A/N: This chapter also deals with sexual abuse/rape.
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I am old enough to marry and start my own family now, but this remains illusory. Which young man could ever want me? The monster from the forest. As much as Father loathes me, I'm not sure he would actually let me go. He needs me, we both know it. Alcohol has made a wreck out of him; he won't get by on his own anymore. It is me who takes care of him instead of a wife.
When evening comes and the housework is done, I'm exhausted but still wide awake. I can't get rest while waiting for the sound of his faltering footsteps unmistakably approaching my bed. Then I know it's one of those nights when he demands other things of me. Just touching me is not enough for him anymore.
"Please don't, Father", I plead as he lies down beside me.
"I don't have a wife because of you, now you will serve me like one", he retorts, his hands already roaming over my body in desire. "Hold still, will you?"
I am too afraid to move. If I resist, it will be just worse. He climbs on top of me, pushing me into the straw-filled mattress and hastily pulling up my nightgown. When he is between my legs, I turn away and bite my lip to let no sound escape my mouth. My silent tears do not touch him. He doesn't care that I'm in pain, or possibly he even likes it. My gaze is lost in the darkness of the room. I hear his hoarse gasps as he thrusts into me faster and faster. Then he stops, his body goes limp, and I feel him spilling his seed into me.
"Good girl", he murmurs. His fingers run through my hair.
Finally, he rolls away from me and picks himself up, shuffling to his bedroom. It's over. This time at least. Even after he's gone for a while, I can still smell the sickening scent of alcohol and sweat.
A tingle of magic crackles in my fingertips. How I'd love to give in to it, but maybe he's right and it's not a gift, but a curse. I can't really control it. If he loved me the way a father should, wouldn't I be this awkward? A little bit more of me dies every day. I will never be innocent again. I am seventeen.