep naked, but hadn't for years as she didn't want it to be misconstrued as an invitation. Even alone on trips she realized the habit had taken hold and she still wore garments, albeit buttery silk ones, to bed. How quickly we forget ourselves, until an opportune moment comes along reminding us what we've lost. It felt wonderful having the cool sheets on her inflamed skin. She moved her legs and arms in snow angel motion enjoying the cooling sensation. She felt alive, childlike anticipation in her submission of what was going to come. The looming cloud of the bomb she was about to drop on Andrea's world still lingered but it was less threatening at the moment, which was new, and welcome. Her mind brought her back to the recent Tarot themed Dior shoot, the video of which would premiere at the last show tomorrow. It was by far the most complex, gorgeous and meaningful shoot she'd done to date and it was bound to shake the industry to its knees. Right to my feet. Where they belong. A fresh wave of smug content washed over her at cementing her place at the helm. She of course owed a lot of the success of that shoot to Nigel, which she needed to figure out how to make that right. He at least needed to know that the Holt endeavor was on the precipice of failure. When doing her due diligence, she discovered from her circuit of loyal lawyers that the main investor had inquired about the penalty for pulling out early. It was a sinking ship. Perfect for Jacqueline. She was still surprised she was able to pull it off without anyone in the know finding out. Her mind flashed again back to the Dior shoot and the Tarot expert that Andrea had found to help expand on the archetypal significance and historical symbolism.
Miranda hadn't spoken to the consultant beyond her introduction a week prior. Since the shoot started she had flitted around making suggestions and Miranda respected the adjustments that were made as a result. So when she found herself alone with her at one point and the woman fanned out her cards in Miranda's direction, with a mischievous look, she felt herself willing to engage."Let's see what you pull, Miranda, hm?" Quirking up an eyebrow Miranda took in the woman for the first time. What was her name? Gun, Gund something? Andrea would know. She had a timeless quality about her, she could have been 28 or 48, razor cut naturally blonde hair that hit just above her shoulders completely unstyled. Her attire was acceptable, nothing couture per se, but the choices spoke of an understated elegance and an awareness of her own personal style. Gray eyes patiently met hers and at once Miranda knew this woman knew of her true nature. Ah so part of the family then. Tarot expert, ha! Well, us subversives have to do something don't we. Smiling a knowing smile, she shook her head and picked a card, not revealing it to this bold witch. The Devil. Snorting out a laugh, she flipped it around. "Stooping to stacking the deck, are we now?"
Smiling with her whole face, the woman laughed, "It's perfect, you know? And not just because of the moniker." Extending a long manicured yet unpolished forefinger, she tapped on the card, "See that sign the Devil is making? It's a mudra for "THIS is all there is". You see the folks in chains there? Those chains are loose and they could take them off anytime they want to. A tricky one, that Devil. So while others and even yourself may identify you with the main character here, crafting and perfecting illusions, I think it's important to know your chains are loose, Miranda. You can step out anytime you wish." She pointedly looked at Andrea who was standing a few yards away on the phone, returning her gaze, "All the way out. This is NOT all there is."
That woman certainly had her number. She'd have to get in contact with her when they returned. It would be nice to have another person, who Andrea had met and liked, be able to help calibrate Andrea to a new understanding of reality. This is not all there is, indeed.
Music had begun and Miranda smiled, it was quite romantic, this exchange of songs. Focusing on the underwater sounds and otherworldly voice, she was enchanted. The second verse caught her full attention.
Take a chance on all the things you can't see
Make a wish on all that lives within thee
If you're foolishly in love with me
It's a fine day for sure Taste the fruit of me
Make love to all you see
Would you make a, make a, make a wish on my love?
From her bed she couldn't see through to the adjoining room, but she heard Andrea speaking to someone in French. Oh what now? The moments ticked by and right before she was about to call out, Andrea appeared, completely nude, walking slowly, lowering a large charcuterie board revealing all of Miranda's favorites: dried apricots, almonds, dates, olives, prosciutto, manchego, and petite toasts. Miranda's mouth watered. She is a goddess. Eyes drinking in the vision, she was completely unprepared for when Andrea began to sing.
Putting the tray of delicacies directly on the space Miranda clearly left for her to occupy, and moving to the foot of the bed, Andy put her heart on the line, channeling all the years of voice lessons, chorus, and extracurricular a-capella and sang along:
I can imagine a world when my arms are embraced around you
I lie naked and pure
With intentions to clench you and take you
The city howls with a cry to seduce you
And claim you
So it's time
And it's a sad day for sure
Would you make a, make a, make a wish on my love?
Miranda sat up, duvet dropping to her lap. She grinned at Andrea's sharp of intake of breath causing her to falter her continued serenade. Bolstered by the reaction, and also Andrea's inaction of getting into this bed. Miranda followed the momentum forward crawling her way to her beautiful, brave, love.
Andy watched, captivated, as Miranda stalked her way to her, a powerful lioness about to consume her. I'm ready. But is she? Grinning mischievously, she saw Miranda smile in return. Mm, I think she is. Goody. And just like that Miranda invaded her space, and her mouth, bringing her soft hands to her face she kissed her without any reservations. Andy smiled into the kiss, breaking away to put their foreheads together and whispered, "Will you let me love you?"
Sounds of piano filled the room, and Miranda was momentarily in awe of Andrea's timing as a new song began. An earnest voice rang out:
I stripped it down for your naked eyes
So you could understand and let me inside
So I hope you know through the rising tide
That I'll be here and you can lay by my side
Heads together, eyes closed, Miranda, for once, spoke freely, "Yes. Yes, darling. There is something we need to discuss, about me, about who I am. Something not many people know and that I've preferred not to acknowledge for a myriad of reasons. When you asked me that question initially I was unprepared to share this bifurcated part of myself, but you deserve a whole person worthy of your love and I'm willing to try, but I must warn you, there are far reaching implications of this information." Pulling her head back she met open and loving brown eyes, "There is no going back from this, it's much bigger than me, and in order to not put you or others in harms way I must ask you to vow not to divulge what I share with you."
Andy saw the swirling emotions in the blue-gray eyes and knew that Miranda was risking a lot by wanting to share with her. Not able to fully land on any possibilities from Miranda's veiled clues, she nodded. Then added, "Miranda, you have my word. What is it, love? You don't have to be alone, Miranda. I'm here. I love you."
"I'm a witch."