The Klaine 3-2-1 Prompt Bang 2022: Super Goof and Spying, School Days
ericdooley
Summary:
Prompt #17: Interpret how you will. Have fun with it. Kurt and Blaine can be in either role. Superhero, meet cute, meet wanky tropes. One gets caught in an embarrassing and precarious situation. Maybe it keeps happening or maybe it's just a one time thing.
Thank you Coffeegleek for the fun prompt, I hope I did it justice. I kept looking for cheesy funny things to throw in.
Thanks doesn't do justice to all that Quizasvivamos has done to help me out with things, but your art is wonderful and amazing. Thank you so, so much!
Work Text:
Klaine 3-2-1 P rompt Bang Fic: Super Goof and Spying, School Days
Author: ericdooley
Artist: Quizasvivamos
Prompt Provided by: Coffeegleek
Pairing(s): Kurt Hummel/Blaine Anderson
Rating: Explicit
W ord Count: 9,113
Characters: Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, minor: Finn Hudson, David Karofsky, Sebastian Smythe
Summary:
Prompt #17: Interpret how you will. Have fun with it. Kurt and Blaine can be in either role. Superhero, meet cute, meet wanky tropes. One gets caught in an embarrassing and precarious situation. Maybe it keeps happening or maybe it's just a one time thing. In brief: I've got my superhero cape caught in the fire escape outside of your window. Could you help a guy out and pretend not to notice that I got an erection watching you work out and waiting until you were done and turned off the music so you could finally hear me asking for help? Well this was embarrassing. He was a superhero, damn it. An honest to god, rare but not completely uncommon, power having superhero. A superhero who had gotten his cape irrevocably tangled up in the fire escape he'd been climbing to get back to his own apartment. At least he wasn't bored. Embarrassed at his situation and the growing erection pressing against his skintight pants, but not in the least bored. Through the window of the apartment for which the fire escape platform was meant for, was a gorgeous man working out in a sweat soaked tank top and short, loose-fitting athletic shorts that left nothing to the imagination when he bent over and exposed all that the best gods had given him. Gods that had chosen to not give this god-like man underwear. - Preferred Rating: No preference - Triggers/Squicks to Avoid: No hard kinks, D/s, mpreg, b!p, gore, facials (the sex kind,) or large age gap please.
Genre/Tropes: superheroes and spies
Blaine still couldn't believe it, a superhero, he was a superhero! It was so exhilarating, flying, stopping bullets with his chest. It was a dream come true for him. He was just a goofy, nerdy kid growing up, nothing out of the ordinary. Until one day, he wasn't.
This afternoon, he'd been enjoying the sun and wind in his curls for a while, no emergencies needing his assistance. He finally decided to head home, after all, he had papers to grade before school tomorrow. As he flies by his building, slowly heading to his floor, he sees a brightly colored outfit and slows down. Gosh, the man, well god, exercising on the 9th floor! Fuck, he's beautiful, and sweaty. Wow, he's really sweaty, and that shirt is clinging to him. Oh, geeze, look at those shorts, fuck, that ass. I'm going to have a heart attack. He's, he's….oh, he sneaks a peek with his x-ray vision; he's not wearing underwear. Drool! As he's ogling his neighbor, he slams into the side of the building, not paying attention to what he was doing. The building shakes from the collision, and next thing he knows he's lying on the fire escape, damnit, shit, he's actually tangled in the metal grill. He doesn't want to ruin the fire escape. Maybe he can, he hears metal shrieking, nope, that's not good.
He looks up embarrassed, as the hot man is now staring at him with his mouth open through the window. Finally, after staring at each other for a bit, the window is pushed open.
"Looks like you got yourself tangled, was there something distracting you; or was this a rogue fire escape that needed a smackdown?" the man smirked at Blaine.
"Uhhhh, someone, oops, yeah, something distracted me. Can you help a guy out here, I don't want to ruin your fire escape," Blaine said, blushing.
Kurt looked him over for a minute. "I think if you pull your leg up, NO, not that one, the other one!"
Blaine blushed again, "Ok, like this?"
"Yeah, then move your bulge, oops, I mean your butt, your, FUCK, twist your waist around, yeah, straighten up," Kurt was the one blushing now.
"Now, let's see if we can free your cape, damn, it's caught up on the grating. Hmmm, I'm going to have to climb out to pull it free," Kurt starts pushing through the window and ends up hovering over Blaine's chest with his butt near Blaine's face.
"Almost, almost, got…. ooof," he says falling on top of Blaine, his crotch now in Blaine's face.
Blaine inhales the mouthwatering scent of this man's sweaty body, causing his costume to start bulging in this man's face.
Kurt scrambles to get off of Blaine, having freed his cape from the grating.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry about that!" He says blushing more, as he scrambles back into his apartment.
Blaine looks at him with fire in his eyes. "Th-Thank you citizen. I'm Nightbird," he says striking a heroic pose, with the bulge in his shorts.
Kurt starts laughing at his posing. "Uh, yeah, I know who you are. My name's Kurt."
Blaine looks at him confused for a moment, before reaching out his hand. "It's nice to meet you handsome, uh, Kurt." He stares at Kurt for a few moments, before jumping into the air and flying away with a wave of his hand.
Kurt closes the window and sighs breathily. Gosh, he was a dork, but so sexy too. He returns to his workout video, as Nightbird swoops around the building and by his window again, this time a bit more stealthily, checking out Kurt's 'ass'ets, before swinging down and flying into his 4th floor apartment in the same building. He quickly changes into some sweats and a t-shirt before settling down for the night to grade papers and dream about that sexy man.
Kurt drives up to the gates of Dalton Academy the next morning, to start his new job. He goes to the main office and is told Mr. Jameson will be with him shortly. Once Kurt is alone, he quickly makes his way over to the head administrator's desk and searches for the computer box. Once he spies it, he bends over and quickly attaches a special decoder to the side of the machine. Hearing noises in the main office, he hurriedly races back to the chairs in front of the desk and tries to still his breathing.
A mostly bald man with a big cigar slams the door open and walks in like he owns the place. Kurt rises to greet him and gets a nod for his efforts. He sits back down.
"Mr. Hudmel, Humm…" Mr Jameson stumbles over his words.
"Mr. Hummel, Kurt is my name, it's a pleasure to meet you sir," Kurt says with his eyes turned towards the desk.
"Hummel, yeah, that's what I said. Nice to meet you, welcome to my school," Mr. JJ Jameson spouts, acting like he's the most important man in the world.
"Your our new language teacher, for uh, which one, the one all the swishy guys like."
Kurt sighs, "I'll be teaching French here sir, a romance language."
"Yeah, whatever, it's a requirement, so here you are. Welcome again," he presses a button on his intercom, "Betty! Get Anderson over here on the double, he gets to show the new professor around."
"Yes sir, right away sir," You can actually hear her rolling her eyes.
Mr. Jameson plops down in his chair and starts up his system, ignoring Kurt. His computer makes a funny noise like a bird call, and Kurt smiles in satisfaction.
He looks out the windows at the beautiful campus as he waits.
Blaine smiles and winks, as he nods at Betty, and rushes into Mr. Jameson's office.
"Hello sir," he cries, startling Jameson and Kurt.
He looks at Kurt and suddenly his cheeks are burning and his mouth is open.
"Anderson, about time you got here, are you getting sick? You look flushed."
"No sir, I-I feel fine."
"Anderson, this is the new French teacher, Karl."
"It's actually Kurt, Kurt Hummel," he reaches out to shake hands with the sexy man with glasses standing in front of him. He looks familiar for some reason.
"It's really nice to meet you Kurt, welcome to Dalton, you'll love it here," Blaine says, stumbling over his words.
Mr. Jameson looks at the two of them, clears his throat to get their attention, "Boys! Boys! Get out of my office! Now!"
"Betty! Where is my coffee?"
Anderson stumbles over his words, and quickly escorts Kurt out of there.
"I'll show you where the staff kitchen is, and then after you have some java, I'll show you where your classroom is. The last teacher left quite suddenly," he says kind of mysteriously.
"Thanks, I appreciate your time," Kurt smiles shyly.
"Oh, my name is Blaine, by the way, my classroom is just down the hall from yours, feel free to check me out, ooops, I mean, come by, if you need anything," Blaine stammers.
They reach the staff kitchen and Blaine pours himself a cup of coffee before turning to Kurt. Kurt grabs a mug and starts to fill it; he drops a sugar packet and bends over to pick it up.
Blaine can't help from checking out Kurt's ass, as he gets excited, he accidentally crushes his mug, spilling coffee all over himself.
"Damn!" he says, shaking the pieces out of his hand.
Kurt stands up startled at the noise, turning to Blaine. "My goodness, are you okay? Did you cut yourself?"
"No, I'm fine, I've been working out a lot lately, and I just don't seem to know my own strength. Happens so often, I keep extra shirts in my office," Blaine says embarrassed.
"Well, so long as you are okay, can you show me to my classroom before you change?" Kurt smiles at him demurely.
After Blaine drops him off at his classroom he hurries away. "Fuck, I can't believe that hot man I met last night is teaching here, I need to get his number."
Kurt settles into his classroom. He has 3 classes a day, beginning, middle and advanced French, which should give him plenty of time to take care of the real job he's here for.
Once darkness descends on the school, Kurt gets to work. He goes room by room looking for computers and setting up his decoders on them. He works his way deeper and deeper into the school, stopping at an empty and barren room. He searches the walls, feeling like something is out of place. He finds an indentation in the wall; once he pushes on it another room opens up.
"Aha," Kurt slowly sneaks into the new room, there are filing cabinets against one wall and a large mahogany desk at the other side. He starts looking around, but misses out on the sensor on the floor, as soon as he steps past it red lights and alarms start going off.
"Damnit," Kurt looks around trying to figure out how to turn them off. Suddenly a metal coil shoots out and wraps around his ankles pulling him to the floor. He lands with a thud and then feels the metal retracting and dragging him to an opening in the wall. As it pulls, it picks up speed, the next thing he's feeling is pressure, as he's pulled through a winding tube faster and faster, like some kind of amusement park ride. The darkness of the tube doesn't allow him to do much except get bounced around like a rubber ball. Suddenly, he sees light and then he's shot high into the air like a rocket. He screams as he realizes he's airborne. What comes up, must come down sadly, and it's not long before Kurt is speeding towards the ground. He lets out another scream, before accepting his fate.
Suddenly, there is a whooshing sound, and he's in someone's arms, the sudden jolt of being stopped making most of his muscles ache. He looks at who has grabbed him.
"Nightbird, at your service, it's a nice night for flying isn't it?" he smirks at Kurt, before winking.
"Can I give you a ride," he asks while wagging his eyebrows.
Kurt just breathes for a moment. "Yes, yes you can," winking back at the handsome superhero, who just saved his life.
They loop around the school grounds once, before flying towards Kurt's apartment. Lucky for him, he left the window open before he left this morning. He pushes it up enough to get inside and looks at Nightbird.
"Would you like to come in?" he gestures for him to enter.
Nightbird drops in next to Kurt and smiles toothily. "Nice place you have here."
"You didn't see the place when you were ogling me yesterday?" Kurt asks cheekily.
Nightbird blushes and stammers, "I-I don't know what you are talking about."
"Oh, you regularly slam into buildings. Good to know that," Kurt smiles.
Nightbird leans in, looking at Kurt's mouth, and then his eyes, before deciding to go for it. He kisses Kurt lightly on the mouth, before flicking his tongue out a little. Kurt readily opens his mouth for him and the kiss deepens. After a while Kurt almost passes out, needing oxygen sooner than Nightbird to breath. He swoons in his arms.
"Wow, you are a great kisser, baby," Nightbird says breathily.
Kurt is dizzy from lack of oxygen, but after a moment collects himself and says breathily. "You too, man of steel."
Blushing, Nightbird asks, "Can I see you again?"
Startled, Kurt really looks at Nightbird for a moment. "Like – like a date?"
"Well, gosh, yeah a date with the handsomest guy around," Nightbird smiles and blushes at the same time, before he flies out the window and into the sky leaving the date up in the air.
Kurt drops onto his sofa stunned at the turn of events. Eventually he gets up and turns on his laptop computer and punches a few keys. Suddenly his screen shows a dark cloaked figure stroking a cat, with a female voice.
"What have you managed to accomplish so far?"
"Well, I almost got killed, so it's been a real swell time so far," Kurt snarked.
"Killed! What do you mean?" the voice asks angrily.
"I set up our decoders on every computer I could find in the school so far. I found an empty room and thought it was suspicious, I found a switch to a secret room; before I got to look around, I tripped some kind of alarm and was scooped up and shot out the top of the building into the night sky. If our resident hero hadn't been around, I wouldn't be here."
"That's not good, you've already exposed yourself."
"Wait a minute, we don't know that for sure. I didn't see any cameras around. Besides, whoever is behind that trap wouldn't have expected me to survive. I should be fine. No one should know that Unicorn sent me to investigate."
"Very well, you need to start gathering intel from the students, maybe get close to one of the teachers?"
"I can manage on my own, I don't need to date another co-worker, remember, on the last job I ended up handcuffed to that guy for a couple of days, before we could get free. I still have nightmares about his pet piranhas we had to feed."
"You are one of our best spies, you should be fine with this job. We gave you time off after the last one to recover," the voice says mockingly.
"How does a few days off help me recover from almost losing a hand!" Kurt shrieked.
"Never mind, I'll keep working on things, we should start to get some data tomorrow as people turn on their computers and login," Kurt said hopefully.
The next day Kurt had to take an Uber to work; because his car was still there from last night. He ran into Blaine in the staff kitchen.
"H-h-hi there Kurt," Blaine stuttered out.
"Oh, hello, Blaine. Nice to see you again," Kurt said, not very interested in chatting, still frustrated about the trap last night.
"I – I was wondering,"
"I'll bet you wonder about a lot of things," Kurt said waspishly.
"Uhhh," Blaine said confused. "I was wondering, if you might like to go for a drink or dinner after work?"
Kurt sighed. "Well, to be honest, I'm sort of seeing someone, but even without that; I don't think you're my type."
"What do you mean?" Blaine asked.
"Well, I like a man who can sweep me off my feet," Kurt said dreamily, thinking about Nightbird last night.
"Well, I could do that," Blaine said breathily.
"And probably trip over your own two feet," Kurt says with tons of sass.
"Have a nice day Blaine," Kurt says as he sails out the door.
He leaves Blaine thoroughly upset; his super persona is more attractive to Kurt than his real self.
Kurt decided to lay low for a couple days and see what data they could get from the computer taps. He'd also been working his charms on his students; he was hosting a little get together in his class one afternoon later that week.
They were all practicing conversations in French only, which was sometimes stilted, and sometimes hilarious. Kurt was slowly getting to know his students a little better, more personally. He needed to figure out who was selling secrets on their wealthy father's dime. There has already been some robberies and the murder of another secret agent. Sadly, several of the students' fathers were high ranking diplomats and military personnel. Which made weeding people out exceptionally hard.
Blaine walked by his classroom staring longingly at Kurt. Kurt watched him walk by for the tenth time today. He was sweet, in a goofy kind of way. Kurt was starting to feel bad for turning him down; but he wasn't much for chitchat first thing in the morning, especially without his coffee.
Late on Friday night after everyone has left for the weekend Kurt is back sneaking around the school dressed all in black. This time he's got some special goggles on to see any trip wires or electric eyes. He couldn't get back into the secret room again. So, he's in a different part of the building exploring, when he finds another secret room. This one has electric eye beams spiderwebbed across the room. He takes a moment to study the room; before thanking his old cheerleading coach for the many workouts. Then he's off summersaulting and crawling and edging his way across.
"Whew," Kurt says sweating, after making it to the other side.
He starts looking through cabinets of information on the many students, but it's focused on who they are related to. The information is very thorough and looks pretty recent too. Someone has been doing their homework. Kurt decides to cross the room and check out what is on the desk there. As he walks across, he hears a click as he steps on a tile in the checkerboard patterned floor.
"Uh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Kurt says as he drops hundreds of feet into a raging underwater river. It's pushing him along at a rapid pace, he can barely keep his head above water. Suddenly he feels like something is there in the water with him.
"FUUUCCCKK!" it's a shark. The shark looks mechanical? "HELP! Someone please, HELP ME!", Kurt yelps.
Nightbird is on patrol when he hears the cries for help, he flies towards them, hoping he's not too late. He sees, Kurt? In a rapid, choppy river by the school. Then he sees a shark!
He swoops down quickly to scoop Kurt out of the water; but somehow, the shark is faster. It chomps down on Nightbirds' leg. His momentum already has him rising into the air with a drenched Kurt, bringing the shark up into the air with them!
Nightbird looks down at the shark and flexes his muscles in his leg, trying to get the shark to let go, instead it seems to be trying to chomp higher and harder up his leg. He can't use his hands because they are full of Kurt. Kurt is mostly out of it, with water in his lungs.
Nightbird thinks for a moment, and an idea suddenly comes to him. He tosses Kurt up into the air as hard as he can. Once Kurt is soaring up high, Nightbird leans down and flicks the shark on the nose. He hears a big metallic ping from doing that. He starts spinning around and around and finally gravity pulls the shark down, when it opens it's jaws wider to take a bigger bite.
Once he sees the shark falling back into the water he looks up, just as Kurt is coming back down.
Kurt is shrieking at the top of his lungs and coughing up water at the same time. Nightbird flips and flies over to catch Kurt in his arms again.
"ARE YOU INSANE! YOU THREW ME UP IN THE AIR, LIKE…LIKE….I DON'T KNOW WHAT!" Kurt is having a full-blown panic attack by this point.
Nightbird slowly drops to the ground and puts Kurt down. Kurt steadies himself on his feet and then slaps Nightbird across the face. "OWW, Fuck! You really are a man of steel," Kurt says holding his hand which now has a couple broken fingers.
"Why did you slap me? I was trying to rescue you," Nightbird said.
"RESCUE ME! You have a funny way of doing that, buddy," Kurt musters in a full rage.
"You can forget going out on a date with me!" He turns and stomps away from Nightbird, ignoring him.
Nightbird looks after Kurt in his wet and very snug pants, a little drool dripping down his chin. I don't understand how the French teacher manages to get into such trouble in his free time, Nightbird wonders. He shook his head and took off to finish his patrol, doing a few fast spins to dry off his super suit.
Kurt wrapped his fingers when he finally got home and started working on his blueprints of the school. He'd managed to find 2 secret rooms so far. There must be more going on at the school than they were led to believe. Secrets being sold to the highest bidder, blackmail, an insane superhero, what else would he find, as he dug deeper into the secrets of Dalton Academy.
So far, the computers haven't yielded much in the way of information; Kurt would need to see if there were computers in the secret rooms he found somehow.
The next day as Kurt arrives, he is presented with a big bouquet of flowers as he walks into the staff kitchen.
"Oh, gosh, these are lovely," he looks up from them, not surprised to see Blaine doing a courtly bow.
"What are these for?"
"Something beautiful, for the most attractive man I know," Blaine gushes, turning red in the face.
"You shouldn't have, thank you for being a sweetie," Kurt says after pouring his coffee, he bends down to look for a vase and suddenly he hears another mug shatter.
"Damnit!" Blaine shouts.
Kurt looks to see him covered in coffee again. "We're going to have to get some padding for the mugs soon, otherwise they'll all be gone," Kurt says shaking his head.
Blaine blushes again as Kurt walks out to his classroom with his flowers.
Kurt finds a different floral arrangement in his classroom every morning after that. Some of them look pretty exotic, he wonders where Blaine gets them at.
Finally, Friday has Kurt walking down the hall to Blaine's classroom, he realizes he's never even asked what Blaine teaches.
Kurt knocks on the classroom door, before opening the door to find a planetarium set up. He didn't even know the school had this. He soon found Blaine bent over, adjusting some of the wiring currently projecting a starry evening sky.
"Hello," Kurt says, startling Blaine, who raps his head on a table above the wire. In the process of doing that he actually pops his head through the canvas top.
Kurt gasps and then starts laughing, "Oh my, you, oh, you…you sure are accident prone, I'm sorry I startled you, let me help you out of that."
Blaine is blushing and is a bit stunned, he didn't expect Kurt to ever come to his class room.
Kurt ends up pushing his head down and through the ruined canvas, so he can scoot out from under the table.
He's still blushing, but manages to look Kurt in the eyes finally. "H -hello Kurt, this is a nice surprise."
Kurt is still shaking his head. "I wanted to thank you for all the flowers you've been leaving for me this week. It's very sweet of you, I also wanted to apologize for being so surly the other morning too. Until I get coffee, I'm a bit grouchy."
"Oh, it's fine, I wondered what I had done to make you mad for most of the day though," Blaine laughed awkwardly.
"Listen, I don't know if you have plans this weekend; but I'd like to take you out to say thank you, maybe we can get to know each other better too," Kurt said a bit shyly, he didn't like having to apologize.
"T-this weekend! Oh, I have no plans really, you pick the day and I'm all yours," Blaine said smiling from ear to ear.
"Great, let's explore some of the park next to the school here, and I'll pack a picnic spread for us, how does that sound?"
"Perfect, lets meet in the staff parking lot and we can head out from there," Blaine suggested.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Kurt said leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, before walking out of the classroom.
Blaine was so excited he spun around in a circle, like Wonder Woman did on TV, unfortunately he created a wind storm and he had to put everything right in his classroom afterwards instead of changing into his super suit.
Unknown to Kurt or Blaine, the school had many secrets sewn into it. Nightbird's arch nemeses, the Baller and the Weasel, had a secret base there. Besides them, were the mysterious group that was blackmailing the students, their leader known only as Satan. Kurt had his hands full trying to sort through everything in the building, the adjoining park and the underground tunnels. He kept trying to match up the blue prints and drawings from the original building to today's.
Kurt hadn't been having much luck, in fact, he'd say it's mostly been bad luck on this assignment. His date with Blaine turned out well at least. He messaged the boss and asked for a tele-meeting.
"Agent Porcelain, why are you wanting to chat, Lord Tubbington does not like unscheduled conversations. Make it quick," the shadowy figure stated, while the cat growled and hissed.
"To be honest, I'm not having the best of luck with this assignment so far, I was wondering if you could assign another agent to help me with searching?" Kurt said, sounding defeated.
"Another agent! You don't like to share typically. I had to beg you to work with Trouty Mouth on a previous case," the boss sounded confused as she spoke.
"Alright, I'll send another agent, we will have to do some research on what positions and openings there are around the area. Give me a couple days to see what we can come up with. WHEELS! I need your skill set."
With that the boss lady signed off.
Kurt leaned back on his sofa and thought. He was hopeful he could cut back on the number of death traps he had to endure.
Blaine had come up to Kurt's floor with some cheesecake to share. He rapped on the door and waited.
"Who could that be?
Kurt looked through his peephole and smiled. He opened his door.
"Hey handsome, what are you doing here?" he said flirt-ily.
"What? I'm here to see you, of course," Blaine said a bit confused.
"How did you even know what floor I live on?" Kurt asked.
"Oh, uh, I asked Betty for your info," Blaine hoped that would cover him, he forgot he's only been to Kurt's apartment as Nightbird.
"Are you my personal stalker?" Kurt joked, letting him in.
Once he saw the cheesecake, he snatched it out of Blaine's hands and headed to the dining room table. "Can I get you some coffee to go with this?"
"Sure, I'd love some coffee," Blaine said dreamily, staring at Kurt in his tank top and sweatpants.
"Sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone, I'm not usually dressed like this," Kurt said blushing a bit.
"You look hot, oh, uh, I mean, you look humble and hump able; oh ah, I mean huggable," Blaine stumbled over his words, he found it hard to focus when looking at Kurt.
Kurt looked at Blaine with wide eyes for a minute, and then started laughing. "I guess I should be flattered you find me so attractive."
"Uh, I imagine lots of guys find you delicious, I mean sexy, Uh, I'm going to shut my mouth now," Blaine mimed zipping his lips.
"What a shame, I was going to give you a kiss, but now I won't be able to," Kurt winked at Blaine.
Blaine quickly mimed unzipping his lips and winked back, turning red.
While the coffee was brewing the two of them locked lips, tongues slipping out to taste each other as it slowly grew deeper and hotter.
A few days later, a new face appeared at the school, the head football coach had suddenly needed to take a leave of absence. Kurt was so excited to see the Quarterback was taking over. He couldn't keep from running up and hugging him. Blaine noticed and didn't really like it. He kept seeing them whispering and talking throughout the day. He and Kurt weren't officially dating, but he'd like to be. He tried to keep his feelings under wraps, as he pulverized another mug thinking about the two of them huddled together.
The Quarterback wasn't the smartest agent, but he was solid and dependable, and sort of just plodded on through things. He was perfect to assist Kurt in marking up their site plans, finding random computers to tag and working through the school.
Kurt wanted to put up a sign, so many days since last death trap triggered. He'd never been that clumsy or careless in the past. Of course, his good luck was bound to run out. He was exploring a tunnel he found leading down and out of a room, suddenly it tilted and he went vertical and fell several dozens of feet landing with a thud.
"Ohhhh, that hurt," Kurt pushed himself up off the ground. He looked around, but all he could hear was a faint humming noise. He started walking toward that, eventually a breeze started to flow through, as he moved along the humming noise started to get louder and louder. After walking a bit more it turned into a roar and the wind had picked up quite a bit. He wasn't sure what to make of things when an alarm started to ring in the distance and suddenly, he felt like he was in a wind storm. The velocity increased, and he felt himself being pulled along, he tried to turn around, but the wind just increased again. The suction was tremendous, and he felt himself being pulled along faster and faster, eventually he lost his footing and was just dragged along. Lucky for him he missed the spinning fan blades by inches as he was pulled between them.
A short while later he was pinned against a wall, like a vortex ride at an amusement park, unfortunately the floor started to open up and he could see a dark pit with no visible floor. The pressure holding him against the wall suddenly stopped, and he plummeted into a cavern. He landed in a heap and took some time to catch his breath. Finally, he pulled out his phone to bring up the flashlight setting. Once he started training it around the cavern he realized he was surrounded by bats. The ceiling was completely covered. He opened up an app and was able to find some of the caverns showing, almost like a map app, but he was definitely in an unexplored part. Meanwhile, above him the wind vortex had started back up again. Kurt wasn't very skilled in spelunking, but after a few hours he'd managed to work his way towards an exit. He thinks he's home free.
Suddenly, there is an explosion and the cave shakes all around him, causing him to fall to the ground, and that sets all the bats off. He emerges from the cave a bit later, covered in bat guano from head to toe. He's been out most of the night by this point as he heads home to shower, trying not to touch anything in his car. At least he had an old blanket in the trunk to spread over things. So much for his record of no accidents.
Nightbird had been out on patrol when he ran into the Baller breaking into a bank. He was pretty indestructible and was able to throw balls with incredible strength to smash through walls and doors. He had a gadget that enabled the balls to come back to him, and he always carried several in a pack attached to his back. The balls somehow became indestructible when he held them for use.
Unfortunately, the two of them were a fairly even match. Once Nightbird was distracted by the police, the Baller started hammering him with a ball at high velocity eventually causing him to pass out.
Nightbird woke up encased in cement up to his neck, unable to move at all. He was trying to think of some way to get free. Flexing hadn't budged anything.
Kurt was surprised to find Blaine was missing the next day. No one knew what had happened to him. He hadn't called in sick even. He'd never missed a day before, how odd.
Kurt took a fortifying belt from his hip flask, before starting to explore that evening. He was becoming a bit shaky after all the mishaps, so needed some alcohol to work up his courage. He'd just found another hidden door in a room and was using a lockpick set to try and get in. As soon as the lock clicked and the door was ajar, he heard voices.
"Shit, now what?" Kurt crouched by the door listening.
"It all started when I was a child, my parents never showed me the love and affection a toddler of my sensitivities deserved…"
"It sounded like a villain monologuing!" Kurt grimaced and pushed the door open a little more. He saw a guy in a football uniform babbling away to himself. As he looked around the room he saw a block of cement, wait, was that a head sticking out of it?
The room looked like a warehouse storage depot. He snuck around behind some boxes to get closer to the cement. As he got closer, he realized it was Nightbird in the block of cement. He thought of leaving him there, after their last meeting, but decided he should try and help. Eventually he got up to the block and right behind it. All the while the Baller was still gassing along about his life.
"Then in high school, this boy didn't understand me pushing him around was my way of flirting….."
"Does this man never shut up?" Kurt asked Nightbird, whispering in his ear.
"Oh, gosh, you startled me! No, he will go on like this for hours if he's able to. Like I care about his personal life. He and his partner, the Weasel don't talk a lot, every time he captures me, I get the life long story," Nightbird sighs mightily.
Kurt crouches down and examines the concrete block from the back.
"Hmmm," he hums.
"What? Anything you can do to help a guy out?" Nightbird whispers.
"Well, I have a couple of gadgets that might help. Let me try my laser pen," Kurt pulled it out of his pocket and sets it on high, before aiming it at the cement and letting it flow.
"It's working, but it's going to take a long time, not sure the juice will last. I have another option, but it's kind of tricky."
"What? I'll try anything, I really need to pee," Nightbird says a bit desperately.
"Well, I have a sound amplifier that would make my voice into a weapon, but I've never tried it on full before, at that level it should be able to set the cement to vibrating and cracking, we'd need your super strength assisting too."
"Let's give it a try."
"Well, the thing is, if it doesn't work, that dopey villain will for sure know I'm here, so it will be our last chance."
"Do it man, we've got nothing to lose here."
"Okay, I'll try to aim for your lower half, so I don't damage your ears."
Kurt turns the gadget up to full and starts humming before belting out as many high notes as he can, building to a crescendo.
The Baller is knocked on his ass when the room starts to shake, Kurt has it aimed at the lower half and floor of the block. Baller tries to get up, but the vibrations increase as Kurt warms up. Nightbird is feeling something, and so he starts trying to vibrate his legs. Boxes and platforms start to rock all over the room, falling everywhere. Kurt hits a high F note and the resonance started to cause the cement to crack.
Nightbird shook himself all over and burst up into the air as the cement shattered, flying in a million directions at once. Kurt hit the floor and covered his head as the pieces rained down from everywhere.
The Baller looked up at Nightbirds angry face. "Shit!"
Suddenly he is wrapped up in one of the massive warehouse frames unable to move.
Nightbird is sighing in relief as he finishes peeing, finally after about 5 minutes. Good thing I can hold it for a long time.
He then flies back to look for his savior, in the meantime, Kurt has disappeared. Nightbird thought the voice was familiar, but didn't get a look at his rescuer. He carted Baller off to jail, while wondering who helped him out.
Kurt managed to sneak back through the door he had opened while the action was going on and close the door. Well, that was an interesting experience. For once he was the one rescuing Nightbird instead of the other way around. He headed for home, so he could add the additional information to his map. This place just became stranger and stranger the more he explored.
Kurt was getting tired of exploring this endless place. He and the Quarterback had been working through room after room, working their way down the sub levels of the building. He decided it was time to try something else. He'd brought a briefcase with him to work this morning. He was going to use some more of the spy gadgets he had up his sleeve. He opened the briefcase and took a remote-control device out of it. He pressed a button and suddenly a dozen insects were surrounding his head. If you could see really very fine print, you'd be able to tell these insects were machines. They made appropriate buzzing noises as Kurt sent them on their mission to search and explore. As they flew off Blaine appeared in the doorway, causing one to actually bounce off his skin. Kurt had never seen that happen before.
"Are you okay?" Kurt asked.
"Yes, why wouldn't I be?" Blaine responded confusedly.
"Well, it looked like that insect smacked right into you as you came in," Kurt said hesitantly.
"Oh, no insects don't bother me, they don't really like my skin."
Kurt came up to Blaine and stroked his cheek. "That's odd, I'm really getting fond of it," he said blushing.
Blaine smiled goofily and walked out after smacking into the wall first.
Kurt shook his head and went back to the controller to make sure the insect patrol was doing okay. Strangely, one of them was a bit dented already. It seemed to be functioning okay though. They would continue to explore and send back images and information to Kurt's laptop to be compiled. They had powerful sensors and could see secret doors and would be able to fit through some really tiny spaces too.
Kurt smiled, no death traps today for him, no sir!
Blaine had finally had enough of the Quarterback talking to Kurt. He found him in the weight room at the school.
"Hey buddy!" Blaine called out.
"Yeah, what's up, Bland?"
"It's Blaine, and I want to talk to you about Kurt," Blaine said forcefully.
"Okay, what about him?"
"I see you two talking together a lot since you got here."
"Yeah, what business is it of yours?"
"I like Kurt and don't want to share him."
"Kurt's an adult and can do what he wants, sounds like you should talk to him and not be bothering me about it," the Quarterback turned to walk away at that point.
Blaine turned around frustrated and hit the punching bag which flew across the room ripping from its mounting and denting some lockers. Blaine looked sheepishly at it and shrugged his shoulders when the Quarterback looked wildly at him. Then walked out.
Kurt heard all about it later that day.
The Ballers partner was furious. How could he get arrested while the Weasel was out of town? He watched the surveillance camera again, to see the man sneak towards the captured Nightbird. He zeroed in on the guy's face and set up surveillance around the school grounds. Eventually, he found out he was a teacher named Kurt. Once he had that information, he started working on a plan to make him pay for interfering in things.
Kurt felt like he'd finally been making progress, between the Quarterback and the insect surveillance robots he had burrowed further down into the complex, he'd found some other hidden rooms and had begun compiling information on what they held.
He was heading home after another late night digging through the secrets of Dalton. He was just pressing the fob for his car door when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. He jumped just as something clawed his arm. He got into a fighting stance and although it was hard to see he got in a few kicks and punches as something whizzed around him. Unfortunately, the scratch was coated with something and he felt himself slowing down, he struggled to break away but finally felt himself fall to the ground as he lost consciousness.
He woke up later strapped to a seat. "Uhhh, where am I?" Kurt said, groggily.
"Finally! You're awake, my diabolical scheme can proceed," a voice yelled out of the darkness.
"Can you tone it down a bit, you're giving me a headache," Kurt snarked.
"Oh, I'll be giving you more than a headache soon enough, you cretin!" The Weasel was practically screaming by now, a bit of frothing at the mouth even.
While he was raving at Kurt, Kurt was checking to see how far he could move his fingers. He was able to reach his portable laser and aimed it at the ropes.
"Now, I just need to keep him talking," Kurt sighed.
"Who are you? You look like a meercat wearing a terrible outfit," Kurt egged him on with the insult.
"Who am I! You dare to ask who I am!" I'm the Weasel and you captured my partner the other week while I was out of town."
"Your partner? Doesn't ring any bells for me," Kurt said puzzled. He hadn't figured out what was going on at the school yet, who could this weirdo be talking about?
"How dare you! My partner is the amazing Baller, as if you didn't know."
"Baller? You mean he cries a lot?" He acted completely baffled.
"I saw the video, where you sneaked into our lair and freed that feather brained idiot Nightbird."
"Ohhhh, is that who that guy was? I was bored that night and when I came across Nightbird in a block of cement I thought it would be fun to help him out," Kurt said very nonchalantly.
"He's my partner! I'm missing out on sweet love making because of you!" The Weasel complained.
"Huh, seemed like he was pretty busy playing with his own balls, are you sure he had time for you?" Kurt snarked, as the first piece of rope was burned through.
"Enough talking, I have developed a wonderful death trap here at the abandoned amusement park in revenge for your helping Nightbird."
With that said, a switch was flicked and power went on all over the park. Music from some of the rides started playing forlornly.
Kurt could see he was at the start of a roller coaster ride, as he looked up, he saw rings of fire start to ignite around the track, his eyes followed the track to it's highest point, he saw the tracks had been damaged and he was in for some trouble. Besides the fire rings there was also a large vat of something glowing and bubbling right where the car would most likely land as it came off the tracks.
"Well, shit, another death trap for me, I've lost count of how many I've dealt with on this job, I need a vacation," Kurt sighed deeply, bracing himself for the ride to start.
The Weasel flipped another switch, before turning the large dial up to the danger/fastest setting.
He started laughing and singing maniacally as he hit the bit red button to start the ride.
Kurt had been able to burn through more of the ropes, but wasn't able to free himself yet. The ride pulled back a bit and then shot out of the starting line like a slingshot, Kurt could feel the g-force as he continued to work on his bonds.
While all this is going on Nightbird sees the amusement park lit up, even though it's condemned, and decides he better investigate. As he swoops down from above, he sees the rollercoaster ride car jump out and speed across the tracks, barely holding on. He uses his vision and realizes that Kurt is tied to the car for some reason. He's baffled at how Kurt keeps getting into much trouble. As he shakes his head Kurt goes through the first loop, the car shrieking along the track causing sparks to fly.
He looks around and sees the Weasel, who has spotted him and his now firing projectiles at him. As one hits him, it expands and wraps around him trying to squeeze him tight. He manages to avoid many and is able to break the first one wrapped around him. He turns to see Kurt coming towards the second loop of the ride.
Kurt hears commotion going on, but is too focused on his bonds. He is heading towards the second loop when he breaks through the rope. He grabs the ride bar with both hands while maneuvering his legs free. Once the car hits the center of the loop, he jumps free, falling briefly, before managing to land on the tracks. The car races through another loop and finally breaks free of the track, before crashing down into the vat of chemicals. As the car dissolves in the vat, it splashes the acid all over the rollercoaster tracks and pilons. The whole structure starts to shake as Kurt tries to climb down as fast as he can.
Meanwhile, the Weasel has been taunting Nightbird and keeping him busy. He looks up as the acid hits the fire loops causing an explosion and blinding him momentarily. The Weasel takes the opportunity to pelt him with eggs that attach like weights to his body and quickly bring him out of the sky.
"Yes! I will dispose of you myself, before breaking my boyfriend out of jail, super ostrich!"
Kurt has been sneaking around the grounds trying to get closer to the Weasel, he sees that Nightbird is having some troubles. He hides crouched around some trash barrels behind the Weasel, trying to decide what to do. He realizes he has the vibrator that he used to free Nightbird from the cement before and hatches an idea.
He starts humming and working up his vocal cords, he turns the vibrator up to full volume putting it to his mouth he starts screaming and shrieking as loud as he can, this time he has the vibrator aimed at the Weasel's head and it immediately gets results. The Weasel grabs his head as the horrible noises continue to flow through him, causing his equilibrium to fail and for him to fall dizzily to the ground. Kurt doesn't let up until he is unconscious.
In the meantime, Nightbird has taken the reprise to break off the heavy eggs and stand up on his own two feet.
He comes up to Kurt and pulls him in for a deep desperate kiss. Kurt melts against him for a moment before trying to pull away.
"Wait a minute, I am dating someone, you can't just steal kisses from me!" Kurt says angrily.
Nightbird looks him in the eyes, "I knew we were dating! Even though you didn't say."
Kurt's eyes bulge, "B-Bl-Blaine?"
"Yes, he's me, I mean I'm him, uh, yeah, we are one." Nightbird stumbles over his words.
Kurt rolls his eyes and agrees that's Blaine, but then a look of horror flows across his face.
"I'm the worst spy in the world! I had no idea you were him, he was you. FUCK! I'm a moron." Kurt says breaking down.
Nightbird puts an arm around his shoulders, "It's okay Kurt, no one else has figured it out before now."
Kurt looks at him and then throws his arms around him. "I'm so glad you're safe."
The police finally arrive and cart the Weasel off to jail. "I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for that meddling kid!" he rants.
Later that night at Kurt's apartment he and Nightbird are snuggling in bed, making out breathily.
"Make love to me, super man," Kurt pants.
"There are condoms in the bedside table."
"Uhhh, Kurt, those don't work too well with me unfortunately."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, uhmm, my skin is pretty hard…"
"Yeah?"
"Kind of like steel."
"Okay?"
"Well, uh, usually the condoms break because I'm too hard, but don't worry, I don't have any diseases, and I will be very gentle with you," Blaine says all that while blushing red hot.
"Man of steel huh," Kurt says breathily.
Once the lube has been brought out and worked in, Blaine positions himself to enter Kurt. He slowly sinks down and in as gently as he can.
"Oh my god! You are so – so hard," Kurt says breathily as the night surrounds them.
Kurt wakes up glowing, he rolls over to see Blaine sleeping peacefully, he gorgeous curls all over the place from sleep. He tries to get up to go to the bathroom but he's really, really sore down there. He manages to limp to the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth, before slowly making his way back.
Blaine's eyes flicker before opening. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, just a bit sore after everything," Kurt says wincing.
"I didn't hurt you, did I?" Blaine says scanning Kurt's face.
"Let's just say your hardness will take some getting used to," Kurt said, smirking at him.
Blaine smiles, before pulling Kurt to him, so he is big spoon and pressing his erection at Kurt's ass. "Well, we better practice some more then," he smirked as he kissed and nuzzled at the back of Kurt's neck.
Hours later, they were sitting at the table drinking coffee, well, Kurt was leaning against a chair, feeling pretty tender still.
"Kurt? Can I ask you something?"
"Of course, man of steel," Kurt smirked.
"Earlier. when you found out who I was, you mentioned something about being a spy when you were angry, what did you mean?" Blaine quizzed.
"Damn, you would remember that," Kurt sulked.
"Well, cards on the table, I'm a spy, I was hired to investigate the school, someone is selling important government secrets, and I've been trying to figure out who, so I've been exploring the school in off hours," Kurt shrugged.
"So that was you saving me from the Baller!" Blaine exclaimed.
"Yep, that was me," Kurt smiled.
"I finally got to rescue you for a change."
Kurt explained all the crazy things he'd dealt with so far and that he wasn't really feeling close to figuring things out still. He was really doubting his skills.
"Why don't I help you?" Blaine exclaimed.
"Well, I don't really need you to destroy the school," Kurt teased.
"Whatever, so I'm clumsy, lots of people are," Blaine said blushing.
"Most people can't destroy things if they have an accident."
"I can help you with my x-ray vision, to look for hidden rooms."
"Well, you might be right, my insects are still exploring, but you'd probably be a lot faster."
Over the next week, they slowly worked their way through the sub-levels. Nightbird was able to break into the 2 secret rooms Kurt had previously found, and the Quarterback had joined them to scan through all the information there. Unicorn was churning lots of data profiles from what they had discovered. Kurt finally felt like he was making progress!
In the end, it was Betty, the secretary working 3 kids and selling secrets. JJ was stunned his secretary was selling state secrets. They couldn't find out anything concrete about the organization she was working for unfortunately. It did cause a bit of a scandal in the end for the school, but not too many students were removed.
Blaine was standing in the staff room staring at Kurt's ass in his unbelievably tight pants.
"How do you do it?"
"Do it? What are you referring to?"
"I mean, I wear a skin tight costume, and I don't see how you can walk in those pants, never mind breathe," Blaine said breathily.
"Fashion doesn't stop for breath!" Kurt smirked.
Blaine enveloped him in a hug, "So what happens now?" He asked cautiously.
"What is it with the cryptic questions today?" Kurt snarked.
"You know what I'm talking about, your mission is complete, doesn't that usually mean that you move on to another case?"
"Usually," Kurt said sighing.
"I know it's your job, but I don't like thinking of you out there without me to help, you really have a fetish about death traps," Blaine laughed, sticking his tongue out at Kurt.
"You will pay for that Mr.,: Kurt threatened.
"What are you going to do, break your fingers on my face again?" Blaine winked, then kissed Kurt.
"What if?" Kurt said breathily after the kiss.
"What if what?"
"Well, have you ever thought of having a partner? Intrepid boy reporter? Someone to help you out when you get captured?" Kurt quizzed Blaine.
"I don't know about any of that, but I know I'd love for you to stick around, I'm kind of attached to you. Any way I can convince you to stay?" Blaine asked with a tear in his eye.
"Well, I was going to surprise you later, but I guess this is a good time. I'm taking a leave from my spy job, I was planning to just teach French here and see how things go. You know, see if the local super hero might be interested in having me around permanently?" Kurt said, not meeting Blaine's gaze.
"I think he'd be very excited to have you around." Blaine leaned in and deepened the kiss, until they heard sirens and gun shots.
"Duty calls!" Blaine said rushing to change.
"All I see is booty in that outfit of yours," Kurt smiled as Blaine flew into the distance. Another day in the life of a super hero.