Chapter Three
For a moment, all four people in the room froze. Three of the four pairs of eyes focused on the man who stood just inside the house. Jess, his hand still on the doorknob, glanced from Slim to Mort to Daisy, his expression calm but bewildered. Then his gaze roamed the room, taking in the decorative sights, the cake on the table, and, ultimately, the sign beside it.
Reading 'Happy Birthday, Jess!' in the brightly painted colors, the dark-haired cowboy pursed his lips. A muscled twitched in his jaw. His eyebrows drew together and upward, the pinched expression revealing his emotional turmoil. He slowly raised his eyes from the sign to Slim's face.
"I'm sorry, Jess," Slim said quietly. "We wanted… We didn't expect you here so soon... We just…" He stumbled over his words, not knowing how to explain. It was obvious from Jess's expression that he had figured out what was planned. And just as Francie had predicted, the awareness was bringing nothing but hurt.
Mort glanced beyond Jess, out the open door toward where a horse had been hitched to the rail. "Guess you rode back home instead of taking the stage, huh?"
Jess did not respond, his gaze merely shifting to Mort's face.
The lawman sighed with regret. "We meant well, son. We just didn't realize… until a letter came today from Francie. She told us about… well… this day."
Jess's view left Mort and darted around the room, his breaths quickening, his fingers on both hands clenching and flexing. Finally, his eyes looked directly into Daisy's. The tenderhearted woman immediately saw the degree of hurt Jess was trying unsuccessfully to hide, as he was forced to confront the dual and opposite meanings of this day. Life for him. Death for his family. As she looked into the midnight blue pools, her own eyes filled with tears. She couldn't summon a single word to her lips.
Slim could tell that seeing tears gathering in Daisy's eyes dealt the final blow for Jess; he couldn't handle any more emotion at the moment. He turned away and silently began to head back outside.
Daisy finally found her voice. "Jess, please wait!"
Never able to deny a request from the woman who was like a mother to him, Jess stopped, but did not turn back to face the three of them. Daisy could see the clenched jaw as his head tilted down and he focused on the threshold. She rushed across the room and grasped his arm. "Oh, Jess. We are sorry. We would never want to cause you any pain. We just wanted to show you how happy we are to have you as part of our lives. We wanted to honor you, to rejoice with you in what this day means."
As soon as those last words slipped from her lips, she wished she could pull them back. She sucked in her breath as she saw the impact they had. Jess's eyes squeezed close. "Rejoice." He repeated her word in a calloused whisper. "What this day means," he breathed in an agonized rasp.
"Your birth, Jess," Daisy said firmly but with compassion, regaining her composure. "You are to be celebrated, dear."
Her hand continued to clutch the arm of the young man she loved as a son, as she looked back at Slim and Mort for support. The two men glanced at each other, not knowing what to say, whether to say anything at all or just let Jess go ahead and leave as he obviously wanted to. It was only his politeness and his respect for Daisy that had stayed him at her insistent plea.
Awkwardness filled the space, as each person paused, not knowing how to proceed. Slim knew his pard well enough to see that he simply wanted to extricate himself from the situation, but was reluctant to rudely pull away from Daisy. He waited for her to release her hold on his arm, but if she didn't do it soon, Slim feared Jess would cast his Southern manners to the wind and just bolt anyway.
Slim stepped forward and was about to try saying something to relieve the tension when the side door to the house, the one just beyond the small kitchen table, burst open. Mike, enthused about the party and curious about which invitee had ridden in on the horse tied out front, hurried into the house. His eyes widened when he saw Jess standing near the front door.
"Jess! Jess!" Mike shouted.
Before Slim could move fast enough to stop him, the nine-year-old dashed across the room, past Slim and Mort, aiming straight for Jess.
Daisy dropped her hand from Jess's arm and stepped back a bit, as it was apparent that nothing was going to stop Mike's race toward his hero. Hearing the boy's approaching footsteps, Jess had turned just in time to be hit full force in the chest when Mike leaped up to him. As Mike threw his arms around Jess's neck, the Texan reflexively caught him.
The other three adults in the room noted the sadness still lingering in the dark blue eyes, even as Jess spoke to the thrilled child. "Hey, Tiger." There was no smile, no inflection in the gravelly voice, but Mike didn't notice.
"Welcome home, Jess! We thought you were coming on the stage."
"Well, I was. But a whole family bought tickets for Laramie. No room left for me. So the stageline loaned me a horse to ride home." Again, the tone was flat, merely stating the facts, nothing close to the cheer that usually filled Jess's voice and demeanor when he greeted Mike. And his face still held the same degree of heartache.
He settled Mike's feet on the floor and released the hug. The boy stood smiling joyfully and looking up at Jess, with not a smidgen of awareness of the somber mood in the room.
"It's okay that you got here early, Jess. This way you get to see all the decorations and stuff before the room fills up with people. That's good. Even if you do miss all the 'Surprise!'s that woulda been yelled to ya."
At that, Jess raised apprehensive eyes to Daisy.
"We… uh… we invited a few of your friends. And the nearest neighbors." Her regret showed, though Daisy withheld an apology to go with Slim's, due to Mike now being present, not wanting the child to feel he had done anything wrong.
"Wait till you see, Jess! And I bet everybody will bring you a gift!" Mike fidgeted excitedly.
Jess's gaze moved to Slim, and his stare began to transform into a glare, as his apprehension now hovered around rising anger at being forced to deal with thoughts about the day that he had not wanted to endure and a social situation he never would have chosen.
Slim shifted uneasily beneath the scrutiny. Remorseful at springing this unwanted event, he now felt as though they had created an intrusion into his best friend's most sacred commitment, the one to honor his family.
Tamping down his aggravation, Jess looked back at Mike. "I… I ain't so sure I can stay, Tiger."
"Oh, but you gotta! There's a whole passel of food. All your favorites and then some!" Mike gushed, undaunted. "Whatever else you gotta do, like in town, can wait." The boy turned toward the woman a few feet away. "Right, Aunt Daisy?"
Daisy's distressed eyes locked with Jess's, and her lips parted, but before she could form a reply, Mike turned back to Jess.
"You can't let nothin' take away from us celebratin' ya, Jess. That's what this day's gotta be about. At least here at the ranch. Anything else ya gotta think on… well, you're just gonna have to set it aside," Mike insisted with optimistic certainty. "You can't let it get in the way of all of us lovin' ya."
That last sentence seemed to strike a chord with Jess. Daisy noted a flicker of hesitation in his eyes as he stared kindly at the child who oozed eagerness and affection. Registering the slight weakening in the wall Jess Harper had built around himself regarding this day, Daisy seized the moment of opportunity. She stepped forward, drawing Jess's attention with the warmth of her smile and the gentle placement of her hand on his arm again.
"Mike said it perfectly. For these next couple of hours, dear, let us and your friends show you how much you mean to us."
Mort saw Jess's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard. The lawman had seen that same action a couple of times in the past when Jess struggled to rein in his emotions. This time, though, Mort also had detected something none of the others noticed; when Mike said everything else Jess had to think about would just have to be "set aside," Mort had seen Jess wince. Mike, of course, didn't have any intention of those words relating to Jess's thoughts about his family, but Mort knew that was the idea Jess attached to them.
"You don't have to let go of any of your concerns, son," Mort reassured comfortingly, knowing Jess's desire to hold on to devoting this day to remembrance for his family. "You can keep those thoughts and meanings too. But it really is okay to take a little time for the other important meaning of this day."
Jess watched the sheriff as Mort took a step closer to him. "A life began. A life that's mighty important to a lot of folks."
An appreciative look appeared in Jess's eyes as they met Mort's. A look of gratitude, Slim thought, for assuring Jess they respected how he felt about the tragic meaning of the date and his need to honor it. But still, Jess made no response. And he remained exactly where he had been, which was too near the door for Slim's liking. Too close to a quick exit to the sorrel hitched just beyond the porch. Jess had a history of reacting on the spur of the moment, following his gut instincts. It wouldn't surprise anyone, except maybe Mike, if that black Stetson atop the dark curls was suddenly on its way out the door, and the high-strung cowboy beneath it would leap onto the borrowed horse and charge away.
Slim knew from their expressions and words that Daisy and Mort felt, as he did, that this was no longer a simple party to wish a friend a happy birthday. This was an important moment in Jess Harper's journey through the unfathomable sorrow he had carried for so many years. Could they help him believe that he could honor his deceased family, and yet let go of the guilt and personal failure he associated with their tragic loss? Could they show him that he could maintain the solemnity of what happened to his parents and siblings, and still be able to acknowledge the new life that the Harpers had welcomed into their family on this date, a baby boy they named Jess. They needed to guide him toward accepting that a celebration of his life was not an act of disloyalty to his family who had lost theirs. That this day could be a tribute for those who were gone and for the one still here.
Slim watched the nervous energy pulsing through Jess's flexing fingers, and he understood what it meant. Indecision. Jess had gone from adamantly wanting to avoid this situation to reconsidering what he should do, based on the coaxing, the logic, and the love that those with him had just expressed.
Slim knew it was time to draw his pard completely to a steadfast decision to allow himself to enjoy part of the day for the good meaning it held. And that final step couldn't be accomplished with serious-minded comments like Daisy, Mort, or even Mike, had made. They got Jess thinking and feeling. Slim was the one who had to get him moving. Both physically and emotionally. And it was going to take something much more lighthearted to provide Jess with a way out of the grimness he felt locked into.
Striding slowly and purposefully across the room, the tall rancher stopped right in front of his best friend. Slim's sky blue eyes locked with Jess's dark blue. Quietly, he said, "Happy Birthday, Jess." Then, Slim grinned and slapped the younger man on the back. "Come over here and take a look at this cake!"
He took a step forward, but felt the slight resistance as Jess remained motionless. Slim nodded encouragement to the man who was as much a younger brother to him as Andy was. Adding subtle pressure on the back of Jess's shoulder, he prodded him forward. The others joined in as they took the few steps to the table.
As he viewed the cake and the sign, and felt the warmth of the affection radiating from those around him, Jess began to relax. Daisy watched him carefully. He wasn't sure yet; she could see that. But it appeared that some of the reluctance was starting to evaporate. She felt he might now be willing to accept a small celebration with the family and Mort. How was he feeling, though, about being the center of attention at a big party with friends and neighbors? And how were they going to handle it if he still said no to that? She exchanged an anxious glimpse with Slim and Mort. Their wait for Jess to give them some idea of what he was thinking finally ended with the barely audible Texas drawl.
"Slim," Jess murmured without moving his gaze from the items on the table. "When you expectin' all them folks to git here?"
"We wanted them all in place before you came in on the four o'clock," Slim said with a heavily apologetic tone. "So we told them to be here no later than three-thirty. They should start showing up real soon."
Slim wondered what they would tell the guests when they arrived and found Jess had ridden out, which he now expected to happen at any second. He watched his friend, who stood silently staring at the cake.
Jess paused for another moment, deep in thought, his emotions unreadable. Then, he turned around and directed a frown from Daisy to Mort to Slim. "Well…." he rumbled, "what ya gonna do to keep 'em away?"
His gruffness heaped blame on them, and all three hesitantly looked to the others, feeling deserving of this price Jess was making them pay for going behind his back. Their distress and nervousness so occupied their thoughts that they didn't notice the wink Jess aimed at Mike.
Slim was about to make another apology and plea for him to stay when Jess stared straight into Daisy's worried eyes, his own expression softening. "How 'bout it, Daisy? How ya gonna keep 'em away from this deelicious cake while I have my fill of it?"
His mischievous grin appeared, as Jess plunged his finger into the frosting and raked a big strip along the side of the cake. His eyes sparkled as he stuck his finger in his mouth and licked the sugary icing off it.
Slim let out a relieved laugh. Mort chuckled. Mike's grin stretched wide. And Daisy's eyes glistened. She softly pressed a hand to Jess's cheek. "Happy Birthday, you rascal!" she whispered lovingly.
Jess's head dipped slightly, and he looked up shyly from beneath his long, thick lashes. "Thanks, Daisy."
Just then came the sound of the first couple of wagons rolling into the ranch yard, spurring everyone to action. Daisy hurried to the kitchen. Mort and Mike exited the house to direct the parking of the wagons and explain that the party was no longer a surprise, but a full-fledged wingding nonetheless. Slim stood at the front door to greet the attendees. Hand on the doorknob, he turned to look at his pard. "You ready, Jess?"
The younger man removed his dusty hat and, with a flick of his wrist, flung it so that it landed on the desk. Facing his friend, he nodded. "Sounds like some celebratin's about to head my way."
Slim gave him a poignant look. "About time. Don't ya think?"
A wistful smile touched Jess's lips. "I reckon it is."
As Slim opened the door, Jess Harper stepped forward, welcoming both the guests and his new perspective about the most meaningful day of his life.
- the end -