I Love You as a Sign of Happiness

The brouhaha of the afternoon slowly came to a calm, the softening turmoil surrounding the walls of Downton Abbey, lit in the warm evening light. The annual garden party had been a success, there had been laughter all day long, the kids chasing after each other in the fresh green of the gardens and the older guests exchanging memories of the dim and distant past. The whole estate was generally plunged into a very relaxed and cheerful atmosphere that seduced more than one guest to stay longer than first anticipated.

Nevertheless, there was one guest missing. Robert found himself standing in the doorway leading from the library onto the lawn, taking in the joyful scenery from afar, weaponed with a brandy in his right hand. Leaning against the freestone, still warm because of the sun it had been exposed to all day long, he took yet another sip to reminisce about that very missing guest.

In a few weeks it was about to be the first-year anniversary of his mother's passing. Although it had not been a surprise when his mother had died and he very much had some time to prepare for that dreadful moment, it was days like these that reminded him how dearly he missed her. Busy parties like the one that was just about to come to an end were always filled with witty remarks by his mother and even though not many might have openly admitted, they were treasured by numerous of the guests.

Robert let out a sigh and finished his drink while whirling the remaining ice in his glass. He would eventually go back to the party, just not yet.

Suddenly, he felt a warm weight on his shoulders and just as he wanted to hastily turn around to examine the cause, Cora put her chin there while her hands softly drew up and down the side of his upper arms.

"Why are you hiding back here?", Cora said in her warm and mellow voice, still resting her chin on his broad left shoulder. Not wanting to admit the true reason for his retreat, he sought for a quick answer, though he couldn't find an all to plausible reason within that instant.

"Now that you ask, I do not quite know myself. I gather I needed a break from the turmoil"

"And escaping the party felt like the right thing to do, huh?"

"Well, my dear, I guess I'm not as young as I used to be"

"Stuff and nonsense!"

Cora rarely teased Robert out in public, but when they were alone it was one of the things he adored most about his wife. However, much of their harmless quarrels they used to love so much had faded while Cora had been sick. It was something he couldn't pinpoint that was missing at the time, but he did feel its absence. Now that Cora was slowly but surely getting better it was a sight to truly gladden his heart.

She stole his empty glass and led him with her remaining hand into the library.

"Would you share a dance with me?", she tenderly asked him, her teasing look still lingering in her fascinatingly blue eyes.

"But there isn't any music, dear", Robert protested, still not ready to quite surrender his calm spot he had carefully sought out for himself.

Cora mischievously directed her husband into a position to start their dancing and then silently whispered over his shoulder.

"If you listen carefully, there is"

And of course, she was right. Only distantly could the two of them hear the rhythm of the music that was playing outside. And so, they slowly commenced to very timidly sway back and forth. The movement was very subtle, their feet barely leaving their original spot, but the continuous motion felt like a long and deeply cherished embrace. The final golden rays from outside sent in their warm light, as if the day wanted to offer them a sort of parting gift before it finally came to an end.

While the two of them were still engaged in their dancing, Robert facing the opened door towards the lawn, he suddenly drew back his head and thoughtfully investigated the features of his wife. The prompt movement startled her.

"Remember what you said to me once?"

Cora couldn't help herself but laugh. At times, her husband had the understanding of a child, always convinced that each and every one on this planet lived in the same thought bubble as he did.

"Robert", she giggled, "would you care to give me some more detail so I might know what exactly you are talking about"

But Robert didn't respond to the tease, his stern expression remaining unchanged.

"You said that the only thing you'd ever wish for was a long and happy life together, just the two of us, that we may see the children grow, that this was all you could ever ask for. You know, ever since that dreadful day in France, when you had told me, that was the only thing I could think of. Each and every day. I was sure we'd been robbed of your only wish"

Cora fought a silent battle against the pool of tears forming in her eyes. She wouldn't dare to cry, but the sparkling in her eyes was evident to anyone looking at her.

"What's brought this on?", she asked, stunned and overwhelmed by the sudden turn this innocent dance had taken.

"Do you remember the last time we shared a dance?"

"Well… I guess…"

"Exactly. We haven't danced together ever since you'd been taken ill. I've missed the feeling of it. It reminded me once again that we've been spared, but of course, it's only a matter of time…"

" Stop it right there! I'll have none of that now. It's been a lovely day and we have been surrounded by our most beloved, haven't we? So, let's indulge in that for now, for that is all I could ever have wished for"

Cora's voice was stern but not unkind. Her lips formed a genuine smile that very shily relieved the worried expression on her husband's face. After all, it was rarely her that lost composure. She knew very well that when it came down to it, Robert was much more prone to succumbing to his emotions, whatever prejudice might say against Americans. But then again, it was his honest and loving gratitude for his family that was most often the source of this, and Cora couldn't help herself but love her husband more for it.

"Oh darling, I don't know what I'd do without you"

Cora felt the urge to lighten up the serious atmosphere and felt herself searching for a witty response. However, she stopped herself right in time, for she saw the desperate need of reassurance in his deep blue eyes, the need to be validated. The anniversary of his mother's passing was taking a toll on his nerves, and she wouldn't dare to poke around.

It never had been easy for her to state her emotions openly, possibly due to the many times she had been scolded for it when she was still a child, yet in this moment she knew that it was the only way to truly acknowledge her husbands worries. Like a hot wave that took over her thinking, without her consciously anticipating what she was doing, she cupped her husbands face in her hands.

Timidly, her lips reached out for a kiss. It enfolded slowly, very slowly, and with closed eyes they exchanged yet another confirmation of their most valuable gift.

Their true and honest love for each other.

Once they separated, Cora didn't dare to look up at Robert. Instead, she fixated her eyes on his bust, her fingers running up and down his chest.

"I –"

She had to swallow her intuitive aversion against her displaying of her emotions so freely.

"I love you, Robert Crawley"

The simple stating of the phrase startled Robert. It was rare, no, absolutely unthinkable to hear his wife state her affection so clearly. He always knew it was there of course, but openly and directly addressed? Never.

A silent stream of tears made its way down Cora's cheek, but she was smiling nevertheless, for all she knew she was very content.

Smiling, she continued:

"Always have and always will, you fool"

Once again, they found their way into a warm kiss. This time however, it was far from timid. And to be fair, they always had been much better at expressing their devotion in form of physical gestures, so they let their well-acquired habits do the expressing for them, the both of them feeling much more at ease with this way of communication.