She could remember the times waiting by the door, waiting for the phone to ring, and the endless, continued silence that followed. She could remember the plans she had scrapped, each time with a heavier heart than the last. She could remember every promise that had been made, promises that disappeared as quickly as water through sand. She had thought it was supposed to be different this time around. But nothing had ever changed, no matter how desperately she had wished. She had tried, given so much, but it had ended before it had even started. She should have known. But she had held on hope, clinging to anything that maybe, just maybe, this time around her and Tom would have worked out. But it hadn't, and Sasha had found herself slowly giving up that hope.
He was supposed to have rang her that night, but the phone had remained silent, and somehow, Sasha just knew it wasn't going to had been this way every single time. Tom would promise, tell her he was going to call, and nothing had ever come of it. The excuses would follow the next day, perhaps sent over a text, perhaps relayed by one of her former shipmates. Either way, the cycle would end up repeating itself. The silence had become unbearable, and staying there in her house, watching that silent phone was going to send her mad. So she had done the only reasonable thing she could think of. She had grabbed her coat and she fled the house.
She never meant to end up where she did. She had thought maybe she'd find a place to drown her sorrows but standing outside the bar, she had found herself unable to go in. She didn't even know how long she had been standing there, watching laughing faces wander in and out through that door, but eventually her feet had taken her away from there. They had led her here anyway, and somehow, it felt as if that maybe she had always meant to find her way here.
When Wolf had opened the door, he hadn't even asked what she was doing there. He knew, for he was the one person she had found herself able to confide in. He had ushered her in through the door and Sasha had numbly found her way to his couch, the layout of his house memorised from prior visits, visits that had stemmed from her needing someone to vent to, someone she could trust. Wolf had become her rock over the last few months. He had been there for her when Tom hadn't. He had let her cry and ruin his shirts with her tears. He had let her scream, throw darts at a picture of Tom, had given her a spare bed when she couldn't have faced going home. He had held her hair back when she had made herself sick from the alcohol. She had come to depend on him more than she had ever realised. Maybe that was why she had come here, knowing that no matter what happened, Wolf would be there for her.
He had taken a seat beside her, and instinctively, Sasha had found herself leaning against him, tucking her legs up under her. His arm snaked around her shoulder, but for some strange reason, she found herself unable to muster the tears that had threatened back in that empty room of her own house. Being here had given her an odd sense of peace, frail and fragile as it might have been, but peace nonetheless. Even the silence, normally something that would have been strained in Tom's company, had felt soothing. It was strange how someone she had never really spoken with could so easily become the one person she could easily share her secrets with.
"He didn't call again," she finally said, her voice breaking that moment of silence. "I don't even know why I bother anymore."
"Because that's who you are," Wolf replied, and she felt the shrug that accompanied the words. "You put your heart and soul into everything you do. Why would this be any different?"
He was right. Of course he was right. Wolf seemed to understand her in a way few others managed to. Even without saying the words, he always knew. Maybe that was why she had come here in the first place. Because despite the fact they had never really spoken all that much on the ship, in the rare times they had, she had always felt like he had understood her, when no one else had. He had actually listened, looked past the words themselves and seen the meaning underneath. She had always been grateful for that and nowadays, she was even more grateful for his constant support.
There had been times when she had entertained the idea of herself and Wolf, nights when she had been alone without the presence of another. She had always wondered what it would have been like to be loved by someone who gave her the time of day, someone who cared, but she had always dismissed the idea as soon as it came. He was only being nice, she had always told her, acting as a friend would. And she hadn't wanted to give up on Tom completely, even if she knew she should have. So whatever thoughts she may have had, she kept them squashed, because she didn't really want to lose the one person she could trust. It was better that way, even if sitting here with his arm around her shoulder made her all tingly and warm inside. Even if it made her feel loved, something she hadn't felt in a very long time.
"I don't want to wait anymore." The moment the words left her mouth, she knew it was the truth. She was done waiting for Tom, done waiting for the fairytale ending that was never going to come. "I want to start living. I want to go out, dress up in pretty clothes, even if it's just for me. I want to get drunk and have fun without the constant worry. I want to do something, Wolf. I don't want to wait anymore."
"Then don't." Simple words, but coming from him, it was almost freeing. To hear someone else give her permission may have just been what she was waiting for. Maybe she couldn't have done it herself, but now, it was as if a weight had been lifted from her body. "You're Sasha Cooper, one of the toughest women I've ever met. You can do anything you want. And if you ever end up getting too drunk to drive yourself home-" There it was, that roguish grin she had come to associate with him "-well, I'll be there to take you home. There's a promise you can count on."
Maybe it was the way he had said it, maybe it was because she knew, deep down, he'd always be there, no matter how much she may have fucked up, but she believed him. And from the way he squeezed her shoulders, pulling her just that little bit tighter against him, she found herself holding hope once again, that maybe her fairytale ending wasn't completely gone forever.